How to forgive someone who made you feel like you were unloveable?

[Anonymous]

I struggled with the idea that he tried to manipulate me but deep down I really don’t think his intentions were to hurt me but. He scarred me and what hurts so bad is that I want to forgive him and let it go and believe in love again but both of our actions ultimately led to me getting hurt very deeply and him leaving mostly unscathed. As far as I know, he got a lesson and grew from the experience. On the other hand, I got a hard lesson about trusting people like him. He was broken, and he used me to try to unbreak himself. And when that didn’t work he just moved on to the next girl without even telling me goodbye, or even saying ANYTHING at all for that matter. After convincing me that he cared about me he didn’t even give me an explaination, a heads up, and he also didn’t even apologize for 3 years. What really hurt is that he said he didn’t intend to hurt me and I actually believe him. I think it’s worse that he was so careless with me that he actually managed to convince me through his actions that I was insignificant. I believed that I didn’t matter at all. Last night I explained to my sister what my relationship ptsd feels like and she struggled to understand. But I told her I feel admired by a lot of people. I get compliments all the time about my beauty AND my character. As someone who struggled to make friends as a kid it’s been extremely easy for me to charm those around me and I find that I have experienced favortism amongst coworkers, friends, and even family for what I have been told is “a really good vibe.” My ex whom I loved deeply was probably the most vocal person in my life, he admired me and even referred to me as an angel/blessing after a storm in his life. He has always made it known that he admired my personality and looks and even without all the admiration I look in the mirror and after years of positive affirmations I learned to love everything I see-and I still feel like nobody can truly love me.

[Lost_in_the_Woods]

It sounds like forgiving him isn't the issue. You don't come across as mad at him or resentful. I'd say you already have forgiven him.

But forgiveness doesn't mean you forget what you learned or that all the damage is magically healed.

If someone hits your car, you understand it was an accident and you forgiving them... that doesn't mean you can just drive away. Even if they do, you still have to fix your car.

The sad truth is he isn't going to be a part of that. If he was, he wouldn't have just driven away afterwards.


I think what you are really asking is how do you pick yourself up and keep moving. A
That's a hard question, there is no quick easy fix, but it sounds like you are already on the right track.

The first thing you have to do is to understand some people spit on puppies. Maybe it's a mistake, maybe it's inconsideration, maybe its intentional. Maybe it's even because the puppy did something wrong... but would you ever look at the puppy and say "man, what a disgusting unlovable creature"?

No reasonable person would. So don't treat yourself that way. Just because he did you wrong doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. Like you said, he was the broken one. It probably wasn't even intentional. It really wasn't anything to do with you.

Once you let that set in and start to believe it, it's really just a matter of wrapping yourself up and being you again. Surround yourself with better people. Put the hurt down and keep the lessons.

Learn from it. Don't do it again.

And remember feelings are like bones. They don't heal in a week but they don't stay broke forever.

[gabby100]

You dont. you move on..