What's your view on this female mindset "my money is my money, his money is our money?

Question

England4eva · Accepted Answer

Ok, so here's the thing...

With regards to dating, as horrific as some might find this. I truly believe in a man buying me lunch etc, and me not buying his.

Don't worry, no one here has to agree, or date me (not that I was considering a gag date) But I genuinely do expect a man to 'wine me and dine me' to his expense when we are dating.

Just to touch on some of the reasons why: I personally find it very masculine when a guy looks after me, and secondly: I have never been taken to a swanky restaurant in my whole life. My expectations are small time places like, pub lunches for example.

I rarely drink, and when I do it's never a lot. So my bill is always £10-15 a time. (probably gone up, as prices have recently inflated) but to expect this from a guy who is interested in me, I just think is more on a respect level, as I'm not exactly soaking up his cash with £10-15 per week.

If any guy disagreed, then obviously he just wouldn't take me out. So there really is no issue with that, just my own personal requirement.

Rei02 · Accepted Answer

That sounds pretty selfish, if they decided to form a family, everyone should cooperate, share and participate for the family's well being. If both spouses/parents have a job or a stable and individual economy, then each one gives part of their earnings for the family while at the same time they save something for themselves (separate property).

Remember: With great power comes great responsability. If women can finally be independent economically, get good jobs, earnings and equal rights like men, then also they have to respond to the same economical duties like men have done since the past.

ManOnFire · Accepted Answer

I will admit that I generally don't put a whole lot of focus on golddiggers/money-loving women in the sphere of femininity. Any time I hear or meet any woman who is so interested in cash and wanting a man with it, or even wanting a man who will do things for her, I usually just kind of tune them out, or maybe just have a friendly acquaintance with them like on the job, otherwise nothing more is there. I feel like they are the most irrelevant and lowest of the species, because their attitudes/desires are so base and shallow that they aren't really worth acknowledging. Or dating.

For a woman to have a love of cash or love of men with cash is really like having no love for a human, and only love for herself. They're just like a simple rock on the street to me. Even a feminist could grab my attention much more, because she's still passionate about human matters, even if we don't agree on those matters, she's at least still thinking about something with more of a solid idea. Money-loving women are just simple primates.

Lliam · Accepted Answer

I don't believe that's "the female mindset". That's just more women hating bullshit.

In my marriage, our money is "our" money. We both have income but not separate money. It goes to pay our bills, buy things we need, do things and go on vacations together, and into savings for our retirement. On expensive things, we talk about it and decide the best method of payment. But we don't have to discuss smaller purchases. My wife and I are a team. We work together for our "mutual" happiness.

I hear stories about some relationships in which the wife is a home maker or earns substantially less, and the man acts like a miser with his money, keeps separate bank accounts, and rations out allowance to his wife and keeps track of all her expenditures. Is that the "male mindset"? I don't call that a partnership or even a relationship. But I wouldn't say is the way most men act any more than I think most women have that bullshit "female mindset".

Tinana · Answer

I feel like it’s a common thing here in Nigeria men are expected to pay all the bills. As the wife you can assist him because you care. We usually don’t have joint accounts. From watching my parents I know you should both assist each other be a team. My dad was the rich one when they got married so he gave her some money to open her own business now she earns a lot of money so he’s enjoying he’s investment
They give each other loans 😂😂😂 which they repay. My dad takes loans to help expand my mom’s business and now my mom is on a high level of finance she’s supporting my dad’s dream to build his hotel. Either way you should be a team. My dad does still pay most of the bills. Sometimes my mom gives a share of her profits to my dad to help him with the bills. Because now it’s crazyyyy high 😂 either way whenever it gets tough for him he knows my mom always has his back. Now I have that mindset i want a partner but you pay to support my dream and I’ll pay to support yours. When we’re dating you’re paying for the dates you ask for and in return I’ll pay when I take you out. 🥰 im just blessed with someone like that well he pays for everything and doesn’t want me to pay but one time he was out of money so I happily sent him some ☺️ It should be a give and receive relationship that’s all I want

TruthBringer · Answer

Ah yes, "equality" back at it again.

All I can say is that if the roles were reversed you would hear terms like "SEXISM!" and "MISOYGONY!" thrown around. Yet for some reason, this isn't sexism or misandrism? Love their double standard mentality. The only way I would actually be okay with that is when my woman is entirely dedicated to her gender roles and to our relationship. And the funny thing is, my girlfriend holds on to her gender roles and she doesn't even have that mentality. Goes to show I've actually found a gem among rotten eggs in western society.

t-8900 · Answer

I think she'd make a horrible wife or partner and wouldn't date her. My girlfriend is great. She bought me this a few weeks ago.  It's a 2022! 😎👍

lightbulb27 · Answer

It's based in insecurity and fear. Probably a rough ride for both. I don't think that is typical, may be cultural and environmental?

I grew up seeing grandparents and parents and married couples..."our money is our money". The men worked, woman stayed home mostly and raised kids. If anything, I saw the men "commanding the use of the money" and spending it on their fun and the women laying in wanting. Most women I know, I did not see getting the gifts and prizes and such. The guys were getting toys to have fun... cars, boats, bikes, etc..

Women working full time, that's a new wrinkle starting around 1970's. Most women I see don't think like that.

Certainly some people will take take take and not give. I've experienced that. That's an emotionally messed up person.. fear, etc... If someone is "hoarding"something, be it items or money, then there's a problem goin on "upstairs".

DaveJord · Answer

I was married 22 years... she worked for 14 of those years. In the last 6 years of that disaster she kept all her money in a separate account, and I paid all communal bills and mortgages.

Yeah, it didn't workout she still spent or hide all her money... and she came after me in divorce for everything to include the kitchen sink. I had to fight everything, the divorce cost me over $50,000.00. "WE" were valued at 1.8 million before divorce, and now I guess we are eached valued at $600,000.00 a piece. Had sell off assets at a lose because she's a stupid, ignorant, dumbass.

But my condo is paid off, and I have guaranteed money for life, coming in monthly. Unfortunately so does that evil, vile, thefting cheating, lying, two timing skank.

So again I say if you (man or women) want 100% protection over your money, property and assets... DO NOT get married.

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

I've never heard that mindset ever, from anyone... any female or otherwise until you said it.

What I hear is everything is either completely joint and combined or people live like roommates... together but each others money is their own.

So no opinion since that isn't a thing around here that I've heard of.

Oigit · Answer

In general I dislike the mindset. Even if the genders are reversed. Because it always raises the quest of how much of "our money" are you claiming is yours? Due to it potentially creating a situation where a larger percentage of "our money" is being claimed by the other. So you end up wondering why your partner spent 80% of "our moeny" before bills where paid.

LovingLoverReturned · Answer

I don't agree with it. I mindset is my money is mine and his is his BUT we can share.
It's his choice or desire, I won't demand nor think his money is mine.
If I have less money than him he may benefit less from my money than I do his but it doesn't mean that I'll withhold mine from him, I just have less to give.

msc545 · Answer

My ex-wife who worked as a very high-level accountant had exactly the same attitude. This is a big reason why she is my ex. I found that many women in their entitlement, arrogance, and narcissism have this exact same attitude. They think that the fruits of his labor belongs to them because they have a vagina and because they look good and for no other reasons.

Unfortunately, in many instances, the courts seem to agree with them and a man who gets divorced at least in California where I live is likely to lose most of his property and all of his money in those Kangaroo Court proceedings that are all too common.

Smoke-n-Growls · Answer

Terrible.

Both partners should have their own money, in their own name, under their own account.

If you want, have a joint for things like housing and living expenses, combined bills, etc.

I believe in equality in a relationship. No more, no less.

its_amelia_c · Answer

If that’s your females mindset… you need a new female!

She’s is selfish. She is greedy. She is not new age. It’s just not ok.

Who thinks this way tbh.

I mean I am very giving, so it just blows my mind. Especially if I love and care about people, I tend to give so much, prob more then I should or can really afford to and to my own detriment.

But I’d rather be this way then anything like this statement. It’s just yuck.

MCheetah · Answer

I think women like that can self-immolate. We've got enough awful people in the world.

Apulu_Imback · Answer

Before marriage
Your money is your money. My money is my money.

After marriage
Your money is our money. My money is our money.

Done. But in case of marriage both should spend equally on each other.

Prettygurl12 · Answer

I think that's dumb. WE have an annual household income. My paycheck is deposited into OUR bank account. His paycheck is deposited into OUR bank account. WE pay for OUR bills and OUR lifestyle with OUR money.

The first three years of our marriage he did not work. He was just as entitled to the money I earned as I was. We are a team and have always been a team. We achieve better results when we combine resources and work together.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

If you get va jay jay because of money... she'll be able to take that and run. Pretty much anytime she really wants. I say work on your personality, hit the gym, and pretend you're broke. It's not the 1800's and she can work if she wants money. Otherwise, she can rub my muscles and enjoy me being an asshole.

Kaamraj · Answer

This has been the view in most cultures for as long as one can remember. We accept it and move on. In a traditional relationship there is an exchange between the man's resource and woman's sexual-reproductive exclusivity. The woman doesn't have to be resource exclusive. What is a shock factor is if women said, I can have sex with you (husband) and anyone else if I choose to, then vast majority of men would backflip away.

globetrotter22 · Answer

This is a major reason why women will never be “equal” to men. You can’t have this entitlement mindset and at the same time demand to be treated as “equal”

There are evolutionary reasons why women behave this way. But again you have to put in a conscious effort to be aware of that. Just like many men have evolutionary impulses to sometimes be promiscuous or violent: most of fight that and realize it’s not right in modern society.

CubsterShura · Answer

He provides but his money is still his money. Think of it this way: if he is the sole provider of the family and you go shopping, it may not be a big deal that you buy things like clothes and makeup within your affordability. However if you suddenly buy a designer purse when you guys are on a tight budget that would be a wrong thing to do without talking to him right? It's because it's still his money.

lucas262 · Answer

My money will always be my money.

And hers will be hers.

I'll never have a joint account. Probably never tell her how much I make.

I wouldn't ever want her to equate my value to her based on a $.

This mindset ilas you've stated is entitlement. Plain and simple and it's childish.

Society still expects the burden of performance to be on men to be traditional in a post feminist world. Where women are ,, equal,,

DaisyM23 · Answer

stupid - can't have it both ways
of course if men decide to share their money with their partners then that's their choice but it's silly to keep all your money to yourself AND take your partner's with absolutely no compromise or whatever

What's your view on this female mindset "my money is my money, his money is our money?

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