Is it bad that parents are trying to teach their child to become a respectable person based on how their child dresses even if looks are deceiving?

[Anonymous]

So a few years ago I and a guy dated and known each other since we were 10 and me and him are still good friends today. I tried wearing a nice everyday type of dress one day with him when we had planned on going out. But my mom made me change then weeks later when we hung out again her response is why don't I look nice. She also mentioned that men don't like it when their woman doesn't dress or look nice and wear make up. so recently she said she was trying to teach me how to be a respectable young lady. Or that covering up around people so that people don't act a certain way because of what I wear. But lately, it's been that I don't care about how I look going out. The way people choose to dress yes will make people uncomfortable but isn't technically our responsibility for that and how they choose to respond to it. I get some people are teaching their child to be comfortable with what they wear vs dressing a certain way to make others comfortable and to not do things to them. So of course looks and appearances can be deceiving and everyone is going to judge someone based on what they choose to wear. But shouldn't children be learning more that no matter what someone wears that looks are deceiving? for example someone could be wearing a crop-top and short shorts and have really lovely accessories. Still, someone is going to assume that person is shallow and a gold digger whereas that person could be one of the nicest people around. Or someone could dress in everyday clothes or raggedy clothes and be one of the richest people on the block.

[alderoth]

Your point at the end is correct. I personally don't think parents should dictate what kids should wear, unless it's giving lessons on etiquette for a big dinner, business meetings, etc. There are people who find all of that stuff very important or impressive, so it's good to know, but if it's not required in the moment, then it shouldn't really matter.

Parents want what they think is best for their children. It's their own perception of what is best and not an actual understanding of the culture their kids are hanging around. Going even deeper some parents want their kids to find someone that is highly respectable in the community, well off or rich, and they feel that if their kids dress nice, they will have a better chance at attracting those types of people. Again, it's just their preconceived notion of what is best for the kids and not what actually is best.

I will say this though, time moves extremely fast. I wouldn't think about it too much, unless it's truly affecting your mental health, health, in general. Then I would be polite in asking them to chill for a bit, and I say that because people don't live forever. it's not worth it to hold small things against people we care about, or let the small things rule our perceptions of them. I truly hope you find a comfortable balance. I think everyone has a clothes phase with their parents and what they should or shouldn't wear lol. It's normal. Take care!!