How come girls think that men and women can be friends but if the guy does not text you first, that's the end of that friendship?

[chris_987]

My hypothesis is that girls aren't really looking for friends. They're just looking for attention. That's why if every guy that thinks he has a female friend. All he has to do is just not text her first and then she won't text him back. Therefore, it's clear that guys and girls can't be friends. Because friends mutually reach out to one another.

[SecretsofKB]

One of my best friends (seriously a brother I never had), is a guy. And I'll be honest, he really sucks at texting. Whether it be texting first or responding the same day, he just sucks at it.

I'm still his friend. I'm not going to ruin my friendship with him just because of texting. If I call him, he will answer everytime.

I'm not looking for attention from him. Just looking for a friend.

[chris_987]

Well on average girls don't have a hard time finding relationships because guys approach them. So I would most girls take the friendships they have with guys for granted because most men will text first. I don't any girl that has a hard time meeting people.

[SecretsofKB]

Let's say you're right and woman have an easier time finding relationships (I'm not sure I agree with this).

But that doesn't mean women have an easier time finding quality relationships or finding the right people to date.

[chris_987]

Men take classes on how to approach women, so by in large if you have one person approach you a year that's better than zero. So woman have way more of a chance of interacting with people than men do.

[SecretsofKB]

This still doesn't translate to women taking their guy friends for granted.

[chris_987]

How so?

[chris_987]

You don't think girls want attention and men want sex that's why we can't be friends.

[SecretsofKB]

Lol you can absolutely be friends with the opposite gender. Life doesn't revolve around attention or sex. At least for mature people.

[chris_987]

It not a friendship if the girl only wants attention and the guy only want sex. If a girl only wants attention she can't message a girl first because that would make it seem like she wants some more and if he picks up on that he will think he wants sex. So that why girls don't message first

[Anonymous]

Because for years I’ve always been the first person to text people, I always had to make the first move otherwise people don’t talk to me. I’m not doing that anymore. It makes me feel shitty. If someone wants to talk to me then they can make the effort from now own because I’m not.

[Opinion Owner]

My female friends don’t even text me first, I always have to text them first otherwise we’ll go months without speaking. And I’m just sick of it.

[chris_987]

So what does it mean if people have no desire to talk to you unless you message first. In my mind it means you have no real friends.

[Opinion Owner]

It means they don’t want to be my friend. So if that’s the case I’m not wasting my time anymore. I had a breakdown over this last night and now I’m just over it lmao

[chris_987]

So ultimately in right but no one wants to admit it

[Opinion Owner]

No I just learned that I respect myself too much to continuously try to keep friendships/relationships alive when the same effort isn’t being put into them by the other person.

[Opinion Owner]

That’s what I’m trying to say, even my female friends don’t reach out to me. So I stopped being the one that always reaches out to them. It’s not a gender thing. Friendships and relationships shouldn’t be one sided.

[chris_987]

Why do you think they don't reach out to you

[Opinion Owner]

They say they’re busy. But I see them online and talking to other people so that can’t be the reason. I believe I’m the after thought, they have boyfriends so most of their time is spent with them which I get. But I see my friends once maybe twice a year.

[chris_987]

So if you had a boyfriend, would you act the same way and not care about friends as much.

[Opinion Owner]

If I had friends that were genuinely interested in our friendship then no, I wouldn’t push the aside. Friendships are just as important.

[chris_987]

So do you have a boyfriend now?

[Opinion Owner]

No I don’t

[chris_987]

Ok so get in a relationship and see if you change your mind

[Opinion Owner]

If it were that simple I’d be in a relationship because I’m about to off myself from loneliness lmao

[chris_987]

Off yourself what does that mean...
I don't know getting into a relationship is easy for a girl

[Opinion Owner]

As in kill myself lmao and not always

[chris_987]

Why would you kill yourself. Men are the thurstiest they've ever been. All you have to say is I'm a woman with a vagina and men will want you. I can say I'm a man with a dick and girls will come running.

[Opinion Owner]

Because I don’t want to be used, I want a genuine relationship or friendship with someone. I don’t care about sex

[chris_987]

Oh yeah guys are built for relationship, were not like women, we want sex first and if there is something there worth keeping them we'll stick. But women are special an non of them are entitled to relationships especially when they suck at being friends.

[Opinion Owner]

That’s what I mean. I haven’t had sex because I want it to be with someone special, not someone who considers sex a trial and then leaves after he decides I’m not good enough. I can’t deal with that.

[chris_987]

What makes you think your good enough, what can you bring to a man that would make him stay with you that most girls don't have?

[Opinion Owner]

I didn’t say I was good enough, I’m clearly not good enough for anyone

[Opinion Owner]

But I also don’t ever planning or lowering my self worth for someone, even if that means being alone

[chris_987]

So why are you not good enough, what makes you feel that way

[Opinion Owner]

Well no one wants to spend time with me, I’m alone most of the time despite the effort I make to make plans with friends.

[chris_987]

So your personality is boring, there nothing exciting about you

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks lmao

[chris_987]

Lol I was asking if that how you are. I done know you personally

[Opinion Owner]

I don’t think I’m boring, the only person I really spend time with is my cousin and when we’re together it’s always a fun time, always laughing and messing around

[chris_987]

Sounds great, so when the last time you had a date

[Opinion Owner]

I’ve never had one, not a real one at least. Last time was when I was 14 and it was just spending time at his house lmao

[chris_987]

Sounds like you'd make a decent girlfriend, so no guys are interested in you?

[Opinion Owner]

Apparently not haha

[chris_987]

Your probably not even trying

[Opinion Owner]

I literally told you that I reach out to people constantly, try to make plans with people constantly, I have been trying to make holiday plans with my friends; I browsed online vacation deals for hours, screenshot loads and sent them to my friends for ideas, that didn’t lead to anything. I have suggested going to theme parks with people, that never happened because nobody wanted to go. There’s only so much I can do, which is why I’m sick of trying to make an effort with people only to be told ‘your probably not even trying’. Like I’m done. So done.

[Opinion Owner]

What else am I expected to do before I’m finally good enough for someone to spend time with?

[chris_987]

Well it's doesn't sound like you singling one guy put to get to know him, it sounds like your trying to have with a group of friends. Trust Im in the same boat, I don't really invite girls out for dates so when people like us don't try then we can't really complain that we don't have a dating life. Perhaps one day things will change.

[Opinion Owner]

Hopefully

[LazerBean]

I never text my guy friends unless I need something, am planning a get together, need to tell them in something for my husband, or maybe saw something I thought they or their spouse/family would like. It's just weird, and I don't expect any more from them.

[chris_987]

But your girl friends you treat differently

[LazerBean]

Yeah of course

[chris_987]

Sound like a normal woman to me

[EllaNella]

ok, i'm sorry she did nit text you back but you need to stop generalising entire populations of people. it makes you look dumb

[chris_987]

Why would the truth make me look dumb? If anything people who denied the truth would be the dumb one's

[EllaNella]

please link to the pyschological that prooves this inherent trait in women then

[chris_987]

What that girls value attention? I thought that was common knowledge

[EllaNella]

common knowledge isn't based in evidence. if it was common knowledge that santa was real, would that make him real?
some individual value attention over friendships, most don't. that goes for women and men equally

[chris_987]

Well this is anecdotal, but let's look at stuff I observed.
a lot girls take a dozen selfies and if it doesn't get the like she wants she takes it of. No guys do that.
Girls in all girls school say they can dress whatever they want and not have to put on make up because there are no guys around. That would indicate that the dressing up and make up is for the attention of men
Also when paired Together men and woman value different things. Like men value Domaninace hierarchies where as women value social hierarchies. That's why in highschool the popular girl is the pretty one cause she can get the most attention and for men is the captain of the football team or something to display dominance.
But women don't really think this why so I can understand why you wouldn't relate to this argument.

[Blackcupcake]

that’s not true at all💀
that, does not even matter in a friendship. at least it never did for me and my guy friends.

[chris_987]

Every thing I say is true I ain't never lied once