Girls, Why does a wife sometimes make her husband feel like he doesn't mean anything in the relationship?

[Anonymous]

I work a lot out of town. Gone every other night sometimes gone 2 nights in a row and sometimes come home to everyone sleeping. Now my wife has started work also which makes the time we get a chance to spend together even less than what it was before. There’s some days I come home excited to finally spend time with the wife and it’s like I might as well not even have come home. I feel like I’m just invading her space and an outsider in the home. I treat my wife like a queen and give everything I can. I’m always thinking of what I can do to make her happy. I come home and sometimes feel like she wants nothing to do with me. Is this typical of woman? Is this hormones or she just doesn’t give a shit?

[SueShe]

How long have you had irregular working hours with nights spend away from home?

It looks as if you need to get some professional help and you could, together with your wife, get the help from a couple therapist or perhaps even from a psychologist that can go through your problems together.

The fact that your spouse is now working is just adding to the situation. She is probably tired, exasperated and frustrated that both schedules are the reason for the increased conflict within your couple.

I personally don't think that the hormones have anything to do with your current situation. One of the questions is also why she started working? Is it because she was bored at home? Was it because she needed to do something with her time or because she felt that she had to do something useful with her life?

Those are all questions among others that need clarification. I would suggest that you prepare a list of issues and besides each problem you bring a solution. Ask your wife to do a similar list, independent from yours. Then you sit together and go over both list, finding a consensus that is acceptable to both. Good luck.

[PrettyPriya]

I don’t know why a spouse would do that. Perhaps they are just not happy in the relationship anymore. There are much more effective and adult ways of handling that though.

I find it important to show my partner that he means a lot to me. I am not married (yet) but am engaged. I do little things throughout a week to show him appreciation. He does the same for me.

All those little gestures add up and really show a person that you care for them. It isn’t a hard thing to do. Why your wife doesn’t, I’m not sure.

That isn’t typical behaviour of a wife or spouse. Sounds as if communication has broken down as well. She needs to tell you what that issues are. Nothing will be fixed otherwise. I would suggest couples therapy, but it doesn’t sound if she would be receptive to that right now.

Best advice is to be forward and ask her.

[Bethany22]

She probably misses having you around all day

[sunflower00]

What does she do to make you feel that way

[Asker]

She ignores me and treats me like Im annoying her just being in the same room or trying to see how her day went. Pretty much like I’m rejected just trying to be with her and wanting to be part of her life.

[sunflower00]

I think you should try to talk to her about how you’re feeling. I love my boyfriend, but recently I’ve been working 2 jobs or will have appointments in the evening and when I get home he wants to spend time with me but I’ll just be so exhausted that I shut down and want peace and quiet & to rest (not all the time of course but quite often if I’ve been working all day and night) - maybe she’s feeling the same way? Is she stressed at all? Sometimes if people are stressed or busy they can get irritable very easily too (speaking from experience) but that doesn’t mean she should be neglecting you. Definitely worth having a chat with her in a calm manner to explain how you feel and maybe ask her how she is feeling and why she’s maybe been acting this way

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice. This was part of the issue which I understood. Kinda had a heated argument and I think she took a look at how things have been and everything seems to have completely changed around. I think like you said she was stressed. But my take was there was no need to completely dismiss me which I don’t think she meant to do and realized what she was doing.