Why has the girl I like gone silent?

[Anonymous]

Asked this woman out at my gym, she said no because she has a boyfriend. We stayed gym buddies since.

Then all of a sudden a couple months later she said she was breaking up with her boyfriend and wanted to take me up on my offer. After the breakup up though things took a turn. She admitted she has interest in me, likes me, but needs time. Since then things have been hit or miss. She doesn’t really text or respond (I barely text her now), no social media interactions on my stuff but does on other people’s.

Yet when I see her in person (usually at her work, she works at that gym) she’s happy to see me, could talk to me all day and does text fit a bit after I leave but then goes silent again. She says she’s getting me a Christmas present and wants to exchange on Christmas Eve after work.

I get she probably needs time, her ex cheated on her and from what I can tell was manipulative (she hasn’t really opened up about it to me). But I guess by mind is split. Part of me is saying her actions speak louder than words (not communicating, she does say she’s horrible at texting). The other part says she just broke up with her ex and is probably trying to work through that and keep me and the situation separate.

What are your opinions?

She needs time

She’s not that into you

Updates

1 y

Break up was 3 weeks ago

[quaranta]

"She is happy to see me" - don't be fooled by that, women often smile and laugh when they feel the exact opposite. When they are uncomfortable, they are automatically kind, to mask it and to avoid any sort of remote conflict. Not saying that it's 100% the case, but my suggestion is to ignore this signal at all because it's not reliable in any way.

The fact she ignores your texts and justifies herself with such a silly (and widely used) excuse as "being horrible at texting", is the main sign. From here I assume you look more pushy on text than her, or anyway she perceives it like that (why would she need to justify herself otherwise?). The only people who are horrible at texting for real are people with strong cultural deficiencies which could be found in some people from very disadvantaged contexts or elders from the coutryside. All the rest that could be behind that justification is lack of interest in conversating with you.
A tip: if she doesn't reply, don't add more text by yourself. Don't put more on the balance if it's already unbalanced, don't reward her disrespect with more dedication because that's like lowering your price (the cheapest, the less attractive). Let her have her turn, every time. If she doesn't reach out on time, well, you have to look elsewhere. You see her in real life, you texted already at least once, so she has all the chances to not forget about you and to reach out. Let her do that.

Now, she might actually need time or is still in contact with her ex, or is full of other guys hitting on her, etc, but, I think ghosting is a major sign anyway. Not asking personal questions and replying to yours only is already a bad sign, and replying with short replies is worse, but ghosting is at a whole other stage. It means she doesn't care if she loses the chance to date you, otherwise she would keep the contact active.

Keep being nice and kind in real life without initiating any text afterwards. Let her initiate all the next conversations. Keep being positive, charming, confident, serene, like if you aren't waiting for her inputs because you are anyway refilled by your life elsewhere. She has to think that joining your life is a great deal, not an area where she is needed.

[AmandaYVR]

Don't really know. But here's some guesses:

• She's not over her ex yet. She feels conflicted about that, and whether she wants to be alone for a while, or try to distract herself with someone new.
• She probably gets asked out pretty regularly, being a gym employee. Sorry to say it, but you might not be the only one on her roster. Maybe she doesn't know how to rank and prioritize and value all of you. (Or, maybe it's just you who has asked her out.)
• "Bad at texting" is ridiculous, frankly. It doesn't take skill. She's either motivated, distracted, or neither, and she's not giving you the proper attention and replies you deserve. (That'd be a dealbreak for many.)
• You sure you want to date someone who works at your gym? How awkward, if it goes south.
• You've asked her out. She is giving you some positive signals and affirmation here, but what's really stopping her from stepping up and being an equal and active participant in this relationship? I know, she "needs time." But that doesn't excuse what I just wrote. I'd stop pursuing her if I were you. See if she comes to you. You've been a good guy, reasonable, patient. It's her turn now to make you feel valued.

Sorry, I can't vote. I don't know. I just wanted to throw out some food for thought for you here.

[Anonymous]

She needs time
But also don’t be distant too
Make sure she knows you are there for her
Also give a deadline to your mind maybe 1-3 months see how things go and change into
If by 1 month she has same attitude let her go
If you see some change advance to month 2 of your experiment / observation. If it goes well as you planned extend your deadlines.

[Darknut3]

or you can use Corey Waynes tactics read his book

[Anonymous]

Look at it this way, you would have just been a rebound anyway.