How I do stop being a stalkerish girl?

[Anonymous]

[SteveSmith1985]

I genuinely love your question. I would like to try and help you. I think this is an excellent thing to work at changing about yourself. But... if you just ask this, you're going to get very general answers. There are so many different types and degrees of being a "stalkerish girl". You need to give as much context as possible. What is it that you're seeing as "stalkerish" in your behavior or thinking? Is this with guys you like? Or is it with this one guy you really like? Have you always been this way? What makes you see it as a problem? (it's great that you do, but did something prompt you to?)

So, please, give me some details (the more the better) and I bet I can at worse give you a few suggestions. So, what's going on? 🙂

[ManOnFire]

All what I was thinking lol.

[Asker]

I'm not a crazy person. Like I dont stalk them to the point where they file a restraining order or kill them. I just use a fake account to keep tabs on them eventually I quit after my interest for them eventually fades.

[SteveSmith1985]

Well, creating fake accounts to keep tabs on someone... isn't... not crazy.

But I think the first step would be to try and examine and break down the motivations for the behaviour and how you feel about what you're doing.

So, why do you feel the need to make a fake account to keep tabs on them? Why not use your real account?

Is it ok with you (morally) to make a fake account to deceive someone you're interested in?

What makes you see this as a problem at all? (what made you decide you wanted to change this?)

[Asker]

Well because they blocked my real account. It's not ok to make a fake account but I'm just curious about their life in the moment, I think its a problem cause men get turned off by it. But I'm really not crazy though. I dont know where they live, or follow them around somewhere. Just keeping tabs on their life until I become disinterested.

[SteveSmith1985]

Do you understand why men might be turned off by that?

How would you react if a guy made a fake account to keep tabs on you?

And, I think you're in some denial about just how crazy this behavior is. It's not "as crazy as it could be." You're right, you're not hiding outside of their house with binoculoars. It COULD be crazier.

But this is crazy. Unarguably.

If a girl creates a fake account to surreptitiously keep track of some guys life. I would think that girls crazy. Wouldn't you think so about a guy doing that to you?

Also, you say you keep tabs on them until you become disinterested. So is there ever any actual hope/want for anything to actually happen with these guys you're interested in? Or is it more of something you do without any thought/hope that your interest will be reciprocated? It just seems weird that you've had the experience of doing this multiple times until your interest just fades, then you stop. Do you stop by moving on to focus on a different guy instead? or do you stop entirely for a time?

[Asker]

Well I've never really had it happen to me before. Guys dont like me in any way at all. So I've never been stalker online. I do it without a thought I guess. I never think before I say anything also. I just stop entirely because I'm not interested anymore usually I dont find another guy in the meantime.

[SteveSmith1985]

Well I think then, that the first step is to force yourself TO think before making a fake account and engaging in stalking. If you do it without a thought. You need to start thinking before acting here.

It's something you recognize as behavior that's turning off the guys you're interested in. So if it's not some deep-seated compulsion... and it's just a matter of not thinking through the likely outcome of your actions. You just need to start thinking. Because you're shooting yourself in the foot. You are working against your own goals (to have the guy like you back).

So if this really is just a matter of acting without thinking... then you can stop this. Just... stop and think before you do this. It's if you can't seem to keep yourself from doing it eventhough you're actively "not wanting to"... that's a whole other thing. But if it's just lack of thinking... then think this through... doing this makes no sense and gets you nowhere. You keep tabs on a guys life... but also creep-him-out. That's a poor trade-off. You just need to think about your actions before acting. You... can do that if you choose to.

[Asker]

Not like any guys like me back to begin with. I don't talk to them just keep tabs. But yeah I will think more often before I do.

[SteveSmith1985]

Well, I think that you at least stand a chance of having a guy like you back if you don't disqualify yourself by doing the keeping tabs thing. Nobody is ok with somebody keeping tabs on them like that. That's going to turn anyone off, and ensure that there's no chance they like you back. So it's worth it to not continue doing this. For yourself I mean. Because if you can stop it, you should. Because you realize (intellectually, even if you don't quite "get it") that this is a turn-off for guys. Since that's the opposite of what you hope to do, it's worthwhile stopping yourself and thinking before acting. If that's really all it is.

[Still-alive]

block the person you are stalking and go focus on hobbies instead

[Jessica405]

Like the guy that stalked me, and caused me to give up so much, anyone that you stalk might work out who you are. God help you then.

I lost email addy, phone number had to be changed, left GAG, losing my master, influencer and ubermod status. I believe he only stopped because he knew that my partner and I had worked out who he was.

[Still-alive]

yikes. was this person a GAG member?

[Asker]

Ok. First of all I'm not that crazy. I just make fake accounts just to keep tabs really. But after a while I quit.

[Jessica405]

@Still-alive No. It was another post grad student. We think he was pissed off because I got with my guy the second week we were at that uni. He never had a chance with me.

[Still-alive]

scary. glad he stopped

[Jessica405]

@asker So nothing really that bad.

[iSensei]

Just chill take cup of tea and interest with other things

[Anonymous]

Try talking to the guys you stalk?