How long should I wait for him to get a job?

[sudoshi79]

I started dating my boyfriend 4 months ago and we really hit it off. The chemistry and everything is there, and he's a sweet guy. The only thing is that he hasn't gotten a job yet and has been looking since we started dating. He just graduated from college, is living at his parents now, and is looking for a job as a financial analyst. I know it's tough, but I'm also getting tired of paying for every meal and for everything we do. Lately, we've been chilling at home watching TV shows to save money. I've been trying everything to help him find a job and we haven't heard anything. I've been spending all my time with him on the weekends since he is long distance so I haven't been able to spend much time with my friends since I work long hours during the week. I feel like he's holding me back because of the money and the friends. I don't know how much longer I can wait for him to find a job close to me. Plus, last night he went out drinking with his friends (his friends buy him the drinks) and it makes me feel like he's not working that hard to find a job. It's already been 4 months where I've been supporting him. It would be nice to be actually taken out on a date... I really love him but how much longer should I wait? Or should I take a break from him?

[DoggyDude]

I appreciate that your thinking of the future but the way you sound doesn't really feel like thinking in loving terms.

The girl I love with all my heart is jobless, and I have no idea how long this condition will last. I hope she finds a job for her sake etc. but it would not make any difference to how I feel for her (in terms of loving her or choosing to be with her).

What is your real concern?

My advice is understand what your really bothered about. For the right person, you would not question leaving them if you have the choice. I could imagine your questioning wether this person is "really" bothered about you or is just "taking advantage" possibly?

I can say one thing simply, if your even considering not waiting for someone then your not truly in love with them. It may not mean they are not right for you, it may mean you have not reached that place together or that you will not find that true love with them, but it does mean your not truly in love. Once truly in love you no longer have a practical choice, love will only allow one choice, the choice of the "us, no matter what" (assuming the other person would be happier with for that pairing)

[sudoshi79]

I guess I am worried he's taking advantage of me. I know he's not doing it on purpose, but I know he's comfortable with the way things are. I'm worried this kind of thing would pop up in the future or if I realize later on he's naturally selfish or cheap. His old friend has been telling me that he's really selfish and been cheap in the past, so it has me worried too. =/ I guess I'll try to wait around longer to see what is true or not...

[DoggyDude]

I suggest you ask him in a non-confrontational way what his plans for the future are (just as part of spending some time together)... discuss your dreams and plans in life together. If you end up sharing your dreams and appriciating each anothers positions / goals and showing your both going to compromise to try to make each others dreams together then you know your both in the right loving place. Shouls you find it all going "one way", *e.g. his).say how that feel. Gives love the best chance.

[Anonymous]

Personal experience: been told to "hold back my partner" because I couldn't find a job too. She found a job and it was her first. And instantly she felt she was moving forward in life and I wasn't. Even though I had a higher education. Eventually she couldn't stand that anymore and dumped me (for someone else, leaving with what money we had). 7 years down the drain. Because I guess she wanted nice things NOW. But who knows. Never talked again.

Anyway, found a well paying and cool job soon after she left. And life is great now (career, girls, money). But I haven't really heard of it before that a girl stays with an unemployed or unsuccessful guy. And I would gladly stand corrected.

[Zelar]

with the current job market, finding a job for such a high paying career may be difficult. a lot of well educated guys I know are taking career path changes temporarily and working at places they might normally find "demeaning". one guy I know with a business management degree is working at a chick-fil-a.

sometimes you have to settle for second best until you can have your first choice. see if he is willing to work somewhere while continuing to look for his dream job.