Is she a sane and rational human being if she shows much interest and the ghosts me for two weeks?

[Anonymous]

Everything was so nice with this 20 year-old girl (she is most likely not a woman yet). We texted each other regularly, we went out twice and everything was going very well, we got closer and I showed more and more signs of interest. For a few days after our second date she she showed more interest than before. Whenever we talked about our values and intentions, they were aligned. You could sense the romantic tension piling up. However, she went cold for a few weeks, she started ignoring my texts and calls on probably on purpose (I don't believe that she was that busy). When she came back, she showed much interest again, she told me that we have a great connection and she wants to know me more. I reciprocated the interest and that was when she left me on delivered for two weeks and a half. If she is interested, I don't know why she does this. I respected her really much and now I doubt her maturity and emotional stability. She could either show constant interest or cut this off completely. I still think about her a bit, but I don't chase, I don't double text and I am not willing to have a relationship with her anymore.

[mobiusforniner]

Gonna have to disagree with some of the comments here. Not all women are waiting to be swept off their feet and having tons of guys keeping their attention.

Her behaviors mirror one woman I dated. She was the only one who did this. And to put it simply, she had issues and was always single. She loved the attention but would shut off if guys got too close.

This is dismissive avoidant psychology which is rooted in unhealed trauma. In my case, she had severe childhood abuse and love attachment issues. I couldnt deal with it or solve it, because it was exhaustingme and i had to realize only she can do that healing.

Focus on other women, keep and open perspective. Be kind. Remember, its not all about you.

[Asker]

You are right. This one really doesn't have an attention seeking behaviour. She doesn't even seek my attention too much. She is good-looking so I don't think she would have any trouble finding a boyfriend.

[DenizLikesTennis]

If I were you, I's skip 99,99.. or all 100% of women in their 20s and instead adapt some skills, read, travel grow and learn.

Because the 20s are meant for personality-development and it has high up and downs like a rollercoaster.

All in short: start dating in your 30s and show what you are about to offer that you've learned in 20s.

[Asker]

You are right, although your view is a bit extreme. I focus on my development pretty much all the time because I have no dating life at this moment. Yet one has emotional and physical needs to be fulfilled. I never fulfill them outside of a committed relationship because casual sex and friends with benefits are against my values. I don't think personality development and dating are mutually exclusive. You can end up in your 30s not finding a partner because there is no dating pool. Where I am from you can rarely see women who date men older than 5 years.

[itsalyssaagain]

Haha - the 'she is most likely not a woman yet' made me laugh.

It could be very well that there is somebody else in her life. Either she is seeing him and he keeps coming back when she ghosts you. OR he could no longer be in her life but he is on her mind and in her heart, so she can't make herself fully available to another man. We are quite emotional like that.

[Part2603]

Yeah, somebody else in her life was my conclusion as well.

Maybe she's BPD? Do crazy bitches go dark out of anxiety? Does that really happen? You could ask her?

I ghosted a girl out of anxiety once, and girl ghosted me for a month, and I believed her when she said it was her issues.

I think it's okay to put in a little more effort to reach out to these crazy bitches, you just gotta be a bit careful in not doing it in a simp way. When you do sort out what her issues are, then you gotta ask yourself if you're the kind of person who would be okay with that.

But simple solution, you put her on your roster and you talk to other girls. Sure it would be nice if she comes through, but you're not gonna lose sleep, right?

[Asker]

@Part2603 I do talk to other girls but I didn't like them as much as this one

[Asker]

I don't know. She told me she had been single for a few years and she doesn't date casually. Maybe she has another suitor.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, sorry bud. It seems like she's not that interested in you. She might have liked the attention or the way you treated her but for whatever reason she couldn't see herself with you long term. So when she gets lonely or when the guy she's really interested in starts ignoring her, she comes back to you to fill that void. It's time to move on.

[In_Trance]

Everything was not "so nice"
She showed more interest; what did you do?
She came back because she focused on someone else that didn't work out either.
She left you on read because she got another offer.
You don't chase... you don't double text... you are the problem.

She wanted to be chased and you fucked it up

[Asker]

She is not a trophy or an object I have to conquer. She is a person and I am looking for a partner. A partnership means working together towards something.

[In_Trance]

she wants to be conquered... you're not with her and other guys are. it's not hard to understand.

fix your dating game

[SnowedIn]

Sane and rational? Yes. A sane and rational person can do what she did. Given your attitude and comments, I'm actually not surprised she did.

[Asker]

What is wrong with the attitude of being surprised when someone ghosts you and gives mixed signals?

[SnowedIn]

It's not that part of your attitude. It's two comments you made. The first was that she's not a woman. The second is that you don't think she's that busy.

Those are your opinions and you are entitled to them.

But they are self righteous and judgmental opinions. (And I don't agree with them.) My point though is that if you made those comments while typing this here, I bet you made comments when you talked with her that were judgmental or similar.

If we could ask her, I'm pretty certain she'd say it was something you said where she felt belittled by one of your comments.

[Asker]

I thought she was a woman when she was more consistent, but her not being consistent makes me doubt her maturity. And nobody is too busy when they are interested in someone. Whenever someone made that excuse, I asked them further questions and they ultimately admitted that there was something wrong with them or with me. You are right, I am sometimes what you described me because I know my worth regarding certain aspects and I genuinely express it. Otherwise it would be false modesty

[SnowedIn]

That's all fine.

Back to your original question: yes, based on all this, I think she made a rational decision.

[therealricksanchez]

She might be doubtful and confused at the moment, or she is playing games. Talk to her, express what you feel, figure out if she is interested in you or not, so you can whether keep dating, or end it

[Gent207-2]

You misjudged her and she lost or never had feelings for you. Time to move on

[Anonymous]

No, and it sounds like she is playing games.

[Asker]

Maybe she is not really fully aware of that because she genuinely doesn't seem to be a bad person