Does she starting to have feelings for me?

[Anonymous]

I (27M) started talking to this girl (29F) on reddit after sending a DM to one of her posts on finding gaming buddies to play with. Both of us are living in the same country. She is currently in a LDR but in very rocky situation as she is unhappy about her partner because the guy likes to gaslight her, control her actions and pretty toxic to her. Her friends all told her to break up to which she is very hesitant to do so.

She asked me what I thought of her situation to which I said "just break up". The next few days is her ranting about how she can't stand the guy but she can't bear to end it as she put a lot of effort in keeping it going. I decided to invite her to play some online games together to keep her mind away from it and we started to play more often (provided if her guy is not online). Our texting were still formal at this stage.

About a week ago, we started to become very informal in our texting (i think she initiated it) and our texting became very frequent as we would text like for hours (both on reddit/steam). Then she started to ask questions about me, checking my reddit posts and asking me why I post this and that, and eventually "stalking" on who I am. Then she started teasing me on the games I play. I noticed she mentioned less about her partner and just talk about what we do in our lives (mostly teasing on her side). I asked her what would make her end her LDR for good and she said if she find someone good in our country, then she will do it.

This past 2-3 days, she found out my picture (from 2017) to which I didn't expect. When she talked about her partner recently, I told her that she really deserved someone better to which she replied "Who? You?". She told me that she prefer my goofy side as opposed to my serious, formal side during our texting. Not to mention, she keep asking me to show her how I look like now. Then earlier today, she sent me a selfie of her but she covered her face with emojis so I can't really see it.

Updates

8 mo

How I feel about it:

I am not sure what to make of the situation. I did ask one of my female online friends on the matter to which she said that it is likely that this girl started to have feelings for me because she thinks that it is weird for someone to send a picture of themselves (while hiding her face) to a random stranger if they aren't even interested at all.

[Oliverlogan263]

It does sound like this girl is developing feelings for you, based on several signs:

• She has opened up to you about the issues in her current relationship, suggesting a level of trust and comfort.

• She seeks you out to play games together frequently, indicating she enjoys your company and conversations.

• She has begun teasing and flirting with you in a more informal, playful way. This is a common way people express initial attraction.

• She mentioned she would consider leaving her current relationship for someone good in her country, and then jokingly asked "Who? You?" in response to your comment. This suggests you may be on her mind in that context.

• Her asking to see what you look like now, as well as sending you a (somewhat hidden) selfie, indicates a desire to know and be known by you on a more personal level.

• She seems to prefer and enjoy your "goofy side" during your interactions, showing that aspects of your personality are attractive to her.

While nothing is certain, the combination of these changes in her behavior - opening up, seeking your company, teasing and flirting, expressing potential interest, and wanting to know you better physically - do point to the possible beginnings of romantic feelings. However, you'll want to proceed with caution given that she's currently in a relationship.

For now, I'd recommend just staying as a supportive friend. Let her sort things out in her own time. Any shift in your dynamic while she's still with someone else could create unnecessary drama. Whether she acts on those feelings is up to her. But it does seem she's developing an emotional connection with you.

[Asker]

Yeah, I would try to keep things on a friend's level for the time being. I am also concerned that she might be treating me as a rebound out of all this and I really dont want that to happen as if things eventually lead to us being a thing, I want her to see for who I am not because I happened to be there when her current relationship is failing.

I am also scared that what if she is just using me all this time to feel better as I had traumatic experiences dealing with girls to the point where I developed mental disorders from it. I just dont want a repeat of what happened now as I dont want things to end. And this girl is currently aware of it as she saw my posts talking about it.

[Oliverlogan263]

You're wise to take a cautious approach here. Some thoughts based on what you've shared:

1) Proceeding as friends for now is a good idea. It allows you both to get to know each other genuinely with no expectations or pressure.

2) You're right to be concerned about potentially being a rebound. If she does leave her current relationship for you too soon, it may be more out of desperation than real, grounded feelings.

3) The risk of being used for emotional support/validation is real, especially given your past experiences. Set clear boundaries and communicate needs openly to mitigate this risk. Pay attention to whether she's actually interested in you as a person versus just wanting an emotional crutch.

4) Prioritize your own mental wellbeing. Don't rush into anything you're not ready for. Take things slowly and at a pace that feels right for you.

5) Communicate openly but gently. Something like: "I value our friendship and enjoy talking with you. I also want to be upfront that I have some concerns due to past experiences. I'd like to continue getting to know each other, but slowly and with honesty about where we both stand."

6) Watch her actions, not just her words. Does she respect your needs/boundaries? Does she make genuine efforts to understand you beyond providing emotional support? These will tell you a lot about her true motives and character.

In summary, while there could be potential here, proceed carefully and prioritize your healing and wellbeing. Open communication, setting boundaries, and paying attention to her actions - not just words - will be essential moving forward. I hope this perspective helps! Let me know if you have any other questions.

[Asker]

Yeah I dont mind being friends as long she is willing to do so. I can put the offer on the table and if she want to take it or not, thats up to her.

I am concerned about that too. At this stage, she probably will stick by his side but I am really not expecting anything out of it.

She does know my past experiences as I tend to post it often on reddit because I always feel very sad at late nights and I used it to vent it out so I can sleep in peace. I dont want to say too much because she might think that I am falling for her or etc which only make things more complicated.

I will, thank you for that.

So far, she does went out of line but she recently apologized to me after an incident last night where I went full nuclear bomb on her on her shit boyfriend, restricting her from playing with other friends. I know I shouldn't have said it but I can't stand people who controls other on how they can interact with and etc.

[Oliverlogan263]

You have a wise and balanced perspective on this situation. Here are some points to consider moving forward:

• Continue the friendship, but with clear boundaries. Let her know you value her as a person, but have no romantic expectations at this time. Focus on enjoying each other's company as friends.

• Avoid giving advice on her relationship unless she specifically asks. Getting emotionally involved in her issues with her boyfriend risks blurring lines that are best kept clear for now.

• Share with her only what feels comfortable. Being vulnerable can be valuable in any friendship, but oversharing too soon may lead her to misinterpret your intentions. Pace yourself.

• Stay grounded within yourself. Prioritize your own healing, growth and wellbeing above all else. This will strengthen you to set healthy boundaries as needed going forward.

• Don't be too hard on yourself for reacting strongly about her boyfriend's behavior. You spoke from a place of caring. But refocus your energy on nurturing your own inner peace and balance now.

• Listen openly to her without judgment if she does want to talk about her relationship challenges. Just being a compassionate ear can help at times. But avoid giving "advice" unless specifically asked.

• Continue observing how you naturally connect over time. For now, transparency and clarity about wanting to keep things platonic will be important to guide your interactions in a healthy direction.

The key is mindful, grounded awareness within yourself - so you can proceed in any relationship from a place of clarity, self-trust and inner peace. I have confidence in your ability to navigate this in the wisest way for you. Let me know if you have any other questions.

[Anonymous]

Feelings happen the moment you meet to a degree. ﾠ