We’ve (m31 and f27) been dating for 3 months and she seemed really happy with me, then the two days she got back home she sent this:
“He’s okay just confidence knocked I think bless him. I hadn’t realised they’d taken his phone as well until later on and they managed to track it to a hostel.. found his bag with his cards, phone, passport & his heart meds and everything except the €400 cash they got back. Mum annoyed me though she stopped replying and wouldn’t answer my calls for hours left me worrying😓 got my migraine back too”
“(My name) I’m really really sorry but I’ve had a bad couple of days and been overthinking and stuff and honestly I just feel really low atm and burnt out. I’ve got a few things going on in the background plus all this stress at work atm and then today with my family I just feel like I have nothing left to give atm. Been thinking a lot about me and you as well since seeing you and it might just be because of my low mood but I just feel as though it’s gone as far as it’s going to go😣you’re obviously such a great guy, I really love spending time with you and talking to you so I feel silly that im even giving it up. Part of me wants to just keep doing what we’ve been doing and making plans etc with you but realistically I just need to be honest with myself and with you and I especially don’t want to put a dampener on all your good childhood memories of Wales by going with you this weekend and I really don’t want to waste any more of your time😓 I hope you don’t hate me x”
She seems stressed by multiple things and says she could be feeling this way because of her low mood too.
I know nobody can see inside her head and I’m going to get on with life, but do you see promise for her potentially coming back after what she’s going through or do you think she’s saying she’s 100% done? I’ve been nice and understanding to her about it. She was really eager and keen to see me in the run up to our last date so it’s felt strange.
“He’s okay just confidence knocked I think bless him. I hadn’t realised they’d taken his phone as well until later on and they managed to track it to a hostel.. found his bag with his cards, phone, passport & his heart meds and everything except the €400 cash they got back. Mum annoyed me though she stopped replying and wouldn’t answer my calls for hours left me worrying😓 got my migraine back too”
“(My name) I’m really really sorry but I’ve had a bad couple of days and been overthinking and stuff and honestly I just feel really low atm and burnt out. I’ve got a few things going on in the background plus all this stress at work atm and then today with my family I just feel like I have nothing left to give atm. Been thinking a lot about me and you as well since seeing you and it might just be because of my low mood but I just feel as though it’s gone as far as it’s going to go😣you’re obviously such a great guy, I really love spending time with you and talking to you so I feel silly that im even giving it up. Part of me wants to just keep doing what we’ve been doing and making plans etc with you but realistically I just need to be honest with myself and with you and I especially don’t want to put a dampener on all your good childhood memories of Wales by going with you this weekend and I really don’t want to waste any more of your time😓 I hope you don’t hate me x”
She seems stressed by multiple things and says she could be feeling this way because of her low mood too.
I know nobody can see inside her head and I’m going to get on with life, but do you see promise for her potentially coming back after what she’s going through or do you think she’s saying she’s 100% done? I’ve been nice and understanding to her about it. She was really eager and keen to see me in the run up to our last date so it’s felt strange.
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Yeah, sounds like she does have to way too much going on.
Relationships take a lot of work, effort, and emotional investment.
That's off the table for her right now.
It's not your fault, you've not done anything wrong. She just isn't able to give you the attention and intent that you deserve to build a relationship.
She was mature enough to recognize that and communicate it to you.
Now it's your turn to be mature.
Do you think there’s a chance? Wasn’t sure if this was a blowoff excuse, but I have seen how stressed work has got her lately.
I replied back with:
“Fair enough. Of course I feel otherwise as I enjoyed our time together too. Can’t say i’m not a little disappointed but I completely understand and respect your choice. Sometimes life just happens and the timing isn’t right. I hope things will improve for your dad soon, you and your family will be there for him and I’ll be thinking of you all. I’m really sorry you’re going through all this. If you do change your mind or need to talk then you know where I am x”
She replied back apologising etc so I’m going to reply with “Don’t worry about it, you take care of yourself first. Just promise me that on these bad days you’ll remember this one thing… if you’re in doubt get the dad jokes out 😉 x”
The dad jokes is our inside thing. I’ve tried to stay mature and cool about it but also wanted to bring some sort of a smile from her too.
Aw that's super cute of the both of you.
I think when things calm down for her and she's in a better situation, you should try again!
Her referencing your inside jokes is a good sign, and it isn't like she is giving you any hard rejections about you as a person.
And you know she respects you enough to be honest with you, and respect your time.
Now, this all said, give yourself a timeline. You don't want to end up passing up on opportunities for yourself while waiting, as there's no guarantee she'll be available or that when she is ready that she'll choose you.
But I think you can be sure that you two have a chance when her life is more stable.
Sadly, sometimes we really do make connections at the wrong time, and sometimes life gets in the way.
But you both enjoyed each other and that's important to celebrate.
For now, though, the worst thing you could do is keep pushing. That will lose your good standing quickly.
Thanks for the reply. Sorry but the inside jokes thing was my reply haha.
My full response ended up being this: “Don’t worry about it, you take care of yourself first. Just promise on the bad days you’ll remember this one thing from me… if in doubt get the dad jokes out 😉 Anyway, best we leave it here seeing as we both know where we stand with things. Goodbye cheeky 🙂 x”
I hope that was a nice response to end it on. Didn’t want to just read her reply and that be it, rather just say goodbye to her properly.
When things calm down i’ll leave that with her to decide. I think because she broke it off it’s on her to revive it personally. I won’t be waiting around but I’ll probably take some time for myself first. If a new person reaches out then I’ll give it a chance
Ah gotcha.
Either way, I think you handled this really well and you'll bounce back fast and strong.
Good plan on your next steps and I wish you the best in your next relationship. :)
Honestly who cares. Take exactly what she said as it is. Don't overthink it, don't hope she'll change her mind. Just take it as it and move on with life.
Sounds like she just ended things for good. Sorry.