What am I supposed to think when she says she has commitment anxiety?

[Anonymous]

Girl I've been talking to has dropped that she is "super anxious of commitment" about 2-3 times now. Not sure what I'm supposed to say back (if anything), and feeling super confused.

Updates

+1 y

EDIT: Thanks all for the input; really appreciate it and totally didn't expect so much guidance. Keep it real y'all :)

[Juneberry91]

Fear of commitment is more about a fear of attachment. This fear is installed by a traumatic or turbulent up bringing or betrayal of a love.

To give you an idea, I grew up in an abusive household, where my grandparent had to step in a raise me. I had trust with my grandparents but I have learned that I can lose my parents, my home and it is a possibility that they will leave me to.

The best thing to do is to let her know that you hear her, that you expect her anxiety of commitment. She wants commitment subconsciously but she is afraid to put Herself in harms way again.

I remind you that you can be the most wonderful supporting guy, but in the end it’s up to her if she wants to let go of that fear. She will want closeness in a relationship yet when she feels scared she can push you away. It’s a tedious struggle of what she wants in her life versus her fear. It’s exhausting for her, but it will also be frustrating for you at time and confusing.

my advice is to take it slow but also have very strong boundaries with yourself. Love is complicated because it’s a combination of many things… you can greatly care and respect someone, but if they don’t care and respect themselves, they’re just not at that place to give you that committed relationship that you want from them. Timing is everything! You can greatly care and respect someone, but if they don’t care and respect themselves, they’re just not at that place to give you that committed relationship who knows how long that will take because it’s up to hear to let that go.

good luck!

[Erielav]

It's very important to understand that just because someone likes/is attracted to you means they will date you.
This girl has the impression that you want to date her, and she seems to like/respect you because she hasn't ghosted you yet. That's good.
"Super anxious of commitment" just means that:1) she just is and if you are looking for a relationship you should move on, you are not a therapist and if you date her, you will end up in therapy.2) she does not want be commited to you.3) she might want to date you but she is letting you know that it will be a slow process, you will be taking it very very slow with her
all situations are probabble, it depends what you want to do and how much you like this girl and are ready to put in the work.
what you can say when she says that is:1)"what have you done to work on that?"2)"ok"
I like n1 because i am a very direct person, n2 is quite passive
good luck

[Joe_Shmo]

It could mean many different things. It could be legitimate and honest, or not. It's hard to tell without more context and without having spent time with this other person. Does she get the vibe from you that you're aiming for a committed relationship? A lot of women in your age range (18-24) don't want to limit themselves to one person. Also, some women, but not all, can be turned off if a guy seems to want a committed relationship relatively soon after meeting or getting to know each other.

[Asker]

I believe she does; I've asked if she'd be open to having a more formalize dating situation, and she had expressed anxiety about committing right now. I think (especially after looking at other comments) the best course of action is to just take it slow

[coachTanthony]

She has commitment issues when it comes to the wrong man. Put the right one in front of her and she is right as rain.

[DizzyDesii]

If i question commitment with a specific someone, its because they’re not what i normally go for and am trying to force the attraction and let them grow on me. I should stick with my gut instinct. Because i dont question commitment if i know im seriously attracted to someone right off the bat

[Samvixen]

That you have not created a secure environment for her. Whatever she seems that to be. That is it and that is all. Commitment happens when you feel like all your needs are being met by one person or a large majority of them. Being the man in your relationship it’s your job to make her feel safe and provided for in order to commit. Are you doing this. Is she reassured that if she chooses you as the capt’n of this relationship that you can steer it in the right course? Are your decisions rooted in faith in a higher power or do you just consult with yourself. All of these things are factors in whether or not a commitment should be made.

[Anonymous]

She's not ready to commit but doesn't want to loose you

[Asker]

Interesting; how would you want me to proceed if you were in her shoes?

[Joe_Shmo]

Your question about "how would you want me to proceed if you were in her shoes" is a really hard question to answer for any woman to answer, especially without a lot more context and an intimate understanding of the other person's history.

What's of paramount importance here -- your sense of fulfillment in life will grow by practicing complete & total honesty, being tender with yourself and others, and following your heart. Following your heart, sometimes you'll get the result you think want, and sometimes you won't. Life isn't about doing things "right" and always getting what you think will be the best outcome. It's about doing the right thing. That means listening to your heart always, even if it means taking a more difficult path.

With that said, it seems like you've gotten some good advice in this thread. Take it slow, don't try to force anything, and always remember, first love and accept yourself unconditionally. Then you can give true love to others.

[Opinion Owner]

I would hope that you stay patient and wait for me but at the same time I would understand you not wanting to feel like you're being kept on stand by as I couldn't guarantee that commitment will happen in the end. Women like that know that we can't expect men to stay waiting for maybe nothing but a part of us hopes he loves us enough to try. If you really want to give it a chance you need to be ready to accept that she may never commit in the end. I would say reassure her that there's no pressure and that you aren't expecting anything and stick by her. Tell her that if you get to spend good time with her it's what matters. Gently part ways if you're done "waiting" but don't pressure her if you stay, this way she will feel safe to take the time to process her feelings and to think about what she wants without feeling guilty that she isn't giving you something you're expecting. This is assuming what I guessed correctly. Maybe she has other reasons.

[Anonymous]

How long have you been dating? What comment do you want?

Does she have issues being loyal or just being married?

Huge can of worms there as the guys say!

[Asker]

Ooh great question that I should've thrown in there; my apologies!

We've been seeing each other for about 2 months now? Was just curious if it was supposed to be a sign to just leave her be, or if I should continue the way I have been (texting & calling daily, hanging out, etc). I think she had a bad breakup in the past, but she doesn't seem to want to talk about it a lot.

[Opinion Owner]

Continue on with caution about getting closer pushing for sex or a committed relationship like girlfriend and boyfriend!

Talk with her about her past softly let her tell you just what she wants

[Asker]

Ah okay understood; will do then. I'm genuinely not after a quick hookup or anything similar, but I'm more interested in a long-term relationship. Appreciate the help :) !

[Avicenna]

Take it seriously and just don't force things.

[Asker]

Understood; I think I'll keep playing along at her pace and seeing where it goes :)

[Avicenna]

I think that's the right approach.

[lightbulb27]

Just be confident and understanding and keep talking to her. Fi d out why she like that.

[SUMAIREBRAHIM]

That your not that right one she wants to keep searching for someone better... you're move should be dump her and move on get multiple dates and have abounded mindset

[sheikalana]

Seems like she's not ready to be a in a relationship.

[KrakenAttackin]

Tell her you are willing to take it slowly , but don't allow her to use this as an excuse to date other people when you are seeing her.

[Datboi65]

Run 🏃🏿‍♂️ 🚩🚩

[leahzrc]

she doesn't want to be locked down

[DextroShade]

She belongs to the streets!

[In_Trance]

You should be looking at other options

[shades777]

think whatever you want to think

[whistlingwh0res]

bring her to sex club

[Asker]

Lol :')

[Anonymous]

Are you banging each other? How long?