I've known this girl since February 2023. She started following me on Instagram, didn't know who she was, I'm like I must be getting played why would an attractive girl just add me online. I DM'd her something funny and within 1 hour she responds back laughs and starts chatting. Slowly, we exchanged numbers, called each other, she's religious so I think that's something that interested her about my social media is I don't follow IG models and post stupid things and I do believe there is a level of respect. Her and I had busy schedules even spring/summer I was busy, she was busy with work and travelled twice alone. She's an independent, strong-minded girl which I respect. We just had our first date a few days ago, it went well she said she had a good night and thanked me for getting a nice candle as a gift.
The convo flowed, I made her laugh, we talked about important things in life and left around 9pm because she was tired and I didn't want to keep her out too late. When I asked her yesterday would you want to meet again, she responded today 12 hours later saying "hey sorry my schedules been a mess, i have a migraine n work all coming together which is overbearing". I know she's busy but she didn't answer whether she would or not. I don't want to annoy her because I think most girls who respond to this will say give her space which I'm fine with but am I thinking too much about this
What Girls Said
If I was really interested in a person I would be messaging right away and wanting to hangout. But then again, I can sometimes be clingy lol according to my ex and current guy I talk to. He’s getting used to me now though and doesn’t honk I’m clingy anymore. I used to message this one guy on Instagram because I didn’t want to be rude… but once I saw that he was always wanting to message and I wasn’t really interested in him I just took longer to reply and eventually I just stopped replying. I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea as I can sometimes be friendly and don’t know how to say no.
so you're saying she's not interested anymore?
I guess your post means she doesn't like me.
I’m not her so I can’t speak for her. Maybe she’s not the texting type or she had long work hours where she can’t have phone on her. My job doesn’t permit me to be on phone and I work 12hr shifts but I do get happy when I see a text on my break and reply right a way if it’s from a guy I like
But let me ask you this, if i was open and honest 2 days after the date, if she truly doesn't like me why dodge the question by saying "hey sorry, I've been busy, have a big migraine, have a lot of work to do for her job". If a guy is open and honest where he is reassuring her, if you want to part ways just be open and say it. The reason why is because I'm in my 30s and she's in her late 20s. But I need to get married eventually. I use a dating apps where a few girls have liked me. I dont want to be one of those guys dealing with 5 other girls on the side but it's not fair to me if there are girls interested in me and she's taking longer to reply back. I understand we are all busy but I try my best to respond back to people whether its family, friends, girls i like.
Im only saying this because guys get ripped apart for being too needy and turning her off by over texting or pursuing her in a sexual simpy way or not communications his feelings. Ok, granted but I don't beat around the bush. If she is truly not interested in me or a second date, she should be honest and say "Listen i think you're a great guy but I don't want to waste your time because you can be happy with another girl". I'm not a guy who's some piece of shit pushover chase a girl type dude. I have worked hard to get into law school and Masters programs, to be involved in my community, to be involved in political matters, to study religion, to make others laugh, to be genuine with others, to be a gentleman but I'm tired of rejections and females who aren't clear with me, it's disrespectful.
You sound like me. I agree everyone can make time to respond, it just takes willingness and wanting to reply. I think it is disrespectful when someone I’m talking to doesn’t reply to me lol makes me sad thinking they don’t like me. It’s good to be honest, trust me the right person will like you messaging a lot and will appreciate your honesty. To the right person your “clinginess or neediness “ won’t even be a problem. I personally love that I don't know why I attract people who are complete opposites. Find someone who speaks your love language, don’t waste your time on girls who can’t even make time for you or be honest on what they feel. When people are flaky like that it just tells you they’re not sure about you. I don't know about you but I prefer finding someone who is into me and wants to make time for me and put effort like I am. I want to feel like I’m worth putting in effort for. I know it’s exhausting, I’m somewhat in your shoes knowing I am wasting my time on someone who doesn’t really want to be in a relationship.
Some girls just don’t want to hurt peoples feelings and don’t know how to let you down easy. Some of us try to be nice but can be hurting people without meaning to, we just don’t know how not to sound like a jerk and don’t want to be the cause of a heartache.
No but I've been talking to her since February 2023, she added me on Instagram, I didn't know her, she went to the same university as me. A lot of girls on here mentioned to give her space, some girls get turned off by guys who pursue them too much. But be honest with her response of "hey sorry im just busy with a lot of things right now" after I asked do you want to meet again if you don't want to you dont have to. How come she couldnt answer the question :-s
Also another thing, some girls may be trying to play it cool by not trying to make it seem like they’re into you. But a mature person doesn’t play games like that, they’ll let you know their intentions. I’m not wanting to rain on your parade so stay positive until you get more to go off of to make a decision. Everyone is different. As long as you reach out again and ask her straight up like someone else said. Then you can make a decision based off that if she gives straight answer or not
She told me she's going after certain guys who follow a certain religious where religious beliefs align so her and I are. She told me she wouldn't marry a Christian or Jew. When girls do this to guys it stings because I feel like no girl likes me and I don't want to pursue women then, I don't want to be on a dating app, I feel like hey im not good enough. I was a gentleman that night this past Thursday, gave her a scented candle that reminded her of a certain city she visited and loved so I figured to product a gift like that for her. But now I'm thinking did I make the wrong move because maybe I shouldn't buy even small gifts for any woman. I'm just frustrated now.
Not gona lie, I say I’m busy when I don’t want to hang out with friends and even family lol even if I’m not. Instead of saying “ yeah you know what I don’t feel like hanging out with you guys” it seems nice for me to say “ I’ll be busy so sorry I can’t make it”
she always jokes about kicking men in the balls i think she's had bad experiences with guys in the past also :-s
and i did something really stupid back in March where she laughed by DM's, if I tell you, you might laugh to but i dunno, its dumb
Dang difference in religion definitely can make or break a relationship. My ex was different religion and because of that he didn’t want kids with me and eventually decided to knock someone up to start a side family. But yeah we couldn’t talk about religion because he’d want to trash talk and it would make me sad. So it is important to have someone with similar beliefs or who will respect you because let me tell you it stinks when your husband can’t even respect you or your beliefs. Make sure if that’s a big one for you that you mention that in the start before getting more emotionally invested. Don’t want to have resentment and 9yrs down the road have it blow up in your face and you’re alone because you didn’t have guts to walk away in the beginning
her and i share the same religious beliefs because we are from the same sect of religion so thats the commonality, on the date she showed me pictures on her phone where she went to on vacation and how it works so i told her thats cool hopefully i can do that one day.
also she say im a cool guy, one girl on here said she friend zoned me by saying that but i dunno :-s
but i have something stupid to mention about her and i if i tell you tell me what you think
I don’t know what to tell you then bud. Just keep your options open if you’re not in a relationship with her, it’s ok to start seeing others and see if someone else meets your needs and energy. Good luck!
wait i gotta mention this one last thing
Ok haha
sooo like i said she told me back in February/march she really has some pent up anger towards guys and for some reason she would send me videos or gifs or memes of dudes getting hit in the groin... so i told her, back in spring, if we dont work out in the future should i let you kick me in the balls one time, created a draft, she saw it and burst out laughing and said, done, i get to kick you one time... well, if indeed she may possibly not see me that way anymore after the first date, should i just be a guy friend to her and go through with that dumb idea :-|
you're probably reading that thinking what the hell did i just read, wasn't expecting that
Wasn’t expecting that. 😣 Definitely don’t do that. Save your future babies. I’m sure she was just joking and won’t expect you to go through with it haha
nah she wasn't joking, meh, what else do i have to lose? if she ends things may as well leave things, may as well fulfill that stupid 1 kick contract.
Its hard to say if she is genuenly busy or not interested anymore, maybe you should just ask and say something like: hey dont wanna bother you but i would really like to know if maybe you are not interested in me anymore, if that is so its okay. If you are still interested but just busy, i would appreciate if you could let me know when I might expect to see you again.
i did tell her that, I said i know you're busy with work and other stuff, if you think meeting up a second time is not in the best interest you can let me know I won't be offended, i said understand girls have their preferences. I know it's not personality but she could be one of those girls who likes guys 6ft+ and muscular, i'm 5'8 with an athletic build. I said I wanted to say this in a civilized way. I told her I do want to meet up again and although i'll be working 2 jobs I will make time.
And what she answered on that?
If se answered what you quoted? I think maybe you need to be more patient, i wouldn't say its a 100% no. You can just text her than to let u know when she will be free
She responded with, "hey sorry my schedules been a mess, i have a migraine n work all coming together which is a lot is going on". I message'd her saying try not to overwork yourself and take a brisk walk outside because that helps when I feel like life is flustered. I said I think I'm coming down with the flu so im going to eat dinner, drink some tea, watch tv and call it a night and thats it. I do like this girl.
Yeah, just try to be patient and see... dont get to carried away, relationships take time
well she's the one who added me on instagram back in February, i didn't know her, i remember before we even met few days ago, months ago she told me if i would want to go to an art museum with her, she's big on art and history, i told her yea that would be a cool idea. I have better ideas for future dates but i hope she gives me a chance because i wasn't touchy/feely with her, i didn't hug her or give her a handshake or kiss her, i wanted to be respectful throughout the night.
Meeting in real life often can lead to person not being how we imagine them to be. Just cause she showed interest first doeant mean she immidiately wanted to date you or marry you. We can instantly like someone even in rl and than find out something that will really put us off. If she changed her mind than she isn't for you anyways, you can't force somekne to like you. But dont assume anything right away and dont rush into things. If it happens that she is no longer interested, it sucks, but rejection is part of life and you really want someone who really wanrs you. For now i say there isn't anything you can do at this point but wait and see.
but i didn't do anything to piss her off during the date, i remember taking the train home with her as we left the city, i said to her be honest have i ever annoyed you, she's like if you did i would tell you, she told me that there are guys who message her asking to meet up for dates and she told them no. But let me ask you if you told a guy you had a nice night out and you like the small gift he gave you, no awkward moments, convo flowed, he was interested in your life, why would you question the guy and decline a second date request?
I might have not felt a sparka nd felt more friend vibe than romantic or sexual chemistry. A lot of women are just being nice and dont want to make someone feel bad by flat out rejecting them. I do reject guys directly (not rudely) and let me tell you even so called nice guys can get really nasty. Some people can also really have problems and be busy so let her be for now, some need space to think etc. If someone is not direct, you can't force them to be so. I think you need to work on your anxious attachement.
What anxious attachment? I never claimed I was a nice guy, the same way when women say I’m a high valued woman I’m like 🙄 ok there prove it. There’s nothing wrong with asking where she stands. Understand that my mom wants me to get married, my dad passed away this past April praying to god that I find a girl and be happy with. Why do you assume and plop me into the same (guys like this category). GAG is just a social media/forum site, end of the day I don’t know your life, I don’t know your intentions but you don’t know mine either. If I was harassing her then I would be calling her and acting “nasty” as you said. I just want people to be open and honest, not to waste my time. I’ve wasted 3 years with a girl that led no where. When girls and women say ohhh I’ve had bad experiences with guys/men. Why is justified only for women to feel pain and be on the fence about males but if men feel that pain a man’s feelings or guys feelings are swept under the rug. I’ve used this site for years and when I take it to this point of view, female GAG’ers usually respond back with “oh so you’re one of those guys” — psycho, simp, weirdo, stalker and if you’re going to say that then please don’t bother replying back to this message. All I want is for her to respect it, if she’s not feeling it then say it
And move on, simple.
Anything i said to you was based by the impression i got fro. What you said, there are no prejudices. You said ypu just want people to be honest and open and not to waste your time and im telling you it won't happen, you can't have it that way cause many aren't that way and you can't force them to be different. I want men to stop raping and killing but it wo t happen, its how it is and it depends on the person. No use expecting someone to be honest if they arwnt and they won't be and you need to be prepared for that. Life ain't that easy as you wish it to be and i understand you more than ypu think as i feel the same, im very honest person and im very annoyed by lie. But it won't change, you need to learn to navigate in it. You also dont even know what anxious attachemnt is, im leaning toward that myself, thats why suggested it, it may be easier for you to deal with vague people if you work on that. But noone is saying its ok if someone is leading you on etc. Im just giving you advice how to deal with it. And its hard, its very hard, but i guess life be that hard.
Wait for her answer 😊