Girls, when you're on the fence about a guy, he has good qualities about him but you're unsure what should he do going forward?

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

If she’s unsure then she probably isn’t interested romantically. Also, stop letting women straddle the fence about being with you or not, like why be someone’s ‘maybe’? If your self esteem wasn’t low before you’d really be on the ground now.

[Asker]

I think what I meant by unsure is more of the emotional aspect — is he loyal, does he have his life together, obviously you don’t want to be with a guy who wants a second mother to cook and clean for him.

[Opinion Owner]

A guy can have all that to offer and she still straddle the fence and/or not want a relationship. If it’s a thing to where she does like you but unsure because of her own qualms, then she should sort all that before even trying to date.

[Asker]

I think we all naturally question stuff, we question our decisions, our eating habits, our jobs, our families, our friends, our faith. If I jump too quickly and act like an ass of a guy and ask her to make a decision quick. I’m sure if you had uncertainties you would want some clarity as well. I mean I stated working for a tech company back in June, I quit the job after 3 months. The president of the company gave false promises and in the weeks ahead I questioned my decision to accept their offer.

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe I should be clearer, as there seems to be some assumption that I suggest you rush this woman along into a relationship which is not the case whatsoever. I’m saying that if you were the right person she wouldn’t be indecisive. Does that mean hop skip jump to the alter? Absolutely not, you still have to work towards a relationship no matter what. But knowing that you are the right person to take that journey with shouldn’t have her on the fence, and that’s my sole point. When I met my current partner, we spent 4 months dating and working towards something, not contemplating if we were even worth each others time. Now, I’m not sure why you’re being so defensive of this woman, this is not an attack on her or her character, it’s simply my take on what these actions look like from the outside, without the emotional attachments you’ve gained.

[Asker]

She told me she’s been hurt in the past, for some reason she messaged me yesterday and asked me
How am I feeling and I hope I’m feeling better (I have the flu at the moment), then she started talking about how she wants to feel protected and where she feels she can do the same and implied me i think? I told her when girls and women say they want to feel protected don’t they usually go after tall/muscular guys, she said yea women essentially do, I’m only 5’8, 155 with an athletic build, but I haven’t opened up to her because after our first date which went well last Thursday I was a gentleman, she didn’t say no to a second date but it’s not like she ghosted. My guess is she does have other guys after her as most girls do. But I want to tell her, look I don’t party, I don’t do drugs, I have 2 jobs so I’m making good income, I’m investing and I want to tell her that I want to be that guy where if she feels bad I make her laugh, I want to let her know that if she needs alone time I’ll respect it, I want to let her know if her family needs help I’ll try to be there. I think some guys just focus on entirely on the girl and not her family. But I want to make her proud and I want her to know I am loyal, committed guy and I want her to feel safe. Some guys do dumb shit which ticks girls off, some guys play video games while she does work…I don’t want to be lazy, for her I would work harder, but guys want love and loyalty in return of course.

[Asker]

I wasn't being defensive about her or myself, but sometimes its best just to stop using GAG, Reddit, social media and other forums and just speak to this person directly. I mean you could like guys who are 6'4/250 pnds, while the next girl who answers likes guys 5'7/150 pnds so answers differ.

[Opinion Owner]

I don’t think you’re being defensive of yourself, but I do notice how your responses have been when it comes to her. I know the word defensive can come off like I’m saying you’re up in arms or something equally hostile, but that’s not my intent. I’m talking about how there’s a constant explanation or effort to clarify where you feel she’s coming from, giving additional comparisons and all those unnecessary factors. Every comment here is just food for thought, and I’m saying plainly that if you were the right guy, she wouldn’t be on the fence. Choosing whether or not to take that promotion, being hurt in the past, unsure emotionally, and every other talking point you’ve presented in an effort to protect her just doesn’t align with what’s going on. I agree, unplugging and talking to the person face to face hold the most value, and I do hope there’s a conversation had that clears the air, and that makes me feel like you have some regrets seeking advice now lol. I just hope you can keep the key aspects of my advice at the forefront, which is that she shouldn’t be indecisive as to if you’re worth her investment or not. If she’s so hurt from the past that she can’t move forward then maybe she should be single for a bit to heal, but what does that mean for you? Do you sit with her straddling the fence, displaying your boyfriend material and ultimately being met with maybe’s? Or what if it’s a flat out no?

[Asker]

can i be honest with you, im not sure how fast you're going to respond back to this

[Opinion Owner]

Sure👍

[Asker]

sorry i left gag but yea its probably too late to mention, ill just mention it some other time

[Riribichri]

I don’t understand

[Asker]

when you like a guy but unsure about him

[Riribichri]

Unsure if u like him? U obviously don’t like him then