This girl I talk to frequently sometimes mentions my crush on her and jokes about it. How can I tell if she's dropping hints or just a good friend?

[Kevsker]

So this girl and I were classmates during highschool. We were both mature for our age and we had a love-hate-relationship (we annoyed each other a lot but were still very close).

We both moved to different countries to study, and we speak regularly via whatsapp. We send memes or news articles and generally have a good laugh. We also discuss more serious and private stuff like relationships. I jokingly admitted to her once that a rose she received on Valentine's day during highschool was mine. She acted very polite and found it cute. She was also wondering why (back then) I never told her about my crush, because "who knows if it could have led to something".

We had a facetime reunion with some close classmates recently. This is how it went:

We had a moment to talk privately because the others were late. She was ecstatic to talk to me in person. She mentioned how I had become much more mature since our last talk and told me that her 3-year relationship with her boyfriend wasn't going well and that it would probably end soon. She said she was worried that after her relationship ends, she might not find someone who would want to settle down with her, or marry her. I acted polite and assured her that there will always be someone to settle down with, so she shouldn't worry. She then brought up my crush on her and told me that if I ever was to marry, I had to invite her to the wedding. This is when her closest friend (who just joined) jokingly told her: "Who knows, maybe you will be the lucky one". In a moment of shyness I replied: "Haha, she'd wish". We laughed a bit and then continued with other topics as our other friends started joining in.

So that's the entire situation. She always seems very interested in me and my life, and sometimes teases me about my crush on her. We often talk about relationships, so how can I tell if she's just being polite/curious or if she's trying to hint at me that she's interested? If so, what is the best next step?

[Avicenna]

Shoot your shot- ask her out and see what happens. You have nothing to lose.

[Kevsker]

I feel like us living in different countries really limits my opportunities to ask her out. We've not seen each other often these past 2 years, so I can't even confidently say she likes to physically be around me. I really value our friendship and I can accept us remaining friends if it's obvious that she doesn't have feelings for me. I say this because I've seen what confessing feelings can do to a friendship. It always gets awkward, even if both of them say they can remain friends. Long story short: I prefer only asking her out when I'm 80% sure she has feelings for me as well.

[Avicenna]

Sounds like you’ve answered your own question

[Kevsker]

You're right to a certain extent. I obviously understand that waiting forever is not the way to go, and eventually the best option is to just ask her out. The reason I asked this question is because maybe someone knows more about a similar situation and can help me understand the thought process of a woman. It could be that she's just teasing me as a friend, or she's trying to bait me into revealing more about my feelings.

[Anonymous]

Crushes are for teenagers. You should be well past that stage by now.

[Kevsker]

I don't have a crush on her anymore ;), just feelings now. When we left for university and our paths diverged, I accepted that it was time to move on and look for someone in my area. Unfortunately, where I live aren't that many women, and the few women that live here nerdy uni students (nothing wrong with that, just not my type). So when I started talking to her again and meeting up for the first time in a year, those feelings came back a little and now there's a slither of hope that we may still end up together. I'd just like to increase my chances but have no problem moving on again if that's necessary.

[Evananswersquestions]

Crushes aren't just for teenagers don't let them put you down. Feelings always start of on a weird shakey middle plane. I really suggest you ask her out she sounds very interested to me and worst case scenario at least you'll know how you both feel but I bet you she will feel the same way. Good luck 👍

[boobliker]

ask her what she is doing it for?

[Kevsker]

She's not the type to make fun of someone. She's pretty insecure and her joking about it might be a result of not knowing what to say, or she mentions it because it's on her mind and she wants to know more. Point is, I have absolutely no clue which one it is.

[Iron_Man]

It’s hard to say when they’re joking

[Kevsker]

It's more teasing than joking, we act pretty chill about it but there's just something about it that screams: "I want to put you on the spot to get your reaction and hopefully get more information on it"