Decided to rewrite since I felt like I didn't explain the situation well.
So this girl and I were classmates in highschool. We were both mature for our age and we teased/annoyed each other often. She was (and still is) very insecure, but I always understood her, so we were very close.
We both moved to different countries to study and we text each other once every few days via Whatsapp. We send memes or news articles and generally have a good laugh. Sometimes we discuss more private and serious things like relationships. I admitted to her once that a rose she received on Valentine's day during highschool was mine. She told me that was "her best day ever" and found it cute, but was wondering why I never said anything back then, because "who knows if it could have led to something". Since then she sometimes teases me about it.
We planned a facetime reunion recently. Everyone was late to it except us, so we had a private moment. She mentioned how I had become much more mature since our last talk and told me that her 3-year relationship with her boyfriend wasn't going well and that it would probably end soon. She said she was worried that after her relationship ends, she might not find someone who would want to settle down with her, or marry her. I acted polite and assured her that there will always be someone to settle down with, so she shouldn't worry. She appreciated it and we then continued with other topics as our friends started joining in.
What confuses me is that she becomes a little insecure/shy when she asks those things or mentions my feelings for her back then, so it becomes very hard for me to read what she is really trying to say or ask. Is she curious, flattered or testing my answers to those questions? Does she value my opinion on her personal life because I'm a good friend, or does she value my opinion because she likes me?
I just cannot tell those things apart, because she unintentionally hides her true intent behind her insecurity. Any advice?
Does this girl I talk to frequently tease me and ask me things because we're close friends, or because she likes me?
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It could be very well that she frequently brings it up because she still like you and you’ve made her feel something she can’t forget or isn’t experiencing with her current boyfriend.
You keep bringing up her insecurities to excuse her behavior/ mixed signal with you but what she’s doing is unfair to you and her current boyfriend. By what she’s telling you, it sounds like she’s unhappy in her current relationship and you’re an outlet for her so sometimes it may get deep and she finds comfort in you bc she’s not getting it from her own boyfriend and feels lonely.
To get some clarity, I would ask her why she brings such events and if she likes you in any other way other than a friend? Yeah it may be uncomfortable but if it truly bothers you/confused you then I would. If it’s truly a misunderstanding she should be able to tell you and you both should be able to laugh it off but if not any other reaction would be a tell tale sign that she’s using you to comfort herself.
I understand what you mean. When she told me about her failing relationship, it didn't feel like she was just venting to me. She mentioned it with a typical voice and tone that comes with insecurity. We often talk about serious and more private stuff like that, which is why I think it could also just be that she values my opinion as a close friend. But the immediate statement afterwards confused the hell out of me (the one about settling down and marriage). No matter how close my own friends would be to me, I wouldn't tell them I don't feel wanted or that I'm scared I'm never going to end up with someone. Yet she then proceeds to ask me to invite her to my wedding... Like what xD
Yeah all this just confirms that she’s lonely and is trying to find comfort talking to you. From the teasing to the personal/private stuff. The teasing may stem from her knowing she can do that with you.. the same way she can tell you about how her relationship isn’t well. Id let her know about the teasing that she’s been doing and ask her what’s going on. In this case the only way to know, would be to have a conversation.
Yesterday (after she once again teased me xD), I jokingly asked her: "So uhh... are you always gonna tease me with that rose thing? :P" and she replied with: "No, I'm so sorry if it annoyed you". We had a laugh about it but agreed on a clean slate from now on, so I guess I'll see how it goes. However, she then said that she can also be really sweet. I replied: "So can I (sometimes :P)", after which she wished me a good night with a 'face throwing a kiss' emoji. I'm way too confused lmao
Wait I’m confused, do you like her? Cause it looks like you were entertaining the flirting in this conversation. That doesn’t sound like a clean slate.
Yes, I do. I'm pretty sure she doesn't know I still do, but I would like to know if she has feelings for me as well so I can confidently ask her out. In my opinion I'm mature and I don't care about the teasing. I tried to get her to reveal the reason behind the teasing, but that didn't work I guess. She's sending so many mixed signals...
So you’re willing to break up another mans relationship? I just wanna know, if she’s teasing you like this.. while being in a relationship, what’s to say she won’t to another guy, if you two get together 🧐 If she’s entertaining you then she might like you or she just might like your attention, who knows. If you're man enough to break her relationship, you might as well be man enough to just ask her straight up if she likes you.. it legit wouldn’t be out of pocket since she doesn’t hide her flirting. I’m not sure id call you mature in this situation but this is what you want. Personally I wouldn’t deal with a girl like this but if this is what you want, go ahead. Let me know how it goes! :)
Her current relationship isn't going well and obviously I'm going to wait for that to end. If she stays with him, then that's her choice and I won't interfere. I'm not that kind of guy. I do agree that it's alarming if she is flirting while in a relationship, but what's to say that the entire reason she's being so vague is exactly because she's in a relationship? For now I think it's best to let the situation rest until she sorts things out in her relationship.
I'm just curious... why do you want to know if she's teasing him? Do enjoy teasing guys? I think women who tease are so awesome;)
I agree with the letting the situation rest till things get sorted out in their arrangement. Despite her being vague, she’s still emotionally reaching out to another guy and sending flirty messages. I wouldn’t call that vague especially with what you said.. she said. Many would consider that emotionally cheating.. I wouldn’t like if my boyfriend did that, so would you?
Well we've been friends for almost 10 years now and I know some women blow kisses (irl or over text) to people they just consider to be good friends. What's interesting though is that her attitude towards me has changed significantly since we left school. Maybe it's because we're both more mature now and she feels comfortable sharing her emotions with me, but she doesn't tend to do this to our other mutual friends. So that's why I think 2 very different situations are possible and nothing so far has made it clearer which of the 2 it is. At least not to me, but hey I may be missing a ton of hints here...
Sounds like she is just teasing you, but why not ask her?