Did I do the right thing by denying him the money?

[Anonymous]

I come from culture where you should always help your parents and never say no to them.

My dad asked me to lend him 10 000usd. He’s building a house. This summer we went to holiday together and I paid both of our plane tickets (he said he’s credit card is not working and he will pay me later). Still I haven’t got 850usd back that he promised to pay me back. I do understand things got in the way (our grandpa died and now he’s started to build this house)

10 000 is a lot of money and is half of all of my savings. I’ve grown up in very dysfunctional family and learn from very little that I have to be independent and not seek help from others. My parents divorced when I was 11. I’ve lived alone since I was 23. I’m 29 now.

this causing me a lot of anxiety because I might not get my money back or it will take long time. He’s been guilt tripping me. This year so far I’ve already lend 1600usd to my family (my dad and my siblings)

[Oliverlogan263]

That's a super tough situation. On the one hand you don't want to let your dad down, but 10 grand is a heck of a lot of money to loan someone. Couple things I'm thinking:

- He still owes you $850 from before, so that's not a good sign he'd pay you back the 10k on time.

- You worked hard for your savings and need to look out for yourself first. Can't set yourself on fire to keep others warm, ya know?

- It sounds like there's been dysfunction in your family before, so trusting him completely with such a big loan is risky.

I think for now you made the right call saying no. Maybe offer a smaller loan if he needs it, but protect your assets. Could you suggest helping in other ways, like hiring a contractor yourself instead of the cash? That way the money gets used on the house but you stay in control. Tough spot, trust your gut and do what you feel is best for YOUR future. You gotta take care of yourself here first.

[slatyb]

At 35 you should have more than $20,000 saved. Is that just your liquid assets? Do you have a separate retirement account?

Do not continue giving them money, or you will have nothing left for yourself when you are retiring.

[Asker]

It’s not my real age. I’m younger

[slatyb]

The second part still applies -- do not give money to irresponsible people. Try to get about six months of expenses saved in liquid assets. Good luck.

[Asker]

At the age of 29 how much should I have in my savings?

[Tim2nice]

Don’t lend him the money. Parents asking their children for money is not right. He’s meant to help you, not the other way round

[Anonymous]

Yeah, only do it if you could get a legal contract to get a portion of the house at the end

[Asker]

Do you think he’s trying to take advantage of me?

[Opinion Owner]

Possibly especially if he's not repaying the already outstanding balance

[Asker]

No he hasn’t. He said that all of the money later

[Asker]

He’ll pay me*

[Opinion Owner]

I'd only do it with a contract like that so if say the project fails you have a percentage of the land at least to recoup your funds

[Iron_Man]

What will you do exactly?

[Asker]

He want me to lend money and I said no to him. And now he’s hurt about it

[Iron_Man]

That’s why I’m asking you what will you do? You have a decision to make