Is toxic femininity/masculinity a lot more harmful to someone of the opposite gender than it is to your own?

[Anonymous]

Like anyone I’ve seen and experienced both toxic masculinity and femininity from both men and women in my life. But I have far fewer hang ups about other men being assholes vs. dealing with bitchy women who pull toxic feminine bs. Reason being is I know how men think. That’s doesn’t mean I give other guys a pass for acting like douchebags. But I can handle antagonistic men a lot easier vs. antagonist women.

But when a woman does that crap it’s much harder to handle it and process it. Given that I am man I don’t naturally understand how women think so I takes me longer to catch on to bs behavior. I also find that toxic femininity is much more sneaky and damaging long term. Women do a better job has subtle about it and it takes me longer to figure out what they are doing.

For example I know many women will “shit test” men especially in dating. It’s not fair but it’s a biological impulse most women just have. It’s not intentionally meant to harm men but test them. However there are also very antagonistic horrible women who just have no respect for men. However they take advantage of “oh I’m a woman” as an excuse for that bs. It makes a lot of men including myself hesitate to fight back and it is toxic femininity.

However I can also see how women have a harder time understanding if a man unknowingly being rude vs. figuring out if he is a true asshole. But a lot more attention has been called to men who act this way over the years (intentional or not). However very little is still being said about toxic femininity and it definitely can harm people.

Updates

3 mo

I think some people misread what I was really trying to get at here the second I used the word “toxic”.

[picachixa]

They both can be just as harmful. For instance, I lost very very close relative to depression. That whole side of the family are extremely strict when it comes to "men have to be this way" my relative was not this way but because of this culture, he had noone to look for to help. I lived away, this is actually why I moved away from that family. And I have soooo many regrets of not reaching out. And so much anger towards that side of the family. Iv cut them out completely after this.

In another is toxic feminity. My mother suffered a lot with my father due to this. I remember growing up she was almost a slave to him because of the stereotype of "how women should be". And where I come from, toxic feminity is big. Women end up killing themselves for it aswell. I know my grandmother's neighbor ate poison while pregnant and died along with her unborn child because, she had gotten pregnant before marriage. Which is VERY a no for women in my culture. And it happens a lot cus in my country women have to be meek, small and obedient.


In America I have felt the pressure of toxic feminity in different ways. In here women have to be independent, they must work and if you have kids, its almost frowned upon. All of this is due to all that feminism going on. And for me sometimes it does take a toll on me and my mental state. Because I am a woman that chooses to stay home and care for my husband. Mind you my husband is Asian. So it's even worse in asia. I get that "ewww" look when I say I don't work and stay with the kids and care for my husband. Sometimes I feel alone. Because I feel I can't share my emotions with anyone when it comes to being a stay at home mom. Because I just get the "thats what you get for choosing to be dependent". It has gone as far as to make me feel insecure and think less of myself.


So in general I think all of this is so harmful in many many ways not just one more than the other.

[JTPeterson]

I’m in a similar situation myself as your one family member who lost his battle with depression so I completely agree with you

[Anonymous]

What you encountered from your deccribtion are toxic women. NOT toxic feminity. It doesn't make your experience better but its not the same.
For your question: toxic feminity generally is more harmful towards the women themselve and to a lesser extend to the close environment e. G. Family in the long run.
Toxic masculinity is more harmful towards other people mostly towards women but other men as well.

[Asker]

Most young men are not trained to look out and deal with toxic femininity. At least not to the same extent young women are. That’s starting to change now but it’s coming slowly.

Also a few differences. As a man I rather get in a fight and get beat up in private vs. being publicly humiliated yet physically unharmed. I can process and move on much easier from the former incident vs the latter. And think it’s the reverse for most women though.

[ManOnFire]

Great details here, you expressed your situation very well, and it's okay if you feel like you struggle to handle women. Because a lot of men do, which is not really their fault, men are taught to allow women to mistreat them. Men are taught that standing up to women is "misogynist" and that as a man you are supposed to just take their punches. This is a wrong idea and it's why a lot of guys struggle with handling them. Men fear that not taking a woman's crap will make her hate him, block him, stop talking to him, or leave him entirely.

To answer your question, I believe that toxic femininity/masculinity is more harmful to the opposite sex. Because the opposite genders are the ones who are supposed to come together sexually, romantically, and to build a home. And when one is being toxic to the other the damage is significant. But yes, no one talks about toxic femininity because they want to believe it doesn't exist, or at the least, isn't an issue.

[D_Bone_Steak]

It's a huge cope from whatever gender that gets toxic.

I had the privilege of listening to my Mom say how much us men are pieces of shit every day. Naturally, now I know women are shit too after years of experience. It's the reason I get paid more in fact. Because everybody knows they are a pain in the ass.

But there I was... listening to how stupid my gender is, how pathetic we are, and all of that shit... here I am with a fucking Honk Honkler the Clown profile pic and I will tell you 99 things wrong with women without mentioning one dick.

I don't even need to go down that list... you, observers, and the trans motherfuckers all know my beefs with women already. They rape each other more than men do! Did you know that?

I fucking didn't know that shit.

[D_Bone_Steak]

TL;DR I'm too artistic to read that wall of text... and... I'm drunk.

[Anonymous]

Women are so cringe trying to be strong and independent, like sure work hard and be independent I’m not saying to rely on guys or men for success or a will to live on earth. But when I say it’s cringe they do things that turn me off. Examples trying to be masculine, pushing some warped female/femcel/feminist agenda. They’ll get triggered guys have an opinion on abortion but laugh about castration. It’s disgusting and disturbing. A girl who’s lost while God blesses her with money and a good job getting to travel snd living life and still acting awful makes me realize guys should never pursue females like that for marriage. God is watching and there will come a point in time where another world war and Great Depression will happen and invoke fear in women. I wonder how many women will raise their hand to fight in war? Women will pull that feminine card sooo fast of “I want kids” so I can’t fight in war. World War 3 should happen because fear rattles the core of people to change. And in this ignorant, idiotic ideological world we live in, sometimes it’s a wake up call. I don’t mean to sound messed up but it’s the truth.

[Joshydavid25]

I don't think there's toxic masculinity or femininity because neither in of itself is toxic.. Just toxic people who happen to be men and women and do toxic things the revolve within being men and women.. But I agree with your general idea.. Toxic women are often overlooked except by the people they are being toxic towards..

[JacobJordan]

It is harmful across the board. Toxic feminity has begun painting all women in a bad light to the point men are seeking elsewhere for wives. And same for toxic masculinity. One can be masculine without being a cunt. And one can be feminine without being a cunt.

[wiltingrosepetal]

I'm not judging your point or anything but the wording made me chuckle. If men are turned away from all women then how do they find their wives 'elsewhere'? Animals? Robots? Cross-dressing men? lmao

[Inbox]

@wiltingrosepetal He’s referring to women internationally or from different backgrounds.

[JacobJordan]

@wiltingrosepetal guess I need to spell it out. What part of the world has toxic masculinity or femininity? What part (s) of the world do not? If toxic femininity or masculinity is prevalent in the part of the world it is present would one not presume "all" (meaning most) are the same and as a result come to the conclusion that seeking elsewhere (parts that do not have the prevalence for toxic femininity and masculinity) for a partner is a good idea?

Perhaps this... toxic masculinity and femininity exists almost exclusively in the United States. As a result many men and some women are leaving to find love and relationships outside the US. I married an Eastern European and the funny part is the women in Eastern Europe know their place. And any man marrying an Eastern European woman knows his place and if he doesn't that woman will inform him of his place expeditiously. My wife takes care of basically everything related to the emotional, mental and nutritional health of our family. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, keeping the kids occupied etc. Meanwhile I take care of the financial, physical and social side of the family. In addition we help each other with the opposing things. For example I cook regularly as I am actually the better cook and baker due to being taught how to do both from an early age. However times like now when I am working on major additions to our house it is my wife's responsibility to cook, clean, cloth, etc herself our 3 kids and me.

[Obdnthouseboy]

@wiltingrosepetal what ! Men go elsewhere like the countries that men presently are flocking to to find woman that hate toxic feminism there in the Philippines Taiwan China Thailand all the struggling countries.

[wiltingrosepetal]

you guys realise i was making a joke, right

[JacobJordan]

@wiltingrosepetal well you asked a question, you got an answer.

[wiltingrosepetal]

You said men don't want to marry women but still find wives. It was comedic phrasing. My question was rhetorical

[JacobJordan]

@wiltingrosepetal rhetorical questions don't have question marks in text format...

[wiltingrosepetal]

you are fun at parties..

[JacobJordan]

@wiltingrosepetal not sure what parties have to do with anything aside from the childish attempt at an insult. Fact of the matter is toxic femininity or masculinity is not the topic to be taking lightly or in jest given it is currently destroying America.

[Anonymous]

It depends on what your preference are like myself as a man woman I have dated have said to me I’m like dating a girl with the wrong plumbing and some women preferred that others do not so it really depends on what you prefer and what they prefer it can be very toxic or it can be very good

[TheGuyWhoKnowsStuff]

It is more harmful to the individual youth exposed to it than anything. They lack the experience, maturity and mindset to be able to protect themselves.

[Phoenix98]

No such thing as toxic masculinity or toxic femininity.

There's just being a dick, being a bitch and being toxic in general.

[Asker]

Thanks Phoenix. I had a lot of people say “there is no such thing”. I get it that people are sick of the word “toxic” being overused like hypochondriacs.

But let’s be honest there ARE stereotypical negative female and male characteristics. Society has put a spotlight on negative male traits for the last decade or so but rarely on negative female traits. But negative female traits are no less damaging.

[Phoenix98]

There are and I’m not saying those don’t exist but they are few and far between 90% of the time of a girl or guy is like that it’s not because of some toxic masculinity or femininity but rather because they’re just a terrible person.

The whole toxic masculinity thing was made up to get women to hate guys then guys made the term toxic femininity to get back at women all those terms do is divide men and women.

[Anonymous]

There is no such thing as "toxic femininity/masculinity". There is toxic behavior and both men and women do it. Trying to assign it to one sex or the other is divisive and... well, toxic.

[Anonymous]

Stay off the internet. In reality, either rarely exists in the real world. I have never come across either.

[Asker]

I’ve worked in female dominated jobs twice in my life and I definitely experienced that crap in the past. I’ll never work at job where there are more women then men again.

[boobliker]

as a man of 69 yes it is to me
I held a door for a young lady and f***off man don't do it

[Anonymous]

No such thing as toxic masculinity/toxic femininity.

[Asker]

I used to say the same thing. But since modern feminists came up and will never give up on the “toxic masculinity” phrase then I say “alright toxic femininity exist too…. fair is fair”. If they want that route they are going to discover it’s a 2 way street.

[Opinion Owner]

I aspire to be better