Girls, my wife has some cycles of depressions and she says she feels like crying every 3-4 days?

[Anonymous]

It's going on since we are together (7 years). Initially i was not sure why is that but now i get super stressed because, she yells at me later on, and blame me for things, and now I started getting affected a lot. She says its normal and every woman goes through it. Is this really normal? If yes, how often you have this feeling and what intensity? Please help

[roxbby]

I get depressed a week every month based on my menstrual cycle—a few days before my period and the first few days after it w starts. I get a major attitude, and I get very upset and irritable. However, I do tend to contain myself. The most I’ll do is an aggressive tone of voice or silent treatment or an angry face. Anything that makes me upset 3/10 gets increased to 8/10 during this period of time. I don’t yell, but it’s also a ridiculous amount of willpower. I usually keep myself quiet because I know I will do and say things I will regret, so my boyfriend feels bad he can’t make me happy at the most.



I still end up repairing the situation afterwards and also give my boyfriend a heads-up before it starts so he isn’t caught by surprise.


She might need to better improve her health physically/mentally if it’s getting exhausting on you. You need to communicate that with her.

[Asker]

"so my boyfriend feels bad he can’t make me happy at the most."

I am exactly feeling the same, critsizing myself badly after every episode, and I literally hate myself. I feel like she doesn't deserve me anymore.

I have communicated with her a lot and she understands but cannot fix. God bless, I feel miserable.

[roxbby]

Well, hating yourself in a relationship is not a good sign. At all. That even sounds abusive. However, there is no cookie cutter answer here. There are a number of things you can do based on your patience. The first thing is to get her into therapy. Help her figure out her issues. The next thing is to learn how to manage yourself and learning how to deal with your thoughts. The thoughts that you’re not good enough are absolutely not true. However, if that isn’t possible, consider your options for leaving depending on how long this has been going. You might be screwing yourself up mentally, and future you might want to leave as fast as possible because of the damage. Or maybe you want to fight for it. But there is no right or wrong answer. You need to choose that. I personally wouldn’t be able to deal with this, though. We are compatible with lots of people in this life, so make it an experience worthwhile. I always have the mentality of, “If you couldn’t change this person, would you still be with them?” Lots of people who endure abuse keep thinking about the potential, when in fact, it’s just them thinking, “I’d do that in their situation.” It’s their potential, not their partner’s. Abusive partners tend to be going through hard things, but it shouldn’t be dragging on others. If a woman had an abusive husband who made her feel like trash and emotionally manipulated her, then everyone would say for her to leave. You’re being mentally abused whether it’s intentional or unintentional. You’re a nice doormat for her to express herself. I’ve had my fair share of mental health issues and never yelled at my boyfriend. I always contained myself. It’s a matter of self control, and my mood swings are near insanity in that week-long time period. I’ve been yelled at my entire childhood, and I know the insane stress of it. I have extremely horrible stress levels because I’ve been used to being stressed out because I’d get yelled over everything as a child. You know the answer…

[Superreader]

The fact that it is affecting you like this is abnormal. Your wife may have depression or some other treatable mental health diagnosis. I would suggest getting a referral to a behavioral therapist along with a screening for depression and anxiety.

[Asker]

I posted it here to learn "if this is normal for women" so others can comment, and I understand reasons. What you have said is what I already know.

[Superreader]

Yes, it is not exactly normal and your wife needs help