Mixed signals from a long-time friend?

[DishLady]

24M brings a girl home (22F) who really just "gets" him and she spends a lot of time with his mom, culminating in her buying the mom a really snazzy Mother's Day gift... After the girl leaves the mom asks her son what's going on between him and the girl... but he insists they're just friends. The mom asks if the GIRL knows they're just friends... bc it seems like the girl really went out of her way with the gift... The son shrugs it off, though.

Where I come from, taking the time to get something that fancy (a designer serving platter) when the kid doesn't make a very decent salary shows that she's going out of her way to be kind to the guy's family... show respect to the people he values... and is trying to let them know she likes the guy.

What do you guys think?

Updates

11 mo

Looks like she got sick of waiting for him. He just asked her to meet up and she blew him off. Too bad bc she was a real sweetie. 😔

[ryanrhino]

Absolutely she likes the guy...

or she just really likes the mom (but not in the same way, of course).

Time AND attention are two most precious activities and, I guess, possessions we have to give.

[DishLady]

She and the mom did get on really well. Backstory: The girl wanted to learn how to make fancy cheese and wine events for her friends and the mom is the sort to make a fancy platter out of whatever scraps happen to be in the fridge/pantry. The girl would come over every week to learn a new thing before going out with the guy friend. So the fancy gift was a very nice personal "thank you" for all the time they spent fussing over making platters together. It's rather upsetting to see that the son is so blind to the girl's attention. He likes her a lot, but as a friend. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[TonyMetal___86]

I believe so miss dish, same as you!

Why does the guy considers her as just a friend, also why the girl had to pay this much for a gift to his mother while she didn't have to, it seems like there's a love growing but only from one side.

[DishLady]

They've known each other for a while now, so perhaps that's it? Yes, actually the mom has declared that the first use of the fancy platter requires that the girl come over to help set up the nice cheese-and-wine at the house. (Traditionally with something like this, first use is respectfully made when the gift-giver comes back to the house so they see how much you love the gift.)

[TonyMetal___86]

😁👍🏻
Wine and cheese miss dish 😄

[DishLady]

I know... it was a dish... My god... I'll never escape my G@G handle. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

[Crimsyjo]

Yh one side unrequited love here. She wants him. He is happy in the friendzone. A guy interested in a gal would not leave it at that.

[DishLady]

Yeah, agreed. It’s too bad bc she’s a real sweetie and clearly cares for him a lot — and he’s v protective of her, but 🤷🏻‍♀️.

[Crimsyjo]

It's not impossible. Maybe after enough disasters he will come to appreciate her and decide to "settle". Maybe it will work. Or the whole thing will get messy. Or she will find a man who appreciates her and her friend will have regrets.
Life has a hundred ways of playing out and people will do what they wanna do! Good friends just be there whatever the outcome without casting judgement. 🙂

[DishLady]

Hopefully not disasters... or "settle". Guys who settle don't end up staying with the girl... they both end up miserable. For now, it's nice that they're at least close friends and care about one another -- a person to confide in honestly. Plus the mom likes the girl for dragging the son out of his conservative shell. My one thought is that perhaps they're too close to each other right now and need space to re-evaluate or transition from "friend" status to something romantic.

[OfMiceandMen]

I would say she likes him. No one would go to that expense and time to pick out that type of gift just to be friends in the end.

She likely figures, get on the mother's good side and it'll impress him.

[OlderAndWiser]

I agree. Sounds like the girl is trying to score major points with the mom and her son.

[OlderAndWiser]

Response to update: that is the consequence of guys playing games.

[DishLady]

Tbh he hasn’t dated a lot so I don’t think he intentionally was playing games. He’s just on the clueless side.

[BoobMan]

Yeah--100% she's WAAAAAAYYYY into the dude. Also sounds like the guy is wholly uninterested. What a mess!

[DishLady]

That's what I thought too. I suggested he go talk to the girl nicely.

[BoobMan]

Sounds like it's reached a reasonable resolution.

[DishLady]

Yeah... I'm a little sad about it tbh. They understand each other and would have been very cute together. But a girl her age is in her prime and looking for a guy who is willing to be more assertive and knows what he wants. (In the guy's defense, he doesn't want to have a serious girlfriend till his job situation is less fluid, so it's not completely insane, it's just... circumstances, you know?)

[BoobMan]

Eh--I disagree with that idea that you don't want a serious girlfriend until your job situation is less fluid. If you have a good one, you hold on to it with both hands. Having a good job situation will make it easier to attract a girl, but if you've already done that part then just go with the relationship and sort out work as it comes.

[DishLady]

Yeah, I totally agree with you, but that's what these kids would call "an older person's perspective." (Welcome to the dark side dear friend.)

I think he's more into the idea of "taking care of" a girl, especially if it's this girl who he's known and been friends with forever.

Having said that, I've seen a lot of guys finish med school, law school or business school and then ditch the faithful girlfriend who was with them throughout the hard bits of their training to chase some little twinky from the internship/fellowship program they're suddenly in.

So... one day at a time. At least he's being respectful towards her and not stringing her along, which would be worse in my opinion.

[BoobMan]

Fair enough!

[Dongie]

True.