Girlfriend staying out till 5am?

[AntonioPorter]

Girls... am I being irrational or not?

My girlfriend (39) & I (46) are at the 10 month mark.

In short, when she goes out sometimes it's untill well past 2am. Most of the time it's 3-6am. She says everything is okay, she's safe, she's with friends, she's with couples, etc.

I don't need to know what she's doing every minute of the day/night, and I don't want her taking time away from her friends just to satisfy my curiosity with constant updates. I'm not a jealous man, but I'm very protective by nature and she is fully aware of this. To her credit she's doing better at including me (via texts & videos) in her partying since we discussed things a few months back. But... when she goes out there always seems to be SOMETHING that introduces a break in the communication during the night. This last time (last night) it was a cellular provider outage that effected a vast region, aka bad signal, so messages couldn't go through for 4+ hrs. The time before that it was a dead cell phone, the time before that she lost track of time.

These things are circumstantial and aren't really what bother me. If they ended with her safe at home at a decent hour I wouldn't be writing this post. However each one ended after 5am...

So my question is this: Is it normal for a partner to stay out this late?

Now, some more details:

1. We're in a LDR. I live in Cabo and she lives in Guadalajara

2. I'm American, she's Mexican

3. She's has a VERY exotic look, I mean drop dead gorgeous. By all rights well out of my league.

4. She lives, and goes out, in a very dangerous city. Kidnappings are commonplace, her ex was abducted twice for money.

I worry dearly for her safety. She tells me where she goes, but as we know plans change, after parties etc. I don't know who she's with, where they're going, is the cab driver is safe, if she's monitoring her drinks, and a hundred other things.

I'm sure I'm leaving some details out, so if you need any more info before advising anything, feel free to ask.

Updates

1 y

I'll add that this is the 1st relationship I've been in in well over 10 years, so I'm a little rusty with this whole dating thing. I don't want to cast her in a bad light, I just want clarity. I also understand there are cultural differences at play here and I'm working hard to keep those differences in mind before making any harsh decisions.

[BetaBucks]

How much money are you giving her? It sounds like you might be her mark. It also sounds like you need to start going out as much as she does. Let her chase after you for communication. Instead of being the sucker simp that sits at home, by your phone, all night, hoping for some little indicator that you're wrong in thinking she's out getting railed by other dudes. She knows this is the score too. You should probably start hitting the gym and updating your wardrobe now.

[AntonioPorter]

HAHA! That's actually a quite comical response. I don't give her any money, she's quite accomplished in her own 2 businesses. She has her own place, vehicles, she very well traveled and has been university educated in Spain. You're probably right re: going out as much as she does, it's just not my thing any longer but I will take that in consideration. I do, after all, live in Cabo San Lucas... Your wardrobe comment/attempted insult, actually rings true. However regarding the gym, that's an area that I am leaps and bounds beyond most 25yr olds.

[BetaBucks]

Ah, that's good man. At least she's not hustling you, so you only have to worry about her playing you. I wasn't insulting your wardrobe lol. If you're insecure about your relationship, it's best to work on self improvement. Wardrobe and physique are the easy ways.

Sucks that you don't want to go out anymore. It would make you feel better and make her respect you a bit more. Plus, you won't be sitting at home, by your phone, waiting for her anymore. Less anxiety.

[handsomelad70]

You say she's "out of your league." Perhaps, but you're a boy and you can find other girls who won't use you as this broad seems to be doing.

[exitseven]

I do not know what she is doing out at that time of night. It could be what she says and she is with her friends and this is normal behavior for her or else she could have something going on the side.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[SweetJoyGirl]

She is cheating. Break up with her and move on.

I am sorry, love. 💜

[AntonioPorter]

Ouch... I was really hoping to not get this response...

[SweetJoyGirl]

Yea, but her actions clearly show it.
I am sorry. ;-;

[Nikki1989]

You are in a LDR. She can do whatever she wants.

[AntonioPorter]

Hmmm... that's not something I took into consideration when we started dating :-/

[BetaBucks]

Listen to Nikki, Antonio. She can do whatever she wants. And so can you. Go out partying every night, til the morning, with other girls, and stop worrying about what your girlfriend is doing. You're supposed to have your own life, and there's nothing your girlfriend can say or do about it.

It's Saturday. Go get a new outfit and hit the bars and clubs with some other girls. You'll feel better too.

[DrPepper12]

I don't know. Sounds insecure tbh.

[AntonioPorter]

I know there's a certain level of insecurities involved, and I'm keeping those in check. That's one reason why I'm here asking complete strangers if this is normal behavior and not approaching her. It doesn't help that both times I was cheated on in my past it involved girlfriends meeting someone while out with their friends after the bars closed. Granted that was a loooong time ago, but it's still there.

[BetaBucks]

Would you feel any differently if they were married? I'm wondering if the relationship status is the main reason why people are against OP, or if it's something else I'm missing.

[DrPepper12]

@BetaBucks not sure. Past plays a role to be sure.