I ghosted my best friend of 14 years because she was acting like a frenemy. Should I just continue to move on?

[Anonymous]

Basically the relationship we had started to feel off. Something just felt weird. There was a point in the past where I had felt similar vibes and during those times it was eventually reavealed to me that the cause was due to some bad behavior on her end. One time I can remember she gave me a weird vibe and ended up getting caught red handed talking about me behind my back. I forgave her because she cried and promised not to do it again. Another weird vibe I got was that she would belittle me, and she eventually confessed that she had done so out of jealousy. Well I chose to forgive her again. I thought we were in some teen phases and that those things could one day be just something to look back at and laugh about together. Except the weird vibe came back, and this time I started to tally up the strange vibe and watch for signs that I just HATED about her. Things she said or did that bothered me became so noticeable. She would put down the music I listened to, the way my hair or makeup looked, the people I hung out with, and when it seeped into criticizing my relationship I just could take it so I confronted her. She denied that she had said anything offensive so I just blocked her. That was 2 months ago. Honestly I didn't intend to ghost her I just needed space. But over the last 2 months I didn't get any urge to reach back out even though she was my only friend. I don't feel like we can talk about the real problem because she denied that she was being offensive and I just didn't think she could accept responsibility for something she refused to admit. It's not just about the remark she made about my boyfriend it's about everything over the years and the fact that the "phase" was clearly her true colors all along. But should i give her closure or try to talk one more time? I love her, but I'm tired of the frenemy behavior.

Updates

1 y

I admit that i felt like I started to try to "give her a taste of her own medicine." I started doing the things she did to me back to show her how it felt. I was also a humble person growing up but I started bragging more on my accomplishment to point out that her comments couldn't break me. But that was petty behavior. My actual attempt to finally address things was when I confronted her. That was a genuine attempt to fix things. Her denying the truth just pushed me away

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow girl, that's a lot to deal with from your supposed best friend of over a decade. You definitely don't deserve to be put down or belittled, especially over stuff that's important to you like music, style or your relationship. It takes guts to confront someone on that, but avoiding dealing with real issues was never gonna make things better.

From what you've said, it really does seem like the frenemy behavior was her true self coming out more over time. As much as that sucks, you don't need that kind of toxicity dragging you down. Cutting her off was probably the healthy choice when she refused to even acknowledge her part.

At this point, I don't think reopening things would do any good unless she was willing to have a legit heart-to-heart. And it doesn't sound like she's capable of that. You gave it an honest effort by confronting her respectfully, and she denied and deflected. For your own well-being, it's best to leave it there and continue moving forward surrounded by people who truly support you.

You don't owe her closure, especially since her actions are what caused this rift. If anything, remaining no contact shows you won't tolerate being treated that way anymore. Stay strong sis - you've got this! Focus on surrounding yourself with real friends who make your days brighter.

[Firestar01]

Ugh... how do I even start with this one.

There is no such thing as a "frenemy". You are either friends or not.

If you are, then you should be able to sit down and talk shit out.

If not, then being petty about the other person's distasteful behaviour helps nobody. Just move the hell on.

Your description of the events sound like you were two bickering brats. Sheesh.

[Caroline91]

How about giving both of you closure? I don't think ghosting is ever a good or kind thing to do. I had a situation with a friend of many years standing that caused me to end the friendship. I told her I didn't feel we had any way to move forward and continue our friendship and wished her well. Then I eliminated all contact information and moved on. It was difficult because we had been so close for years, but it was also a relief. And because I didn't ghost her, I have no residual back and forth feelings.

[Anonymous]

I think a gift basket of facial mask and shampoo spiked with clothing dye should be in her future

[Anonymous]

You both have some growing up to do.