Guys, how would you feel if it was socially taboo (punishable by ostracizing) to ask Women out?

Question

So probably some if you are gonna say “hey yeah women ask me out awesome 😃 I don’t have to do anything…”

They just come up to me. Let’s gooooo 🥳 but.. that is not how it works.

You may like someone. You may be uncertain if they like you. They may be really shy. They may take a long time to get to asking you out. They may play games. They may assume you don’t like them…You.. may be in limbo for months. & yeah, you can just move on but___how often have you REALLY been interested in someone and then just said OK I’ll just move on because you know, ‘they’re not saying anything’🫤

It’s normal and healthy to go after what you want within reason. and even if you have someone out and they say no, there’s a satisfaction in that there’s dignity and knowing that you made an effort, you did what you could you tried your best and now you haven’t answer and you can move on and get on with your life.

That is an entirely different feeling to just kind of waiting around and seeing nothing really happening. You’re not sure but you’re pretty sure.. it’s almost like you’re pretty much sure…finally you just kind of fade off into the future, without closure, Knowing you did nothing.

Maybe your dream girl will ask you out. Maybe she’ll do it fast, maybe not 🤷🏻‍♀️ the point is you relinquish agency to her.

Getting a yes, is absolutely the best thing but no is a very close. Second nothing or confusion is the absolute worst.

So I’m not asking you how would you enjoy being asked out—I’m saying how would you feel if it was socially unacceptable for you to ask women out. That maybe they will, maybe they won’t but you can’t do anything on your own or you can but then people will think you’re a loser and women won't date you because they think you’re weak or Desperate bc you ashes them out.

How would you feel in the situation? Try to be honest. You might like it but think about it realistically… the pros, the cons etc and tell me how you feel.

Thank you.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

It would pretty much be the same thing on how it is today for the most part , we would just have to wait for a girl to ask us out and decide whether we want to be with her or not? sadly it will mainly just be one sided , and not many relationships will be formed if that’s how it was. If we can’t share our feelings to each other. then there would be no point of relationships period , She can basically have the relationship all by herself if that was the case. Us guys’ would probably just fuck her but we wouldn’t commit to her, especially if a better looking girl comes along that wants us as well. Relationships are formed by 2 people choosing each other , prioritizing each other , valuing each other , staying loyal to each other , without having that with someone? You have nothing. Just a convenience basically. Which sadly a lot of people tend to do to each other these days. Finding someone that chooses you the same way you choose them is sadly hard to come by these days , Mainly because every single one of us has selfishness inside of ourselves only wanting things our way , and how dare someone tell you? You were wrong? Most people can’t admit when they are wrong period , it’s always someone else’s’ fault , but never themselves. So relationships would actually be pointless if it was one sided. I am perfectly fine being single , so for a girl wanting to be close to me and wanting my heart? She has to choose Me the same way I choose her , if not? Her and I have nothing. Basically thanks for a good time but not a long time. And sadly if that was the case ,? a lot of guys’ wouldn’t get girls’ at all because girls’ would only be chasing after guys’ for their looks , not their heart.

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

It’s not wrong to ask someone out as long as you’re not making unwanted sexual advances asking someone out isn’t sexual harassment. If she’s a bitch about it yeah it sucks but be glad you dodged a bullet.

I think both sexes if they want someone they should stop sitting around waiting on someone else. All they’re doing is waiting too long on someone until they move on and find someone else. Then they’re frustrated when they still don’t have anyone seeing the person they wanted move on. Even if you’re rejected it’s possible but you have closure you don’t ever have to wonder what could have been, and even more then that you aren’t wasting your time on someone whose not even into you and will never approach you.

You’re right people should go after what they want if they’re turned down just leave it be. If they don’t give you a direct answer then the balls in his/her court at that point.

As far as being asked out it would depend on whose asking me out. I wouldn’t want to kill a persons confidence I would nicely turn her down.

As far as asking people out I am not the type to really approach strangers. If there was divine intervention telling me she’s my soulmate maybe that would be different. But for me it takes time to build a connection.

WriteOn · Accepted Answer

Well, I'm a woman, and I'm also old enough to remember that, "girls were deemed slutty" if you asked a guy out. Thus, socially frowned upon- (except maybe the guy asked) so my thought is, you'd deal, pass a secret note or find some other way around the issue.

Like we did- ;)

Apple1996 · Accepted Answer

Isn't it already that way? 😆 I think it's icky af for a guy to make a move on a girl

MisterWack · Answer

Ummm at my school, I had these girls bully me claiming I liked a girl when I didn’t…. Then asked her out for me after I said no…..

Which might’ve been because the hidden motive of the girl sabotaging my friendship would be so, she can have me to herself though I have no evidence of that. Only a hunch since she blurted out that she had a crush on me….

Realistic07 · Answer

Honestly the social dynamic that you speak of is only taboo; because people have determined that they cannot choose to be different than the group. It really is a sheep mentality that one person cannot do this thing; because normally it is not done, and it is completely legal to do it.

I don’t know I’ve just never invest into that mentality no matter how common it may be. How would I feel if I was ostracized for asking someone out it’s happened In life to me, and many thousands of other people, men and women alike. How does it feel? Typically for many pretty crappy. For me, I didn’t appreciate it, but I also didn’t really care; because nobody gets to tell me what I can, and cannot do short of me having committed a crime.

Its a common human mentality to do as the crowd does or what the crowd says to do. Often those who turn away from that mentality are ostracized for their beliefs, but that is the risk we take being ourselves. Many times those same people are those who will set new trends, social statements, or even change social dynamics within small or large masses.

Does that mean everybody should be unique? Well, let’s define unique which is traditionally defined as different, and or alternative to the norm. The big kicker being we are all uniquely who we are. Not everyone is the same, and we do not share the same mentality about things.
So I would say we already are unique, and we always have been. Being unique is a character trait of evolution with an in itself.

So when we perpetuate within ourselves, the mentality that we cannot do things such as asking someone out because of a fictitious social taboo. Then ultimately we continue to spread that taboo to an extent that it might even become violent or create negative outcomes for ourselves, and even for other people regardless. These outcomes are often byproducts of being unique in a judgmental society. That said, I would rather be uniquely me, and shunned for it. Than to not be who I am and be miserable in life. If I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t, I might as well go for it especially if it’s nothing illegal. Oddly enough that mentality is only now in days becoming a very popular format of thought. The ability to rise above the tide, the thought that one thing doesn’t have to be just one thing, the reality that often times we are all changing all at the same time every single day of every single moment. All of these mentalities are only now starting to sink into society.

In my humble opinion, this question is more of a Question of choice. Be the meek that others would have you be, and choose not to follow your heart or choose to be who you are, and take the risk of whatever may come of it knowing that you may be rejected, but standing strong & tall in your decisions.

These are two very common choices that we have to make every single day in school, at work, at different events, the list goes on. Ultimately, we have to scale for ourselves when to do things, and when not to. Other people like to try to have a say or would like to have a say, but the reality is it’s just not their problem, nor should one invest any time into listening to random judgment from random people who really don’t matter in the long run, and often more than not, will not affect the individual.

People have more strength than we give ourselves credit. I always tell people it doesn’t matter what the world says You are, and it doesn’t matter what the world wants you to be; because the only person that gets to choose the path that one walks is the individual themselves. We can walk the straight and narrow being Narrow-minded; because it was made that way by a society that’s overly judgmental or we can choose our own path.
That path often fraught with turns, and hurdles, but I’d rather take the indirect path; because when we’re talking about life, everybody’s end is the same. we die that’s the end. That said the journey does not have to be the same as what everybody else would have you make it.

So to more directly, answer your question whether people think I’m a loser, want to make judgments behind my back or even to my face. It just doesn’t matter, and I don’t have to let it matter either. All I have to do is make the choice i choose, and move on good or bad.

I can’t control other people from being crappy, but I can limit their ability to be crappy to me by simply not caring About fake, false, distasteful opinions regardless if their organized by society or not.

“Set a fire to the fang so I do not slit this throat, set dawn to the moon so I do not mourn this night, and raise head above the tides so I do not fear this wave.”

Do not fear the world just; because the world believes something. Embrace that it does, and learn why it does so one can choose there own path regardless. A note from somebody stabbed, burned, beaten, electrocuted, and everything else in the book.

No matter what may come for me at least I can say I chose the life I wanted to live, asked the questions I wanted to ask, and did the things I wanted to do with my time on this earth. Life is too short to let a false social taboo dictate the choices that one should make.

Just as a side note to my experience they all said yes. Regardless, if I was told not to ask, not to invite, not to hang out with, or not to date. Sometimes standing up for yourself, allows other people to stand up to for what they want as well.

That is my whole opinion, and thought on the matter I hope it has brought some form of clarity or answered to the question.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

Well well,  elegant trap  in here, and thanks for the  pleasurable writing  as well! Let's play the, mild,  matriarchal  game, simplified, lets forget the implications for society as a whole, and the possibility of accepting the punishment anyway. Hmmm then that would drive me  soooo crazy , in a very good way, slow motion longing, finding my way without clear directions, sounds like a  long-term adventure, full of perspectives  💜 Now, well, I'm not really "asking out", in my life, I proceed with much more caution than that 😆

Friendlybro79 · Answer

I would think I was living in a highly repressed antisocial place and wouldn't want to live there. This kind of behavior being the social norm would mean I'm not being treated equally especially being ostracized for nicely introducing myself and trying to ask a woman out. I think this would create a lot of divisiveness and create people to just not want to talk to anyone. That would not be a place I'd like to live in. What else would a man be ostracized for in this society?

I'd be really unhappy in a world like this just knowing this is the norm. I am fine with a woman asking me out but that's not the point.

AmeerX · Answer

It's already ostracizing to ask women out lol. So nothing changed I guess 🤣🤣🤣

sirderpsalot123 · Answer

I dont think I would like it. I accepted a long time ago that I have to make the first move or it probably wouldn't go anywhere. I wouldn't want to wait for her to ask because most probably wouldn't.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Tbh i never asked a girl out, don't if i will someday...

Skyscrapper girl you're aware that in such matters i never follow the rules, i just do what makes me feel comfortable and what people says is the last thing i think of...

Let's consider i asked a woman out and she said sorry than so be it, yes i'll feel bothered and she will never see me again but in the end people cannot be forced to just say yes for someone whom they don't want to be with, i respect their decision and just move on!

If this door didn't open, maybe another will, that's life!

Still-alive · Answer

i think i understand the point you’re trying to make with this hypothetical question, ill bite. Yeah I guess id feel pretty disincentivized to ask girls out even more in that case (like how women don’t ask guys out due to social stigmas).

But in understanding that we should also acknowledge that things should still change so it evens out better. It takes courage at the ground level and more and more women are taking the initiative which is great but i think it may still take another generation to pass for things to truly change things.

GallopAcrossEurope · Answer

Funnily enough, I always had women try to initiate with me, but all my own attempts I messed up because I was a nervous wreck. My current girlfriend asked me out, and I appreciated her so much for doing so despite being nervous that I fell for her hard.

Lionman95 · Answer

First of all thanks for the question. I would probably avoid trying to ask out a woman even more because of the cost it comes with. Ostracizing as a punishment wouldn´t be much of a problem as I already live in parts a socially isolated life.
Besides that I would still try to keep control over my life and I don´t like when other people tell me what to do.

Lliam · Answer

That would be crazy. Neither men nor women should be ostracized for making a move. I've gotten into wonderful relationships by asking women out and also by being asked out by women.
It would be horrible for both men and women if men weren't allowed to ask women out. It would be tragic.

Avicenna · Answer

That would be awful. Plus it's so much fun talking to women.

slatyb · Answer

Our great Mikado, virtuous man
When he to rule our land began
Resolved to try a plan where by
Young men could best be steadied.

So he decreed in words succint
That all who flattered, leered, or winked,
Unless connubially linked
Should forthwith be beheaded

"The Mikado", Gilbert and Sullivan, 1885

Ad_Quid_Orator · Answer

I'll go with it's iffy and hope women start taking the initiative themselves.

Seriously, what's with girls who complain about how "oh there's this guy I really like but I don't know how to get him to ask me out".

Just ask him out yourself.

msc545 · Answer

It is  NOW socially taboo  if the woman doesn't find you attractive - and you can only find that out by asking her out and seeing what happens. Only very stupid and very arrogant men take this chance, and in instance where they are found unattractive, they are subjected to punishments ranging from verbal admonishment and public humiliation to arrest, trial, and prison. No way in hell will I take this chance.

sawno · Answer

Feels like that already, not that you get ostracized but there's so many examples of women severely disliking it and being hostile that it comes across like nobody wants to be approached.

Sevenpointfive · Answer

i get asked out fairly often, so i get why women hate it. i don't really do it and haven't for a very long time. it is punishable by ostracization in a way. especially this one guy i knew. he asked out every single girl in the building!

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

I do a lot of shite that "society" doesn't necessarily agree with. Don't put a lot of concern in that basket, to be honest with you.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

So you are trying to show guys how it is to be a woman, waiting for a guy who may never make a move?

Juxtapose · Answer

Uhhhh lol that's already pretty close to what happens in real life as it is. Asking women out is a miserable experience unless they are really cool.

LiamJHayden · Answer

I believe a gay couple should be able to protect their marijuana farm using tanks and machine guns. Do you really think social demerits would affect me?

ProbablyClueless · Answer

If men asking women out wasn't allowed, no one would ever get laid.

Vegasrunner · Answer

Would love it. It means that more guys would be afraid to ask women out leaving even more options for me.

eagle1951 · Answer

I don't ask any out anyway

shortster · Answer

I think that I would be single forever. However, I already am ostracized; so not really much of a deterrent to me asking women out.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Lol it already is. What are you talking about? It's been that way since I was 10.

Pohjolan · Answer

I guess I'd just move to another country but how exactly would one enforce that?

TadCurious · Answer

That's a great big "Nope, no thanks" for me.

jamesgoldman · Answer

Isn't it already but more strictly punished

Ladsin2 · Answer

Already kind of is.

Guys, how would you feel if it was socially taboo (punishable by ostracizing) to ask Women out?

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Guys, how would you feel if it was socially taboo (punishable by ostracizing) to ask Women out?

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