How to deal with a friend that just talks about her relationship problems?

[Anonymous]

We've been friends since years. It used to be better I think but nowadays all she talks about is her relationship problems. And, it's not one relationship, she keeps on jumping from one situationship to another, currently she is romantically involved with three people: her two exes and a potential boyfriend. Since she's not in any relationship with them, I'm not judging her much. However, she keeps on telling me about her problems and I often know if she tried to talk or just be a little more considerate she could have a happy relationship. She doesn't want to remain single either, it's usually 2 weeks of breakup and she has a new partner.

Some weeks ago I lost my pet and it broke my heart. She was trying to console me but even that day she tried to talk about her relationships with me. I was so irritated, I stopped talking to her for some time. However, recently I got accepted at a university in a different state for higher studies and as I have to move out of my state I felt homesick and decided to reconnect with old friends. So I talked to her and regretted instantly. It was all her relationship talks. Yeah dating three guys at the same time seems like her own fault. After some time I asked her how other things are going on in her life like her career, family life or health and she seemed offended. Should I not just give up on this friendship?

Updates

11 mo

*for years.

[HollyK21]

Unless I missed it (and if I did I apologize) but have you actually told her that you don’t want to talk about her dating issues all the time? If you’ve tried and she isn’t receptive then yeah, cut her off as a friend. I also got to a point in my 15+ year friendship where I was sick of being a wall for her to bounce her thoughts off of without caring to ask much about my life, only talks about men and getting cold if you don’t. If you’re in that position then you may want to go ahead and get yourself out of it.


However if you haven’t had a talk with her about how you’re feeling then she just won’t know. You don’t want to come off as passive aggressive or basically showing that you’re sick of hearing about her escapades without actually speaking on it.

[Asker]

I used to think it was common information that you don't talk about yourself, specifically your dating life all the time, and times such as few hours after your friend lost her lifelong pet. However, I did tell her many a times that it's better that we talk about other things. I don't mind her talking to me about herself a lot but there should be a variety of topics. She gets offended every time I try to say this to her. Today too she got offended.

[HollyK21]

Sometimes common sense isn’t so common. I also had to cut ties with my best friend after she went awol for 2 days after a huge issue we had and rather than calling me with an apology that I so very much deserved, she said “I know this sounds redundant but” and proceeded to vent about her cheating ass boyfriend. I’ll never forget the opening line of that text because of how shocked I was that despite what I was going through and how we had last ended things, she had the nerve to talk about her man. Situations like this or like in your case where you had a death occur (so sorry about that by the way) and they still talk about their dating woes are absolutely ground for termination aka ended that friendship. If you’ve already tried talking to her about stopping and she won’t then that’s even more reason to let her go. We all should respect each others boundaries and she prioritizes hers over yours.

[Simslover92]

You're young. I hate to say this but you're going to make more friends that won't be so self-centered and are like-minded. Especially with entering college. She will become a distant memory. Trust me. I've been there.

[Asker]

Actually, she's my college friend, I'm going to do PhD now. But yes, I've to live inside the campus so plenty of friends from different age groups. I really believe that I'll make friends who won't treat me like their emotional trash can.

[Simslover92]

Yes that would be ideal. You would make a lot of friends living inside the campus who won't dump on you like she has. I'm sorry you went through that. Again I know how that is. Had a friend just like that in school. Wasn't sad when we parted ways.

[In_Trance]

Tell her to take her bullshit and fuck all the way off

[Anonymous]

Is it a friendship or are you her therapist?

[Asker]

I have the same question these days.

[MannMitAntworten]

Tell her to supply the alcohol.

[MasterKS]

Run away!