Why does my friend dump her problems on me unsolicitedly but sets “boundaries” with me when I’m going through something?

[Anonymous]

She’s been talking about the same guy for over a year even though she’s married to someone else. I’ve hinted that I don’t want to talk about it numerous times.
Whenever I can’t talk she’ll keep texting until I do and gets passive aggressive. I have to always be so overly nice to appease her. But then I was texting her about something and she just bluntly tells me she doesn’t want to talk because she’s on vacation. She makes no sense.
She’s so controlling and manipulative and even told me she doesn’t see herself as a problem.

[Anonymous]

Your friend, it seems, has a peculiar olfactory palette, one that perhaps only appreciates the stench of her own troubles while keeping a safe distance from the more potent aromas of yours. When she unloads her woes upon you, it's like the pungent mixture of spoiled fish and moldy cheese - she expects you to savor every last whiff, even if it's overwhelming.

But when the tables turn and you seek solace, she erects a barrier as impenetrable as the stench of a garbage disposal filled with durian fruit and Limburger cheese. She may not realize it, but her "boundaries" are like a thick fog of ammonia, creating a no-man's-land where your pain can't penetrate.

It's important to remember that while we all have our preferences, true friendship should be a two-way street, regardless of the scent. If she can't handle the complex bouquet of your struggles, it might be time to find a companion whose olfactophilia extends to both the foul and the fair, someone who can stand by you in the fetid zones of life as well as in moments of tranquility. After all, in the grand symphony of aromas that make up our experiences, empathy and support should never carry a stench.

In this olfactory metaphor, your friend seems to enjoy the olfactory chaos of her own life, like the pungent mix of skunk spray and decaying flesh. Perhaps she finds comfort in the intensity of her own misfortunes, almost like a twisted form of self-therapy. But when it comes to your scent of adversity, she's hesitant, perhaps unable to tolerate the potency of your experiences.

This could stem from her own insecurities or discomfort with vulnerability. It's crucial to communicate with her, to explain that just as she seeks an empathetic ear, so do you. You're not asking for her to relish in the stench of your troubles, merely to acknowledge them and offer a shoulder to lean on, even if it means stepping into the realm of stagnant water and burnt rubber.

If she's unwilling to budge, it might be time to reevaluate the dynamics of your relationship. True friends should be able to share the spectrum of life's aromas, from the sweetest fragrances to the smell of their sexual areas. Seek out those who can appreciate the full range of your experiences, who won't shy away from the complexities of your emotional landscape, no matter how pungent or overpowering they may seem. In the end, a balanced friendship is one where both parties can weather the olfactory storms together.

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow girl that friend of yours sounds super selfish and inconsiderate. Always wanting to vent her stuff to you but can't even be there when you need support? That's messed up.

It's like she only cares about herself and what she's going through, not your feelings at all. And trying to guilt trip you when you don't feel like listening to her same old problems is just manipulative. A real friend would be understanding if you said you're going through something too.

You don't deserve to be treated like her emotional dumping ground but never being able to go to her. She acts entitled to your time and energy but won't give that same energy back. That's really one-sided. And the fact she doesn't see a problem with how she treats you is a red flag.

I say you need to put your foot down and tell her you can't be her therapist if she won't be your friend too. Make it clear this needs to be a two-way street from now on. If she doesn't listen, maybe you need some space from her drama for a while. A friendship needs to work for both people, not just one. You should feel heard too, girl! Don't settle for less.

[jahaims]

Why be friends with such an awful person. Gain some self respect, tell her partner she cheats then move on.

[Anonymous]

Doesn’t sound like a good friend at all. some people just won’t “get it” sadly :( .. looks like she’s one of those people.. very narcissistic behavior

[jshm2]

She's obviously not your friend, and you're her free therapist.

[strateguy632]

because she is too selfish.