When people say women cheat in marriages/relationships because of "boredom", what exactly do they mean by "boredom"?

[Anonymous]

The term "boredom" is very vague when used in this sense. From what I understand, women probably cheat when they don't get sexual gratification from a relationship, but I doubt that's the whole story.

Updates

8 mo

Please be specific, otherwise you won't provide much clarification.

[Anonymous]

Hi, as someone who hasn’t cheated on anyone before. All I can tell you is regarding conversations with my friends/cousins. They didn’t cheat because of the lack of “sex”. At least from other random girls I’ve heard speak regarding sex is that sex is not everything. Most men I speak to or have seen comment mention that sex rules the relationship, which I’m starting to see is them trolling since my ex wasn’t like that at all and was fine without having sex every single day (thank god), but I never cheated on him because of that.
Now back to the topic, it’s more so that the guy is no longer pay attention to them, showing they care, or even spending time with them. For me, my ex wouldn’t plan any dates and if we did he wouldn’t be excited to go on it because he’d rather it just be us two at my house staying in and watching movies. But sometimes that does get boring, as I don’t want to keep watching movies everytime.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot for this response, it clarifies a bunch.

I've heard of this happening before, but it always baffles me. Firstly, because it is abundantly clear that many women want a man who has a lot of money, which will mean he has to spend time thinking about and doing things to acquire money. This will obviously lead to him having less time for whatever partner he has, but women want attention despite this. Secondly, it seems like a lot of women are unreasonably unpredictable in the sense that they expect a man to choose an activity (like planning a date) and then judge the man's choice if he happens to guess "incorrectly" instead of making it clear what they want to do. It seems sensible for the burden of that planning to be on the woman since she's the one insisting on the date. In addition to this, I personally have no idea what women tend to like doing since I probably wouldn't want to do those things since I am myself.

I understand that it's possible that women want these things because they're biologically programmed a certain way, but to some extent it seems like recent culture has enabled women to demand an unreasonable amount without necessarily contributing much.

[Opinion Owner]

Personally I do not care about how much money he has, why? I have money, he has money, my family has money, his family has money, the whole world has money because everyone works for it.
I don’t really care what we go out and do, it could be as simple as going on a walk or going to the store. But doing the same thing repeatedly day after day gets boring.
The whole recent culture is really ruining things for people that actually want to date, especially the girls/guys that want the real deal that eventually turns into marriage. Sex, cheating, and lust is what is ruining things if I had to pick the top 3 for why I’m not really wanting to date anymore and stay alone. On the dates I have been on the guy talks about sex right off the bat, so now I have no interest in him because i think that he only wants me for sex. And when me and a guy do make it through a few dates they ask how many times per day would I want to do it. How many times per day? More like in a week, I work and don’t want to spend my little downtime that I have (1 day off a week) having sex multiple times. Lust regarding watching porn is a BIG no for me, I don’t want to end up with a guy who will continuously jerk off to other people having sex, just like I don’t want a man who looks at other women. Same thing goes for cheating which I feel like I have to state since it’s usually the actual bare minimum but guys are now cheating because of the “lack of sex”, it’s a shame that now the relationship is fully determined on if you’ll give your boyfriend/husband your body whenever he wants it and if you don’t? It’s apparently grounds for him to go off and cheat.
For me I literally do not care if you are a 5/10 or a 9/10 looks do not matter to me, just like how much money a man has. If he can not be lustful , cheat or demand sex/want sex everyday and when I say no and not get angry about it. That’s really just it of course of top of caring about me and being kind.

[Opinion Owner]

Now what I will say is this app does taint people’s minds, I came on this app I want to say about a year ago and ended up having to leave because the way guys were talking when I would ask a question and the responses would be different variations of “if you don’t give your body whenever he wants it he will cheat or leave you” or “a man measures how much you love him by how much sex you give him”. And after reading those kinds of things repeatedly I started to hate men that weren’t in my family, I refrained from speaking to men blocked all the guys I was once friends with because all I could think about is how I won’t be enough if I don’t give my body up, and if I’m being honest there is and always will be the little thought in the back of my mind that reminds me of that every few months.
I hate what this world has come to, I hate what the culture has turned into, I hate the way some men have turned out and I hate how some women have turned out.

[Asker]

Don't take this response in the wrong way since I am not trying to cause trouble, but I'm trying to bridge some gaps or understand things properly. (I also appreciate the fact that people like yourself that want to actual get married still exist.)

You've addressed the money issue so I guess that doesn't apply to you assuming what you said is true. You didn't mention anything about the seemingly unpredictable activities that women sometimes want men to guess without being told.

Marriage is also technically a promise made between a man and a woman with God as a witness (not just any relationship), and there are actual outlines such as "... For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." (note: this is about marriages specifically, not casual relationships.) I'm not surprised that you'd be upset if you aren't willing to give up your body because I would be too, but if that's the only thing your partner wants from you and you don't give it at times, then he's bound to build up resentment. In the same way I imagine that if he kept not doing things that you wanted at times, you're bound to build resentment. This happens with any relationship, not just boyfriend-girlfriend or husband-wife. As far as I'm concerned, it's not reasonable to expect someone to not be upset in that situation. (You also don't have to have sex before marriage.)

[Asker]

Furthermore, don't take this in the wrong way, but what do men have to gain from having a woman by their side? In most cases it's not companionship since men often have male friends who make fantastic companions. There must be something only a woman can provide: either children or sex (if he's heterosexual). Most young men don't want children immediately, so it seems pretty obvious that they want women for sex primarily. I'm not saying that that's all the woman will be doing but it's obviously important in most cases, so to deny that is a serious thing which will MOST LIKELY lead to resentment. (You don't need to have sex with men you aren't married to either.)

I can't say too much about the pornography use since I don't know the effects well.

I suspect part of your frustration comes from the fact that women are told that they will be loved unconditionally by some man, but I seriously doubt that's true since that implies that they could do whatever evil and still come back to a man that loves them. This would also lead some people to want to find a man that will just be with them for some reason when there's no clear benefit. I know that relationships seem to work best when both sides are trying to do their best to accommodate for the other's needs.

What do you think men would want women for that does not include sex?

[Opinion Owner]

I’m not sure lol, I mean as a women who can take care of herself there not much I’d actually gain from a relationship with a man. So the question can go both ways for me, I mean what can a man bring to my life that I don’t already have or can’t provide myself? My parents showed me how to protect myself, shooting a gun and boxing/jujitsu. For me a man can only give me a child that’s about it. But then again a man who is actually wanting to marry isn’t thinking “the only thing she’s able to give me is sex and a child”, because if he actually does love the women that’s not the only thing. Now this being said, men really too much on there friends which is why the question “what can a woman bring to a relationship other than children or sex”. Now that being said if a man were to hop off his friends dick and stop riding it like he likes it, then yeah there are more things that a women can bring but while he’s still riding his friends dick all night and day there won’t be much a woman can bring. Now regarding the friends thing I often seen guys talking about a woman’s friends which is odd just because of how much kiss much guys do to there friends, like are you really friends or are you in a relationship without sex and affection?

[Asker]

Damn, you really DO hate men. XD

I asked what you think women can do for men since it's obvious that heterosexual men go for women specifically when they want to get married - they don't go to men. Therefore the deduction is obvious, so I don't really understand why any woman would be surprised that a man predominantly asks for sex from them. I don't think it would make sense at all to look specifically for a woman to provide for needs that any gender could provide.

I can't say too much about that dick-riding stuff you mentioned since that's just banter but a lot of women hate it so much and I find that extremely funny.

What do guys say about women's friends?

[Opinion Owner]

lol I don’t hate men, I just only have male siblings and cousins… and that’s what we say to each other regarding the dick riding thing lol.
How they take the women away from the relationship and how they feel like there woman doesn’t “need” them anymore because their friend is there. Which is basically the same as the man’s friends they both play a role that realistically is supposed to be fulfilled by the partner and not by the friend.
Now me personally if a man said he was getting into a relationship for me just for sex I’m saying no, cause your gonna expect sex from me whenever you want it and a girl works 6 days a week and I’m burnt out working so giving you sex whenever you want it? Fuck no

[Asker]

You said you don't care about whether a man has money or not, but that's probably because you're working 6 days a week and being stressed out. If that wasn't the case, and you were earning less, I think it would matter to you how much a man is making.

What you said at the end is probably where we're not on the same page. I do want my wife primarily for reasons related to sex, but I hear this complaint a lot that they're tired from work. Therefore, I will take it upon myself to stop them from being tired from work by bringing in as enough to take care of us both. If she still decides that I should just be OK with her rejecting sex, then I think she's selfish at that point and I'd rather not be involved with her. (I also probably won't be requesting daily sex since that's not even optimal, so maybe every 3 days.) Also, sex is supposed to be enjoyable for both the man and the woman. I don't really understand why it's the case that I mostly hear about the woman rejecting sex. Is it not enjoyable?

[Anonymous]

Monotony... every day a repeat of the previous... sex being the same position, same duration, same time of day (when it happens)... no spontaneity, no surprises.

[Asker]

Thanks for your response. This seems like a common theme.

My question is then: If you want fun so much, why do you look to the man to provide it? It seems to me that a lot of women heap responsibilities like this onto men and just watch him to see if he will be able to hit the ever-moving target of the woman's cravings each day.

Do you think what I'm saying is unreasonable?

[Opinion Owner]

Part of lack of spontaneity on his part is not being receptive to spontaneity on my part. It's not an expectation of him always doing something, but being receptive to change and new things as well.

[Asker]

OK, that makes sense. I don't currently see any other issues with your points.

[Greek_goddess_Iris]

Sitting home watching Netflix... isn't doing stuff together. Working and cleaning and cooking and washing and changing diapers become routine and also not spending time together. Same position in bed each time makes love making robotic. No compliment or effection or flowers, just seems like you don't care. Couple activities are needed. There is lots of activities to do that you can both go home afterwards and discuss how it was and how that is not going to be on a "to do list again. We tried biking and both our asses hurt and we were like, it was a nice scenery but now my back and butt hurts. Not going again. LOL. Conversation bigger than "how was your day" is needed. Share and discuss opinions about interesting facts or discoveries you read about. Instead of the same series every night, watch random You tube videos on TV. We once watch an hour long episode about hallucinogenic mushrooms and the effect on the mind. Or lots of women like serial killer documentaries. Or watch pot casts about random interesting discussions. Pause in-between and talk about what was said. Don't go to the same restaurant each time. Go do painting with a twist. Go ice-skating (I can't even skate and I tried). We both enjoyed mini golf and practice courses. Hitting that ball as hard as you can. No one wants to eat Fruit Loops every day - Sometimes you want some French toast for a chance. LOL And if she wants to go shoe shopping... Just go with her (now and then) even tho you wanna blow your brains out being in a store, remember, she has to wash your dirty underwear.

[basementfox1]

They're not feeling fulfilled because of the emotional connection, sex, respect, reciprocity, support, or whatever the relationship lacks. And they don't feel like confronting their partner about their needs or communicate which is the main problem.

Don't get me wrong, cheating is unethical in my opinion, if you don't feel fulfilled then you should communicate, and if nothing improves then it's best to break up.

[fonduegirl]

Children.