How do I set healthy boundaries with a flaky, always-late friend?

[Anonymous]

How do you deal with people who tend to cancel last minute a lot? I can tell she does this to everyone too, often arriving either very late (about 40 mins after the time we agreed on) or just using excuses e. g. something with her husband just came up, she is tired from work etc. She was also a bit strange when she invited me over to her place escorting me out of her house within 1-2 hours. It is more so the lateness or last minute canceling that has been annoying for me personally and i feel that she is not acknowledging it either. When i don’t reply or reply late (which she does to me a lot too) she texts me to ask if i’m mad at her or i want to cut her off which is weird given the fact that she is usually delayed and slow. I decided to put some distance by not agreeing to days she suggests immediately. Anyone deal with similar people?

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Communication is the key as they say & being open & honest is the way to go.

As for your flaky, always-late friend if you are going out instead of inviting her say the following or something like it. Tomorrow I’ll be at this restaurant at 11:30am if you are able to make it perfect if not no worries. It’s an invitation in a way but no really & if she makes it she makes it & if she doesn’t she doesn’t & in the back of your mind expect her to be late or cancel all the time. If she happens to say I’ll be there at the restaurant at 11:30am say BULLSHIT & call her out on the spot.

As for your friend she’s just like someone I know, she’s in a time zone of her own.

Tell your friend you cancel on me once no problem. You cancel on me twice it happens. You cancel on me three times that’s on you.

Some say better late than never, I rather never.

Good Luck!

[Asker]

Yeah she def lives in her own timezone. Also, she gives me an essay on why she cannot make it but at the end of the day she was the one who proposed that date. Then she would pretend i was overreacting when i did not respond right away. Like “you are angry”? You don’t want to talk? Like those things you say to someone when you think they are in the wrong for getting worked up. As you said, i will most likely give her a specific time and leave if she is still late.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

As for me when some invites me somewhere & they give me a time I get there early so I’m never late. As for your friend let’s face it she’s a ditz & she is definitely living in her own timezone. As for you I’m sure you get annoyed with her every time she does what she does & I don’t blame you. Times when she does it & you don’t respond right away I don’t blame you on that one as well. If she asks are you angry SAY YES, don’t hold back & say what you really want to say & it sucks but the truth hurts & she needs to hear it.

[Asker]

Haha yeah, for now i just declined her last invitation saying i’m not available. She can’t be thinking i’m always free so she can cancel any time she wants.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Or if she invites you can always word it this way. I do have a prior engagement however if things change & I’m able to make it I will do so.

[Asker]

Haha i got it so making her low priority?

[Static_In_The_Attic]

In a way YES & in a way NO. Just remember she is still your friend & in this world no one is perfect.

[Anonymous]

You can’t change people. Either accept that she’s like this and start expecting it. Maybe suggest you meet at 3 o clock if you really want to meet at 4. Or stop hanging out with her.

[Asker]

Yeah i mean i have been thinking about that. I also told her explicitly to try to come on time that we agreed on and she showed up on time for once.

[queenofcardio]

I’d just be honest with her about how I feel and consider not hanging out with them.

[Danny_dan92]

Tell them you’re tired of them flaking

[Asker]

She doesn’t speak that well, doubt she will know that word. I have already communicated to her in a different way though. Haha

[Asker]

I mean the language of English*

[Danny_dan92]

Tell her to follow you. And you walk to an open doorway, immediately turn around and close the door on her. That will symbolize shutting her out.

[Asker]

That is too rude though. I would just refuse her invitations

[Danny_dan92]

Oh sorry, my cutthroat sense of humor got in the way.

Yeah that works

[Asker]

Haha no i get it. now that you mentioned it, she did technically shut me out when she guided me towards the door to leave her home. She came to escort me out and all but still was weird. Maybe i should make her wait next time

[Danny_dan92]

Time to get revenge on the creature

[Asker]

She is sort of crazy, when i tell her not to be late she is like “it is ok, you can leave it” wtf? I know she uses the translator but wth seriously

[Danny_dan92]

Can put ankle cuffs on her and you cuff yourself with the other.

“You never late now. You forever stuck to me”