If a guy doesn't show interest, do most women just stop trying?

[bballairtight1]

More esp. in acute, one-day social situations (e.g., someone you see at a night club, someone you're introduced to at a party, a guy you see at a store, etc..). Do you just stop trying if a guy doesn't *show* interest? (*Where he doesn't necessarily show disinterest in you, but he obviously isn't getting ready to jump off his butt and do something to make sure you two interact. He is basically neutral)

Do you or women you know try to win guys over? Or do you mainly just check to see if a guy is interested or not, and if not just leave it alone and chalk it upto 'another attractive guy who just isn't into me. No big deal' ?

Updates

+1 y

Women being the receptive gender (in courting at least) have a different outlook than men, I presume. Women really don't deal with disinterest or neutrality with men; since a man generally has to make the first move: 1) why would he bother if he weren't interested? 2) If a man is not interested or neutral he'll probably cut rapport without even giving time to have this discussion.


It makes sense; women being generally the item and men the shoppers. A man walks by and sees Frosted Flakes..

Updates

+1 y

.. if he wanted Frosted Flakes he'd surely pick up the box and bring it to checkout- but he doesn't. Now Frosted Flakes already takes an esteem hit for having not been chosen. It sees no need to rub the wound and add further embarrassment by now chasing down the shopper pulling the stops to convince him to take it home with him.

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+1 y

What many guys don't realize is that those shy dudes at the bar who is in 'wait and see' mode; the guys who wait for women to make the moves and reveal the guy's options TO HIM. These guys are women in general. Women are in wait and see mode. Theyre not in 'i'm gonna find the most attractive person and then assert my will and get what I want' mode. They're in 'lemme wait and see what people are going to offer me, and then I'll start making choices from there. This is a major realization to men

[Darkfairie17]

Haha actually I had this situation happen with my boyfriend. We met online, talked and he was being very neutral. He wasn't showing interest but he kept talking to me, so I was very confused early on. So I worked on him, mainly because I had a good feeling about him and knew I had to have him, so I put in a lot of work to impress him :P It worked and 10 months later we are still together :) I couldn't be happier!

Because I wasn't sure, I thought why not try? I usually don't, if a guy seems disinterested and isn't putting in any effort, I usually let him be and go find someone that is. But usually that is because they just aren't showing that they are interested at all. Some of them might actually be, but don't show it very well. I think that if you like a girl, you should make some effort. Not saying ladies don't need to put any effort in, they should too. If a guy doesn't know if a girl likes him, he might move on also!

[doctat]

Hmm depends...

Normally I pick up guys,.. If I want something I go after it, I'm not going to wait for it to come to me.. That's not how you succeed at life. In a bar/club I'd buy the guy a shot and strike a convo, in a store or restaurant I'd hand the guy my number and say "Heres my number when your ready to call" But if the guy is blatantly not interested.. aka bar/club seems dull or distracted or in the restaurant/store doesn't call then f*** it,..There's plently of more guys out there.. No offense... But I'm not going to let one guys bad opinion on me ruin my whole night ya know? Hope this is helpful..

[MrNameless]

Amen sister!

[arashmenalagha]

hey docat what it is! :)!

[quantumdefender]

now this is an enlightened woman, you woman out there playing hard to get make note. this woman has my vote for best answer

[MrNameless]

I agree. ^^ Though she does what most women won't do, unfortunately.. So she's rare.

[madmisskelly]

I give the guy a month of trying, and if I don't see anything that tells me he's interested, I move right along. I do this because I realize that there are many guys who would show their interest and be a bit more obvious.

I have nothing against shy guys, but shy to a point. I understand being bashful, but at least be real enough to ask me to coffee, or make eye contact, flirt and tease a bit, etc. I'm a loud, talkative, enthusiastic person, and I want someone similar to me.

[gemglam]

A whole month? that's too long. If a guy's not interested you will know it way before that.

[bballairtight1]

What do you mean by give a guy a month? You're talking about someone whom you know who you find potentially attractive, whom you assume may find you attractive, but hasn't made a move. Right? Now when does the clock start?

My question leaves vague the intentions of the man: this may be a guy you find attractive who hasn't noticed you yet, or is preoccupied. There's nothing necessarily malicious about his non-approach behavior.

[bballairtight1]

I'd think it'd be sensible to bop a guy over the head first and make certain you sent, if not an obvious sign of interest then at least an obvious and blatant opportunity. THEN start the clock.

[madmisskelly]

Woah you guys, a month is a generalization, and a broad one. A month at most. This is assuming I talk to the guy, get him to hang out, etc. This is assuming I see him some place like school, or at the coffee shop, etc. If a guy doesn't know I exist, I'm over it in like a week or two. Ill try to get him to notice me, and if he doesn't then I'm onto someone else.

Keep in mind too, that I am never just focused on one person. I'm always on the prowl for more than one guy at a time.

[Anonymous]

i'm not a girl but reading this reminds me why I am so terrible at this whole "game". if a random girl in a club/bar shows me any signals I tend to act like I don't even notice her - when in fact it's the opposite i.e. I like her but am not sure how to act back or too shy. yep, I'm such an idiot!

[gemglam]

No one can read minds but it seem like that's what a lot of people look for nowadays.

[Hades]

Women don't try in the first place. All they do is sit around, look pretty and wait.

[Hades]

If I had to describe women in one word it would be venal. They are 100%, definitely for sale.

[dontgiveaf]

for me these are my rules.

If a guy shows some interest I will show interest back, but for me if the guy stops showing interest and starts playing really hard to get, I won't want to waste my time anymore. Even if I like him, I will still have the feelings for him, but I won't really step out of my way to flirt.

[quantumdefender]

I feel the same way about women, they play hard to get, don't even offer to buy her a drink.

[Hades]

How venal.

[Coffinspire]

It depends if there is a good convo going. If not and he's just kind of not saying much at all, then yes I would walk away. I'm not sure about other girls but if a guy isn't interested in the first place, I doubt I would want to sit there trying to change his mind instead of going and finding someone who is interested.

[Anonymous]

Here is a motto of mine that sums it up " A wise man says never make someone a priority if they don't make you and option but a wise woman (ME :D) If I am not a priority, you are not even an option" That's how I live my life. Life is too short to chase someone who isn't interested in knowing you for all the wonders I can offer.

[quantumdefender]

talk about self centered!

[Opinion Owner]

Its not a matter of being self centered. I learned through out life that you can't run around chasing people who don't want you. If a guy likes you, he will make it known. Too often women waste their time wondering if a guy wants them and thinking if she does this or that he might like her more.

[bballairtight1]

Why would a guy like you though- if you hadn't even made yourself an 'option'? He don't know sh*t about you, yet you expect that he needs to express interest even without evidence that you'd be someone he'd like?

[Opinion Owner]

So you expect a woman should chase a man instead?

[imfierceyessir]

ya I give up I gues..

could you hlp with this one :)

link

[Purplelove010]

I wish my crush would've showed interest in me, but as much as I hated it I had to stop making myself too available. I began to realize that there is a guy out there for me that will love me back.

[ixi10]

Yes, I stop trying. You can't change someone's mind. If they're not into you, then they're not into you. I move on. Plenty of guys out there

[bballairtight1]

Sure you can change someone's mind. This is the basic fundament of the principle that allows men to feel confident approaching women (that is, the men that do approach women at least). Winning women over is what ambitious men (and the iconic "Man" of lore that women are brought up to be on the look for when they grow up) do! You'd have to be quite the optimist and ironically the pessimist to assume that someone you like will also like you off the bat/ or someone you like absolutely won't like you

[visualdeception]

If it's a situation like that, I'll be like ehhh, f*** it, not worth it. If it's someone I'm into more long-term, I'm more likely to actively try to further things myself.

[Daggersanctuary]

I normally just give up. If he doesn't show interest, then I'll think that there's something about me that he obviously doesn't like and I'll leave him alone.

[Anonymous]

50-50. Some yes would give up, some who are more clingy, already has an emotional connection with him or desperate or want to play mind games or want to appear the popular one will still continue to not give up and to be persistent.

[pepper01]

yes I will stop trying immediatly. even if a guy shows interest but is too shy to make a move I will move on too

[MrNameless]

You could learn a thing or two from doctat...

[pepper01]

what do you mean?

[Anonymous]

I don't try too hard to win them over because if they don't approach me or respond to me quickly they probably aren't interested anyway and it's no fun having a guy that isn't that into you.

[quantumdefender]

this is one lazy woman, this woman sounds boring, I'd lose interest quick. this is a woman who puts in zero effort but expect men to knock on her door.

I bet she expect her kitchen to clean itself too.

[Opinion Owner]

No. I just mean that let's say I go up and start chatting up and flirting with a guy for a few minutes and he seems very unresponsive. If he's initially unresponsive I doubt he will be much more responsive any time later on. I think first impressions are very lasting when it comes to attraction, so if you didn't leave a good first one he probably won't be receptive at any point. But thanks for insulting me.

[MikeK]

Lazy woman

[Anonymous]

Doctat said it all.. But if he seems to have a little more company with other females ima let it go

[Anonymous]

Well looks like its back to learning mind reading and developing ESP...sigh...

[obligations]

I usually give up