Why do girls constantly chase guy who doesn't care about them?

I just don't get it anymore. Do you girls just enjoy beating your heads against a wall or what? It's really starting to blow my mind how a girl will constantly chase the guy in the room with the least interest in her, sometimes even chasing guys with GF's.

Are you naive or just plain stupid? When you have perfectly good guys showing interest in you, why don't you give them a chance and see what happens, instead of wasting your time and constantly breaking your heart because you chase after guys who want nothing to do with you or have GF's.

I understand that unavailable is sexy, but there is a point where you are just being stupid and wasting your time.

I'm not the "nice guy" who is angry because girls go for jerks. I'm just thoroughly confused as to the mentality that causes girls to never be interested in the guy who actually shows interest and instead always want the guy who gives them the cold shoulder. I've even seen girls go as far as losing interest in a guy as soon as he reciprocates. I have a friend who has had her heart broken 3 times in the last 6 months because she chases uninterested guys who blow her off or have GF's.
I'm also starting to notice a trend in this regard and I'm curious as to everyone else's thoughts. It seems the girls who do this the most are the ones who have a neglecting parent. Most commonly an absent or abusive father who left the family in same way.


Most Helpful Girl

  • “Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." ~ Neil Gaiman from "The Sandman"

    Girls, especially at a certain age, love guys who are mysterious and not available. They think it's a challenge - if she can get him, every girl on the planet will envy her. Also, what you can't have is somewhat interesting and thus many girls (and guys) chase after people who don't really care or aren't available.

    It's stupid and it hurts so much. I think after a certain age, people become wiser and know what's good for them and what's bad for them. At least I hope so.

    • This comment invokes two things.

      1 - The truth.

      2 - The burning desire to make me want to stab my eye out and live the rest of my life far away people in the solitude of the Himalayan mountains.

    • @ update: You're right. There are several girls who chase after abusive guys without even realizing. Studies have shown that if a girl has an abusive mother or father in particular, it makes her thrive for abuse. She likes to suffer and seeks drama her whole life. A good guy who treats her with respect seems "fishy" or "weird". She's used to suffering. It's like her comfort zone. On the other hand, a lot of girls link their self-worth with how great the guy she's with is.

    • just don't complain when there are no nice guys because you girls are turning them into a**holes.

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What Girls Said 5

  • I grew up never meeting my father and I don't go crazy chasing after unattainable men. That is a cop out excuse. They do it for the attention and they want something they can't have. These type of women generally get branded as a homewrecker. Maybe you should get your friend some help because she is really going after the wrong guys. Are you mad becasue she likes you but chases after other guys? Maybe you should just tell her how you feel.

    • I've told her how I feel, and she actually led me to believe she was interested in dating me, only for me to find out 4 weeks later she's head over heals for my friend. This is the 3rd time in 6 months I've seen her have her heart broken because she was rejected by a guy that was clearly unavailable, Girlfriend or not. This girl does crave massive amounts of attention and I believe its because her father left and she has a bad relationship with him. She's used to guys running form her.

    • I think she is just using that as an excuse, there are plenty of fully functional girls and women that grew up without a father that do not do this. I know you don't like to see her get hurt but if you have expressed your feelings for her and she still didn't seem to care, maybe she just needs to keep getting hurt before she will realize that she doesn't have to go after unavailable guys. She is sabotaging her own happiness by repeatedly doing this. I would move on, if you still want to be friends

    • then go for it but she will probably just keep doing it and then keep coming back because you probably give her attention and boost her ego after every time another guy rejects her. It will become a never ending cycle and she will keep doing this if you let her.

  • Its competition. Not every woman does this. Although there are plenty that prey on unavailable men like its a sport. I suppose the challenge and the idea you can pull a man away from his relationship. I think its repulsive but to each their own I guess.

  • Many girls think that they can change a man or that he will change for her because she's special.

    More often than not, she's wrong.

    I don't get it either, beyond that.

  • I don't, I want a man that really wants me.

  • I can't say it any better than Kambo...except to add:

    There IS a balance to who people fall for and often the person who makes us most excited isn't the technically "perfect" face and body (at least for girls) ... but it IS a combination of attractive traits: humor, intelligence, grace, compassion, talent, etc. That exact combination is exclusive to individual preferences and mindsets. That's while you'll see people whose parents have a bad marital history doing some of the same things -- chasing an uncommitted partner, for instance, and some the plain, humble people having serious relationships happily, even in high school.

    However, hoping that dumb luck will make up for less desirable traits to win the interest of the most desirable mates doesn't really work. I've noticed, in a lot of these questions, the asker isn't talking about winning the attention of the "ok, but slightly plain looking gal or guy that I talk to sometimes," but actually asking "Why won't being nice make hot people want with me -- I would treat them sooooooo well because of my gratitude."


What Guys Said 3

  • I'm not in a good mood today so I'm just gonna wreck everything.

    People are stupid, guys are stupid, girls are stupid.

    But you need to understand something, it's not just the "I don't care about you" personality, it's more than that. The reason why a guy has the luxury of not "caring" for the girl is because he's freaking hot enough to do so. He's got the whole package, he has looks, confidence, and a bevy of fallback girls who will throw themselves at him. He doesn't care about that girl because he's got plenty other ones lined up.

    That's like saying you wouldn't chase after this girl.


    You would, and even if you didn't, you are a rarity, trust me. You think that girl isn't mind f***ingly hot? So are these guys that the girls are chasing.

    Just because you are "nice" doesn't entitle you to anything. Yes, in a perfect world it would, but this isn't a Disney movie man. For one, it helps if you're not ugly, unfit, socially awkward, and a walking doormat. People need to understand these things.

    Look, there's a saying. "Girls chase bad boys, women like men."

    A man is the complete package, confident, generous, and sexy as F***. For all the time guys spend asking girls the very question you are asking now, they could be putting their work in, being more than just some "nice guy" who sits on the front lines. They could be working out, taking up a hobby, building themselves up into the kind of man who would blow up any bad boy competition.

    Christ, why do I have to explain this, people are f***ing stupid.

    • The Himalayan mountains, here I come! :D

    • Show All
    • Here is what you guys need to understand. I'm not the doormat, I have a great body (I work out and eat right), I don't smoke, I barely drink, have a great career, am a genuine person, I play in a rock band, have all kinds of interests and am outgoing, I'm very helpful and well liked by all of my friends. There is no reason a girl shouldn't like me. Either way you are preaching to the choir. I think girls just need to stop following their hear so much and listen to their brains.

    • Hey, I don't know you nor do I care. It's the internet so saying you are anything won't prove sh*t. In all honesty, you should know the answer to this question regardless.

  • i guess it's all competition

  • Some girls (by no means all of them) have a desperate need to be loved by everyone. Some guys are like that too. If someone doesn't like them, they go overboard to try and get that person to like them.