A Message to the Folks of GAG: Don't Ridicule People You Don't Even Know!

[loveisbeautiful]

This may very well be my last myTake, I haven't decided yet. All I know is I'm mentally and emotionally drained from continuously defending myself. I wish I could say that all the negativity, criticism and assumptions about me, were just an internet thing but it's unfortunately not. I've been dealing with it before I even discovered the world wide web. So, all the mean and cruel comments are just added fuel to an already burning fire of self doubt, self hate and insecurity.

All those people who thought I thought I was special because of that "What makes me different from other women" myTake I wrote, were wrong. I am different but in the way that I feel I don't belong and I never have. I don't connect to anything in this world easy. If old souls and new souls are a real thing, I'd be an old soul because I don't connect or relate to anything and that includes people. That's what I meant by being different. I digress though. Whether this be my last take or not, I just want to leave you with a few questions and some food for thought.

Question 1: How is lashing out and being rude to this person going to help them and benefit me?

Answer: It's not. It's just that simple. All it will accomplish is making them feel bad and you look like a jerk. What's the point in that?

Question 2: Do I really have the right to make assumptions and mean remarks to someone I don't know based on something they wrote?

Answer: No you don't. You can't read a persons question or take title and then read few paragraphs of what they asked or wrote and think you suddenly know everything about them. Because the simple fact is, you don't.

Question 3: How would I feel if the rolls were reversed and someone was being this mean to me, for no reason. How would I feel?

Answer: I don't know, you tell me. How would you feel? If people started being rude to you and insulting you without knowing a thing about you, how would you feel? I suppose your answer to that question, will decide how you proceed next.

I understand this is an opinion site, I get that but opinions don't make you cry. However, unnecessary comments do.

With that in mind, time for the food for thought.

1. Understand that the person who's question you answer or take you respond to, could be a fragile indivdual with a rough life. So, all you're really doing is making it worse. So, if you can't say something helpful or disagree in tackful way, don't even bother saying anything because insults will never be helpful.

2. Understand that none of us on here, know each other. We know nothing about each other as a person or about each others lives or about what hand we were dealt in this life and what we've had to endure because of it. We don't know each others intentions when we write things. We don't know each others personalities or how we feel about ourselves, we know nothing.

So, making assumptions, judgements, accusations and taking shots at someones character, is wrong. It's not right! So, if you don't know them or what their intent was. Don't make remarks or assumptions or anything you can't back up with proof because you could just be making that person feel worse about themselves and there's no need for that.

To conclude, I know we have free speech but that was reserved for issues and things that really mattered and people needed to hear. Being jerk is not covered under freedom of speech, it's just considered being a jerk. So, have your opinion. Disagree all you want but don't be rude about it. Be mindful of how you treat others online and in your life because you should always treat others how you wish to be treated. Always remember that! Thanks, for listening.

[CHARismatic110]

The one thing I learned about this site is that you have to have a thick skin if you're going to last. Some people here are just assholes. No other way around it. Agreeing to disagree is almost nonexistent here. People think that because they have a certain preference that that gives them the right to bash what isn't there preference. It becomes a bit much. I felt the same away about not writing Takes anymore, but why should we let ignorance silence us our voice? I don't know about you, but writing is what I love. I have lots to say and simple minded people who don't have anything else better to do than ridicule others will not stop me. It shouldn't stop you either.

[loveisbeautiful]

I do love to write, actually it's one of my things I like to do. I just wish it was easier to let go of the negativity. I just get it on here and then get in my life (including my own grandma) and it's like there's no escape and I'm not sure how to handle it. Any advice, I could use some?

[CHARismatic110]

Well, as of late I haven't been handling things that well either. But I would say to remember that the things these people are saying to you hold no worth. You have purpose and you matter regardless of what anyone says. Let their words bounce off you. Keep writing. Use the negativity as fuel and turn it into positivity.

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

thick skin on this site? this is probably the softest corner of the internet i've seen. most of the users and especially moderators/admin are really sensitive. you get reported for the dumbest thing.

[CHARismatic110]

@Other_Tommy_Wiseau well...

[Kuraj]

No offense, but your other take kinda reeks of hostility and entitlement.
You are not special, nobody really cares what inner machinations led you to cut your hair short, especially not if you are going to antagonize those who don't share your views.
And now you are whining about being antagonized by people you have antagonized in the first place.

I don't agree with any kind of harassment or anything, but I do have to agree with the people who have responded in a negative way.
Your take is dumb, if you don't want dumb answers don't write dumb questions.
Life is a two way road.

[loveisbeautiful]

Hostility and entitlement? I'm not hostile nor do I feel entitled, that's not how I am. And, I didn't antagonize anybody, I would never do that. I have strict code of honor ( I guess you could call it) for myself and that's to never treat people the way they've treated me. I would never be mean to anyone or hostile, I don't have it in me. I wasn't mad at any of those people, hurt, upset, depressed, most definitely but not mad. But, you're allowed to see things how ever you want.

[aliceinwonderland69]

No he's right your last take reeked of special snowflake syndrome to me.

[loveisbeautiful]

@aliceinwonderland69 Well, that's everybodies opinion but that's how I feel and that's not how it was.

[aliceinwonderland69]

If you care what other people think you might wanna be more careful about what you say and imagine how people might take it. I don't care so I just say whatever.

[loveisbeautiful]

@aliceinwonderland69 I am careful and I didn't say anything mean. I guess I'll just have to stop talking altogether then because I wasn't even rude.

[fondue]

I am free to say whatever I want then, because I can take criticism. That's another thing - you shouldn't take criticism as bullying. Learn the difference. I actually took time to look at your other mytake. It really did just seem like a diary entry or a sort of brag sheet. And wholly unnecessary as a mytake, in my opinion. You might not realize it, but it kinda was. You listed things that you thought made you different from other women but failed to realize they were the same things that make you near identical to... a lot of other women. What they probably found fault with was that it seems that you, whether unintentionally or not, were trying to garner attention by listing those traits, thereby making you one of the attention mongers while every other girl that also retains those traits do so humbly and quietly. To be fair, you haven't been the only victim on this site. Lots of people trying to stand above the crowd only to get knocked back down. Why? Because no one likes a person on a soapbox. Do whatever you want, just be ready to accept the consequences that come with it. If you're afraid of negative consequences and only want the positive, then you're right. You might as well not bother.

[loveisbeautiful]

I wasn't looking for attention, but I'm tired of defending myself and I'm really stressed about this whole thing.

[fondue]

Well the sensible thing to do would be to just ignore the post and just ignore everyone and learn from your mistake lol. But instead you went and made another post inviting even more criticism lol what did you expect was gonna happen? You're not wrong that people shouldn't be needlessly mean but at the same time don't do things that invite ridicule and then tell people they have to be nice only.

[fondue]

Don't even reply to this post. Just take the advice for what it is.

[luvstoned4him]

@fondue there is also a thin line between criticism and blatant disrespect and for thats where the defending part comes in. I may say some things my tongue oath not to,

[dipta]

I will guess that you probably like to write and type just as you're honestly thinking, and that's why it hurts you so much when people criticize what you wrote: because it's personal and you take it personally.

I don't mean to be rude or bully anyone, but if you're publishing what you write on a public forum, you need to have a minimum of social skills in order to perceive how what you write will be taken.
I can tell you that I'm awful with words and people often misinterpret what I want to convey, but I will just go ahead and say it:
Your other MyTake was very poorly written.
In my opinion, not only the choice of words is bad and wrong, the meaning behind those words and what you want to convey is doubtful. Again, it's private and most of those things you may even think, but you write them on your diary or discuss them at a coffee shop with your friends, not publish them.

I'm sorry you cannot see this, but even your title is badly chosen "how I'm different from other women" should have read "why do I feel different from the women I see around me", and different from your cousin, etc.
Because when someone says "I'm different" it usually either means "I'm better" or "I feel inferior"; from what was written, I think the author is both, maybe more of the former.

Just to give a stupid example, I think that MyTake was written in the same tone as when you say to someone "you're an idiot but I love you", that is, passive aggressive.
Then the someone says "What? Did you just call me an idiot?, and the person replies "didn't I say I love you?".

[sp33d]

If one can't deal with constructive criticism, that is their problem. While your intentions are admirable, one needs to be tough, for not everybody shares your optimism.

"Do I really have the right to make assumptions and mean remarks to someone I don't know based on something they wrote?"
No matter how you slice it, we all do that. Even you, and you are a liar if you say no. The question now becomes, are we honest or selectively dishonest? Do I have the right to? Absolutely! I have every right, but it works both ways, for so do you. Will I, though? If there is no point to be made, then I'll leave it.

" How is lashing out and being rude to this person going to help them and benefit me?"
Here, I have no objections to what you said in and of itself. The problem is, what shall we qualify as "lashing out"? If I criticize, say, one's way of life, because I know it's detrimental to them, do we call that lashing out? Naturally, it's not my business, so most likely I won't care. Just for illustration purposes.

"How would I feel if the rolls were reversed and someone was being this mean to me, for no reason. How would I feel?"
I would feel nothing, because I don't care. Again, though, by your description, I see a problem at distinguishing what is being mean.

"if you can't say something helpful or disagree in tackful way, don't even bother saying anything because insults will never be helpful."
I agree with the "if can't say anything helpful" bit, for that is true. Nothing needs to be said. However, disagreement need not be tactful and often it isn't.

Overall, you seem to think any criticism directed at a person is an insult. While you may insist otherwise, it is not apparent from the way you write, especially when it comes to assertation pertaining to you.

I, untactfully, must disagree with you.

[RobAtomic]

I agree with you, we should be considerate, polite and insightful when we give an opinion. I also accept that some people do not feel the need do not have the capacity and may actually say things in an attempt to incite conflict and actually couldn't care less about the subject. I also have to say I would prefer to be insulted by a stranger because they don't know me, that actually dissolves any sort of credibility that may have been implied. They demonstrate what type of person they are and it is sad to think they might never experience what it feels like to be happy with themselves or what about their friends and family... I know people who are so troubled and have such a poor self image they drive everyone away... Good luck...

[loveisbeautiful]

Thanks.

[RobAtomic]

you are welcome

[dragonlance5]

I've read quite a bit of your mytakes and enjoyed all of them (even if I didn't agree with some of them.) My advice to you is to not take the insults personally. As you said yourself nobody on here knows each other so their insults show more about them than you. Unless they have a legitimate argument instead of just spewing hate ignore them, its not worth your time interacting with them. As the great Eleanor Roosevelt said, "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."

[loveisbeautiful]

That's good advice, thanks.

[Dog19]

No one cares. Everyone told my friend that she was fat so she lost weight. She still thinks she's fat now and propel are only nice now because she's skinny.

People at school used to tell me I was fat, ugly and disgusting I was told the reason no one liked me was because my face was too ugly. And my clothes look awful. So, I changed everything about myself physically so people would stop bullying me and be nicer. People bully others but I notice that once their the ones being bullied\ being mistreated they say it hurts and are surprised at how bad it does hurt. See, once you walk in another shoes you change who you are. If people cared about if words hurt then there would not be so many deaths due to words.

[loveisbeautiful]

You're very right about that.

[Stacyzee]

Along with every crowd comes those who are bitter and will try to tear you down.
They don't bother me at all. I laugh at them because of how ridiculous they are.
I've lived 29 years on this Earth , you think I'm going to let someone who read a two minute post , on a particular subject , define who I am when they literally know nothing but that post.
Yea right !
You have to grow thicker skin love.

[loveisbeautiful]

I suppose but it's not just about the comments on here (that's certainly part of it), but I get it everywhere I go in my life. I had so much negative things, said to me in my life. Along with assumptions and judgments (before I even came on here), so it's hard to escape and it becomes a lot sometimes.

[Stacyzee]

I understand. I was bullied endlessly and I've been through a lot in my life as well. But I figured I wasted so much time giving a shit about what people thought of me, that I figured why not live for myself? Living to please others isn't living at all

[loveisbeautiful]

You're definitely right about that.

[takumii]

Nope, this is bs, if this is your last take, I'd be really glad.
I can judge whoever the fuck on whatever basis I want. Is my judgement always correct? No. I am also human. Does that stop me from making judgements? Nope.
What would you do if someone treated you the same way?
Nothing, if I don't like it, I'll close my ears. Compliments/ insults , I don't give 2 fucks about that. What other people think of me is none of my business to begin with.

The fault with us is, we try to be strong as a rock, and insults are like knives being thrown at us. A strong rock would not be afftected by the knives, but if the knives were consistent enough. Even the strongest of rocks will start to crack

Instead be like a jet of water, which retains its shape. The knives will distort you for a moment when hit, but you'll almost immediately regain your shape like it didn't affect you at all. It helps in the long run.

[Anonymous]

usually when you have a man he's supposed to protect you just incase something like this happens. but when you're alone this is what happens people will say hurtful things.
this is nature. you just have to remember its just a reflection of them. its some kind of a reflection of them. otherwise what you should do is watch and not expect a response you like. i asked a lot of questions over the years everywhere i was insulted more times than i can count for everything from misunderstanding to everything else.

[loveisbeautiful]

It's funny you should say that, there's this best friend of mine that I met online and have known for years and when things like this would happen and I'd get really depressed, I'd go to him and he'd give advice and help me see things in a whole new way. He's always accepted me as I am (which doesn't happen often for me), so with him I felt safe. However, he's not around these days. He's got things in his life keeping him busy and it's what makes this all harder, I'm just alone again with no safe place to fall. It makes things hard.

Also, people tell me it's a reflection of others but since it happens all the time, I think it's a me thing.

[luvstoned4him]

Ouch , the one with the little girl in the corner really hit home. I've been call all of those words , can you believe it. Sometimes it makes me feel sad , sometimes angry and most times all I want to do is get into a fight , to fight for myself and prove I am not what they say I am. So I know what you are going true. My only wish is that I dont be mean to good people. I have soo much pent up hurt and anger and its not good for anyone. a GREAT TAKE!

[luvstoned4him]

hope you dont mind but I am stealing that pic

[loveisbeautiful]

Thanks and I don't mind.

[Spirit_Is_Free]

Absolutely correct - Not everyone is going to agree on the site but it is very simple to be courteous - I have had discussions with people on here where we were polar opposites and it was a totally healthy interaction - Just a thought about what you said when you felt sick of defending yourself if that happens I go "F*** it, I don't need the stress, I won't answer anyone whom is rude or abusive, I will discuss with courteous people but abusive no".

[loveisbeautiful]

I really wish I could have that mind set, maybe I should try working towards having that mindset. Thanks.

[QuestionMan]

Haters gonna hate nothing you can do about it.
Trust me, my whole life I've faced with ignorant bigots on both sides of the political spectrum.
I wrote this a while back but it still applies
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a21757-haters-gonna-hate

[loveisbeautiful]

I suppose they will.

[SakuraChii]

Im sorry but I doubt the people that do this will take it into consideration. If that were to happen then people wouldn't really be having problems online and in real life. The only thing you can do is ignore sincr some people tend to think that they are right even if they are assuming, its no way around it.

[Shorty1991]

When you become a member of GAG. Harsh criticism is something you should expect, esespecially when people disagree with your opinions. I've had a few people have a go at me and say things that most sensitive people would be hurt or offended by. I'm pretty thick skinned so it doesn't bother me. But I think those who are good enough to dish it out should be good enough to take it back.

[astrOnaut01]

So you are butthurt. If you can't take criticism or ridicule then I advise that you leave the internet.

I am a very insecure person with a very low self-esteem also, but I know to take any criticism or ridicule on the chin because this is the internet. A hub of opposing opinions, annoying trolls, and judgmental pricks.

If you can't handle it then leave, for your own sanity. Nobody here is going to coddle a "fragile" person halfway across the world.

[legalboxers]

This is what gets me. People are keyboard warriors behind the keyboard. They have "electronic balls" stoked by other people on the board itself, and their friends. Since they cannot incite a riot in the real world by their drivel, they will spew their ignorance ten-fold online. They forget one small thing. Everything is monitored online, whether it is a threat to a person posting, or a political figure. AKA - CYBERBULLYING

[loveisbeautiful]

You're very right about that.

[legalboxers]

There are / there is also a sect of people out there now who support a certain person and applaud the violence they are doing

[Anonymous]

I think people ( i am talking for adults here ) should learn generally in life to value the opinion of those who actually matter. If a random person that you dont even know , say something hurtful then you shouldn't really care. Also when you make a question you should be prepared for the negative answers too. I think learning how to deal with it is more realistic and helpful than expecting the whole world to be nice and kind.

[peachblossomluck]

How people treat you has everything to do with who they are as a person, not who you are♡ I don't think mean people should be enabled but understand that there is something wrong with someone who treats others poorly.

[loveisbeautiful]

Don't take this the wrong way, but that's what my mom tells me. I just can't see it that way, I feel there's something wrong with me. I take it personally.

[peachblossomluck]

It's something you can understand in your mind while not fully comprehending in your heart, as is in my case. I still feel resentful towards mean people because of their negative energy.

[loveisbeautiful]

I think that explains it perfectly, I'm glad someone gets it. You're one of the few women on here that do.

[peachblossomluck]

Inbox me anytime:)

[loveisbeautiful]

Thanks, I appreciate that :)

[0112358]

You've always had a unique perspective, sometimes i agreed, sometimes not, but it's nice to see your ideas.

I'm sorry to hear the haters are dragging you down. Feel free to message me if an anti-hater would help.

Take care of yourself.

[loveisbeautiful]

Thanks, I appreciate that.

[Kristy5987]

The whole reasons for posting on this site is for honest advise and opinions not to be ridiculed or taken the mick out of.

Although you cannot strop trolls from hurting others to feel better about themselves.