What If You've Never Had A Boyfriend?

There seems to be a huge struggle with many girls who have never had a boyfriend before.

Many 16, 18, and even 20 year old girls have asked me this question, “I’ve never had a boyfriend before, I’ve never kissed a guy or even held hands. Am I ugly?” And it’s a question I’m sure that a large percentage of girls wonder, but are afraid to admit it. But to be honest, chances are, looks are the last reason for never having a boyfriend.
"Chances are, looks are the last reason for never having a boyfriend."


For me personally, I didn’t have my first girlfriend until I was 18 years old. It was kind of funny, because she was actually younger than me. I was a senior in high school and she was 15 years old and a freshman at the time. We met through church. And the only reason we started dating is because she was the aggressive one. She let me know that she liked me, and more or less got everything started.


All throughout high school I was a very shy guy. Once I got to know girls, I would talk to them and be their friends and everything. But as far as letting them know that I was interested in them, or asking for their phone number, I never had the guts. I, like many guys my age, was afraid of rejection. I never went to any school dances, and I never went to prom. Of course, being a boy, those things really didn’t matter that much. I always used the excuse that I had to work, which I usually did, but I’m sure I could have gotten it off if I had requested.

The truth of the matter was that I really was afraid of being rejected. I never once put myself out there to a girl to accept or reject me. I never had the confidence or self esteem needed to ask a girl out. And for some reason, I thought that being rejected by a girl would end my life in high school as I knew it. I knew for sure that if I got rejected, that everyone in the school would hear about it, and they would all smile at me as they passed me in the halls and be thinking, “What a loser!” So I just played it safe, was friends with girls, and never left my comfort zone.



I tell you this for a couple reasons:
  • First off, just because if you’re 16 or 18 or whatever, and you haven’t had a boyfriend yet doesn’t make you weird, it doesn’t make you different, and it certainly doesn’t mean that you’re unattractive. There are many teenagers and even people in their 20’s that have never had a boyfriend or girlfriend. If I hadn’t have been pursued by the girl, who knows when I would have gotten my first girlfriend. So stop panicking, take a deep breath. Everything is going to be ok.

  • The other reason I tell you that, is because that chances are, it isn’t you. Teenage guys don’t always have the guts to let a girl know that he likes her. Chances are, there is a guy that is crushing on you, but he’s too shy to say anything, because he’s afraid you won’t like him back and he will be the laughing stock of the whole school. So just because a guy doesn’t actually come up to you and ask you out or ask for your phone number, doesn’t mean that there isn’t a guy that sees you every day and wants to ask you so badly, but he doesn’t have the guts.

Gogus olculeri
Another possible reason is that teenage guys don’t always appreciate beauty. You hear that beauty gets better with time. Well I also believe that appreciating beauty gets better with time as well. When I was in high school, there were a few girls that attracted my eye. But in a school of over a thousand, I can remember only having a crush on a handful.

Now that I’m older and looking back, I can’t believe how many girls that I overlooked that were beautiful, but I didn’t really think about at the time. So before you start thinking you’re ugly or that there is something wrong with you, realize that it’s probably not you. There could be a handful of reasons why you don’t have a boyfriend that have nothing to do with you.


The one thing that you can work on that will definitely help you out is not being shy. If you notice girls who seem to always get the guys, chances are, she’s not shy. She’s outgoing and she talks to guys. I will teach you how to flirt later on, but I really want you to get over the fact that if you haven’t had a boyfriend, that there is no need to panic or worry.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Thank you so much! I used to be very self conscious. I thought that my nose was big or my thighs were fat or something was wrong with my hair. but now that I'm in high school and out of the tiny private school that I used to go to, I realized that I'm perfect just the way that I am I'm smart pretty confident outgoing athletic I can be determined to do something or finish something and I think that can be hot. what was I thinking!? now I know that if some1 doesn't like how I am then its their loss!!!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Nothing is satisfying as a meaningful & mature* relationship. In my opinion, most teenagers should not date as most of them are still very young and immature unfortunately...unless they are the few extremely mature ones who can truly appreciate & respect it and themselves & their partner when in one.

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Join the discussion

What Girls Said 76

  • I'm so glad that you wrote this! Even though I'm considered attractive [both my face and my body] I just recently had my first kiss and haven't had a real relationship yet...and I'm 20! I always thought that it was usually because I've always gone to small private schools and/or I would pursue guys I liked which turned them off. Now I see that it could also be that some guys "like[d]" me but are too shy! I can think of some guys [including my crush] who look at and hug me a lot though.

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  • Wow, it's like you're the guy version of me! I'm extremely shy. But right now, I'm trying to get out of that. And to my surprise, it's got extraordinary results. I don't have a boyfriend yet, but at least now, its not because I haven't been asked. But anyways, I just love how you wrote this. It's so real and informative. I want girls out there to to know that if you do walk around like you own something, guys WILL take notice. I get so much male attention now. And I've turned 2 guys down.

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  • I guess I can thank you for stating thisthe fact that its not us. I have this problem that I have never had a boyfriend and I don't think that ill have one soon. Its been frustrating me lately mainly because I always hear other girls like my friends(younger ones too), talking about their boyfriend. how they broke up or how they went on a date with them and I'm already a junior in high school and still nothingwtf! I don't think I'm ugly but I think its how shy I am with some guys;I wish I would just be myself

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  • Im just a month away from turrrning a quarter century old!and I've never had a Boyfriend or being kissed and definitely no third base! my best friend have gone through like 5 BFs already, and me?...still the same ..alone!, on one hand I want a boyfriend because I'm tired of going alone to all gatherings(family or friends) and on the other hand I'm so used to my independence!. and I know you said it's not "me" ..I'm not ugly, but I'm not a super model either.I just don't get it!Now, I'm started to think its me!

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  • This helped me in a different way-I've had Bf's before but there's a guy I like who even told me he liked me but didn't ask me out, and maybe I should give him a hand and just do it myself. This is a good reminder that all guys aren't brave and some take more fe-nessing than others.

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  • This actually frequently goes well beyond people's 20s. The older someone is without ever having been in a relationship, the less likely they are to put themselves out there or to be the pursuer. But you're exactly right in your reasoning of why this happens.

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  • This is helpful. I want to say thank you. I'm one of the girls here who posted their comments regarding this article. I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who is going through this situation. hehe.. I was a late bloomer and a type of person who's not interested in meeting new people because I'm a choosy type. I only communicate or talk to people if I need to. I have everything that a guy would like from a girl according to many but it sucks knowing that no one ever dared to seriously court me. :(

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  • You have given me hope! *hugs* I'm in college and haven't had a boyfriend yet...I've been wondering what's wrong with me for so many years. Yes, I'm a shy girl, but every time I tried to put myself out there, something ALWAYS went wrong. It went so wrong the last time I put myself out there that I fell into a deep depression, became borderline suicidal and blocked months from my memory.

    Thank you for restoring hope!

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  • I think this is a great article, because people are afraid of rejection. I can really relate too, because I am extremely shy and it is really hard to get close to guys without thinking the worst.

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  • Wow! thank you so much. I love your article. It has made me feel better. Thank you! and yes I am very shy and I'm trying to work on it. =D

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  • I love you. =p

    but how do I stop being shy?

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  • This is so true. I'm pretty shy and so is my boyfriend, and before he asked me out we never talked at all, had any classes together, or any other reason to talk to each other (we were not-so-close friends in freshman year, which is the only reason I knew him). On the last day of ticket sales for our senior prom, he just came up and asked me, and I said yes. After that we hung out more and more and now we've been in a relationship for 2 months. That one burst of courage paid off.

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  • Thank you for this article! Its so sweet of you to write this article to help us understand our problem. I'm 20 and never had a boyfriend but I've been recently told by different people that there actually WERE guys who are interested but just are too scared or intimidated by me. All these while my low self esteem and confidence had been degrading to my self worth and I realize I should just stop thinking negatively about myself. One major problem contributing to my situation is my shyness to look and make eye contact with an attractive guy passing by or anywhere in sight. I really have to change that now. Thank you Jarett =)

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  • Wow, this honestly made my day...it made me feel a little bit better! Thanks :)

    @shalove, I'm in the EXACT same boat...I'm told a LOTTT I'm pretty, I'm not shy at all, and I have all the confidence in the world, but somehow I never got the "the next level" with a guy.

    Maybe because the guys I do talk to are usually complete a*sholes...haha

    *sigh*....time will tell.

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  • Omg, thanks so much for writing this. I've been feeling really down and lonely the past couple of days, I'm 19 and never had a bf. I've been with guys but it's never gone much farther than a couple of dates or hookups and I am starting to worry that there is something wrong with my personality and that it will never happen for me :/. I really think it's because I'm afraid to go far emotinally because I'm afraid of rejection. But your article has given me hope to try harder!

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  • @Blondechick 8559

    Omg I am in the EXACT same position as you!

    I had the perfect opportunity to smile at my crush today (we haven't ever talked before, only eyecontact :P), but I completely chickened out! I SOOOOOOOOOO regret what I DIDN'T do! I want to rewind time SO badly right now! Plus, it's a Friday, a whole 2 days without seeing him! I am taking this articles advice and smiling at him on Monday. Thanks for writting this! It boosts my confidence up a little bit, which I need REALLY bad! ;

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  • What I don't like is that everyone says to get a boyfriend you can't be shy. BUT THAT"S WHO I AM... I can be outgoing and more comfortable when we talk, but by nature I am an introvert. Why can someone just accept you for who you are? We all can't be outgoing to get the guy, sometimes the guy WILL have to be the outgoing one. What is wrong with that?

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  • I'am 24 and I never had one.Did I break the age record here? :)) I honestly believe I'll never be that lucky to have someone being in love with me. I wanna believe in what you wrote here...but the looks really do matter. no guy wants to have an ugly gf. and if not ...if I got a chance to get a guy interested in me..he would wave me a good-bye just the second I'll tell him I hate sex. so.. yeah.. some of us are made to be single and lonely for ever. so I am learning to live my life alone.

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  • You don't know how helpful this is. I'm 16, and I've never had a bf. this article made me feel a lot better. I don't always admit how much it bothers me. But I guess it's all abotu waiting for the right one. thank you for writing this. :)

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  • omg you just opened my eyes. being a girl, I always thought guys were these boundless creatures that loved to pursue girls. now that youve said it, I realized some guys are like me, shy and afraid of rejection. thanks so much!

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What Guys Said 15

  • Hey brother , I am very happy you wrote this article to the ladies out there. Girls , listen, there are gazzillion guys out there wishing they would have one second of your time. They wish to love you in every way they can . But they are shy , not cowards, just shy , and afraid to offend you . They are like that because they are inexperienced and you are the first girl they had a crush on ! Be happy girls we admire you ! Lots!

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  • Hopefully this can be reversed as well, because I have the same dark thoughts.

    (i.e What if you've never had a girlfriend?)

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  • Yeah, many people accustom their relationship status with age which is completely idiotic. Some girls treat having a boyfriend as a fashion accessory and same with guys...they feel like they are more of a "guy"...teenagers. If you are desperate for a relationship...you become that much unattractive. Relationships should come and go as they feel right and not because you are of a certain age or some other social stigma. Nothing is as satisfying as a meaningful relationship.

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  • I agree 100% I was driving myself crazy thinking was I ugly why can't I get a bf? so girls don't worry a special boy will come and sweep you off your feet like mine did. A boy asked my out when I was 17 made me feel somewhat wanted :) but its not the end out the world, because girls feel the same way as you said in this article

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  • This is so true, even as an almost 21 year old I still feel like girls will just reject me and I'll get laughed at. Its just hard for me to have the confidence, especially not being the best looking guy. I've only asked out 2 girls and only one went on date with me, so I guess I just feel to that if those girls reject me, most of them wil ,but hopefully there will be someone out there. I just hope I can be more outgoing

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  • So true

    glad you got this down

    guys and girls alike will benefit from this lots

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  • Being 18, I've never had a girlfriend, not that I couldn't have had one. Quite a few wanted to start a relationship with me, but my introvert personality always stands in the way, which is odd, because when I'm around my closest friends, I'm a party animal. That brings me pain because I don't think there are a lot of girls my age that would stand my shyness long enough for me to start showing my true nature =/

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  • Hey dude, I am the exact same way. I never asked a girl out in school, never went to any dances, etc. I am in my mid 20s now, and have still never had a girl friend. I just can't ask. I admit, I lack the self-confidence.

    But I like this article, it lets girls know that there are some guys out there, like me, who just can't and won't ask, no matter how much one likes a girl.

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  • LOL we all know its easier being a female and getting a date faster than it is, being a male and getting a date. Anyone who says no has been living under a rock. All women/girls have to do is look cute/decent and guys approach. Guys on the other hand need to be tall, good looking, muscular, funny etc to even have a woman look at him.

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  • This is a good article for all the lifelong single ladies out there bro. Is there a version like this for the guys? Seeing as I'm in the same position

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  • Im 16 (never holded hands in my life) and I had a "chance" like you, but she kinda ruined our date by going back with her ex. never felt so bored in my life, really!

    thanks for writting this post, it made me feel less alone.

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  • Hey I read all I like you friend just as a friends ur story is nice

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  • Well this seems to be a bit of a relief!!

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  • Great article

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  • this is not only never had a boyfriend issue but also never had a partner issue... same for guys too.. excellent comments below

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