Guy's Behavior

Positivity and Perspectives

Foreword: I wrote this a few years ago for a Toastmasters' project. Looking back on it I must have been in a good mood to write this. I hope you don't find it too syrupy sweet; too much positivity talk gets somewhat sickening after a while. But with new year's day approaching I figured this would be a timely dose of positivity to help you get started on your resolutions.


Positivity and Perspectives



Self-improvement is a goal for many people whether it be to lose weight, get in shape, get a higher education, or get that promotion. However, self-improvement requires change and reaching goals can be difficult if one is reluctant to change. So to benefit from change a change in attitude is needed because a poor attitude will limit your progress. A better attitude is the only sure way to personal growth. Furthermore, a change in attitude requires a change in perspective.


So consider this: is the way we view the world the way the world is or is that just a projection of the internal, of ourselves? It has to be a bit of both. Take for example a dog. It is inarguably a dog, it has four legs, it eats, its runs, etc. A person could view a dog as scary but that does not necessarily mean that the dog is scary. It is more likely that this view of a dog is just a projection of the person's fear of dogs. Or another example is that you could view a person as unkind but that does not necessarily mean that the person is unkind. This could just be a projection based on your past experiences. The relative nature of what something is can be changed by the way it is viewed, so it is important to have a good outlook on life.



We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.
- Anais Nin



Furthermore, how we view ourselves can change how others view us. Haim Goldenberg has illustrated this on his TV show "GoldMind":



(Footnote: this phenomenon could be explained by a branch of parapsychology called DMILS - direct mental interaction with living systems)


If you think well of yourself then others are more likely to think well of you. This can work both ways though. That is, the way others view you can cause you to view yourself that way and therefore lock yourself in a certain way of viewing yourself. What I suggest is trying to change how you view yourself and create a new feedback loop where a positive view of yourself causes others to view you that way which further causes you to view yourself in that same positive way.

Positivity and Perspectives


Now, I find that the message or call to action of many inspirational speeches is easier said than done; partly because they tell you what to do but not how to do it. How can I expect you to change your attitude if I don’t tell you how to do so? So here are some pointers I have. Firstly, look at yourself in the mirror and carefully determine who you are. Then think about who you want to be or where you want to be in life. I believe that reality bends to our desires so if you want something badly enough then it will become reality. Secondly, try changing your body language. You may know that our attitudes affect our body language but the reverse is also true: our body language affects our attitudes. So here are some ways of improving your body language to adopt a better attitude:


1. Don’t cross your arms and legs; avoid defensive/closed body language
2. Have eye contact but don’t stare
3. Slow down a bit
4. Don’t fidget


Another tip I can give you stems from the following quote:



When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened
– Winston Churchill



We should try to lessen our fears because most of the things you fear will never happen and if they do they will often not be as bad as expected. So think back and remember how little of what you feared throughout your life has actually happened. Another quote that might help you adjust your attitude towards fear is:



Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.
– Samuel Beckett



Because failure is bound to happen at times. The important thing is to learn from it and try to self-correct. Worrying too much could just increase the chances of failure.


One last tip I’ll give you is to act as if you are a positive person. For example, smile to feel happier. If you act as if you are a positive person, you will start to feel and become more positive. Fake it ‘til you make it. Eventually the ‘mask’ you wear becomes a part of you much like a wig or glasses or contacts would.


All things being said, dramatic change is unlikely; don’t expect to change overnight. You will probably have to make many self-corrections until such corrections become automatic and a part of you. Focus more on the process than the end goal. It's not so much a question of time as it is a question of the quality of your mind.



Though I might travel afar, I will meet only what I carry with me, for every man is a mirror. We see only ourselves reflected in those around us. Their attitudes and actions are only a reflection of our own. The whole world and its condition has its counter parts within us all. Turn the gaze inward. Correct yourself and your world will change.
- Kristin Zambucka


Positivity and Perspectives
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