There are no nice guys or bad boys there are just people!!!

Rloco

there are no nice guys or bad boys there are just people!!!

For the longest time I've read so many questions and myTakes based on categories of people which is ridiculous. There are only people who care about different things.

The Bad Boy

This person is described this way because of his attitude toward others and rules. This is based upon them caring more about themselves then other people around them and being extroverted. This guy usually speaks his mind doesn't care how he sounds and goes after whatever he wants. Him not caring about others usually ends with him getting his way because he's generally not afraid to step on others. Women find this appealing be a use this shows clear signs of him being able to be a provider and protector IF they can get him to care about them. These guys seem to be more dominant and confident due to their lack of care for others.

The (Fake) Nice Guy

This is another person who has themselves first but lacks the ability to outright go for what they want. This person will generally try to use kindness to manipulate in order to get what they want. This often fails with women because they see someone who is not very efficient at getting what they want.

The Actual Nice Guy

This is a person who cares about others and will put what they want on hold to make others happy. This in theory is what women want because it shows a loving nature that women appreciate. However when applied in the real world appears as a huge weakness and makes those who are this way seem unfit to provide or protect. When in reality this can drive these people to actually do what the (bad boy) will do to see their loved ones happy.

Me

I tend to care a lot about others. I will always help and support those around me but won't break myself doing it. I go for what I want unless it hurts the ones I care about. I can't date someone who doesn't show interest in me and can't do a job that harms others. I do what I enjoy and don't care what others think. I want to provide for a family someday and can't to meet someone I can share all aspects of my life with. Like most people I have parts of myself taken from all three of these categories. I'm not extroverted so I go unnoticed and can't pursue someone that doesn't seem interested. I have insecurities that hold me back but like everyone I'm working on them. Confidence is the one thing I'm lacking that will open a world of opportunity for me. I fit into the nice guy role the most so I seem weak and not very appealing. Once I feel confident in truly being myself things will change.

Everyone

We all take from these three categories and depending on which ones you pull from more that will be your label. It's ridiculous but that's how the world works. Just own who are and be yourself and you'll go far. There is no secret to dating its just finding a person who shares similar goals and likes things about you.

There are no nice guys or bad boys there are just people!!!
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Mekkalyn
    I don't understand why all of a sudden labels are so bad. It's a way to describe a group of people that are similar in behavior. It is basically a quick way of saying the characteristics of that type. You are gullible if you think that people do not have traits in common and can be grouped up and labeled.

    Everyone has a label.
    You don't have to live up to it. You can change it. You can be whomever you want and you should never focus on your label, but generalization are always going to be around and it's not such a bad thing.

    Let's take a look at animals. There are so many different types of dogs. There are labs, Hungarian Vizslas, yorkie, pugs, bulldogs, the list goes on and on. You call them a dog, or you can call them their specific breed. Typically depending on the breed there is a general personality that accompanies it, and a typical look. There will be pugs that don't look the same, there will be labs that don't look the same... but they are still pugs/labs, and they are still dogs. Even if they don't fit the grouping 100%, they are still labeled, and it is understood that just because they are what they are it doesn't mean that they will guaranteed have the personality that is typical of that group.

    People fear labels because they want to do whatever they want and not have consequences of the bad labels. People want to act like an asshole, but not get called one. People want to have casual sex, lie, and break hearts but not be called a player or a bad guy.

    Generalizations are a way to quickly group people up under what is understood of that label. If someone says "my boyfriend did this, this, and this, (thing that bad boys do) do you have any tips dealing with the typical bad boy (implies that his other actions follow suit with the bad boy stigma)?" we typically know what that entails quickly and can help them with a question.

    Yes, there can be false labeling. It happens.
    But just because you don't like labels doesn't mean there isn't a purpose.
    Should you blanket judge someone? Maybe not. But if a cat is a cat, you call it a cat. If a person is a player, you're going to call him a player.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Rloco

      Everything is fine in moderation. It's when people judge others based on those labels that it's not ok. I for example would be considered a "nice guy" however I don't let others step all over me or expect a girl to sleep with me if I do nice things for her. The only thing that makes me fall into that category is that I care about others happiness before mine and enjoy doing nice things for people I like. The peoint of this take is to say labels are pointless except for using a quick description in conversation.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Ratiocinative
    lol. More feminist garbage. A "nice guy" in terms of dating is someone who tries to get people to like them by being overly nice and faking the same opinions. If you behave like that you will never get a quality woman.

    Women fall in love with guys who have a personality. Not being a nice guy doesn't mean being a jerk, it just means owning your opinions and doing what you like to do even if other people like something different.

    Common behaviors of "nice guys":
    Apologizing or saying sorry when they aren't at fault for something.
    Changing their opinions about something based on other people's opinions.
    Feeling uncomfortable standing up for their own wants and needs.
    Doing favors for others because they want them to like or accept them.

    These behaviors lead to unhappiness in almost all areas of life, but especially their relationships with women. Women don't want a weak, passive, and cowardly man, and "accepting yourself" will not change the fact the women won't be attracted to you until you decide to grow a pair and stand up for yourself.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Rloco

      That's part of the fake nice guy lol. And like I said everyone takes part from each type. I genuinely like doing nice things for others and putting a smile on their face. I care about others more than myself. But I don't take people's shit, and won't get taken advantage of. If a girl doesn't want to date, I'll be friends if she wants and then I'll move on and try to date someone else. But if she doesn't want to really be friends and just wants to use me she's not worth my time. I like who I am and own it. I'm looking for that person who likes me too.

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What Girls & Guys Said

45
  • peachblossomluck
    The fake nice guy is this "white knight" everyone is talking about, right? I'm that woman who is very direct so I don't lead men on but they don't seem to appreciate it very much. Women like me are a new breed I suppose?
    • Rloco

      The difference is other guys who aren't fake will do nice things and want nothing in return. They do things just to put a smile on your face.

    • Those guys I likeā™”

  • sp33d
    People have a need to put a label on everything. It is what it is. Negative connotations exist for those who insist on it.
  • aficionado
    I'm the actual nice guy. And I haven't even bothered to approach women.
    • Rloco

      You should just be you and someone will like you. if it's not immediate someone eventually will.

    • ArtDent

      @asker and what do you base that on?

    • Rloco

      If you are truly a nice person and are willing to through the risk you will meet someone. It will just take patience and a little pit of searching.

    • Show All
  • skeptic007
    im not a bad boy or a nice guy so where the fuck do I stand
    • Rloco

      That's the point we are all a mix of all of these

  • theinternet
    I agree with you, great read!
  • Monsters
    I think girls should ve more wary of the nice guys
    • Rloco

      Of the fake nice guys yes. If people who like to genuinely do nice things why?

  • COCOCHANEL
    what about mafia?
  • Anonymous
    Great take. I've been told I'm the nicest guy many times too and haven't had the best luck with women, in terms of finding something long term, and I hate how being told you're nice has that inherent connotation of being weak, passive, a pushover, boring etc. Why don't people understand that maybe some people just don't fuck with others unless people start fucking with them?
  • Anonymous
    There is a secret to dating. You have to be interesting and going for something, and at the same time, don't be too nice too soon. This is the big one. Too soon is before the relationship is confirmed.

    "Don't be too nice" doesn't mean to be bad, it just means don't be available to talk all the time, don't give out too many compliments, don't do too many favors, and make sure to speak up on things that you disagree about.
    • Rloco

      I only sort of agree. I dint agree with any head games or trying to do things a certain way to get someone to like you. II'll just be me and meet someone who likes me for myself. If I want to talk to somebody I'm just going to. I'm not going to ignore or act like I'm busy. Even if I am busy I'll send a text. I'm not convincing anyone e they should be with me they will if they want to.

    • Anonymous

      Well, I think not being available means that you're actually supposed to be busy, and not waiting to talk all the time. I guess girls don't like it when it seems like you don't do anything but wait to talk to them all day.

      The problem is though, sometimes guys find themselves with personalities that just don't work for attracting women. That's why I think you have to do things a certain way, the correct way - and why "being yourself" isn't always the answer. There are some "yourselves" that are set up to push women away but it's not always obvious. If you just "be yourself", that's leaving it up to luck - maybe you'll meet someone you want and get them, but maybe you've accidentally set yourself up for someone you don't want, or worse, to be single for life.

    • Rloco

      The problem is that's my personality. If there isn't anyone that likes my personality then how could she like me just because I'm pretending to be something I'm not. The point of dating for me is to find someone I connect with and we like each other. Not just someone that I like and can convince to date me. It just means finding someone will take longer.

    • Show All
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