The "Nice Guy" Debate



One thing I notice a lot these days is why nice guys are the worst debate. The reason for this is I can see a lot of this being misconstrued and loads of genuine, accepting guys changing their ways and becoming A-holes due to the fact that they think this is going to get them places.

1. Being a nice guy doesn't entitle you to any girl! This doesn't mean that being a douche entitles you to any girl either. For guys that don't have beautiful faces, tons of money and an underwear model's body you have to put something else on the table. Being a nice, caring person is a strength but not a deal sealer. Add other traits to your palette. What do a lot of girls like? Confidence, sense of humor, your own opinion - the list goes on and on! Generally the key to being desirable as a male is to love yourself. This doesn't mean take 30 selfies a day with no shirt on, but take pride in yourself.

2. Be nice, but not too nice! I lost the girl of my dreams due to this! Ignore all the alpha:beta BS because it's just a social segregation. But when a girl comes into your life that you spark with don't chase her out the door. We go back to the guys greatest asset, strength! Sometimes relationships just work, I am envious of these people, but for others it isn't that easy. A girl can seem completely into you for a month and then vanish in a puff of smoke. The big mistake here is to beg for her. There's always a reason for this. Maybe an ex boyfriend has heard about her dating and came back, maybe she's caught up in some other life problem, or maybe she realised she isn't that interested in you. In these situations you cut contact, you're still being a nice guy by giving her space or letting it end peacefully, but you aren't presenting yourself as a doormat. Some girls will just be flat out honest (If you could all be like that that would be great at times) but some might like having you hanging about as a fall back and some might just like all the friendly attention you give them when douce bag A, B or C sleeps with them and doesn't call back! See the pattern here. This doesn't mean be like douce bag A, B or C but have self respect, You aren't someone's silver medal.

3. Finally guys don't pursue girls because you are nice! Let girls pursue you because you are interesting. Yes you might be short, yes you might be going bald at 21, yes you might be blessed with a less perfect smile. Don't let these traits drag you down however. Everyone can improve their appearance. When I was 20 I weighed 11 stone and had no muscle tone whatsoever, I had really bad spots and slightly bucked teeth. 3 years later I've noticed a lot more female attention and can at least kiss a girl every time I go on a night out. What changed? I got some medication to clear my spots albeit I've still got some scarring, I finished University and started working full time so I could afford nice clothes, nice haircuts and a nice car. I joined a gym and go regularly to stay in shape. Because of this my confidence grew and I went from a 4 to a 7. Inside however I am the same person with the same friendly attitude but girls pursue me more now. Why's that, because I give them a reason to!

To sum up guys, If you are a nice guy, stay a nice guy but bring more to the table! Don't chase girls, don't become a doormat and for god sakes LOVE YOURSELVES!

The "Nice Guy" Debate
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  • Anonymous

    "Being a nice guy doesn't entitle you to any girl!"

    I agree with this statement but I believe that it's not the issue. I don't think the issue is feeling entitled but rather confusion. They hear girls say how much they like and want nice guys so their natural thinking is "I'm a nice guy, but how come girls still don't want me?" but on the other hand they hear stuff like "nice guys finish last" and looking around, you'll notice most girls within the younger age groups go for jerks/bad boys/assholes.. etc. Most of the time you hear a girl, who has been dating, talk about her past, she'll mention multiple jerks that she has dated. If jerks didn't really have that much appeal to them, why would they be so successful? Why would such individuals be very common in a girl's past if not the present too? There must be a degree to success here and when nice guys see this, they get confused. In summary, "They say they want this, but they go for that..."

    "Be nice, but not too nice!"
    I don't think level of niceness is controlled. It's either you're nice, too nice or not nice at all. It's not just push a button and decide to be nice or before you do anything you have to think if it's just nice or too nice. People don't think like that and if they did, that becomes manipulation and ruins the experience since it becomes more of a mission to be accomplished.

    "Let girls pursue you because you are interesting."
    Generally, girls rarely pursue guys because they don't need to since they get approached a lot and more often than not, girls even lose respect for a guy if he didn't approach them first because to them that screams "not confident/insecure".

    "bring more to the table!"
    That needs more detail. I like to believe that I'm a nice guy but, I'm not the individual that will fill a girl's life with excitement, adventure, drama.. etc. I'm not running wild and don't need taming which might scream "boredom" for some. The only thing I can think of that I can bring to the table, besides my personality is how tech-savvy I am and no computer/phone problem survives in my presence for more than 10 minutes or probably show off the cool stuff I can make a machine do. That's really about it for what I can think of.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • pr3ttybr0wn

    Nice Guys forget that girls need to be attracted too. So if you're not sexy In a girls eyes then it will be hard to make it with her

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • ManOnFire

    To be honest with you, and I'm not lashing at you per se, but I really hate all this "nice guy" stuff, and that includes the post from a female on it awhile ago too. It seems like it shouldn't even be an issue or topic of discussion. I really could not care less whether or not some female thinks I'm nice or not. I'm a person who is real and shows exactly what I am, and I'm not concerned if I should be a nice guy or not. Of course, I do try to be a polite, good person, but not to get a girl. If she thinks I'm nice, she thinks I'm nice. If not, I really don't care.

    "Nice" or not nice is just how females decide they're going to look at a guy, not what a guy really may be. And I really don't think guys should be concerned about it or telling themselves they're nice to validate themselves - I agree with you on that. Females too often pick the wrong guys and don't care if they're nice or not, because something about the wrong guy was attractive to her, and is an indication of their own inner ego or lack of development to choose that. Nice doesn't matter to them, and it shouldn't matter to guys either.

  • Boomer123

    Being nice doesn't make you a good guy or right for the girl. Nothing listed above had anything to do with listening to her, being respectful, sharing of yourself. I really dislike the "nice guy" who is only nice until he is comfortable the girl likes him and then he is an ass.

  • the_rake

    well, most actual nice guys will tell you that

    1. they don't think they are entitled
    2. ok, but really and truly there is no such thing as 'too nice' - just 'nice but too passive'
    3. not all nice guys are drips in every sense of the word! it's possible to be nice but have other positive assets - e. g. strength, confidence, attractiveness, etc.

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  • TheHooptyMiata

    The issue is really that a 'nice guy' who is ripped and drives a nice car is actually just a 'hot guy'. Any other 'nice guy' (I. e. fat, badly dressed, civic driving loser, et al) is just put into a little box labelled 'people I will never sleep with'.

    So yeah, work out, get a BMW and a suit, and you can still be a nice guy, but you'll get pussy too.

  • Goldie757

    Most people are nice. You're SUPPOSED to be nice. You don't get credit for doing what's expected of you. If all you can say is that you're nice, you're probably boring.

  • inneedofaname

    Seriously, I have been around for a long time on the crying internet. Yet, I have encountered more posts about nice guys and how they shouldn't be whining than actual posts by nice guys being sad because of not getting a girl.
    So, to stop the nice guy debate, just stop fucking posting about nice guys, damnit.

  • Rufus335

    what you described is the difference between a pussy and a nice guy. be the nice guy explained not the pussy.

  • davidpossey


  • Anonymous

    The problem with being told you're nice, is you automatically get pigeonholed with the self-proclaimed nice guys and are seen as a pushover, weak, boring, etc like it's an inherently negative trait.

    What's wrong with not starting shit unless someone starts shit with you. It's like fighting, only reason to fight is to defend yourself if being attacked.

    My issue is I'll get girls initially attracted but then they'll flake after the first date.