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Oh guys..Where do I start? This question has plagued the minds of girls for the longest time! I'll give a scenario. So there's a girl who likes you. And possibly you like her back. But you don't have much experience with girls. So you're a little shy. It all goes something like this:
You see her standing there by her desk. You go up to her and strike up a conversation. As you talk to her you show her all the lovely signs of interest except touching her. You're a little scared of what she thinks of that. Finally you hear the bell ring and class is over. You walk out that door and BOOM! You're a more quiet reserved kind of guy.
She talks to you and you're a little quiet from what she had witnessed earlier. So she's thinking oh maybe he's shy. Then when you're not together, at times she has the boldness to text you first. She says Hey. But you know what she gets? Absolutely nothing. She's trying now to make the best out of every situation. She thinks that you're not a phone type of guy who doesn't like to text. And it's exactly what you are. She just didn't know. Then she sees you around school walking to your next period with a friend. She says hello ( FROM THE OTHER SIDE). You ignore her and you look down and smile. Not every time though. Then the next day rolls around.
You see her and you go up to her and start talking to her again as if nothing is wrong! You even flirt with her a lot this time. You don't even bother to bring up why you didn't text her back or if you saw her message at all. She's smiling you're smiling. It seems to her now that everything is just peachy keen. So the next few days later, she texts you again. And she still doesn't get a response. The cycle continues over and over. But eventually she stops texting you and saying hi to you. And you still choose to talk to her. She's afraid of asking why you do this because you're special to her. But this is where it gets better. Over a 2-3 month period, she's told you that she likes you. You had the biggest smile on your face. But you didn't say not one thing about it. It's like you indirectly ignored it. You still do the things said above to this very day.
Alright I've explained my case. Now it's time for us to know. If this was you.. What's your motive behind this? Would you say that you were shy? You're scared of her? If so why? Do you avoid her because you're insecure? What should we girls know to better understand this situation? Just give me a reason! Just a little bit's enough! Just a second we're not broken just bent and we can learn to understand! In all seriousness though, I gotta know what's up with this. Guys, men, us girls need all the help we can get. Thank you for your time.
What Girls & Guys Said
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2Opinion
OK I'll relay this back to you from a shy guy's point of view and maybe that will help.
So there's a girl in your class and she seems amazing. So you think to yourself how awesome it would be to get to know her and go out with her.
But you're shy. And unavoidably you know that confidence is the number one thing that attracts girls. You also know the girls have very high expectations now-a-days. So you have a little debate with yourself whether not you can pull this off. It becomes extremely worrisome. You like her and you want her to like you. And after all the other girls in the world have shown that they don't like you, you somehow have to believe that the one girl you do like is going to like you back.
So here we go- he builds up the confidence, says screw it and walks up to her. He tries his best flirting and tries to impress her a little bit in hopes that she might actually, magically like him. But of course he is so nervous it's extremely difficult and somewhat painful. Being a bit of an novice he has difficulty gauging her level of interest. Her nervousness has prevented her from showing him a real clear sign that he needs; to know how she feels about him. She seemed friendly enough but that's it. (this is where I find the biggest mistake the girls make is that they think they're giving clear signs but to a guy they are usually not clear enough). So he walks away thinking "man she's amazing but I'm not sure if she really likes me or is just friendly". Self-doubt starts to creep in and he thinks "she probably doesn't like me", so the friendly banter gets a little bit awkward. A short time later he starts to think maybe she could like me. Maybe if I could build up my confidence enough again she will start to like me. So he tries again and again he's unsure as to how she feels. The cycle continues a few more times until eventually he just gives up for good.
Guys really need clear sign as to how you feel about them. Batting an eyelash might be noticed by someone who really knows what they're doing but to somebody who doesn't, it seems like it could be a good sign but it could also be that she had some sand in her eye. There are couple of things girls can do that make it more obvious without revealing too much to the point where you become uncomfortable about revealing too much.
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Touching is very important- a little brush on the arm, a hand on the knee, playful punch after a funny moment.
Another one is telling him that you were thinking about him. It could be as simple as "brushing my hair this morning and I was thinking about what you said blah blah blah." Or "I saw a book that looked really interesting and it made me think of you."
Another one and probably the most important of all of them is be helpful to him. Women instinctually look for men that can be supportive and protective. We all know this. What few of us know is that the number one thing a man looks instinctually for in a woman is helpfulness. A man actually likes and is attracted to a woman that can help him with the difficulties of life. So find ways that you can be helpful to him. "Can I get that for you?" "Do you need a hand with blah?"
With these fairly strong signs most guys will get it and even if they're not sure if you're attracted to them it will usually get them to try to...
pursue you because their so attracted to you and the signs for continuing all point to yes. And of corse if he continues to be shy just walk up to him smack him in the four head and say hey I like you let's go out. That one pretty much always works.
*course
So just do all the things said above and see where it goes from there? And what if you kinda asked him to hang out but he didn't say yes but he didn't say no either? And what should I do to make him more comfortable with me?
And if another guy that's in our class tries to say something bad about my crush or make fun of him should I say hey stop making fun of my man and see what his reaction is? Because there was this one time where my friend was with her boyfriend and she introduced us to him when we were walking to our next class and then my crush goes yeah she thinks that we're together and I was like whaaaat?
Ok don't kinda do anything. Just ask. "Hey you wanna grab a slurpee and go sit by the river?". Be direct. He may have a confidence issue that makes it hard to believe you could like him. If you help him a little his confidence will grow and he'll start to take a lead.
Make him more comfortable by being persistent.
When it comes to other people and him, you must be a little careful. You don't want to give the impression that you will fight his battles for him. Somebody talking shit about him? just look them in the eye and say "your attitude just shows how foolish you are." And walk away. If he's there just turn to him and say "let's ditch these people" and make a gesture inviting him to walk away with you. He will more than likely jump at the chance to walk away. Especially with an awesome chick such as yourself. As is best in life: don't waste time on fools.
Haha awww thanks!! But I did ask him if we wanted to go to the movies and he said he'd ask and then I'd ask about it the next day he said he never asked or he doesn't say yes or he doesn't say no either but he would still talk to me. And then when I'd go to the movies he'd ask me how the movie was so I was like what the heck? And most of the time he is there when my guy friend says something. And I just get really confused on why he still chooses to come and talk to me and flirt with me and compliment me especially after the fact he said he didn't like me back in December. I almost want to ask why he does this but I don't want to mess this up with me and him because I want to be the girl who's there for him and to help him get through the things he gets through instead of him thinking that no one will be there to help him with anything. Is he maybe insecure?
Or maybe it's different for him and he doesn't know how to handle it because we're both different races. He's white and I'm black and oh! When he gives compliments it's not the basic ones it's the ones he puts thought into. And before he has subtly complimented me as well
OK yes it does sound like he's a little bit insecure. He may be worried that if you goes out with you on a date he may screw it up somehow. Even the slickest guys often worry about this. You may need to spend a little bit of time with him and allow him to grow comfortable with the idea that you like him a little and that he's not likely to mess that up by saying something silly or stupid.
After thinking on it for a bit I think you should try this: tell him that you need some help on a school project and you need somebody's opinion on a few things- someone whose opinion you value. Ask him if he could meet you somewhere at lunchtime to help you out. School library, behind the school wherever you go, just you and him. This will show him that you want to spend time with him, value his opinion, value him, and think that he can be helpful to you. Keep things light and joke around a bit here and there, subtly touch him and flirt. Just get him used to the idea that you're a fun person...
... to be around and he will want to be around you. As he grows little more confidence, things will be able to move forward. Now the big secret you already know: touching touching touching! Every once in a while when you greet him, hug him. When is helping you with your project sit as close as you can to him, and every once a while allow your shoulder to rest on his. Try things like any chance you get play rock paper scissors with him, and gently shove him back laughing when he wins. Challenge him to thumb wars. Anything and everything that will allow the two of you to touch. If he makes a smart ass comment about you attack him and tickle him. Keep at him. I'm betting he'll come around!
What if he doesn't even want to meet after school or what if he doesn't want to have any contact at all? And what should I do to be silly with him? Because I'm still kind of new to this lol I was thinking I could act like I'm singing a song to him and be funny and corny and tease him every so often
-if ultimately you cannot get him to meet or if he dosen't want contact then there is nothing you can do. It's like trying to date a pile of bricks. You can do better than that!
-just act like you do when your around your brother or sister. Just playful, easy, relaxed, fun. Tease him a little (not too much) and let him tease you. Present your upbeat fun self. Try not to bring too much drama or worries at first and just keep it easy-going. Talking to him will become easy. It's really your 'what if's' that get in the way. Well 'what if' he really likes you? 'What if' he's just a person like you who actually easy to talk to? Just throw caution to the wind and dive in. It's better than thinking 'what if' I had tried- ever after.
You'll do well.
Song is a great idea- just be funny about it and not serious. Corny and funny work really well. Sounds like you'll pick it up in no time.
A secret to people is they always like to talk about their interests. Just ask him about those. 🙂
Haha alright sounds good!! And oh! So I won't be at school on Wednesday through Tuesday of next week so how do I tell him bye?
Tell him that you are going to Mordor for a week to find the one true ring. Or I'm touring my brother through the south with a freekshow for a week. He's going to be a bearded lady and at two bits a gander you expect to bring in some cash!
Then give him a hug.😋
Oh lord this humor is something else lol I'll go on the lines of that maybe I'm not sure yet
I'm sorry to say... but I don't think this dude likes you because he isn't showing any interest beyond smiling and holding a conversation. Does he try to hug you? spend time with you? take you out and stuff like that? how often do you even meet outside of school and stuff. He might just want to be friends.
I consider myself to be a shy dude, but shyness wanes off after a while. When I told a previous girlfriend that i liked her, I was shy as fuck!! but over time she reciprocated and I became more comfortable around her; i could fart in her presence if I wanted to (gross, I know).
I don't know how old you are or how old said dude is, but his behavior is really strange to me. Like you even told him that you liked him (God, I wish a girl would tell me when she's interested), and he still doesn't reciprocate on a deeper level. He's playing games or just doesn't know how how he feels about you yet, but doesn't want to cut you off.
I suggest trying a classic female tactic. Try to hint that other guys are interested in you. Or you're going on a date with another dude. Try to watch his reaction after that, see if he changes. Maybe his true feelings would surface. If after telling him or hinting that other guys want you; and he still doesn't reciprocate interest then he probably just wants to be friends and isn't interested intimately.
Good luck.
I mean he's brushed his leg up against me like once and he's even touched me with his foot once as well. And he's also complimented me a couple times before but it wasn't the basic ones. He's also appeared at the places I said I would be at so this is where I'm confused at because it's all a long story. And the day I told him I liked him he did the said things above. But he has answered my texts before though and so I asked over text if he liked. me back he said nah not like that and the very next day he was talking to me and flirting with me and he was smiling and all that and to this day he still does talk to me and flirt with me so I'm just really lost on all of this
Also recently he was talking to this girl that's kind of my friend and while they were talking he looked right at me and then I walked away and he is still looked at me and I was talking to my other friends he's still looking at me and his body is facing me and then she was messing with him but he wasn't messing with her and then the bell rang for us to leave he didn't walk out with her he waited with me. And is it weird that he kind of downgraded one of my guy friends that's also in the class with us?