A "Real Man?" What The Hell is a "Real Man," Anyway?

[Demon_King_Alastor]

Woman: "James, you need to grow up, get a good job, get married, and be a supportive family man."

Me: "Why?"

Woman: "Because that's what adulthood is James."

Me: "Why?"

woman: "Because that's what being a real man is all about James."

Stop, analyze, "real man" lmao "wtf is a real man?" Aren't all men real men?

The term "real man" is nothing but a weak appeal to emotions in order to manipulate men. The term real man has nothing to do with what's good for the man himself and what makes him happy but instead focuses on getting a man to do what you want him to do for his own personal benefit.

"Real men never hit women"- I frequently see this phrase pop up when men defending themselves against women ever becomes a talking topic. Why does a man suddenly stop being a real man when he wants to defend himself? Basically being a real man is letting people exploit and cause you harm without ever daring to return the favor typically women who want to abuse men use this phrase to justify and get away with abuse.

When I was in 2nd grade, I listened to a teacher tell me "lady like" was a misogynist phrase used to manipulate girls behavior from things like burping and farting in public (something that is disgusting regardless of gender). Yet the term "real man" which is used far more often, and is far more manipulative is ok. The same teacher who complained about "ladylike" told me to "be a man and get over it" when I complained about a girl assaulting me. Basically, this have my cake and eat it too mentality.

The term real man is very contradictory: "A real man should be a leader not a follower" so why would he allow someone else tell him how he should act in order to classify as a man?

"A real man supports his wife?" I'm sorry, I thought it was the current year, aren't women supposed to support themselves now? Isn't that what feminism did?

"A real man should never let a woman beat him"..."a real man should never hit a woman back"

The term "real man" is emotional manipulation and shaming language. It's used to shame a man into acting how the person using the term wants the man to act in the current situation. Plain and simple.

If a real man is someone who allows himself to be beaten and used under some false sense of chivalry, then I am happy being a "fake man".

If anyone ever says the term "real man" especially a woman, it means they are trying to appeal to your emotions and sense of identity in order to manipulate you, and you should never, ever, listen to someone who is manipulative solely on the basis of some false sense of chivalry. That's all I have to say, good bye men and have a productive day.

[idkwtftoputhere]

"The term "real man" is emotional manipulation and shaming language. It's used to shame a man into acting how the person using the term wants the man to act in the current situation. Plain and simple."

I absolutely agree 100% and it starts at an early age too ex: "boys don't cry"
Shit, I feel bad for all the guys who have ever experienced that

[gobsmacked3]

'real man'- yet another label in a world so struggling with individuals embracing their unique identities.

'Be yourself- everyone else is taken...' ( Oscar Wilde :) )

[GoldenWing]

Hey you :), I get why you're upset... I couldn't help but notice that most of what you were referring to, were situations wherein women would bully men into being what they aren't - in that particular case, I agree with you 100%. A woman should support her man, accept him for who he is, admire him, & most of all, BELIEVE in him.

The concept of a "real man", to me, & how I was taught by other men, was introduced to distinguish between what is the right & wrong man for a woman to choose, so that she doesn't end up getting heart broken, disappointed, or wasting her time.

I think that's what might be causing the confusion, so rather, there is the GOOD man who is perfectly capable of having a relationship with; & then there is the BAD guy who is not fit for/looking for a relationship.

To me, a real man is considered someone who knows exactly what he wants & he will be persistent in his advances, because he will also be looking for love just like the woman.

The bad man is considered to be inconsistent with everything he does. He will not be ready for love, basically. There are plenty of examples to state, but I'm sure you get the point I'm trying to bring across here.

It is a method for identifying WHICH man is most suitable for us. If, however, a woman uses this concept as to confine a man, or try to change him, then she's definitely not a woman to consider for the long haul, because I was taught to accept & appreciate men for who they are.

I hope this helped a bit... Not all women are bad. ;)

[Unit1]

You give us hope in humanity, kind lady! :)

[GoldenWing]

@Unit1 I appreciate the compliment!! :D - Any time. :)

[Demon_King_Alastor]

I never said all women were bad so I don't know where you got that from.

Also even if a man is good or bad he is still a REAL MAN because a real man is a man who is real. It's honestly that simple. Why should a real man be determined by how he treats women?

[GoldenWing]

I guess you could use the term "real man" to distinguish between the mature & immature individual as well. A guy who is immature by nature, is not seen as a man in society, regardless of his age (#FACT). I know you never said all women are bad, I was just stating my opinion. Men also talk about REAL MEN... It doesn't mean that you should change. Like I said, it is a METHOD people use to distinguish between various individuals, according to their behaviour. It shouldn't be used to confine men. :)

[Demon_King_Alastor]

Multiple women used the term "lady like" but it's still got branded as misogynist. That doesn't disprove the point in this video. Imagine if I started running around saying women aren't real women if they aren't housewives? There would be a media uproar in a hour.

[GoldenWing]

To be honest, it wouldn't bother me if people expected women to be housewives. If a man wants a housewife, that is what he wants, it's all about preference. As long as he doesn't choose me the way that I am & then want to confine me into what it is that he wants, after he has chosen me. I don't agree with changing people, but I believe there is someone out there for everyone. A real man may be rugged in one woman's eyes & a gentleman in another woman's eyes. At the end of the day, it all comes down to a man's character & preference. I wouldn't be too bothered about this term if I were you, because if you strive to be a better version of yourself every day, then you will have enough to offer ANY woman, & if she still can't love you for who you are, makes large demands, & expects too much from you, you could show her the door ANY day. You can't be rejected, unless you've already rejected yourself.

[Demon_King_Alastor]

none of this answers the point of the original mytake...

[GoldenWing]

OH, ok... I get what you are trying to say. The word "real", makes a man feel insignificant, because it makes him feel like he isn't good enough... Instead, a woman could list a few things she desires in a man, BUT not refer to "REAL MEN", as it would make you feel insulted & hurt... If I were a man & a woman came up to me & said something along the lines of: "Well, REAL men will do this & that...", I'd feel like she is trying to say that I'm NOT a real man after all & feel like she is belittling me.

As far as FEMINISM goes, I actually like a man who is able to protect me. I don't compete with men, unless we are fooling around.

BEATING? If a woman ever does that, she has NO RESPECT for & compassion with men & she's TEN kinds of crazy... However, if I were a man, I'd just walk away, because I know that if I'd beat her back, she'd probably wound up dead & I'd go to jail - testosterone can do A LOT of damage :'). I'd do the responsible thing instead. ;)

[Unit1]

Would be worth every pound of the impact ;)

[GoldenWing]

@Unit1 Lmao! 😂

[davisgirl89]

I can almost understand where you are coming from with this article/ post, but I think of it in terms of men vs boy, and woman vs girl. See the difference between a man and a boy is that A man becomes more than just a naive bystander, he gains responsibility. He put childish things aside and look past self indulgence and does right by his family and community. The same goes for females. At childhood we are suppose to learn how to move past self centerness and work toward providing and naturing our community. In childhood ingornance and naivity may be an excuse but in adulthood we understand there are consequences for every action. Now do I think, he should identify genered roles, no. Should a man go out and have a career while a woman is stuck at home having children, no. That's should be up to the couple and what would work best for their family. But when starting a family, I want a real man not just a boy who thinks he has the biggest pen**. And I rather my guy want a real woman not some little girl with a nice rack.

[TokyoGhoulLover]

Yeah I agree I hate it, myself being a Real feminist, when women say they want to be treated equally and yet are unwilling to fully accept the bitter with the sweet. You want to be treated the same way as guys are? Fine. That includes hitting them. In a relationship there should be mutual respect and to treat others how you would want to be treated. If you have a disagreement talk it out like a reasonable human instead of beating your fists against them like some animal. You don't like the answer? Then leave. Only raise your fist or hand in self defense. But if you walk up to a guy with crazy accusations and start wailing on him? Well better be prepared to either get away with it, or get decked. In Equality there Is no room for Damsels in distress people. And yeah Don't be a hypocrite either. If we are going to resort to old gender roles example: "A REAL man can build his Own house" well in your logic a "Real woman should never leave the house and spread em wide if ya know what I mean" I can handle my own mud puddles and help repair things too, same as how one would expect a man to help raise the child. Seriously. toss away what your mother said in the heat of anger back in the day to your father. Gender roles and definitions are evolving with this new day and age, get with it.

[MrShinyPants]

My definition of what a real man is fairly different then what society says. To me, a real man owns up to his mistakes and doesn't mind learning from those mistakes, for one can not gain wisdom without learning from mistakes, whether from their own or from others. A real is polite, kind, caring, yet strong and has convictions and doesn't flip flop his beliefs or convictions easily. A real man is one who is finding himself or has already found who he is and his path in life. A real man is humble, a real man is patient as is in his ability to be. A real man helps others when able, not just help out but help teach them a way out for future use. A real man doesn't attack others especially those weaker then him, not just physically but verbally as well. A real man knows fighting is not the best option but can fight when there is no other option. A real man teachers others and learns from others. A real man is himself and does not pretend to be something he is not, like a kind person acting heartless to impress others etc.. A real man doesn't need to impress others or society but is willing to stand up and be different and show his true self. It goes on but those are the basics, not one thing defines a true man, but many things can make him a man.

[bvictor]

While the "Real Man" term is a very subjective term. It does hold some weight for the overall person.

"The term real man has nothing to do with what's good for the man himself and what makes him happy but instead focuses on getting a man to do what you want him to do for his own personal benefit."

Right here is where you are wrong. It has everything to do with the man himself and making him happy. And if you happen to be manipulated by the "Real Man" phrase then clearly you are not a real man. A real man knows what he wants and he gets it. A real man is not easily influenced. A real man brings the money to support himself and those he is responsible for. Now how you go about all this is up to you. But THAT is what a real man looks like. And if you take offense to the phrase "Real Man" then you are not a real man. Because a real man knows his weakness and instead of arguing with others he takes ownership of his weakness and makes them strengths. The first step to becoming a "Real Man" is knowing when you are not a "Real Man". So stop complaining and be a REAL MAN.

[Demon_King_Alastor]

Wow, this whole comment is just giant manipulation 101. Basically: a real man is someone who takes burdens but isn't allowed to complain about him. So you're burden of a real man is someone who shuts up and just accepts what he's told... interesting.

[Demon_King_Alastor]

I meant version

[bvictor]

No a REAL MAN doesn't care if he is a "Real Man" and takes care of his responsibilities. Are is asking someone to be responsible a "manipulation" too? You used the example of not hitting a girl who is hitting you. The responsible thing is to leave not hit back. Ofcourse defend yourself to a reasonable degree if you have to but get the authorities involved. But if you really think that the word "Real Man" is holding you back from something then what? Do you want an all out excuse to go at a woman with zero restraint. Girls can be bitches I am not going to lie. But these are girls you just need to drop like a bad habit. Not keep them around and beat them into their place. In this case a Man knows when to choose his battles and show restraint. This is what a responsible person would do. Or do you disagree?

[acka72]

Everybody tríes to manipulate other people, knowingly or unknowingly. Ladies dont ask men out and men dont cry. A woman who doesn't get married is a slut and 3rd degree citizen a man who doesn't marry is irresponsible and gay.

All I can say is that a lady and a real man do whats best for them as individuals without giving a butthole what others think of them. People with backbone are single cause they have the common sense not to marry for the wrong reasons and those who do marry (especially in the case of men) do so cause they love and respect their partner and feel ready to build a family. Those people aren't coerced into things and they have the character to own up to their lives and their decisions.

[Demon_King_Alastor]

When has a woman been called a slut for not wanting to get married? Lmao. Crazy old cat lady, maybe but never a slut. How is a woman a 3rd degree citizen. What is a 3rd degree citizen? If you would have said 2nd class citizens that would've made a lot of sense. And even then, women don't get treated like 2nd class citizen for not getting married. Wtf did you pull this information from?

Marriage is pointless and manipulation. Name one actual benefit for the man during marriage, I'll wait.

[Unit1]

There isn't.

[AnJaneBeauty]

Marriage is not. If you see it in a different point of view to understand marriage, you would probably change your mind. Plus you are 17 of course you are going to say that but we grow over time & as well as our thinking. You could change your mind in about a couple years.

[Barrabus_the_Free]

Demon, you're right, there is no point in marriage for a man. No benefit. Only responsibility and risk.

[Checkers82]

I hate the term "real" anything. It especially gets my gears going when my mum shoves oganic food at me like "Look, it's a REAL potato." Pretty sure just because it comes from a heath food shop doesn't make it any more real than the one from a supermarket. It's stupid and dumb. Men should never have to tolerate abuse, even from women. More people need to understand that real femanism is a good thing. And no I'm not talking about that "women are better than men" shit. Like actual equality femanism. It's not something just for women and we need to start teaching people what equality means.

[flypaper]

A husband should support his wife and a wife should support her husband. In a relationship the couple themselves should decide what support means and what their role with in the relationship is.

in my opinion being a grown up (woman, man, whatever) is figureing out what you want and where you want to be 30 years from now and start figuriong out how to get there and what you want to see when you look back at when you were a teenager. Be someone who will make you proud later. If your long term goal is not married with kids that is absolutely fine! If it's not having a good job (I'm guessing your taking good job to mean good pay) then don't, find a passion job or just make enough to get by... whatever you think will work for you. Figure out what you want then figure out how to get there.
Goodluck. I hope you find whatever you are looking for :D

[shiv1990]

Unfortunately such concepts have become more and more archaic. A 'real man' is simply a mature being who believes in mature thoughts and takes responsibility for everything that is accountable. Just like a 'real woman' is a mature woman who has the maturity in her thought process. I think its extremely ridiculous when people start making things even more complex. And this has resulted in lot more confusion in these concepts since many believe being 'real' means being brash and stupid while the actual concept gets pretty much left behind.

[TayTay21]

I agree. Women get really mad when guys tell them what a woman should be, so it's hypocritical that some women believe it's then okay to turn around and tell guys what they should be.

[kaylaS91]

In most cases where I saw 'real man' being used (probably equally by women and men), it was usually just used in a context which conveniently supported beliefs the indivdiual using it already firmly believed to be true. Even when used by the same person, there was no consistency in what made a guy qualify as a 'real man' or not. It was all over the place.

[ManOnFire]

Dude, this is so true, and what I was just telling somebody. I've always said the same thing myself. It's true, women want men to live up to the 'real man' image, yet they have nothing to offer as women or care about what it takes for them to be a real woman either. In their eyes, they must think they already know what it means, but really just fooling themselves.

Great Take. Seeing some good Takes these days, maybe an upturn for the better is really happening here.

[bryon]

BOOM !! you get it... It is all a mind frig without the need of a condom

[bryon]

Real men don't let articles like this dictate their worth

[Demon_King_Alastor]

strawman

[bryon]

I don't follow you here but ok

[kakarotto]

Just substitue the word "real" with an adjective that is suitable to the context and you will understand the term.
An honorable man would not do x.
A helpful man would do x.
A convenient man would never do x.
A suitable man has x.
etc etc.

[Demon_King_Alastor]

Yes, that is how it's supposed to be. But people know that using the term "real man" is used to make a man feel like he isn't real unless he is helpful, convenient, or honorable.

[Demon_King_Alastor]

That's how it's supposed to be, but people in our society know that using the term "real man" is supposed to make a man feel he isn't real unless he is honorable, helpful, or convenient.

[Junlian]

I couldn't fucking agree more, 20/20 MyTake, preach bruh!!

[fiodor99]

"The term "real man" is nothing but a weak appeal to emotions in order to manipulate men."

said it all. a real man lives and rushes through this world like train. he lives his very own rails. he doesn't conform to the commands and pressure of peers, women or anyone else.

[macix670]

A real man is a biological male who exists. A real woman is a biological female who exists. The end.

[Hopefuldreamer8]

I've never understood it when anyone says 'real' man or 'real' woman.

[Sabretooth]

when one can live morally clean (to their very best) and stand by their convictions.

[Demon_King_Alastor]

@Sabretooth even if you aren't that you're still a real man because... you're real and you're a man...

[Sabretooth]

Real boys

[Demon_King_Alastor]

@Sabretooth you're still real... your personality has nothing to do with whether you're real or not.
re·al1
ˈrē (ə) l/
adjective
1.
actually existing as a thing or occurring in fact; not imagined or supposed

[Sabretooth]

There is a difference between boys and men

[Hopefuldreamer8]

Yes exactly, I agree with you completely. I don't get why people always use the "real man" as what they want or how a man should be. It's the same as the "real woman" thing. It just seems like a silly way to insult someone.

[Demon_King_Alastor]

No it's not. Real women is generally used to make fun of women who say "real man", the only time real women is used in a real context is when feminists say "real women have curves" to hide the fact that they are fat and ugly.

[Hopefuldreamer8]

I've never had men insult me that way, just other women. I wasn't trying to start an argument with you. I agree with you.

[TheButterfly]

What "real man" means to me is being mature, responsible, and respectful. In my definition I dont see a problem which that, though I can see your point. Whether you are a man or woman, you still need to act like an adult if you are one

[Mustachekitteh]

This makes me think of this scene in persona 4.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLsdQc5it6c