I'm just gonna get to the point. This is what I consider a real man.
1. He should be 10 feet tall
Tall guys are more manly. They can show dominance over other men using their height and make you feel protected. Not to mention, their babies will be tall too.
2. He should be able to lift 2 tons
The days when people say "A man should be able to carry his woman!" are over. Men now should be able to carry at least 260 women on their shoulders. Strength is another sign of manliness because as I said above, it makes you feel protected. Men with strong muscles are also better to look at.
3. He should have a beard this long
Maintaining a beard that long shows that he can also take good care of his family.
4. He should have slept with at least 22 billion women
I know that's more than the world's population, but I still think it's reasonable. I want a man who knows what he's doing.
5. He should be 18 inches down there
Go big or go home.
6. He should have taken care of all of his enemies
A real man knows how to protect his family. And if that means beating all of his enemies in a fair fight and even killing them if needed, so be it.
7. He owns literally all of the wealth in the world
I need a man who can provide for me. He needs to be so rich that even cultures that don't have a concept for money would sell everything they have to him. If he can't even do that, gtfo!
For those of you that didn't get this already, yes this is indeed satire. For the men who really try to live up to these standards, good luck and try not to hurt yourself.