Some Things I Really Hate About Being a Guy

[Modernhippy]

I am not saying I expect things to change or think they should, every system has flaws ... just pointing out some things that don't work out in my favor.

Incredible pressure to be masculine

This is probably the one I dislike the most. No matter who I hang out with people will always give me shit for wanting to do something that isn't masculine. I like drinking beer and outdoor activities, but you know what I also like? Yoga, doing face masks, tasting wine, dancing, and the like. Maybe it's my fault but I feel this disapproval when I go to yoga or Zumba from both men and women. I don't let it prevent me from doing so, but I sure wish there weren't any feelings of disapproval. Another form of this disapproval is my vegetarianism. My dad has jokingly called me a fag before because I don't eat meat. To him and a lot of people being a vegetarian is a feminine trait for whatever reason.

The pressure to be successful feels immense. It sounds, awful. I mean awful but somehow as a kid I was conditioned to believe that if I made enough money, had big enough muscles, was tall, and was smart I would be able to date a beautiful girl. I can't imagine how much that must piss a girl off. I was taught that you are my prize and that if I work hard I will get you, not because we are compatible but because I am a man and I am entitled to a pretty girl if I work hard.

And you know what, I followed and did just that. I won't go into details, but I have more or less accomplished these goals, and yes I would say I attract a decent number of women ... but the wrong kind of women. I don't want to just bang some girl who only chose me because I was her best option and because she decided that she was going home with someone when she left her apartment that night. I want a women who is driven, smart, modest, and strong. I want a women where I can feel like a partner. But because I was conditioned a certain way growing up I thought I need to be a leader in the relationship and that I needed to be more successful or something.

Dating and stuff

I hate how dating is.

I have a hard time approaching a girl at the bar even when they smile and stare, or messaging a girl on Tinder. The reason for this is because I perceive it as this kinda dirty creepy behavior, and the last couple times I got laid was because the girl approached me. In reality I am just being friendly or think the girl is attractive and want to have a conversation with a pretty girl because its Friday night! But I have seen too many guys do this kind of thing with intentions of just trying to bed the girl that I cannot unsee this.

I also hate how women prefer older men. I get it, I understand why you are attracted to older men, but I am not attracted to younger women the same way younger women are attracted to me. I am 22, maybe its pretentious of me but I do not want to date anyone under 21. My friends whom are girls and also 22, will only (or with great preference) date a guy who is 24 or older. I think about how much I have changed in the last 2 years and its crazy, I want someone on the same level of maturity of me.

People's assumptions

I hate how I can be a creep. It seems like only guys can be creeps and I understand why people do this, because in the past guys have behaved in this creepy way so that because I am a guy I pick up this rep. I also understand its a form of self defense and that girls do need to be cautious. But the reality is I am a good guy. I can be socially awkward like everyone else but I am no creep.

[confusedgirl239]

I loved this post. I think guys don't get enough publicity about the struggles that society puts them through.
First, it was so reassuring to hear that there are men out there who value character qualities in a partner. At my age, (21), I often feel like the guys who I'm competing for are interested in how hot I am, or how good of a lay I'll be. And you know what? I done with that. I refuse to be a one-night-stand and want someone who values me not just for my physical traits, but for my intellect, my ambition, and my character. I'm not just a body. I'm in grad school and aspiring for a career, want to be a mom, and am striving to be the best woman I can be. I want to tell you how meaningful it was to see in your post that you look for those things in a woman.
I am so sorry about how you've felt pressured to not enjoy certain things because they're not "masculine". This is an area where girls have more freedom and it seems more accepted for them to be interested in activities/things more associated with the other gender. To you, I would say, figuratively (or maybe literally; whatever suits you :)), throw your middle finger to the sky. I will never understand why some activities or objects are considered out-of-bounds for men. Do the things you love. If that means drinking your Smirnoff Ice while listening to Destiny's Child and getting a pedicure, it shouldn't matter. Do the things in life that make you the happiest. There are plenty of women and individuals in society who think that all those pressures and stereotypes are a bunch of crock.
Also, if it gives you any comfort, I'm 21 and I like dating men who are my age. Too much older or younger, especially in your 20s, and the other person will be in a different life stage than you are.
Lastly, to respond to the final section of your article: It is unfortunate that men sometimes get the "creepy" tag. I promise you, it is a defense mechanism. Every woman has had a guy (who they're not interested in) push themselves on her and make her feel uncomfortable. It's a defense mechanism to respond to unknown men. What this means for women, especially those of us who have had uncomfortable experiences, is to try to look at each new person with a clean slate and not automatically he is the same type of man who has made us uncomfortable in the past.
Anyway, after my lengthy response, it was really good to see this! I hope things get better! Know that they're are people who will love and respect you just as you are

[Modernhippy]

Do want to comment on your comment:
I don't think there is anything wrong with people whom want one night stands. I also don't think u can be mad at guys who just want them either. But I think u were saying u don't want that anymore
Yeah I totally get the defense mechanism thing.
I do see a common theme with this for people who are ambitious well at least one other case besides myself, and now you.

[confusedgirl239]

I'm not judging anyone else's sexual wants/desires at all :)! I apologize if it came off that way. People have to do what's best for them. One night stands are totally fine, just not for me. As long as it's consensual between both parties, go for it!

[mits777]

You seem a great girl. If I lived same place as you I would ask you to marry me

[confusedgirl239]

@mits777 Haha thanks! That is really flattering :).

[mits777]

No problem, I am being honest. Keep going like that bestie ;) Wish you all the best. The guy who will stand with you will be so lucky

[Anonymous]

I don't hate beein a guy but I hate the pressure like you.
I prefer a long hot bath over a shower. I listen to and help other people with problems. I like to know the personaltiy of a girl/talk to her before asking for a date and not because of her looks. I get criticized by other man when I don't fuck a girl who wants to because she has a boyfriend. I don't use force against others to impress or supress.

And to all those who think I am just a softy/pussy: I do multiple 50 push ups work outs every week. I am doing a blue collar job where I regularly carry 20kg/60lbs stuff on my back.

[Penyair]

I think somethings you would just come off as shy or sensitive in regards to. I tend to be an equalist for genders. I don't see a person always as a gender for what they are doing simply as a person who likes or dislikes something. Though if I did I'd have to laugh at the old Cosby Show episode where the boy was an unwed dad giving birth to a huge hoagie and twin 2L of pop.

I've been approached by creeps in a bar. I told the guy I was with someone and not interested. He persisted and I told him if he didn't leave me alone I'd toss him. So I flipped and pinned the guy. He was startled, no bouncers intervened and he left me alone. At the time I had left body building and I didn't look like a woman who could do that but I guess my old martial arts kicked in.

I think most people that would try to pick up someone at a bar only want a one night stand. While some might be safe some probably aren't. If someone wants action they should join a swingers club where they do health checks, and ID checks to make sure people are old enough and safe to do something with. Some do friends with benefits but sometimes that gets all too messy because sometimes someone had a closet like and turns it into something messy by not addressing the issues they have.

I think its more normal to meet someone through work, you share a hobby or interest with, or grew up with and find again (or never lost track of and remained friends with). I think those are more healthy relationships. People could use dating sites or services but you need to be honest for it to work. Sometimes people are but there are no guarantees.

Growing up I had to deal with my own stereotypes of what a girl should be and not only that because I hold a inherited title there were expectations on that too. Sometimes I pissed off others because I wanted to be me and didn't think I should fit a stereotype. My family just got used to how I was and rolled with it. Though sometimes I do get girly. There are times I like to do things that some people would deem as more male or possibly more for people of another age range. I'd rather be happy and be me than be a stereotype. Society is changing and I think moving away from these confining definitions of what is male or female or belongs only to older or younger people.

[Modernhippy]

love it

[TokyoGhoulLover]

dammit why can't there be more guys like you? I demand a Modernhippy xerox machine now! And also I think its wonderful that you can do these things, me being a vegetarian myself I suggest learning the beautiful phrase of (Gofuckyourself) I think it's greek in origin? I'm not sure. I personally would love to hold a philosophical conversation with a person who happens to be a dude, but in the place that I reside most of these guys are football toting dunderheads who think that every girl that sneezes in their general direction is well, looking for a one night stand. Lastly as for the bad rep I apologize on behalf of those who are like minded, but please keep in mind that some girls have a bad history, me having been assaulted myself, and we try we really really do but it's just hard to escape something that has been haunting you at the back of your mind at night while as the forefront of your mind is telling you that every guy is different so we are really sorry that some of us go on the defensive, we just have a dark history that isn't your fault that we're trying to overcome.

[FashionQueen86]

The part about Vegetarianism being feminine is probably due to the fact
1) Women are often seen eating salads as an alternative from the menu, and salads are usually a popular item for vegetarians.
2) When you think of big burgers, steaks, ribs, chicken wings, and all that type of stuff, you think about a big guy who's gotta have his meat. So, when your dad jokingly called you a fag, that's probably where his mind was. But for you to be conscious of what you eat is always admirable, becuase you care about your portions or how your body reacts to certain food.

"You're interested in yoga? Heh, right man. Instead of trying to talk to spirits and wasting your time in strange poses, why not hit the gym and lift weights?" Is what I imagine society saying to a man. It's awesome that you're interested in yoga and dancing. I think guys also get teased about joining ballet as well. I think it will get better in the coming years, becuase it's now acceptable for men to wear pink shirts, when years ago, a man wouldn't be caught in that color. It's really STUPID if you think about it, but there are tons more pressure on a how a guy is supposed to look or be from society.

[Anonymous]

I totally feel your pain my man. I'm 24, I have a job, I like to think I'm reasonably talented and mature. I want to find a girl who is as mature as I am but, the girls that may or may not be interested in me are in college. The stable and mature ones are too busy studying and planning their futures. The girls who are open to any sort of romance seem to be mentally unstable and looking for some beefy dude to ram her through her headboard. So, I suffer because I want a mature relationship with someone who wants to actually get to know me and vice-versa. If I went to the gym everyday and started treating women like objects I'd probably get laid, but because I'm skinny and kinda shy I get skipped over. This isn't just my experience in person, It's online as well. I now roll my eyes every time I hear a girl talk about wanting a sensitive guy who wants to get to know her because I know that it's bullshit. The second some Channing Tatum looking dude with a "bad boy" attitude walks through the door she would be swooning immediately. The dissonance is almost enough to make my head spin. Girls need to understand that masculinity does not mean that you are a roided out asshole, the most masculine thing you can do is be yourself. To speak your mind and not care about what other people think because you've put your ideas through a gauntlet of logic and reasoning. It's being secure with yourself in your own skin and owning that. Men who are gigantic assholes are not truly secure with themselves, and men who make it a talking point about how much weight they can lift are not happy with the way they look.

[Modernhippy]

I do not agree with you. You started out on same page but then took a hard tangent to what I was saying. In fact the 3/4 of what you wrote is just complaining about women being attracted to handsome men... which is dumb because of course they are gonna be attracted to handsome men.

[Opinion Owner]

You're not wrong, what I'm trying to say is that I've been preached to by girls who tell me that connections (for them) are more emotional than physical. At the same time, they won't even give the shy guy who mustered up the courage to start a conversation with them a second thought unless he's also handsome. I've only met a few exceptions to the rule and they are in happy relationships.

[Modernhippy]

Okay that makes more sense. I think everyone wants someone they are attracted to and sure the connection is important but u gotta be attracted to the person. I won't consider dating a girl im not attracted to so I don't expect girls to date guys they arnt attracted to. Also I do not think you are correct about lifting or fitness, I don't think this has a big impact like you believe it does. I think naturally fit women are gonna want a fit guy, but I don't think a women who is not into fitness is going to have a bias towards a fit guy

[Modernhippy]

I do agree with the agism thing tho and as much as I hate it it makes sense. I cannot date a freshman or sophomore in college despite that being the age of girls who message me the most on tinder or show most interest otherwise. Despite being 6-2 210lbs and socially capable and bright I can't help but feel too young for girls my own age. Just how it is important guess

[RemonsterMan]

So you seem to be hating how reality works for men. This solves nothing and will make you hate both the world and yourself eventually.

I know this, because I too grew up hating everything that was expected of men. I kept trying to fight it, but eventually I realized that the world doesn't ever change to cater to your insecurities, especially when you're a guy. It's you yourself who needs to adapt to the harsh reality we live in and reap the benefits.

Once I started working on becoming more manly, more masculine, life took a turn for the better in every way imaginable. My depression has lifted, my anxiety is mostly gone and I'm more successful in life than I ever was before.

Everything you hate is exactly how successful men become successful. Masculine, powerful, always looking for ways to improve themselves and simply taking what they want lest somebody else does it for them.

This is the way of men, and if you keep hating it, you have already lost the competition we call life.

[RemonsterMan]

The reason why many men feel disgruntled with becoming manly these days is simple: They were never raised to respect masculine values in the first place. Blame your parents.

On top of that, they see women doing whatever the hell they want and getting away with it and they're simply jealous that men cannot live by those same rules. But again, this is something that won't ever change. Human nature mate.

[Modernhippy]

I actually think this is an interesting view. But as I had expressed earlier in my take up there that I was raised to be masculine. I did follow what you say for 20-21 / 22 years of my life. I have accomplished these things, and I reset the fact I was raised that way and the fact that society required of me. I think u make a lot of accurate points what this take was meant to do was express my resent in this points

[dipta]

Except that "women doing whatever the hell they want" is just another assumption.

[Modernhippy]

@dipta true

[MagiAlphaOne]

In 2005-2006 a WOMAN lived like a Man for 18 months. And is GLAD she is a Woman!

Here is what she learned...

- Men are suffering
- Men "don't have it better"
- Men need love and each other
- Women have no clue what it is like to be a Man
- Men are just as emotional vulnerable as women

Here is Norah Roberts video...

https://youtu.be/Ip7kP_dd6LU?t=17m19s

Her book...

Self-Made Man: One Woman's Year Disguised as a Man
www.amazon.com/.../ref=sr_1_1

[Modernhippy]

Yeah I never said I thought women had it better, I'm glad to be a guy just pointed out some things that I don't like about it

[MagiAlphaOne]

I agree, you didn't say that women had it better. Norah Roberts story adds a WOMAN's perspective of a Man's Life.

[MagiAlphaOne]

Modernhippy, I suspect that you will like this video by Stefan Molyneux, The Truth About Male Privilege. VERY eye opening for Men!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mzYKWDx6YI

[FatherJack]

She even self sectioned herself into a mental hospital , due to this experience , it depressed her greatly !!

[ProbablyTooMature]

" I think about how much I have changed in the last 2 years and its crazy, I want someone on the same level of maturity of me."

Then you'll want to date a 17 year old girl.

That's not to say that YOU yourself are immature, but girls by and large are more mature at earlier ages. Yes you know 21 year olds who are immature. Yes you know 30 year old guys who are immature. That doesn't change the rule, only points out the exceptions.

"and yes I would say I attract a decent number of women... but the wrong kind of women."

So what you were told is true. Because they're not the women you feel you are your type is irrelevant... you attract the type of women that are drawn to the things you have accomplished.

Also, man up and stop whining.
(That was meant tongue in cheek. ;-) )

[Modernhippy]

If you are referring to mature physically then I'd probably agree with you. But emotionally, mentally, and intellectually, then no i would say on average I am more mature than my female peers.

[ProbablyTooMature]

Oh, physically for certain... But emotionally as well. You being more mature than them doesn't mean anything other than you or they are the exception.

Girls are by NO MEANS mature at 17, 20, or 22... But they are *more* mature than the average male if the same age, yes.

[ProbablyTooMature]

*of

Fucking phone.

[ModernDayCrusader]

You have spoken what many men feel nowadays.
I am a bit of an introvert too, and am always nervous to come across as creepy, when approaching a girl. I too always wait for girls to initiate. And usually those girls are very promiscuous to say the least.

Thanks for sharing, I am sure many users will relate

[joemm]

I used to hate the fact that my penis skin would dry out and keep me out of action for weeks at a time. But now I use one of those penis health cremes and it keeps my skin totally moisturized and in good shape. I have to apply it every day, which takes a few seconds, but it's way better than the alternative. Other than that.. I love being a guy. Cheers.

[mits777]

Have you forgot another thing? We have penis and we have to get all the pressure about our size, anxiety about pleasuring our girlfriends / woman, about not comming too fast etc etc Woman just have to lay there
Being a man is very hard, but I love challenge and I will fuck throught all the bullshit that life throws at me. Real man never give up and fight with whatever they are gifted

[Modernhippy]

Nah man, I would definitely argue women have it harder when it comes to bed room. But because you express anxiety about it maybe it's not gender specific. I never really feel any pressure, of the couple one night stands i am relaxed the and the girl is stressed about making me cum or being safe or what her friends think of her

[mits777]

I wanted to say that man can't make anything about it. If they have e less then average penis lets say they are dommed!, even if they have bigger then average like me or whatever they are expected to do a lot. The woman can have sex any time bro. When we cum we lose a lot of testosterone and minerals. Do they lose anything? Nah. I can see that you are a chill and cool guy and don't give a fuck about expectations (which is really great!), but at least me and my friends have known girls that expect very very much from us, want us to do anything. In that situation when male are judged only by penis size and by performance it is a fucking hard life. Also in general woman can get anything they want just by spreading their legs, jobs, money, fame etc etc Man have to work very very hard to achieve things in life... And the last thing, woman can have sex any time they want! Even the ugliest girl has at least 3 guys texting her. One text only and they will go fuck her at her place.

[Modernhippy]

lol... do you think about what you are saying.
1. "male are judged only by penis size and by performance it is a fucking hard life"
- how the hell could you possible think this is true?
2. "Also in general woman can get anything they want just by spreading their legs, jobs, money, fame"
- women do not get jobs by having sex with people. maybe low quality jobs like a secretary or a trophy wife... but there is no such thing as a doctor, lawyer, engineer, scientist, judge, etc who fucked there way to their current position
3. "And the last thing, woman can have sex any time they want! Even the ugliest girl has at least 3 guys texting her. One text only and they will go fuck her at her place."
- sure, maybe they are being messaged by some guys. if they wanted to be with those guys they would... but they clearly dont want to be with them for this reason. its like u could have all these annoying women messaging you and making you uncomfortable... why would you wnat that?

[Anonymous]

If you live in a modern and advanced country, such as the U. S. which I do, wanting to be successful is sort of something that you are trained for from early childhood by the education system. Even if you are as young as third grade elementary.

[Modernhippy]

I don't disagree with you, but I was leaning more towards the idea of pressure to be successful in the sense that it was part of what qualifies as masculine. Not saying being successful is a masculine trait, just that in order to be masculine one must be successful

[Modernhippy]

Also not saying that it's true or logically correct it's just the way I perceived it growing up

[Opinion Owner]

Cool. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Thanks for being honest and telling us this. It takes a real man to write all of this because most men are not open about what they hate about being their gender. I wish you good luck.

[InfernalMachinae]

I apologize for all the idiots out there that think you're a creep. Also, I too hate the dating thing. In my school, dating is just for popularity. I have a guy and I am so lucky he loves me, not popularity. He's also a bit (pffft) socially awkward (we're both a lot socially awkward) but it's cool. It's how we work together that matters.

[HaideeG]

You sound like such a good guy and we need more people like you out there. People who aren't afraid to be themselves and point out what is wrong with society :)

[Anonymous]

I'm not into approaching women at bars either, not my style. It's not really out of shyness but more or less not knowing what to say.

I have no problem talking to women if I meet them through friends or online. Most of my luck with women was from either online or they initiated it first in public.

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

The dating shit sucks. Unless you're that hot, there are fine lines between being interested, looking rape-y, desperate and just getting straight up friend zoned

[Modernhippy]

I think it does have a little to do with that but I have seen many guys make it work with strong social skills and awareness

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

For a shy person, apparently I'm actually very charismatic and interacting... At least people generally gravitate towards me despite doing nothing 😂. I have no issues talking to girls or anything. I'm not even that great looking in my opinion, either. But most girls just aren't as attracted to guys as we are to them. So they can see someone who's pretty decent looking and find him creepy

[shiv1990]

The stereotypes are the ones I hate. And the assumptions of course, stupid assumptions.

[Anonymous]

I've never felt pressure to be masculine, TBH. I hear about it all the time but no one – save my rather conservative grandma who I don't see very often and whose opinions on the matter I've never valued too highly has actually tried to force these things upon me.
Maybe I'm just lucky.

[Laurhaxox]

Honestly, everyone is fab the way they are, don't be affected by other people's judgements and ways- some girls are just too damn fussy haha

[Anonymous]

This is a very true take, I absolutely agree.

Except for the part about being a vegetarian, because that does in fact make you a fag.