Why I Don't Consider Myself a Nice Guy 🙄

[Unit1]

The term nice guy has become quite used in many different meanings. Those include a regular nice guy by it's root definition: A dude, that is just a nice person; a fake nice guy, who will be nice only to a few people but turns out to be a rude dick to the others, who didn't hurt him in the past; the frustrated and fake nice guy, who will be nice to the women, that he likes and then feels entitled to have sex with them and if they reject him, then he also turns out to be a rude dick and calls women bad names; a low self esteem nice guy, who is being considered as inferior and gets called a beta wimp by self proclaimed alpha blokes and unfriendly/entitled females or he places women on a pedestal; a try-hard nice guy, whose kindness is over the norm and the top, so that it's obvious, that he is not actually being nice but invasive (maybe he just rushes into her pants?). And there are some more.

The nice guy became quite a broad stereotype and it's kind of 50-50 positive-negative however anyone perceives it.
I don't think much if anyone calls himself a (genuine) nice guy because of the sub-categories listed above. Actions speak louder than words and hopefully nobody thinks it's about spending money and buying gifts.

Disturbingly enough there are many (ridiculous) memes about the nice guy and often those are either jokes or portray them in a negative light but it seems to be more often than not to be the latter. 😐

Elliot Rodger (pictured above), who called himself a 'nice gentleman' was found to be a racist and generally a rude dick. From Wikipedia it says quite some things about him: "In July 2011, Rodger followed a couple he was jealous of out of a Starbucks in Goleta and threw coffee on them. In a later incident, he splashed his latte on two girls sitting at a bus stop in Isla Vista for not smiling back at him." - who in her right mind would want to date someone with this kind of behavior? "He explained that he wanted to punish women for rejecting him and that he envied sexually active men so he wanted to punish them for their sexual activity." Was his killing motive.

Here is what he publicly said in one of his videos or blog entries:

----- quote begin -----

I'm 22 years old and I'm still a virgin. I've never even kissed a girl. I've been through college for two and a half years, more than that actually, and I'm still a virgin. It has been very torturous. College is the time when everyone experiences those things such as sex and fun and pleasure. Within those years, I've had to rot in loneliness. It's not fair. You girls have never been attracted to me. I don't know why you girls aren't attracted to me, but I will punish you all for it. It's an injustice, a crime, because... I don't know what you don't see in me. I'm the perfect guy and yet you throw yourselves at these obnoxious men instead of me, the supreme gentleman.

----- quote end -----

I am a 22 years old virgin too, I never had a girlfriend in my life before and wasn't kissed. I have finished college and still nothing. In comparison to him I don't replicate him as a result despite how frustrating it might get. I don't blame anyone about it. It just is what it is. Just like how we don't know how the earth and the sun came to existence for sure. 😶

I once had a female here (whose identity I will not disclose), who considered me to be a genuine nice guy and was happy, that guys like me exist and that it relieved her to know about it until the moment came where I asked a question here on girlsaskguys "why don't (some) women understand, that we men need sex?" To get answers. That same female showed up and left a response filled with her disappointment in me ("I thought you were a genuine nice guy") and called me a fake nice guy. So in her particular opinion nice guys do not ask sex questions … on a site, that is meant for questions and answers for and from the opposite sex about love, sex, relationships and more 😒 🙄

With that being said, men are not the only ones, who are at fault.

Mind you I never called myself a nice guy because, like I said before, of these broad stereotypes.

So I just say "Screw that! All of that! Either accept me or leave me be. Your call."
I will always try to help if I can and I will always have manners to the others provided I wasn't hurt by them. And I will always be friendly when I meet anyone new or see them again. But if something comes to me across like biased, rude, fanatical, respectless or unfriendly then don't expect to get the opposite of it in return if anything from me at all. Karma is a thing for a reason and you may not need to understand it but that doesn't mean you have to be irresponsible or a rude prick because one way or another you may want just something from me.
What comes around goes around.

Savage but that's just me. I will leave calling me either nice or a rude dick to the others. This will only provide me with a feedback of the person I either care about or not (and dependent if that person respects me or not or is trying to help me overall in some way) and dependent on it if I do anything right or wrong as it indicates my progress. I will just follow my course and provide help if someone along my journey needs it.

I am just going to be my own self. Not a nice guy, not an asshole, maybe not even a "real" man but that's a different but similar story. In the end of the day I do believe, that I am friendly.

[Ozanne]

Thank you for introducing me to the Elliott Rodger story. I didn't know who that was, and just did some quick reading to find out what his problem was. What's weird is that he was actually a cute guy, it's just that it was obvious that he was dramatic and angry. As if some girl chooses looks over that.

I think it's bullshit when both men and women harp on about their niceness and blame others for not seeing how great that is to be with when they're missing the point on why people find attraction in others. It's not how nice you are, but how much of your actual shit can be tolerated.

I think people are better off to just list off what the person is going to find out about them in the long run anyway instead of acting like they're in a job interview, assured that their skills and experience will land them the job. I'd rather know what I'm in for. I don't need to be told "I'm nice". Let me be the judge of that. "I'm nice" to many people means "I manipulate". I don't care how nice someone is. How much of an a-hole are you so I can decide whether I want to put up with either a misanthropist full time or some guy who will try to have sex with my best friend each time we see her. :)

[Unit1]

You're welcome lady Ozanne 🙂
And i kind of agree.

[Anonymous]

This is whats so demoralizing, I understand I'm not good with girls, but i don't expect girls to instantly want me... i'll gladly do nice things for friends but what do i call myself if I'm asked? Because my first instinct is to say that i think I'm a nice person just trying o make it in the world, does that make me the next Elliot Rodger?

[Unit1]

No. But i do get the thought of myself becoming the next Elliot Rodger because i currently match his pattern of his lack of sexual experience in his age when he died.

[Opinion Owner]

me too, i don't have the bitterness and hatred he did, but is being a virgin at 22 all it takes to be labeled as him?

[Unit1]

22, virgin, kissless, never had a girlfriend, unsuccessful with women, wanting to have sex... These facts intersect with him.

[Opinion Owner]

So in the eyes of girls, that makes us mass murderers? Like is that really the diagnosis?

[Unit1]

No 😂
Girls don't think that. But for some it's a dealbreaker for whatever reason as some suspect, that guys like us are anti social and socially inept and judge us for being rude dicks because we couldn't manage to have a girlfriend. I say they only feed this problem rather than leaving it be.

But y'know... Girls like these are not the girls i would like to interact with.

[AOC24]

Well, I think you're sort of making a mistake with being in this mindset of you saying you're just going to be yourself. Not literally within that sentence is where my disagreement stands.

So one definition of insanity could be described as doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting a different result. I think if you're a virgin at your age, then you should be making a diligent effort to fix that and get out of your comfort zone.

Here is the reality of the situation... younger girls like guys who have better things to do than them. Women at younger ages are extremely selective and really get to pick and choose. If you're being a nice guy all the time, then you're essentially telling her she is over higher value than you. What you have to remember is that you are the prize.

My thing is that I will always say what's on my mind no matter what. Also, my respect has to be earned for it's not just given. So if a girl is saying something that I disagree with or it pisses me off, then I'll just say it up front. If she gets mad, then I'll let her get mad. We'll get in a fight... But here is the kicker... what you have to remember is that if you can make a woman feel at all whether that's good or bad, that actually equates to more attraction towards you. It goes hand in hand with the concept of a girl saying she hates her ex but still taks about him all the time.

Women think and make decisions based off of emotion whilst men think with logic and that's why we often have a hard time understanding each other. So considering that, you need to make a woman be able to feel. If you're sitting there and being nice all the time, then that's to be considered neutral and a neutral state of mind will make any woman lose interest in you.

So my advice to younger guys is to be yourself, but to be yourself to the fullest extent. If some chick says something you don't like, then fucking call her out and be a dick about it if you feel like being a dick. You might have an argument or you might piss her off, but if you hold your ground, she will almost always come back around.

[Unit1]

I agree with you actually! Nicely written :)

[runescapegirl]

I'm not really sure what being a nice guy means entirely. I've wanted a guy who can protect and provide for a woman (the weaker sex) and with morals. Opening doors and things are nice etiquettes from traditional society but that alone would be a bit shallow.

It's also a bit weird someone who has to preach about how great they are and woman just want to be mistreated. Sounds really full of them self. I would imagine there's woman who have different things they want.

Not having a relationship long term only creates the illusion people don't want you anyway - If your feeling needy. I personally am the opposite where I choose to go long term without a relationship because I want to date the right person, where I've noticed some men attempt to rush and chase having one.

Being a virgin in early 20s is not a bad thing necessarily. I'm not a feminist but being a girl I get a lot of guys wanting to date, where as i never go out of my way to advance on a guy. In fact I can feel uncomfortable and rushed. Which I'm pointing out to show different dynamics and not having a ton of girls wanting to date you doesn't necessarily mean something. There are people who love their spouses who have been disfigured in accidents and so on. There is no one who doesn't have God given right of human value and unconditional love. A lot of the times its just talking to the wrong people, Dynamics, or misunderstanding of relationships. Hollywood can make it seem like it should be easy to go out and just find a boyfriend/girlfriend and have a meaningful relationship. But I guarantee you some of those guys, "chasing me" in the past so quickly probably would have gotten bored of the relationship quickly. Not all, its not bad to get out of your shell to date. But keep in mind friendships that are short lived.

Sex is also not a need, if it was people wouldn't be able to go years without it or wait until their married. But it is very natural in the context of marriage. In our secular society sex can give the impression of being shallow and in many cases be shallow, which it isn't in marriage.

[RJGraveyTrain]

Good discussion, but the bottom line is that guys and girls both have to learn that being NICE does not equal > worthy of every partner and relationship you desire. Being nice is ONE FUCKING QUALITY and it DOES NOT make up an entire interesting personality.

If you're only selling point is that you're nice, congrats. All of my friends are nice. My family is nice. My dog is nice. You don't wanna be in the friendzone? It doesn't require you being an ass, but have more to offer and stand out against the normal, platonic people I interact with. Nice is not a unique trait; it's a valuable one, but it's not so profound that it sets you apart from everyone else. Contrary to popular belief, most good women haven't dated 100% pure scum bag pieces of shit their whole lives so being nice isn't revolutionary to us. We expect everyone to be nice to us, if we have self respect that is.

All in all if you want a girl you need to have more to offer while still knowing how to value yourself. If a girl doesn't value the things you do for her, cut her loose, move on, don't turn bitter and blame all women. Find someone who values you as much as you value them, and don't sell yourself short.

[Unit1]

" If a girl doesn't value the things you do for her, cut her loose, move on, don't turn bitter and blame all women."
I loved how you phrased this. I can sense, that you had MGTOW in mind about turning bitter and blaming all women 😀

But odd enough for me it suffices, when a girl/woman is being nice to me and i already start catching feelings. I don't understand why it is so 😐

What examples can you mention, that a man should offer more than the basic niceness if he wants a relationship?

[Charleslvajr]

Started out shaky but ended very well. Well, said.

[OrdinaryGentleman]

https://i.imgflip.com/1tt9k5.jpg
This mytake made me reflective. I don't really care about what girls want. I have had 2 long term relationships, a 4 year and a 3 year by the age of 22, clearly getting girls is not a problem.
It just feels weird in all honesty to place myself in confinement, as if i could never do anything bad. The concept of a nice guy goes against human nature. It places lines that the character for some reason cannot cross, that they are almost inhuman, it makes me doubt that persons authenticity. But it doesn't mean judge every person who acts nice, it's just a matter of taking others with a grain of salt, and slowly building a certain amount of trust with them.

[Unit1]

That picture 😂

[OrdinaryGentleman]

keep it 100%

[Unit1]

How is it relevant to this mytake?

[OrdinaryGentleman]

How is what relevant to your mytake?

[Unit1]

The picture you posted.

[OrdinaryGentleman]

Typo

[Anonymous]

"nice guys do not ask sex questions" - I can relate with it so much! Due to my gentle nature I am generally considered one of those 'nice guys'. Well, it has its benefits but also some losses. Like when people find a tiny mistake that ruins my 'ideal image' in their mind, they can get a polar opposite opinion quite fast.
In my case, when I joined university for post-graduation, I took time to adjust. They got usual nice guy image of me. Once we were discussing about a movie and I said 'sexual tension' while explaining relationship of the characters. Everyone were shocked. Even guys said that they did not expect that from me. I got stares whenever I said 'sex', 'sex ratio'. Now I feel that a girl in the group thinks I am a pervert.

[Unit1]

"Like when people find a tiny mistake that ruins my 'ideal image' in their mind, they can get a polar opposite opinion quite fast."

Ohhh boy. That's what I'm talking about man ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
My advise would be to try not to care about it and disregard them. Obviously they do not respect you and me both.
I mean what is it about with the 'nice guys' not being interested in sex double standard? Really?
Just leave them be pal.

[Opinion Owner]

I think that nice guys not being interested in sex comes from the tendency to avoid sex (wolves pretending "don't want sex"/can't or does not show interest/lacks confidence/understands boundaries and let other party take the lead - I think all types covered) of various types of nice guys. Plus, if someone is like me then tendency to avoid mentioning crushes/loves/interests to people that aren't close. So those who are not too close may think in "No Sex" direction. I can list a few more things based on my experience but I think these two things are probably the main reason.

Close people usually know about how dirty mind can be xD

Anyway, I don't get bothered anymore. I used to pay attention but I have learnt so many things recently. Super cool with this thing!

[Unit1]

Shallow minds. Need i say more?

[NerdyBlackSheep]

Im 17 and i have just given up on women. sure im still nice i have 8 sisters i was raised better. Im not a virgin and regret it. I've gotten cheated on, beat up (i refused to hit back because im a young black man who plays football so...), and i got 3 different diseases from these girls and frankly im now disgusted by anything other than touching (ive used a condom do the math). i have more important things to do. maybe ill adopt when im older. Im just tired of sh*t

[AOC24]

You're being a pussy. You're 17 and haven't experience shit yet. You're going to get knocked on your ass so many more times in the dating game before you actually meet the one. Seems like you're butthurt and just don't have enough fight in you to keep going. You're going to be lonely af if you give up this early in life.

[NerdyBlackSheep]

@AOC24 thanks i had no idea i was so weak. Guess thats why there are beta males. No but seriously its my choice pls respect it.

[AOC24]

I mean, how do you define weakness? I correlate it to resilience often. That ability to get up after you've been knocked on your ass. At age 17, there's really no way that you have much experience with dating women. You've been cheated on? Guess what? I was cheated on while I was in the Marine Corps at the same time my best friend was killed overseas. Literally happened around the same time and I was with the girl for three years. I legitimately hated women for a while after that. I got back out there and started getting laid again... I go to university now and I met my girlfriend today and we're most likely going to get married after I graduate soon. I'm not looking for any praise here, BUT.. you should take some advice from the guys who are older than you and actually realize that your thoughts are pretty normal but some people have already experienced them and moved passed them. You're making a huge mistake by just throwing in the towel.

[NerdyBlackSheep]

@AOC24 You know your right its time to get back in the game. So what if my child is gonna die at 30 like me.

[Unit1]

"You're going to get knocked on your ass so many more times in the dating game before you actually meet the one. Seems like you're butthurt and just don't have enough fight in you to keep going."

@AOC24 You have probably described half the MGTOW members with that. I like your definition of resilience but I don't think resilience is quite the the correct word for it but I get what you mean.

"Seems like you're butthurt and just don't have enough fight in you to keep going."
"You're making a huge mistake by just throwing in the towel."

And MGTOW will call that shame-language 🙄

And damn, what bitch cheats on her boyfriend, who is busy and in grave danger? That must be a wrecking experience!

[BrittBratt2416]

That elliot rodger wasn't a bad looking kid, he just had way to much entitlement and put sex and women on a pedestal just cause everyone else was dating or having sex. He was only 22 years old yet made his own life a living hell just cause he wasn't dating? Really? I get it I been there but it seems he just wanted the satisfaction of women wanting him, not a actually relationship.

[runescapegirl]

You see people of all different looks and temperaments having relationships. He looks normal, he doesn't look like some sort of radioactive freak. So I think there was probably some other issue. And maybe he misinterpreted that he wasn't wanted and created reasons of it being womans fault.

[Catskills]

I don't think I'm a nice person,, Sure I try to be polite and a gentlemen at times,, but I live in an aggressive hateful competitive environment and I catch myself conforming to the dog eat dog society I live in.

I hate it.

Sure you can pick up girls whether you are nice or not,, but Trust me, in the long run, you will be a chick magnate if you are nice.

[levantine99]

things are not that simple or onesided. yes, there is some logic and ground behind the nice guys syndrome bashing, but there are genuinely nice guys who can't find women as well. especially immature youger women tend to not have the best standards and dating motives so they make choices that easily get them heartbroken. and many genuinely good guys can't find a proper wife before their 30s.

[Charleslvajr]

Or even a female that will have anything to do with the awkward and unskilled. Many men languish throughout the best years of their lives, their youth, with no one who even gives a damn about their emotional and romantic fulfillment. It sucks for guys who have to wait until their 30's to even get a chance to find out what being in a relationship is about. I tried a few relationships when I was younger, did jive. I didn't find a woman I wanted to stay with until I was 30 and I married her when I was 33.

[NaultD]

When anyone calls me nice person i always correct them and say "i try". I never really think twice about the things i do and i never help more then i can afford to give and i dont end up resentful about it.

I think most guys think that being themself will make things work. If you did that with driving a car or doing anything you will never get it right. The only way to get better at anything is learn the rules and practice.

[Kayla45]

There is no such thing as a 'nice guy' people are just people... they are either nice, in-between, or just straight up mean.

Some men are emotional like women, we all experience different feelings all the time. Nice guys in reality are just people like everyone else, but they typically DO NOT make the first move.

It's fine if you are not.

[Bonnie12I27I12]

being "nice" is the bare minimum anyone should be. respecting people and not treating them like shit doesn't make anyone special in my eyes. just makes you a decent human being

[GeorgeDubyaKUSH]

When a man is weary from being beaten down by the world and rejected by the opposite sex, he no longer desires to be a decent human being. He, instead, desires to hurt others the way he has been hurt by others.

I am not justifying this line of reasoning or trying to defend anyone that would think this way, I am merely trying to let you know why some guys stop being decent human beings - because they feel it's no longer worth the effort if they're going to get kicked in the teeth and spit on anyway.

[Bonnie12I27I12]

@GeorgeDubyaKUSH
I'd say it's the same for many "cold hearted" women who go around using men. I totally do understand what you're saying. I personally totally get rid of a guy if I sense that he can't even be a decent person, whatever his reasons may be.

[OrdinaryGentleman]

@GeorgeDubyaKUSH That man shouldn't be dating in the first place. He needs to find power within himself, not hastily grasping at straws. While it takes a strong man to deny what's right in front of him people must overcome themselves if they want to be truly free.

[ThisDudeHere]

You don't consider yourself a 'nice guy' by it's altered description. I consider myself nice per-se because I treat everyone with respect and common decency. That doesn't mean I expect things because of that.

[howzit2015]

People who overtly say they're nice people usually are not nice...

Next, WTF should you get rewarded (with women, attention, sex, money, etc) for doing something your mama should have raised you to be doing in the first place...

[ATuairiscean]

Yeah I like the general gist of your take - Be less concerned about being a type and more about being an unique individual - If a girl you like, likes you great if not so be it there is around 3.5 billion other women in the world

[ASEXY]

I don't consider myself a nice person either. From what I've seen you write, you do seem like a good person.

[Unit1]

Thanks bro! Same to you, sir!

[NatashaJ]

Why can't people just be honest and say "sometimes I am an asshole" I think society as a whole would get better if there weren't people pretending to be nice to gain something.

[name_is_christian]

I consider myself a nice guy but I have flaws and I try to embrace them instead of pushing them back.

[clampfan101]

I'm nice because I like being nice,(to both genders), and want to be over the norm for my SO and "putting her on a pedestal" simply because I love and appreciate her so much. I have a low self esteem and consider myself inferior to others for a variety of reasons, but that has nothing to do with how nice I am.

[disgustingweebtrash]

Just be yourself but if yourself is a nice guy don't be yourself

[Unit1]

hahaha