What is a Nice Guy?

[Mi2mi2a]

I‘ve read on the internet way too much about nice guys. When I hear a guy classifying himself as nice guy, my first thought is what the hell does he mean when he says I’m a nice guy? Since this appears to me as a reoccurring problem in the western or Indian culture. And well, as you have guessed I’m not part of it, I’m going to give my opinion as a watcher.

Before people get in a rage and attack my culture, yes we have our flaws as well, but I don’t see any one on here from the same culture as mine and that is not the issue here either way.

1. Nice guys are always left for the assholes.

This seems to me like a mantra that proclaimed nice guys on the internet repeat. The question that comes to my mind after this is why? There is a number of hypothesis that come to mind:

a- They are pursuing a girl and she doesn’t respond to his advances.

b- They were dating some girls and they eventually left them.

However, does going through this make men bitter about women and unfortunately women haters? If you are a genuinely nice guy, you will treat women nice, and that contradicts with the bashing you do on women in general. Everyone goes through rejection, some more some less, the way you cope with rejection is what defines you as a ‘Good man’.

I like using this term better because it doesn’t have a pejorative connotation. If you become a bitter man who disrespects women then what does that tell about you? The nice guy act was just an act and once you were rejected you dropped it and showed your true features.

Will you honestly come and say that this is a nice guy? If some do then they are just in denial, and well they act this way.

2. What is then a Good man?

I like this quote because it sums up my view. All proclaimed nice guys have a woman in their life who he is not interested in, if you proclaim that women are shallow and superficial and only go for jerks then are you implying that your mother, sister, daughter or friend are the same? I honestly hope you are not.

So what is a good man?

a- A good man respects everyone not just the woman he is pursuing.

b- A good man has manners

c- A good man is reflected by his actions not just his words.

d- And finally a good man accepts where he is wrong and tries to better himself.

To sum it up, A good man is A basic Good human being

Now that we have differentiated between a good man and a proclaimed nice guy who is not, I hope that I’ve gotten my point across.

Next time I’m going to write about some mistakes in the dating world that some good men make, and well till next time. Bye.

[silverqueen]

Americas definition of a “nice guy”:

1. Doormat
2. Guy who lacks self-respect
3. Guy who is actively looking for ‘a girlfriend’ (the fact that he wants a girlfriend, and doesn't have a specific girl in mind, is suspicious)

The real definition of a nice guy:

1. Man who already respects everyone, not only the girl he’s interested in (as you said)
2. Man who can be happy within himself, whether he’s with a woman or not
3. Man who understands that women are more than sex objects.

[Mi2mi2a]

yes. the part of being so hang up over a relation ship with any girl as long as she has a vagina is wrong on so many levels.

[BOUNTYGUY9]

yes treated me like shit will never happen again me no mug

[just_tired]

Good take! I've always felt that proclaiming yourself to be a "nice guy" is overcompensation. Also it's not a title you can give yourself, since other people are the judge of it. If you're nice, you're actions will show it.

[just_tired]

Thank you for MHO

[Kaazsz]

I used to be a nice guy. But why? Was I just born a jerk? Well, I was never a jerk to anyone personally, so maybe I can't speak for other 'nice guys' but I think I understand them all the same.

So for me, I had a really bad childhood. We were poor, we'd be homeless, I went to a foster group home, my mother was psychotic or some shit and went to the nuthouse. At school, from about grade 3 until grade 11 I had no friends. I was that kid everyone in school hated. Because I was poor, dirty, and eventually due to being socially ostracized, weird. I never learned social skills. If I ever tried to talk to a girl she would freak out or be disgusted. I had girls scream and run away. It wasn't my fault, I hope you wouldn't think I deserved all this lol.

So into my adulthood I still had no social skills. I joined the military and did all kinds of shit, and slowly slowly built up social skills. People still hated me into adulthood, but mostly because I was a creepy weirdo. I didn't have social skills remember, you have to learn that shit.

So because of all of this, i had no idea how to deal with women. Absolutely none. I didn't know what flirting was, I couldn't talk to any girl, I couldn't make eye contact, I couldn't say words that made sense. I'd get extreme anxiety and abandon any and all contact with women because I knew I was scaring them. I knew they saw me as a creepy weirdo. And I think this differentiates me from other nice guys. Other nice guys don't see that they are damaged, or that they never learned how to properly be a normal fucking human. I saw it in myself that I was a severely lacking person. Maybe it was the extreme way that I lacked it that made it so obvious to me. For other 'nice guys' they might be OK in most social situations but for some reason they never got to learn how to be a normal functioning human around girls. Now if they could admit that and take the steps to learn how to do this they would be much better off. But instead most get angry and say shitty horrible things on the internet to vent their frustration. Now I don't know, I never did that shit. But I feel like I understand these guys on a deeper level than they do.

[Kaazsz]

And these 'nice guys' are not bad people. They aren't bad men. Their regular people but they don't understand women and it frustrates the everliving fuck out of them. You probably can't even imagine what it's like to completely lack the ability to act like a normal person around a girl. It's impossible without experience, and it hurts to get that experience. To go out and get rejected over and over and over and over and slowly over time figure it out. Every time you get rejected it just hurts and hurts and you beat yourself up and tear yourself down and tell yourself you're a piece of shit. So these guys go on the internet and vent their frustrations and they band together into these neckbeard nice guy groups. Or they wallow in self pity alone too.

[Kaazsz]

I'm just trying to give you the perspective from the other side. I'm not defending the shitty things they say online. But it's typical. SOME people will react like that. Not all men who are terrible with women act like dickheads. I never did, and I think most just stay quietly alone until they either find some girl who sees past their inability to talk to women and see them for the true person they are.

It's not easy. Trust me, it's very hard. I'm still learning and I was MARRIED. But I'm mostly fine now, except I can't possibly approach a girl I don't know that I'm interested in. I just can't do it. She might be cute and I overhear that she's a zoologist or some shit (instantly fall in love) but I wouldn't be able to talk to her. I just can't.

[Mi2mi2a]

I sympathize with you. I know it hurts being treated that way, harshly and with disgust. However, I'm not talking about social skills. I know a lot of guys who don't how to talk to girls, yet they are still good guys.

Receiving shit does give you no excuse to give shit. It will continue the cycle of bad behaivior, and to break it we need to ourselves. However, I don't know how finding women awkard to talk to can turn into bashing them.

See something, through primary school to highschool I was what people call an introvert, I still am and I prefer being alone, because of that I lacked social skills especially with guys, but I never put the blame of me being awkward socially on other people. It's my mistake and I decided at my senior year in highschool to be more outgoing.

It didn't come easy but I learned how to get along with strangers. That's why whatever your reason is it's not good enough to treat people like shit.

[Kaazsz]

There is no good reason to treat people like shit. Please understand me, I'm not defending them. I'm helping you to understand them. Maybe there is no point in doing that anyways, what does it matter? I don't know. But I feel like I am personally lumped into the category with these guys. And I feel like I'm judged to be 'lesser' than others simply because I had a really bad childhood. So even though I've worked hard to change myself, I have a goal to help others change as well. I have met other 'nice guys' who were assholes treating people like shit online who have reformed themselves. Who stopped and saw what they had become and subsequently they all changed into normal functioning actually nice and kind people.

[Kaazsz]

But to understand maybe you need to understand men. Our psychology is fucked. To us, sex is everything. EVERYTHING. lol. When a male can't have sex, it drives us insane. I think it has to do with evolution. You increase the odds you get to reproduce and pass on your genes if you lose your mind from lack of sex and seek other ways to get it (in the animal world that might be rape, chimpanzees do it right now so it kind of confirms that piece of evolutionary psychology).

It's probably impossible for you to understand, you're a woman. But us men we don't know wtf is going on in our own heads. This 'nice guy' thing is so weird. It's like a mental illness honestly. It's got to be! And crazypeopple don't know they are crazy i suppose. And these guys don't realize they are just 100% wrong in every way. They are WRONG. But they don't see it. They don't understand.

That's why i say, pity them OP. Pity these guys. I know they are assholes. But pity them.

[Mi2mi2a]

Okay. I can understand what you are trying to say. Yes, bad people weren't born bad, that means they have their background for being bad. I'm not going to say that I'm going to forgive a guy if he treated me that way and looked for his psychology, I'm no saint.

What I'm trying through myTake is to explain to gueninly nice guys why women in general use the term 'nice guy' to describe assholes. I've seen many general opinion where women explain why they don't like certain actions and linking it to the term nice guy. So guys who are really nice get confused, and start the bashing between the two genders.

That's why I wrote this mytake additionally explaing to guys who fall under the asshole who act nice why it's not acceptable. Maybe this will be a step to this type of guys to realise how unacceptable their behaviour is.

Moreover, I don't know why you feel you are lumped with 'nice guys', you haven't insulted me, you have been having with me a perfectly respectful discussion

[Mi2mi2a]

I mean you don't exhibit the general traits of a 'nice guy'. and of course having a bad childhood doesn't mean you are a bad person. No, it's the opposite you are better because you have emerged from a bad enviroment to create a good person.

[Kaazsz]

I guess I feel lumped in with them... because I'm a socially awkward guy. Or I was. I still am, especially with a strange girl I don't know. lol. I'm just like the 'nice guy' in that situation. Scared, heart racing, sweating, and just overall terrified of making this strange girl feel scared or offended or creeped out by me. And my inability to talk to a strange girl is because of my life. And 'nice guys' tend to have similar life situations as me. So I feel connected with them, maybe too much eh? lol.

Anyways I get the point of your post. I guess I've just seen posts like this a million times. The 'nice guys' don't get it. They are in this state of severe denial usually. Like, it doesn't matter what you say it does nothing but fuel the fire of their anger and self loathing... which they turn around and spew at other people. I just kind of see them as lost causes unless the women who try to help them understand them.

[Kaazsz]

I figure if you understand them, you can formulate your argument and your own advice that you give out. And maybe you will actually change a guy, give him perspective. I don't know. I have been trying for a long time and it's hard. These guys are usually in it DEEP. They are long gone and it takes self realization to change.

But I think I may have helped a few dudes understand it. Have you? Did this post help? Maybe I should read the blue comments lol. But I just want to avoid all the cringy 'nice guys' talking crap to you lol.

Yea don't forgive anyone. And learn to spot a nice guy and avoid them. They are not dateable until they realize they are 'nice guys' and should change into ACTUAL nice kind strong men instead of weak crybaby bitch boys lol. But don't word it like that cuz it just makes it worse lol.

[Mi2mi2a]

Okay. I guess I'm guilty of doing my bashing on 'nice guys'. I guess I should have worded it better, and instead of hating on 'nice guys' tried a better approach to make them see their fault.

You being awkward is in no way close to a 'nice guy'. That's just being shy, and there is nothing wrong with being shy.

[Kaazsz]

I used to be nice. I was nice because it's all I knew. I respected women, I was too scared to even try and kiss a girl, or brush up against her for fear of offending her. I would do anything for a girl I liked. I thought I had to do all this stuff, why, I have no idea. Most of these 'nice' guys are doing the same thing. Doing all this stuff for girls because we think that's how you get a girl. By being nice to her and doing what she wants and who knows what other silly crap I used to think. I'm usually reminded when I read people's comments. Sometimes girls are with a nice guy who won't push for sex. Because we are scared, we fear doing 1 single tiny thing wrong will have us thrown out and cast away by the girl forever. It's quite crazy and dumb but when you don't know any better you just don't know!

So lots of nice guys are like I was. Nice by default because what other option is there? Act like a jerk? Well I guess some take that approach eh?

[Kaazsz]

When I was like...21 I had an experience that changed a lot of things. Though by this point I knew I had zero social skills and was working on things, i didn't have a clue about women still.

This guy and his 2 girl friends came to my apartment to watch a movie. That was the plan anyways. We all sat on the couch. Well the girl next to me kept getting closer. She would brush against my arm with hers, my leg with hers. By the end of the movie we are basically squished up against eachother. In my nice guy days I would have done NOTHING. Thinking I was the nice respectful guy who won't do anything this girl doesn't want.

But instead, as the other 2 went to go pee, I reached out, put my finger on her chin, and pulled her face to mine. She snapped to me like a magnet. As if it was her only desire in the entire world to kiss me and I finally gave the green light. It changed everything for me. Women aren't evil bad boy chasers. They just want a guy who is normal...

[Kaazsz]

and to me before this point, a kiss, or sex, was something you ASKED for. Because that's what a "good" "nice" guy does. He asks! Or so I thought. Now I see that's silly. She shows you long before that she wants it. Every step of the way on to sex is done with physical body language. If she wants you, it's not hard to strip her clothes off and have sex. But to me, I didn't know this. I had no idea. I thought you had to ask. I didnt' know about body language or anything ANYTHING to do with dating/sex/women blah blah. I just had absolutely nothing to work with. So i filled in the gaps in my own mind with silly nice-guy-isms that I thought would result in a girl seeing me for who i was, instead of a nerdy shy guy. I thought I would find a girlfriend and have sex by being nice. I thought a girl would finally fall in love with me because frankly I was a great guy.

And I still think I'm a great guy, I always have been. It's just now I'm a more well rounded person. Now I'm not a sad lonely loser.

[D_Bone_Steak]

When you say 'nice guy,' what goes through my head is that hang around that is indirectly trying to get into a girl's pants despite knowing she has a bf/hubby. The bf/hubby knows what he's up to, but she defends him as "He's just a nice guy" and sometimes she'll even say "he's just a friend." She defends him because she likes the attention.

Of course I am aware that most of these "nice guys" are just following the training they received from Disney and other kid movies as a child. Be nice and yatta yatta and eventually the female character will come around to seeing you've been 'the one' all along. Basically they're under the belief that they will be owed the puss because he was nice, when he could've been a dick. Most of those types of dudes turn flip into a total dick once they get what they want or when it becomes apparent they're not going to get what they want... they just want the puss.

There's another type of 'nice guy' that I'd rather just call a cuck. He's the blue pill guy that lets any woman walk all over him... he says yes to any request... he sacrifices endlessly to satisfy women in general until he gets claimed as some woman's property and then slaves his life for her. She'll go as far as banging the pool boy in front of him... a total cuck.

Naturally women don't like any of those types of dudes for obvious reasons, but if they place too much emphasis on receiving male attention... they'll tolerate and even cock tease nice guys to receive their attention. If a woman gets seriously desperate (lack of better choices) or the man has resources (money) she can use... she may settle for such men of low character.

Most women that self validates and supports themselves have no use for nice guys... and prefer to meet an equal. Basically another human being that has standards, will stand up for themselves, and so on just like she would do for herself. She knows she is better off with a man that will stick to his reason, morals, and self respecting character... someone that will challenge her if she's wrong.

Basically, nice guys are sycophants that will lie and manipulate, pretend, or they'll allow themselves to be putty to the will of whomever has some vagina.

[Mi2mi2a]

It seems the term 'nice guy' is uses for a lot of reasons. and that is another view I haven't thought about. Good analysing

[D_Bone_Steak]

Thanks, you too :-)

[Onidandal]

(1) Maybe I'm just weird... but I'm currently at a crossroads between feeling a need for emotional connectivity and being a cynical git. :P

My thoughts, as usual, are jumbled. I'll start with what I'm looking for.

I'm looking for stability. I'd rather not have a rollercoaster of emotion, when calmness can work wonders on my psyche. I'm looking for warmth and playfulness. Basically, anything that can be identified as innocent. It's what I want to be, as well, and not have to worry as much.

What am I afraid of? A lot of things, but the one that is on-topic is the lack of emotional attachment and bonding. I feel a strong need for this. Being without such leaves life with little meaning in my eyes, for why bother doing something if you can't share the experience? That's my mindset. I find the mindset of 'alpha do everything alone' childish. I'm afraid of emotional pain, because I still feel that. If I could compartmentalize it to a separate region of my brain to never be touched, I would.

The cynic in me states that most of the population doesn't particularly care. That feeling an emotional need for others is seen as weak (which is a view of human nature reinforced time and time again), and that power talks (it does). It states that I am simply not attractive due to the need for deep emotional connection. So I need to look like I don't need it. So... why bother? Because I need it. See the little conundrum?

I will also admit that I am a shallow, judgmental asshole. Just like everyone else. I do, in fact, give a quick look to a woman that I find attractive. I mentally rate her appearance, then get back to what I was doing. I don't mention it to her. I've stopped bothering to try to quiet the judgmental voice in my head that questions motives, gives appearance ratings, thinks of all the reasons why the person in front of me sucks (religious preaching is annoying as hell, for one), and looks at how situations play out knowing that it can alter the dynamic with one or two words. I've just stopped having the energy to stop the voice. On the flipside, since I don't care as much about pornography as the majority of the populace do, I don't care quite as much about sexual stimulation. I've got it at my fingertips (lol).

I've been told that I'm nice... from people that I don't plan on sharing bonds with. I've been told that I look good... from people too young for me, or family. I've never had a girlfriend. I've never had my first kiss.

[Onidandal]

(2) I'm not domineering, and I don't plan to be. I have no idea how to ask women out. The only feedback I've gotten is 'creepy'. I'm not as adrenaline-inducing exciting, and I don't find that terribly appealing. I am not a powerful individual with money to spare or people at my whim. I'm just... average. I've been told the lie of 'It'll eventually happen', but it's not a statistical guarantee. I've had crushed hope. I'd rather not have that happen again.

I could go on, but I only have so much text space. :P

The point is, I'm frustrated. I get a bunch of conflicting sources of info, and I grow into a cynical mindset. I'm positive I'm not the only one. I'm a shallow human being, just like everyone else. I have emotional needs. I'm bitter at the lack of emotional intimacy, and plagued by the need for it. I'm bitter at the 'nice guys' who really are the scum of the earth just looking for pussy. I'm bitter that power drives what should be pure and fulfilling. And I'm tired.

[Mi2mi2a]

WOW it was wonderful understanding yourself to that point. few people do or try to understand themselves, and I applaud you on that.

The thing is, as I see you are from the US, you have been told by the media and the populace what you should be and what you should not, as you have mentioned. and well though you know it was simple braiwashing, you give up because you don't fall in the criteria they have drawn.

Since you are positive you are not the only one who doesn't fall in the criteria of what a man should be, I think it would be logical to know that there are women who don't fall in the criteria too.

Emotional needs are important and as you said men have been told since the break of dawn that they shouldn't care about their emotional needs. Now that you acknoledge this, why not start not caring what the norms should be? why not be yourself? I mean you are bitter already, why not be yourself and seek what you want with who you are. You will be surprised how many people are like

[Mi2mi2a]

you, men and women.

See what I'm trying to say, now that you have known what you are, and what you are not, see what people are. Not having a girlfriend doesn't mean the world is screwed, that's where you are wrong. Do you know why people tell you it will happen eventually, because it will.

Take dating like hunting, even there is more let's say 'deer' than hunters, not evey hunter gets a deer. So there are the good hunters that from the first shot get one, then there are the others who have to try again and again to shoot one. and the differnce between a good hunter and a bad hunter, is that the good hunter, lay low and watches, for a loong time, when he sees a deer, he takes his time, lulling her into a semblance of safety then when it's the perfect moment he strikes, not too late , not too early that's the point.

That's why I would advise that now you know who you are, you gotta move to the next level wich is knowing what society really is , not what media tells you.

[Onidandal]

(1) Why is the hunting analogy used when discussing dating? Returning to that point later, I know what society wants out of men. They're either powerful or disposable. There's no in-between. It's annoying, really. To know that your worth relies on how powerful you are as a human being in relation to others. It's a competition that you didn't sign up for. I'd rather just make a living and be stable, while pursuing something of interest. It's not brainwashing, it's nature. Animals do it all the time, so why are we any better? I can choose to determine that it's bullshit, and I do, but that means that I am so much less likely to get a relationship.

I'm not saying that the world is screwed up just because I don't have a girlfriend. That's an illogical conclusion. My gripes lie with the fact that power is everything. I don't have it. Therefore, my chances of having a relationship plummet. I'd rather not bother with the whole ordeal, but I need to if I want any chance of love.

[Onidandal]

(2) Back to the hunting analogy... why is it used? Where's the success in only knowing how to shoot with a bow and arrow, while others use rifles and clear out everything before you? Isn't the analogy kind of dehumanizing? That doesn't particularly line up with any emotional need for connection... it's just shoot to kill, right? Or in the case of dating, shoot to get laid. Can you think of some better analogies that have the same impact, without the implication of power plays?

The reason men are told to not bother with emotion seems to be because it gets in the way of achieving power, the process of which is cold, calculated, and ruthless. Look at folks in high places. They know the right people, know what they want, will hurt those that are a threat or in the way, and won't care.

What can I say? Cynic. :D

[Mi2mi2a]

You are cynic alright. LOL.

If you look at it as the one holding power are the ones who get relationships, then you have misjudged power. Power is for the few only, it's the minority who have power, thus if we acknowledge that Power makes it easy to have a relationship, what happens to the majority?

By your way of thinking, the chances of getting a relationship plummets for the majority then. Which is wrong since the majority are able to get in relationships. I'm not going to lie and say that Power doesn't let you win easily in the dating world, however would you want to be with a person who is only after Power? I think of it as weeding out bad prospects.

See the positive in everything. People who go after power are crossed out, people who go after money are crossed out too, people who cheat on their partners are crossed out, people who show their true intentions on the internet are crossed out again. I think of it as an easy way to find the good people out there since they are

[Mi2mi2a]

shadowed by the bad.

Striving to have a living and be stable is not bad at all, it's actually really good, but as you said before you have emotional needs so you are bound at point to look for a partner.

Why I use hunting as an exmaple of dating, it's not for dehumanization, it's called an example for a reason, which is to take the core of the meaning not every detail. So why hunting again? Because as I said before finding the good person who fits you is hard, and shadowed by bad people which is the forest in this case.

Though there is more than enough good people out there, the forest which is power hungry people, gold diggers, and assholes. makes it hard to find them. That's why even though there is the rich kid who has the rifle, not knowing how to use it he will be as bad or worst than the average archers. It's actually quite hard for rich powerful good people to get good people because though they have the advantage of money, they have the setbackes of being hunted themselves

[Mi2mi2a]

by the gold diggers.

I wouldn't deter you from your purpose of setting yourself up, because well that's what I'm doing right now, and I am not seeking for relationships till I establish myself. That being said if I come across a good person who fits me I will not let the chance go.

And well you can be told that emotions get in the way of succes for me, does it not get in the way of the success for women? I don't think so, you just have to be in grasp of yourself, and never mix work with relatio ships. that's an old rule.

[SovietBall]

Bravo!

That's exactly the way I've responded when I got rejected!

Here's my story...

I once starved myself for days till I was almost on the verge of passing out, when I found out that I deeply love my crush who's been my best friend for 4 years...

I was depressed by the fact that we are no longer together and felt that it was too late to tell her my true feelings towards her, for she's been ignoring me...

Thanks to my parents, I returned back to eating food and got my mind restored!

I told them the whole story, and they showed sympathy, so they decided to take me to the corals, so that "I'd give myself a break" as they would say...

Well, it did soothe me a bit, but I still couldn't stop thinking about her!

So, I decided to find a part time job to collect the money I'd need to visit her, and I did collect the amount of money I needed...

I skipped an important exam in order to go on the trip with my former school (she is still there) that I've been saving for, and I did go!

I couldn't believe that I finally saw her again after that long time...
I was too ecstatic to talk to her that I just smiled like an idiot and trembled like hell every time she looked at me!

At the end of the trip, I bought her the best and most expensive chocolate I've found at the supermarket as a gesture of "friendship" and barely talked about our memories together...

I was too shy to tell her "I love you", and I obviously wasted the chance again, thinking that it could've been too lame to tell her those words...

I was content that I saw her, but when I realized that I'd wasted my chance again I was pissed off!

However, I didn't give up and decided to start saving money up again...

So, I decided to start up a small scale food franchise at my school to save my colleagues from having to eat the school's shitty food which forces them to order absurdly expensive food from outside...

The idea was a great success, and I'm earning a good amount of money...

Now, I'm looking forward to grow my business, so that I'd earn much more money thus giving me the confidence and courage of telling her "I love you" and asking her out knowing that I'd be able to afford taking her on fancy dates with my hard earned money!

Only then, I'd tell her how I fought and suffered just to see her again and tell her the words...

Only then, she'd believe that my love for her is genuine and sincere...

[Mi2mi2a]

Oh that's a sweet story, I honestly hope you wil have the girl you like.

[ImNotCupid]

Assertiveness
guts
A nice guy doesn't have this things, he just lets others impose their opinions and minimize himself.
Looks fine, even happy but hides a low self-stem and a bunch of insecurities.
It's hard for him to say no or to point out what he think it's wrong.
It's a good friend but you fell bad for him, because he seems defends-less.
Rarely see him angry, and when he does it's an impulsive explosion and after that they just feel very sorry.

They don't feel equal to others they feel they're less

I've had a lot of friends like this, but i just can't be close friend to someone that much insecure, it makes me uncomfortable, can't be even a little rude 'cus they either cry or takes my jokes seriously.

I can think of how a girl should feel about them too, good guys attach very strongly almost obsessively and it's impossible to leave them without feeling bad. I've dated nice girls and it's the same thing. But guys have this situation harder because the "masculinity" meta-frame makes them unattractive and cringy.

If I were a girl i wouldn't date them for the same reasons. I would want someone confident, assertive and decisive. Unfortunately sometimes people like this are seemed as jerks (and sometimes are) because they put themselves as a priority before others and treat people how the deserve.

[Lightspeed-Lemon]

Ok, fine. But even genuine "good men" are less attractive to women, at least initially. Otherwise, women would prefer Luke Skywalker over Han Solo, Peter Parker over Wolverine, Wayne Gretzky over David Beckham, Brendan Fraser over Ian Somerhalder, etc. Bad has always been "sexier" and more "tempting" than good, probably always will be. Bad boys have qualities like strength, ambition, and fearlessness which drive girls crazy. So let's just accept there is a grain of truth behind the nice guy myths.

[Mi2mi2a]

I honestly don't know those actors, otherwise I would have answered you better. But don't mix the show bizz and films with reality.

[Punzie_]

this is because all the "nice guys" seem to lack the things that the "bad" ones have. like determination, assertiveness, excitement, humor, all that. Not saying they're all like that but no one wants a pushover who doesn't have any thrill really. not saying you have to be a jerk and/or bossy, but that some nice guys are just boring. It's not the bad that attracts me, but the exciting part of that "bad" person. I always try to go for nice guys but they're so boring. I like to do lots of things and I want to share it with someone, not get held back or lectured. I want to be challenged.

[Mi2mi2a]

Sorry but you are wrong. A good man has those qualities too, he has determination, excitement, assertiveness, confidence, humor and more. Moreover you may like a guy who is assertive but other girls like a shy guy. There is shy assholes, and outgoing assholes, as much as there is shy good guys and outgoing good guys.

[Punzie_]

you will have to reread all I wrote. I said "some" and "seem" quite a lot if you will take the time to notice. also, "Not saying they're all like that". all I said is I tend to get involved more with "bad" guys just because each time I try a "good" guy, they are bores. I didn't say they all were like that

[Mi2mi2a]

Okay. I'm not attacking. I truly am not. Now we are going to discuss semantics. LOL :D however you used the term 'all the nice guys' while adding seem doesn't negate the fact that you think that you all the good guys aren't boring. Adding later on that not all are like that is a contradiction and sends the message that only a small portion of good guys are interisting.

I can understand how let's use the term ' bad boys' fulfill your hobbies and love of life. However, don't get blinded about the bad boy set up. They usually blindside you with their arrogance, overconfidence and boasting to see the really interisting people.

I do a lot of sports, extreme ones, and in real life I'm a quiet person. through my observations the ones who really do exciting stuff aren't the ones who boast about it and they are usually chill. XD here is a secret tip, beware of the quiet ones they are the ones who are really having fun.

[Punzie_]

i agree with you on that but between you and me (and i guess anyone else reading this) there really is few good guys that aren't actually boring. at least, in my experience and what i've heard. and with the bad boys, well, there's a reason why they're called bad. but they usually have that factor the nice ones don't. sure, some of each side won't fit a mold and be "good" but also exciting and same with the "bad" but, let's be real, it's not common. not only in my experience, but from other's too

[Mi2mi2a]

LOL Oh that's what I'm going to write about next. Being interisting. You see there are a lot of guys who are really interisting but are shy. You will be shocked how much there are interisting and exciting guys out there.

I say this because my brother is shy, awkward and doesn't know how to engage girls (it frustrates me) but wow if you knew him, and some guyfriends I know are the same. That's why I encite guys to just let go and be normal with girls, they would find themselves are having fun with girls, and girls will be shocked how much guys are interisting out there.

[Punzie_]

well i sure wish the nice peeps would come more out of their shell then. it's totally worth it

[patoot10]

"I want to be challenged" .. I don't think you are playing "who wants to be a millionaire?". Do you offer half the things that you ask for? .. I read your comment and all I see is I want I want I want and not much to offer. Enjoy your bad boys lol.

[Tycwep]

I think I can be of some help here. It is important not to confuse "bad boy" with "bad guy". The first likes to do dangerous things such as skydiving and bungee jumping and the second is a dangerous person. "Bad boys" are not necessarily bad people. I think the problem with these debates is everybody defines these terms differently and has different people in mind when somebody brings these terms up.

[patoot10]

@Tycwep how is doing skydiving and bungee jumping makes you bad in any way? .. any term or definition with the word bad in it means you are dealing with a horrible person and that's it.

[Punzie_]

@Tycwep true

[Punzie_]

@patoot10 okay?

[Punzie_]

@Tycwep see, the thing is with most "good" guys i have been around, they seem to be too "stiff" if that makes sense. I like to build and learn and challenge each other and just with a stereotypical "good" guy i can't. and to be honest, the "bad boy" are actually not "bad" generally just dislike limits i guess. a "bad guy" though, yeah, i have tried that and i hate it. but you're right with everyone having their own definitions, hence why my little opinion here is not taken so nicely :P

[Tycwep]

@patoot10 think ebonics where "bad" actually means cool and hip.

[Tycwep]

Yeah, if they aren't hurting anyone then they are not bad people. That's a good rule of thumb. Steer clear of bully types.

[Goochbreaker]

lol at the picture of the 'nice guy' being all pissed off at sluts

HE IS RIGHT TO BE and you'll know your a nice guy when you end up in the kind of situation that made our hand drawn friend so angry. Nice people in general get taken advantage of, this is no lie. Because of this out of control feminist culture in the west though, it's totally okay for girls to take advantage of guys as much as they want BECAUSE EVEN THE NICE ONES ARE ASSHOLES and just look at you, fucking bitch, perpetuating that horseshit in your own way. Am I an asshole for calling you out? Maybe, but some people need to be shit all over, so the way I see it I'm doing the world a favor.

tl; dr nice guys shouldn't be nice to ANYONE who continues to take advantage of them and play the victim while hurting them THIS IS WHAT GIRLS DO TO NICE GUYS

[Mi2mi2a]

There is a fine difference between being nice and being pushover. If you are a pushover you are bound to be used. I don't know ho calling me 'fucking bitch' means you are a nice person. LOL There are different opinions and no matter how much you don't like the opinion doesn't give you the right to insult me. That's basic manners.

However, let me tell you my policy in life, I treat everyone nicely, and if they do use me as you said I just stop letting them to. It's easy. Some girls tried to use me, some guys did. And you know what? I don't hate them, I just I'm not going to let them to.

Life is harsh. Not every person is a good person, and you know through this way I'm left just with beautiful people.

[Fallahad]

Lol this is funny

[Goochbreaker]

Fuck you, I didn't say I'm a nice guy because I'm not, not for you or anyone else spreading disinformation saying nice guys think women are obliged to sleep with them, that's the most delusional feminist horse shit I've ever heard in my god damn life. You probably just picked the photo off the web and decided it was close enough to your point so you put your support behind that, but whoever drew that is PURE FILTH. Yeah I called you a bitch for perpetuating misinformation that harms men in a world where we already have nothing to live for, look at the suicide rate by gender you might be surprised what you find.

[Mi2mi2a]

Sorry, I'm not taking seriously an opinion from a guy who knows he is not nice and acknowledges it. Saying curses doesn't drive your point any further or using the card 'feminist horseshit' doesn't give you credibility. LOL

[Goochbreaker]

why don't you spend a little less time focusing on adjectives and a little more time reading the content of my comments. You still don't understand why you are fucked... be capable of taking an insult you deserve. Oh you won't listen to someone who admits they are not nice to fucking cunts... cool story

[Sportsguy23]

I agree with what just_tired said. It's the same concept for people who say "I'm a christian". Well, you can say it all you like, but your actions are what make you what you are, not your self title. I hate to again reference Christianity, but it's always shocked me when someone called Jesus himself "good" and he rebuked that, saying no man is good.

All that is really happening is guys going after the ones they shouldn't be pursuing. More times then naught, the "nice guy" has "nice girls" that would love his attention, but then push those aside, pursuing the girls that go after the "bad" dudes. It's usually about wanting the thign we can't have and then taking for granted the things laid down at your feet. That's my take anyway.

[Browneye57]

"So what is a good man?
a- A good man respects everyone not just the woman he is pursuing.
b- A good man has manners
c- A good man is reflected by his actions not just his words.
d- And finally a good man accepts where he is wrong and tries to better himself.
To sum it up, A good man is A basic Good human being"

I'm not sure why you think you're in any place to judge good, bad or otherwise, YOU'RE NOT A MAN.

So while these are not unreasonable, they're a far cry of what a 'GOOD' man is.
#1 is that he be true and honest to HIMSELF.
#2 is that he be a success - in whatever that is that he prescribes for himself.

Most confuse 'kind' with 'nice'. Nice is fake - kind is real.

[Mi2mi2a]

You know that what we said is the same? I have an idiom in my language that describes the same thing. We say *Im saying Orange and you are saying ORANGE*
I'm not judging, because as I said at the end it what makes a good human being, that means being a good person is the same woman and man alike. Is it so hard taking an advice from a woman?

[Browneye57]

I would never take advice on what a man is from a teenage girl. So no, sorry honey. And you think you know all about this but all you have is your feelings in your own little head. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but that's all it is. More importantly you simply CANNOT know because you're simply not a man. It's physically impossible for you to even have an inkling.

[Mi2mi2a]

You know I would take advice from someone younger than me or older than me. maturity isn't in correlation with age and as long as it is logical and they convince me. You, not accepting my opinion just because it is from a 'teenage girl' is not an argument.
And as I said before, I'm not dictating what a Man should be, I'm describing what a decent human being is. I repeat that being a good person has nothing with gender, it's what makes you a good human being. You said the same thing just in other words because you can't accept it was said by a 'teenage girl'.

[Browneye57]

Uh, no, your question was 'WHAT IS A NICE GUY'.
Then you go on a lengthy description of what YOU think that is. And while you have some reasonable points, you miss the important ones. IT's just all about your FEELZ, which is wholly typical for your age and gender. You can't even see it!
And no, men and women are not the same or equal, despite what the FI keeps trying to convince us all of. They're just not.

[Mi2mi2a]

Yes. that's why it's called myTake. Please tell me the ones I missed to improve myself. Just saying no because I'm a girl doesn't help in a discussion one bit.
And no I didn't say men and women are equal, don't twist my words. What I'm saying is that what makes a good person is equal because what makes bad is equal, since the law punishes women and men alike on the same bad thing. SInce bad is equal, the opposite is true wich means what makes you a good person is equal. If you don't believe so, give me an example where men are considered a good person while if it was done by a female it would be considered bad?

[Browneye57]

Uh, no, you're wrong about that too.
Never heard of the 'power of the pussy'? Or the excuse as being female? Everything in our society is slanted for benefit of the 'weaker sex'. EVERYTHING.
But I'm not going to convince you of anything though, regardless of evidence presented, you already know it all. But you'll figure it out over time. Consider that you don't know it all. Yet. :)

[Mi2mi2a]

In your society, you have the 'power of pussy' in man we have 'the power of the man. Some things would be socially acceptable if done by man here while it is seen bad if done by woman. I'm not talking about what society accepts, since it can be changed as you see the difference from yours and mine, what I'm talking about is Laws, things that no matter what society dictates, logic doesn't.
That's why again, being a woman doesn't negate what I said, as you have ackowledged that there are some good points and bad points, instead of just telling I'm wrong because I'm a woman why not tell where I'm wrong?

[Browneye57]

"Our society"? Did you leave something important out in all of this? I'm guessing so.

[Anonymous]

A nice guy is a nice person and that's it. He is not a jerk in disguise or beta or whatever. He is a nice person and he gets nothing in return because people minds specially girls are fucked up and they only respond to people who don't make them 100% comfortable and knows how to play their insecurities. With that being said all the guys on here that are saying bad things about nice guys are either assholes or wussies who are just trying to agree with anything being said by a female on this website. Stop complicating things and look at things directly a nice guy is a nice person who people don't respect because we respect fear and power and that's the ugly truth.

[Mi2mi2a]

Agreeing with an opinion equals to being wussies? newsflash being a nice guys means you respect people no matter their opinions.

[Opinion Owner]

Re-read the comment. It says "who are just trying to agree with anything being said by a female on this website".

[Mi2mi2a]

I didn't know you could read minds. LOL and again that doesn't give the right to a NICE person to insult people

[Aaron-1992]

it's the internet... people are so suspicious these days. I've been called a nice guy. But that's okey. Eventually girls become a grown up women and want to have a nice man that's mature. It does not mean that nice guys are always weak and don't lean on their stripes. I can be very angry sometimes if you gone too far. But i don't like being that. I'd rather being nice than to harm people. If girls don't like me then that's okay, because then we're never meant to be with each other anyway.

[CandleLightx3]

When you say nice guy, then I automatically think about: Being nice to people, friends and family. A person who will always show up to help, if asked.

In terms of relationship: caring for his partner. A guy who is always gonna be there for her, help her with her problems, not just seeing her as a lust object. Do things she likes even if he hates it. Putting his girlfriend first before himself. What is important for her, is important for him. Spending quality time, getting to know her as much as possible. And so on

[TheIdeaOfLove]

wow, finaly someone who actualy explained it. i think you are right. i always say, there's no such thing as a nice guy. yeah, the guy can be friendly and do everything for you. But it's the rejection that defines the guy.
And the way he treats other people, not the one he's chasing.

i liked reading this. more of this please.

[J4Zzi3]

you're so true.
a- A good man respects everyone not just the woman he is pursuing.
b- A good man has manners
c- A good man is reflected by his actions not just his words.
d- And finally a good man accepts where he is wrong and tries to better himself.
To sum it up, A good man is A basic Good human being

which people rare to have today. coz newer generation become too spoiled and always blame others.

[gobsmacked3]

In life, if a person proclaims something it is often a facade of reality. As in this case, 'nice guys'. They might be this on some levels but not others. And need to proclaim it to fully believe it

Bottom line, actions are all that matter in life, never words

[Anonymous]

I had no idea that having a phone conversation and wearing a hat was all it took to be labeled as a jerk.

I notice guys call other guys jerks when the only thing in the entire world they know about the guy is the fact he happens to be dating the girl the first guy likes.

[Mi2mi2a]

LMAO XD

[Anonymous]

You summed it up perfectly!
A guy who says he is a "nice guy" is not a nice guy at all. This type of person enjoys blaming women for not giving him attention rather than doing some self reflection on his own actions.
It's the men who respect and treat women with love and affection are the ones with kind hearts.

[Ailenerose]

When we are teens we dont usually care for nice guys because we need some thrill in our life. But its when we become women we realise how stupid we were not to choose them.

[Mi2mi2a]

I'm not talking here about who is mostly to get the girl. I'm talking about what a good man is.
And I don't believe there should be relationships when you are still a teen. For two reasons, one is that you should live your childhood ( yes you are still a child) and two you are still young and immature to know what a relationship takes.

I've come to the conclusion that most people who date in their teens, it was for the novelty of it and for the escitement do of course the girls will go for the jock and the guys for the cheerleader.

[Stuckintime]

It's probably true that teens are not mature enough to date but in our society they do and it's encouraged like school dances. I thought it was the funniest thing when I heard a 17 year old criticize 12 year olds that are in relationships saying they are too young to know what love is and I'm like and you at 17 are old enough to know what love is? What they said was correct though, 12 year olds are waaaay too young to be in relationships.

[Mi2mi2a]

@Stuckintime That's true. I was once watching an American show with my mom. And once a 16 year old said she was in a relationship, and my mom was like 'what the hell is that girl talking about? is she serious?' when I told her that in their culture you may find middle schoolers dating she was flabbergasted.

[Stuckintime]

Yep lol

[DinaM]

In my experience, someone who keeps insisting that he's a "nice guy" usually isn't.

[niggablasta]

im a nice guy, i won't treat like the other chads on this website
im here for you baby, i know what you like, what you need, both

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