What is a Nice Guy?

I‘ve read on the internet way too much about nice guys. When I hear a guy classifying himself as nice guy, my first thought is what the hell does he mean when he says I’m a nice guy? Since this appears to me as a reoccurring problem in the western or Indian culture. And well, as you have guessed I’m not part of it, I’m going to give my opinion as a watcher.

What is a Nice Guy?

Before people get in a rage and attack my culture, yes we have our flaws as well, but I don’t see any one on here from the same culture as mine and that is not the issue here either way.

1. Nice guys are always left for the assholes.

What is a Nice Guy?

This seems to me like a mantra that proclaimed nice guys on the internet repeat. The question that comes to my mind after this is why? There is a number of hypothesis that come to mind:

a- They are pursuing a girl and she doesn’t respond to his advances.

b- They were dating some girls and they eventually left them.

However, does going through this make men bitter about women and unfortunately women haters? If you are a genuinely nice guy, you will treat women nice, and that contradicts with the bashing you do on women in general. Everyone goes through rejection, some more some less, the way you cope with rejection is what defines you as a ‘Good man’.

I like using this term better because it doesn’t have a pejorative connotation. If you become a bitter man who disrespects women then what does that tell about you? The nice guy act was just an act and once you were rejected you dropped it and showed your true features.

What is a Nice Guy?

Will you honestly come and say that this is a nice guy? If some do then they are just in denial, and well they act this way.

2. What is then a Good man?

What is a Nice Guy?

I like this quote because it sums up my view. All proclaimed nice guys have a woman in their life who he is not interested in, if you proclaim that women are shallow and superficial and only go for jerks then are you implying that your mother, sister, daughter or friend are the same? I honestly hope you are not.

So what is a good man?

a- A good man respects everyone not just the woman he is pursuing.

b- A good man has manners

c- A good man is reflected by his actions not just his words.

d- And finally a good man accepts where he is wrong and tries to better himself.

To sum it up, A good man is A basic Good human being

What is a Nice Guy?

Now that we have differentiated between a good man and a proclaimed nice guy who is not, I hope that I’ve gotten my point across.

Next time I’m going to write about some mistakes in the dating world that some good men make, and well till next time. Bye.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Good take! I've always felt that proclaiming yourself to be a "nice guy" is overcompensation. Also it's not a title you can give yourself, since other people are the judge of it. If you're nice, you're actions will show it.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Americas definition of a “nice guy”:

    1. Doormat
    2. Guy who lacks self-respect
    3. Guy who is actively looking for ‘a girlfriend’ (the fact that he wants a girlfriend, and doesn't have a specific girl in mind, is suspicious)

    The real definition of a nice guy:

    1. Man who already respects everyone, not only the girl he’s interested in (as you said)
    2. Man who can be happy within himself, whether he’s with a woman or not
    3. Man who understands that women are more than sex objects.

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    • yes. the part of being so hang up over a relation ship with any girl as long as she has a vagina is wrong on so many levels.

    • yes treated me like shit will never happen again me no mug

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What Guys Said 26

  • I used to be a nice guy. But why? Was I just born a jerk? Well, I was never a jerk to anyone personally, so maybe I can't speak for other 'nice guys' but I think I understand them all the same.

    So for me, I had a really bad childhood. We were poor, we'd be homeless, I went to a foster group home, my mother was psychotic or some shit and went to the nuthouse. At school, from about grade 3 until grade 11 I had no friends. I was that kid everyone in school hated. Because I was poor, dirty, and eventually due to being socially ostracized, weird. I never learned social skills. If I ever tried to talk to a girl she would freak out or be disgusted. I had girls scream and run away. It wasn't my fault, I hope you wouldn't think I deserved all this lol.

    So into my adulthood I still had no social skills. I joined the military and did all kinds of shit, and slowly slowly built up social skills. People still hated me into adulthood, but mostly because I was a creepy weirdo. I didn't have social skills remember, you have to learn that shit.

    So because of all of this, i had no idea how to deal with women. Absolutely none. I didn't know what flirting was, I couldn't talk to any girl, I couldn't make eye contact, I couldn't say words that made sense. I'd get extreme anxiety and abandon any and all contact with women because I knew I was scaring them. I knew they saw me as a creepy weirdo. And I think this differentiates me from other nice guys. Other nice guys don't see that they are damaged, or that they never learned how to properly be a normal fucking human. I saw it in myself that I was a severely lacking person. Maybe it was the extreme way that I lacked it that made it so obvious to me. For other 'nice guys' they might be OK in most social situations but for some reason they never got to learn how to be a normal functioning human around girls. Now if they could admit that and take the steps to learn how to do this they would be much better off. But instead most get angry and say shitty horrible things on the internet to vent their frustration. Now I don't know, I never did that shit. But I feel like I understand these guys on a deeper level than they do.

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    • And these 'nice guys' are not bad people. They aren't bad men. Their regular people but they don't understand women and it frustrates the everliving fuck out of them. You probably can't even imagine what it's like to completely lack the ability to act like a normal person around a girl. It's impossible without experience, and it hurts to get that experience. To go out and get rejected over and over and over and over and slowly over time figure it out. Every time you get rejected it just hurts and hurts and you beat yourself up and tear yourself down and tell yourself you're a piece of shit. So these guys go on the internet and vent their frustrations and they band together into these neckbeard nice guy groups. Or they wallow in self pity alone too.

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    • When I was like...21 I had an experience that changed a lot of things. Though by this point I knew I had zero social skills and was working on things, i didn't have a clue about women still.

      This guy and his 2 girl friends came to my apartment to watch a movie. That was the plan anyways. We all sat on the couch. Well the girl next to me kept getting closer. She would brush against my arm with hers, my leg with hers. By the end of the movie we are basically squished up against eachother. In my nice guy days I would have done NOTHING. Thinking I was the nice respectful guy who won't do anything this girl doesn't want.

      But instead, as the other 2 went to go pee, I reached out, put my finger on her chin, and pulled her face to mine. She snapped to me like a magnet. As if it was her only desire in the entire world to kiss me and I finally gave the green light. It changed everything for me. Women aren't evil bad boy chasers. They just want a guy who is normal...

    • and to me before this point, a kiss, or sex, was something you ASKED for. Because that's what a "good" "nice" guy does. He asks! Or so I thought. Now I see that's silly. She shows you long before that she wants it. Every step of the way on to sex is done with physical body language. If she wants you, it's not hard to strip her clothes off and have sex. But to me, I didn't know this. I had no idea. I thought you had to ask. I didnt' know about body language or anything ANYTHING to do with dating/sex/women blah blah. I just had absolutely nothing to work with. So i filled in the gaps in my own mind with silly nice-guy-isms that I thought would result in a girl seeing me for who i was, instead of a nerdy shy guy. I thought I would find a girlfriend and have sex by being nice. I thought a girl would finally fall in love with me because frankly I was a great guy.

      And I still think I'm a great guy, I always have been. It's just now I'm a more well rounded person. Now I'm not a sad lonely loser.

  • When you say 'nice guy,' what goes through my head is that hang around that is indirectly trying to get into a girl's pants despite knowing she has a bf/hubby. The bf/hubby knows what he's up to, but she defends him as "He's just a nice guy" and sometimes she'll even say "he's just a friend." She defends him because she likes the attention.

    Of course I am aware that most of these "nice guys" are just following the training they received from Disney and other kid movies as a child. Be nice and yatta yatta and eventually the female character will come around to seeing you've been 'the one' all along. Basically they're under the belief that they will be owed the puss because he was nice, when he could've been a dick. Most of those types of dudes turn flip into a total dick once they get what they want or when it becomes apparent they're not going to get what they want... they just want the puss.

    There's another type of 'nice guy' that I'd rather just call a cuck. He's the blue pill guy that lets any woman walk all over him... he says yes to any request... he sacrifices endlessly to satisfy women in general until he gets claimed as some woman's property and then slaves his life for her. She'll go as far as banging the pool boy in front of him... a total cuck.

    Naturally women don't like any of those types of dudes for obvious reasons, but if they place too much emphasis on receiving male attention... they'll tolerate and even cock tease nice guys to receive their attention. If a woman gets seriously desperate (lack of better choices) or the man has resources (money) she can use... she may settle for such men of low character.

    Most women that self validates and supports themselves have no use for nice guys... and prefer to meet an equal. Basically another human being that has standards, will stand up for themselves, and so on just like she would do for herself. She knows she is better off with a man that will stick to his reason, morals, and self respecting character... someone that will challenge her if she's wrong.

    Basically, nice guys are sycophants that will lie and manipulate, pretend, or they'll allow themselves to be putty to the will of whomever has some vagina.

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    • It seems the term 'nice guy' is uses for a lot of reasons. and that is another view I haven't thought about. Good analysing

    • Thanks, you too :-)

  • wow, finaly someone who actualy explained it. i think you are right. i always say, there's no such thing as a nice guy. yeah, the guy can be friendly and do everything for you. But it's the rejection that defines the guy.
    And the way he treats other people, not the one he's chasing.

    i liked reading this. more of this please.

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  • you're so true.
    a- A good man respects everyone not just the woman he is pursuing.
    b- A good man has manners
    c- A good man is reflected by his actions not just his words.
    d- And finally a good man accepts where he is wrong and tries to better himself.
    To sum it up, A good man is A basic Good human being

    which people rare to have today. coz newer generation become too spoiled and always blame others.

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  • (1) Maybe I'm just weird... but I'm currently at a crossroads between feeling a need for emotional connectivity and being a cynical git. :P

    My thoughts, as usual, are jumbled. I'll start with what I'm looking for.

    I'm looking for stability. I'd rather not have a rollercoaster of emotion, when calmness can work wonders on my psyche. I'm looking for warmth and playfulness. Basically, anything that can be identified as innocent. It's what I want to be, as well, and not have to worry as much.

    What am I afraid of? A lot of things, but the one that is on-topic is the lack of emotional attachment and bonding. I feel a strong need for this. Being without such leaves life with little meaning in my eyes, for why bother doing something if you can't share the experience? That's my mindset. I find the mindset of 'alpha do everything alone' childish. I'm afraid of emotional pain, because I still feel that. If I could compartmentalize it to a separate region of my brain to never be touched, I would.

    The cynic in me states that most of the population doesn't particularly care. That feeling an emotional need for others is seen as weak (which is a view of human nature reinforced time and time again), and that power talks (it does). It states that I am simply not attractive due to the need for deep emotional connection. So I need to look like I don't need it. So... why bother? Because I need it. See the little conundrum?

    I will also admit that I am a shallow, judgmental asshole. Just like everyone else. I do, in fact, give a quick look to a woman that I find attractive. I mentally rate her appearance, then get back to what I was doing. I don't mention it to her. I've stopped bothering to try to quiet the judgmental voice in my head that questions motives, gives appearance ratings, thinks of all the reasons why the person in front of me sucks (religious preaching is annoying as hell, for one), and looks at how situations play out knowing that it can alter the dynamic with one or two words. I've just stopped having the energy to stop the voice. On the flipside, since I don't care as much about pornography as the majority of the populace do, I don't care quite as much about sexual stimulation. I've got it at my fingertips (lol).

    I've been told that I'm nice... from people that I don't plan on sharing bonds with. I've been told that I look good... from people too young for me, or family. I've never had a girlfriend. I've never had my first kiss.

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    • (2) I'm not domineering, and I don't plan to be. I have no idea how to ask women out. The only feedback I've gotten is 'creepy'. I'm not as adrenaline-inducing exciting, and I don't find that terribly appealing. I am not a powerful individual with money to spare or people at my whim. I'm just... average. I've been told the lie of 'It'll eventually happen', but it's not a statistical guarantee. I've had crushed hope. I'd rather not have that happen again.

      I could go on, but I only have so much text space. :P

      The point is, I'm frustrated. I get a bunch of conflicting sources of info, and I grow into a cynical mindset. I'm positive I'm not the only one. I'm a shallow human being, just like everyone else. I have emotional needs. I'm bitter at the lack of emotional intimacy, and plagued by the need for it. I'm bitter at the 'nice guys' who really are the scum of the earth just looking for pussy. I'm bitter that power drives what should be pure and fulfilling. And I'm tired.

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    • shadowed by the bad.

      Striving to have a living and be stable is not bad at all, it's actually really good, but as you said before you have emotional needs so you are bound at point to look for a partner.

      Why I use hunting as an exmaple of dating, it's not for dehumanization, it's called an example for a reason, which is to take the core of the meaning not every detail. So why hunting again? Because as I said before finding the good person who fits you is hard, and shadowed by bad people which is the forest in this case.

      Though there is more than enough good people out there, the forest which is power hungry people, gold diggers, and assholes. makes it hard to find them. That's why even though there is the rich kid who has the rifle, not knowing how to use it he will be as bad or worst than the average archers. It's actually quite hard for rich powerful good people to get good people because though they have the advantage of money, they have the setbackes of being hunted themselves

    • by the gold diggers.

      I wouldn't deter you from your purpose of setting yourself up, because well that's what I'm doing right now, and I am not seeking for relationships till I establish myself. That being said if I come across a good person who fits me I will not let the chance go.

      And well you can be told that emotions get in the way of succes for me, does it not get in the way of the success for women? I don't think so, you just have to be in grasp of yourself, and never mix work with relatio ships. that's an old rule.

  • In life, if a person proclaims something it is often a facade of reality. As in this case, 'nice guys'. They might be this on some levels but not others. And need to proclaim it to fully believe it

    Bottom line, actions are all that matter in life, never words

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  • Assertiveness
    guts
    A nice guy doesn't have this things, he just lets others impose their opinions and minimize himself.
    Looks fine, even happy but hides a low self-stem and a bunch of insecurities.
    It's hard for him to say no or to point out what he think it's wrong.
    It's a good friend but you fell bad for him, because he seems defends-less.
    Rarely see him angry, and when he does it's an impulsive explosion and after that they just feel very sorry.

    They don't feel equal to others they feel they're less

    I've had a lot of friends like this, but i just can't be close friend to someone that much insecure, it makes me uncomfortable, can't be even a little rude 'cus they either cry or takes my jokes seriously.

    I can think of how a girl should feel about them too, good guys attach very strongly almost obsessively and it's impossible to leave them without feeling bad. I've dated nice girls and it's the same thing. But guys have this situation harder because the "masculinity" meta-frame makes them unattractive and cringy.

    If I were a girl i wouldn't date them for the same reasons. I would want someone confident, assertive and decisive. Unfortunately sometimes people like this are seemed as jerks (and sometimes are) because they put themselves as a priority before others and treat people how the deserve.

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  • Bravo!

    That's exactly the way I've responded when I got rejected!

    Here's my story...

    I once starved myself for days till I was almost on the verge of passing out, when I found out that I deeply love my crush who's been my best friend for 4 years...

    I was depressed by the fact that we are no longer together and felt that it was too late to tell her my true feelings towards her, for she's been ignoring me...

    Thanks to my parents, I returned back to eating food and got my mind restored!

    I told them the whole story, and they showed sympathy, so they decided to take me to the corals, so that "I'd give myself a break" as they would say...

    Well, it did soothe me a bit, but I still couldn't stop thinking about her!

    So, I decided to find a part time job to collect the money I'd need to visit her, and I did collect the amount of money I needed...

    I skipped an important exam in order to go on the trip with my former school (she is still there) that I've been saving for, and I did go!

    I couldn't believe that I finally saw her again after that long time...
    I was too ecstatic to talk to her that I just smiled like an idiot and trembled like hell every time she looked at me!

    At the end of the trip, I bought her the best and most expensive chocolate I've found at the supermarket as a gesture of "friendship" and barely talked about our memories together...

    I was too shy to tell her "I love you", and I obviously wasted the chance again, thinking that it could've been too lame to tell her those words...

    I was content that I saw her, but when I realized that I'd wasted my chance again I was pissed off!

    However, I didn't give up and decided to start saving money up again...

    So, I decided to start up a small scale food franchise at my school to save my colleagues from having to eat the school's shitty food which forces them to order absurdly expensive food from outside...

    The idea was a great success, and I'm earning a good amount of money...

    Now, I'm looking forward to grow my business, so that I'd earn much more money thus giving me the confidence and courage of telling her "I love you" and asking her out knowing that I'd be able to afford taking her on fancy dates with my hard earned money!

    Only then, I'd tell her how I fought and suffered just to see her again and tell her the words...

    Only then, she'd believe that my love for her is genuine and sincere...

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    • Oh that's a sweet story, I honestly hope you wil have the girl you like.

  • "So what is a good man?
    a- A good man respects everyone not just the woman he is pursuing.
    b- A good man has manners
    c- A good man is reflected by his actions not just his words.
    d- And finally a good man accepts where he is wrong and tries to better himself.
    To sum it up, A good man is A basic Good human being"

    I'm not sure why you think you're in any place to judge good, bad or otherwise, YOU'RE NOT A MAN.

    So while these are not unreasonable, they're a far cry of what a 'GOOD' man is.
    #1 is that he be true and honest to HIMSELF.
    #2 is that he be a success - in whatever that is that he prescribes for himself.

    Most confuse 'kind' with 'nice'. Nice is fake - kind is real.

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    • You know that what we said is the same? I have an idiom in my language that describes the same thing. We say *Im saying Orange and you are saying ORANGE*
      I'm not judging, because as I said at the end it what makes a good human being, that means being a good person is the same woman and man alike. Is it so hard taking an advice from a woman?

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    • In your society, you have the 'power of pussy' in man we have 'the power of the man. Some things would be socially acceptable if done by man here while it is seen bad if done by woman. I'm not talking about what society accepts, since it can be changed as you see the difference from yours and mine, what I'm talking about is Laws, things that no matter what society dictates, logic doesn't.
      That's why again, being a woman doesn't negate what I said, as you have ackowledged that there are some good points and bad points, instead of just telling I'm wrong because I'm a woman why not tell where I'm wrong?

    • "Our society"? Did you leave something important out in all of this? I'm guessing so.

  • Ok, fine. But even genuine "good men" are less attractive to women, at least initially. Otherwise, women would prefer Luke Skywalker over Han Solo, Peter Parker over Wolverine, Wayne Gretzky over David Beckham, Brendan Fraser over Ian Somerhalder, etc. Bad has always been "sexier" and more "tempting" than good, probably always will be. Bad boys have qualities like strength, ambition, and fearlessness which drive girls crazy. So let's just accept there is a grain of truth behind the nice guy myths.

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    • I honestly don't know those actors, otherwise I would have answered you better. But don't mix the show bizz and films with reality.

  • lol at the picture of the 'nice guy' being all pissed off at sluts

    HE IS RIGHT TO BE and you'll know your a nice guy when you end up in the kind of situation that made our hand drawn friend so angry. Nice people in general get taken advantage of, this is no lie. Because of this out of control feminist culture in the west though, it's totally okay for girls to take advantage of guys as much as they want BECAUSE EVEN THE NICE ONES ARE ASSHOLES and just look at you, fucking bitch, perpetuating that horseshit in your own way. Am I an asshole for calling you out? Maybe, but some people need to be shit all over, so the way I see it I'm doing the world a favor.

    tl; dr nice guys shouldn't be nice to ANYONE who continues to take advantage of them and play the victim while hurting them THIS IS WHAT GIRLS DO TO NICE GUYS

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    • There is a fine difference between being nice and being pushover. If you are a pushover you are bound to be used. I don't know ho calling me 'fucking bitch' means you are a nice person. LOL There are different opinions and no matter how much you don't like the opinion doesn't give you the right to insult me. That's basic manners.

      However, let me tell you my policy in life, I treat everyone nicely, and if they do use me as you said I just stop letting them to. It's easy. Some girls tried to use me, some guys did. And you know what? I don't hate them, I just I'm not going to let them to.

      Life is harsh. Not every person is a good person, and you know through this way I'm left just with beautiful people.

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    • Sorry, I'm not taking seriously an opinion from a guy who knows he is not nice and acknowledges it. Saying curses doesn't drive your point any further or using the card 'feminist horseshit' doesn't give you credibility. LOL

    • why don't you spend a little less time focusing on adjectives and a little more time reading the content of my comments. You still don't understand why you are fucked... be capable of taking an insult you deserve. Oh you won't listen to someone who admits they are not nice to fucking cunts... cool story

  • im a nice guy, i won't treat like the other chads on this website
    im here for you baby, i know what you like, what you need, both

    are to check my minecraft lets play channel at dunkeyplays minecraft. amerca

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  • I agree with what just_tired said. It's the same concept for people who say "I'm a christian". Well, you can say it all you like, but your actions are what make you what you are, not your self title. I hate to again reference Christianity, but it's always shocked me when someone called Jesus himself "good" and he rebuked that, saying no man is good.

    All that is really happening is guys going after the ones they shouldn't be pursuing. More times then naught, the "nice guy" has "nice girls" that would love his attention, but then push those aside, pursuing the girls that go after the "bad" dudes. It's usually about wanting the thign we can't have and then taking for granted the things laid down at your feet. That's my take anyway.

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  • A good guy is a guy who cares about a girl for her personality and sees her as a friend he wants to care for for the rest of his life.

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  • A nice guy is a Beta male who tries too hard to respect wahman just because he cannot get laid any other way.

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  • thanks. This confused me too cause I wasn´t sure what should be bad about beeing nice. Finally I understand what "nice guy" mean. Thumbs up

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  • thats an excellent take, there's a huge difference between a nice guy and a good guy , bad boys can also be good.

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    • Ted Bundy was a nice guy but not a good guy. He was nice until he got his victims where he could rape and murder them.

    • @Stuckintime wow that's a great example.

    • Thank you. I remember a documentary about serial murderers that featured Bundy and others and I remember the detective they interviewed saying that the guy who has murdered dozens of women is going to be a real nice guy. The father of one of his victims said even though it was known there was a serial killer in the area his daughter most likely trusted him because he didn't look like a killer.

  • Anyone who goes out of their way to proclaim that they are a nice guy - probably isn't.

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  • When you say nice guy, then I automatically think about: Being nice to people, friends and family. A person who will always show up to help, if asked.

    In terms of relationship: caring for his partner. A guy who is always gonna be there for her, help her with her problems, not just seeing her as a lust object. Do things she likes even if he hates it. Putting his girlfriend first before himself. What is important for her, is important for him. Spending quality time, getting to know her as much as possible. And so on

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  • I'm a Bad Boy 😎

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What Girls Said 6

  • When we are teens we dont usually care for nice guys because we need some thrill in our life. But its when we become women we realise how stupid we were not to choose them.

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    • I'm not talking here about who is mostly to get the girl. I'm talking about what a good man is.
      And I don't believe there should be relationships when you are still a teen. For two reasons, one is that you should live your childhood ( yes you are still a child) and two you are still young and immature to know what a relationship takes.

      I've come to the conclusion that most people who date in their teens, it was for the novelty of it and for the escitement do of course the girls will go for the jock and the guys for the cheerleader.

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    • @Stuckintime That's true. I was once watching an American show with my mom. And once a 16 year old said she was in a relationship, and my mom was like 'what the hell is that girl talking about? is she serious?' when I told her that in their culture you may find middle schoolers dating she was flabbergasted.

    • Yep lol

  • In my experience, someone who keeps insisting that he's a "nice guy" usually isn't.

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  • this is because all the "nice guys" seem to lack the things that the "bad" ones have. like determination, assertiveness, excitement, humor, all that. Not saying they're all like that but no one wants a pushover who doesn't have any thrill really. not saying you have to be a jerk and/or bossy, but that some nice guys are just boring. It's not the bad that attracts me, but the exciting part of that "bad" person. I always try to go for nice guys but they're so boring. I like to do lots of things and I want to share it with someone, not get held back or lectured. I want to be challenged.

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    • Sorry but you are wrong. A good man has those qualities too, he has determination, excitement, assertiveness, confidence, humor and more. Moreover you may like a guy who is assertive but other girls like a shy guy. There is shy assholes, and outgoing assholes, as much as there is shy good guys and outgoing good guys.

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    • @patoot10 think ebonics where "bad" actually means cool and hip.

    • Yeah, if they aren't hurting anyone then they are not bad people. That's a good rule of thumb. Steer clear of bully types.

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  • You summed it up perfectly!
    A guy who says he is a "nice guy" is not a nice guy at all. This type of person enjoys blaming women for not giving him attention rather than doing some self reflection on his own actions.
    It's the men who respect and treat women with love and affection are the ones with kind hearts.

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  • Great take

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