Today I wanna address something that lots of people on GaG may have heard of, but haven't truly experienced themselves. Before I continue, I should say, that everyone has made decisions in their life that haven't been the wisest choices to be making. We mess up and some of us will want to look for other people's forgiveness. Because that's the only way we can forgive ourselves. Our story starts here. He claimed that his name was Nic/ Nick. We will leave out fake last names in this story despite having to put fake names, but perhaps some of you will figure out who he is. He is a wonderful person to talk to; "attractive", caring, understanding, etc. He has since deleted his GaG account, however, he had an 86% MHO and was always willing to give wonderful opinions, especially in the "How do I look" section of this website. However, he has a hamartia ; a fatal flaw.
Like many people, he wasn't who he claimed he was. He was using attractive pictures of another guy to perhaps get he wanted from girls. All the attention he couldn't receive in real life, he could, in his altered identity. One of the girls that he talked to previously actually figured out he was hiding behind a attractive person and using them like a puppet. She started talking to him in Hindi. The records are still public. I had bits and pieces of the puzzle; none of which helped me to fit together the whole picture. I was beginning to wonder. Who was this guy that could send me pictures of himself but would never snap to me directly. That's when I typed his name into google. Nothing. The only connections were to GaG and a reddit/ sub reddit page where he was offering sexual convos with girls. However, just yesterday, he told me the truth.
He filled in the missing puzzle pieces for me even though many pieces are still missing. He told me who he really was. Not his real name, and not info that would get him in trouble. But enough so I knew. I will not make a big deal out of this. Because throughout our convos, I kept my standard. That is something I learned to embrace. Girls. Guys. If anyone ever asks you to lower your expectations and just send them what they want to see, you shove your standard at the motherf*cker's face. You will never regret having standards. Someone who truly deserves you is someone who is more than willing to comply with your standards (the ones which are reasonable) and still love you the same.
Many people will think that it's stupid of me not to do anything about this. He claimed it was all his fault and that he was pretending. He used my lack of confidence and self esteem to manipulate me. I don't think I will ever forgive that behaviour. However, like I said, I kept my own standards, and I did not comply with his. And he didn't turn out to be some creeper. And that alone is something I should be thankful for. I could tell that he was genuinely disappointed with his own choices. And I really honestly hope that he is. He is a university student, and is surrounded by loving friends and family. And if he's learned his lesson, I don't see the need to "Punish" him. I am not bragging or trying to act like I'm Top shit/ best shit. But while he was messing up all this time and playing girls, he ended up meeting a genuinely nice girl. A girl that forgave his mistakes so he could forgive himself. A girl that made him feel genuinely guilty of lying to her. And the fact that I had the ability to realize his mistakes is more then enough. If we all realize our mistakes and are ready for change, we all deserve a second chance. Even though he admitted to be the only one at fault, I was too. My walls were weak. I lacked confidence and self esteem to hold myself up and gave people a chance to hurt me and manipulate me. I am not religious or extremely spiritual. However, I do believe, that this was a sign. A sign that it was time for me to change. A time for me to accept my past and break out of my shell and become the person that was always inside of me, but I was too afraid to let out. I will be the person I aspire to see and one that would make myself proud. Someone who could accept their mistakes and face them with pride. And own up to it. I was always scared of change or making mistakes. I will embrace that from now on and know that this has helped me to become who I want to be. I don't care if some readers think this is too long of a take. I'm proud of it. This is what I learned. And most of you should know I write mini books by now lol.
I don't know his true identity, however, I did find out who the real person was in the pictures. One of the pictures that the fake Nic sent me was a copyrighted photo taken by a photographer at an event. From there, I found the original photo, which was already linked to the real person in the photo. I found his real Facebook and practically every social media he had. All his social media was pretty private. So you know what I knew? "Nic" might've probably lied to me again. He didn't just find a random guy's photos and lie to me. Since he had photos/ sent me photos I couldn't even find, that means he knows the real "nic" in person. The real guy's name is Filip.
Hopefully you guys know that I am completely able to report this. However, I choose not to.
I have chosen to continue to talk to him as a friend. The real "Nic" and not Filip. Because he never forced me to do something I didn't want to. He was really sweet and kind towards me. He genuinely gave me advice and held me through many situations where I was afraid to tell my friends and family. He was a true friend. But not every guy is this lucky. This is how many guys ruin their futures and the rest of their lives. Not every guy will meet a girl who is willing to put the situation to rest. Not every guy will meet a girl that thinks of this as a learning experience rather than something that she should be scared of. Yesterday I had to cry to my mother and ask for her forgiveness. She doesn't know what happened. I don't want to tell her. These were faults and choices I made. And plus, I kept my standard too. The last thing I want is for my mom to be disappointed in me when she didn't even do anything wrong. I'd never want to hurt my parents. I just want to start over. As childish and stupid as you think I am, this is how I choose to change and become better. And that's what she allowed me to do. All she wants is a happy and healthy daughter. She knows that her daughter is maturing rather quickly and will make mistakes regardless. She trusts that her daughter will make the right decisions in her future and will finally learn to learn form her mistakes and not hide from her failures. If she didn't do something truly evil or to hurt anyone she hopes that her daughter will learn to forgive herself and regain confidence in herself and make better choices in her future. Now that I've learned, I realized that I am stronger than I think and I don't need a guy to make me feel good about myself. All I need is to love myself. If a guy I meet happens to be attracted to me physically, mentally, emotionally, and just all of me, then I will welcome him into my life then. However, this has not happened yet. I will be patient and I will continue to do what I am doing. I feel that I've truly changed as a person. Constructive criticism is appreciated but hate will not be taken into my consideration, so destructive comments will only be ignored :) Please know that if you have hate against my decisions that the things you wanna tell me, are things I've already said to myself. I am proud of my decisions of how to resolve my mistakes.
Guys and girls on GaG, please I hope that this story will teach you not to use peoples identities, because when you've gone too far, you'll live with the guilt, perhaps for the rest of your life. Please. Let this all be a learning experience for all of us.
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