Shy Guy 101 - Day Two

First, in last week’s installment of Shy Guy 101, you were told to give yourself a homework assignment. What was your assignment? Did you complete it? Tell me about that experience.

Shy Guys 101 - Day One

You remembered your homework, right?
You remembered your homework, right?

You came back for the second installment, so I will assume that means that you have decided to take the bull by the horns, to take charge of your life, and to make something different happen. It should feel good just to have gotten that attitude and maybe you feel slightly more optimistic that you can actually make something different happen.

Do you see what happened there? YOU convinced yourself to have a different attitude, that made you feel a bit different, like you have the power to make a change. That is how we will approach the problem of talking to women.

Let’s think how this shy problem has affected you. When you are at home, are you shy? Probably not. And when you are out in public, are you shy? Probably. Outside of your house, are you shy talking to women who you already know? Probably not. (I am making some assumptions and everyone is not alike so if these assumptions do not apply to you, please let me know. Really! Tell me in a comment if you are shy even talking to girls who you already know.)

Shy Guy 101 - Day Two

What is the difference between talking to your sister or your cousin – easy, easy, easy – and talking to a girl you don’t know? There are two differences:

1. Obviously, when you are talking to a female relative or a female who is a platonic friend, you know that you are not going to ask them for a date, so you don’t have the fear of rejection.

2. You have talked to your sister, cousin, etc. so many times that you don’t engage in that “rehearsal”/anticipation that leads to the feeling of dread and impending death. You know that feeling: the closer you get to that cute girl, the more it feels like someone is trying to rip out your stomach with their bare hands.

So . . . how can we get you talking to potential “I’d go out with her” girls without experiencing the death is imminent feeling?

It’s actually easy. Your assignment this week is to approach a girl who you think is at least mildly cute/attractive and engage her in conversation but DO NOT, under any circumstances, attempt to ask her for her phone number, etc. or to ask her for a date. Unless she is just a bitch from hell, she isn’t going to reject you simply because you engage her in some brief small talk.

Most girls are NOT demons from hell! That idea comes from your fertile imagination run amok!
Most girls are NOT demons from hell! That idea comes from your fertile imagination run amok!

I want you to do this in person, not over the telephone and not through texting or any other DM. You need the face-to-face interaction to develop confidence. Texting is a coward’s way of handling this and that is NOT going to develop any confidence in you.

What are you going to talk about? Depends on the girl, how you know her, and what (if anything) you know about her. You will plan a few topics for conversation in advance so you are worried about not having anything to say.

Is she in one of your classes at college? Obviously, you can talk about the class, instructor, subject matter, or college life. Is she a member of your church? How long has she been a member, does she participate in any activities at church besides attending services, what attracted her to this church? Is she a co-worker? You can talk about the job, fellow co-workers, nearby places to have lunch, etc.

Just talking for a minute!
Just talking for a minute!

The idea is to plan, in advance, a few topics to discuss. Once you actually start talking, your anxiety will probably dissipate quite rapidly. But what if you talk about that topic and there is a lull in the conversation? Have an exit strategy already planned! “Hey, I enjoyed talking but I promised someone that I would call them at 10:30 so I need to go. Hope we can talk again soon!” And then you walk away. Do NOT ask for her phone number, do NOT ask for a date, do not try to establish or even hint that you feel any attraction to her whatsoever. All of those things could lead to her saying something like, “you’re a nice guy but I’m dating someone right now,” and I want you to approach this task with the assurance that you will not get rejected.

This si what we are going to avoid!
This si what we are going to avoid!

This assignment may make you feel a bit nervous but you can do it. It is going to be a brief conversation and there will not be any possibility of rejection. This is how you retake control of your life, so go out there and make it happen!

Shy Guy 101 - Day Two
Add Opinion

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

Most Helpful Girls

  • I think it's important to socialize with the opposite gender besides just intending to date. Just make friends out in the real would, get to know women around you, it will help increase the confidence and also understand women better. I have a guy friend who only had one relationship in past yet the way he talks he sounds like he can write a book about how to read women, and it's scary how he can read right through my mind. He said it's just because he socialize with many girls as well, and he encourages me to talk to more guys as well.

    Is this still revelant?
  • Nice job👍

    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Guys

  • KennyD421

    I'm gonna say that I am going to try and make it work out just to see how I react and what I can get as a result to become more efficient in my ability to not be so timid or worried about something like that... just going to see what happens...

    Is this still revelant?
  • coachTanthony

    Makes sense to me man! Good job!

    Look forward to seeing responses from anyone who did the homework! Good lessons to be learned!

    Is this still revelant?

What Girls & Guys Said

  • Mamamialetmego

    If you are men and introvert it's a disease. It will ruin your sex life and success in life. You have to be extrovert, assertive person. You just have to be.

    • Jltakk

      Unfortunately you're right. You don't really have much of a choice in this case but to go out and proactively do things with others.

  • Jltakk

    I think doing things with the intention of dating or getting laid (getting a hobby, talking to girls more often) is a bit silly and goes about this the wrong way.

    Here's the fix for shy guys like myself. Sure, get a hobby and talk to people IN GENERAL, for the sake of self improvement and understanding others views and experiences in life. You grow as a better, more productive person, and people will notice and pick up on it. THIS is how you approach killing shyness.

  • armleg

    can you recommend any good penis removalists? It seems mine doesn't work.

  • SupremeIncelman

    shy guys are pussies and women dont want another bitch they want a man. Thats why guys like us need to be honest withourselves and come out the shell.

  • MusicMayhem

    I sometimes feel awkward with some girls that I don't intend to date - knowing whether to say hi with a peck on the cheek, a hug, or even a basic handshake can be hard to know hahaha. My old flatmate's girlfriend is really awkward in these situations lol

    Not sure I agree with you on having an exit strategy, that's something girls have. Most guys leave too soon in a conversation because they can't handle an awkward silence, not realising the girl likes the guy or potentially would like him if she got to know him for longer.

    • The exit strategy is important for people who are afraid that they will run out of things to talk about and will then feel awkward with the ensuing silence. Once you get enough confidence to start talking without that worry, an exit strategy is quite unnecessary. However, with flirting, sometimes less is better and more can be too much.

    • Ah but it gives them a cop out. The more someone exposes themself to mild discomfort, the more normalised that situation becomes and the more they would learn from those situations.

      Girls will naturally end conversations quickly once an awkward silence develops unless she really likes him anyway so he should learn to push through and embrace it.

  • IHateBeingaMan

    social confidence mastery 101

  • DevylasArsaukas76

    the shy guy blends in with the autism guy well

The only opinion from girls was selected the Most Helpful Opinion, but you can still contribute by sharing an opinion!