Why I am a "Nice Guy"!

[Anonymous]

Wait! I promise that it isn't for the reason you think. Read the entire mytake to understand.

The term "nice guy" is being thrown around the internet a lot these days. They refer to guys who pretend to be nice to a girl for sexual favors in return. This is, of course, very idiotic behavior that I'll never condone, however what if I told you that I am a "nice guy" for a reason other than sexual gratification? Here's why I would refer to myself as a "nice guy"

For starters, I'm going to say that I'm nice to everyone. The reasons are because I like making new friends, learning about different cultural backgrounds, and because I hate making enemies. However, I am especially nice to other women. To explain this reason, I'll have to explain my everyday process of thinking.

This isn't medically confirmed, but I'm a super paranoid person. Because of this, I tend to think 10 steps ahead of the normal person. That isn't to say that I'm super intelligent. In fact, from my certified IQ test, my IQ range was between 111-117, but the reason I say that is because I tend to worry about all the possible outcomes that can happen. For example, when I'm driving, I'm a super cautious person. I have a hard time trusting other people in general, so I always assume that everyone driving on the road are very unpredictable and could make a decision to do anything at any point that I'm driving. I constantly check which cars are left, right, in front, and behind me and ask myself questions as to what they are going to do.

What do I do if that car in front of me slams on their brakes?

I would ask myself, what if the car that is left of me merges into my lane right now without signaling? How would I prevent myself from hitting him? What if the car in front of me slams their brakes? How would I react? Is there enough room on either side of me to quickly swerve over to if that happens? What happens if that person crashes into another car? How would I avoid that? Would I be able to swerve around them? What if this person doesn't stop at the stop sign? What if these cars decide to run the red light? How would I be able to get across the street of that happens? If I merge into this lane, will this car hit me?

Those are just some of the questions that constantly pop into my head every time I drive. Because everything happens so fast while driving, those questions usually get answered by instinct and muscle memory, but for some of the other questions, I would answer them consciously. Oddly enough, this is probably why I have a perfect driving record.

So here's how this translates into me being a "nice guy". I'm incredibly paranoid of being falsely accused of sexual misconduct crimes. Because of this, I have a hard time trusting the women that I encounter. I know that I would never ever touch a woman without her consent, that was the household that I was raised in. However, that doesn't stop other women from lying about it. So, I've thought of all the possibilities that can happen when I first encounter a woman. Naturally, because of my heightened paranoia of going to prison, I treat those women that I encounter better than I would treat a man when I first encounter him because angering a woman could result in the possibility of a false accusation.

When I first meet a girl and have to work with her, I first think to myself "what sort of environment do I have to be in where she will file a false allegation against me?" When thinking of that, the only logical conclusion would be because I somehow angered her. From there, she would "expose" me on some social media platform and have everyone believe her. At that point, my life would be ruined. I'm not some prestigious white kid either, I'm a black dude. I'm not one to throw around the race card at every opportunity and say that everything bad that happens to me is due to racism and discrimination, but I will say that if this were to be taken to a courthouse, I would most likely be convicted even when I didn't even do it.

Then, this brings up the question of whether or not she would even file a police report for a false allegation. Although it's not completely out of the water to do so, it would seem to be far too much work to handle for a false allegation considering the strenuous court process. The issue also arises when I don't have any physical proof that I didn't do it to use in court. I would pretty much only have my word. This is why I very very rarely invite women over to my place. When I'm working on a group project with women, we would obviously go to a library or a study lounge, but I would never invite them over unless I can see that I can trust them. That process of trusting them alone is long because I would have to search for a bunch of red flags. But even so, the women I invite over could also falsely accuse me as well. And that is another thing that I'm paranoid about.

Because of my constant worrying, I put myself in the shoes of someone who would has been convicted to serve 10+ years plus being a registered sex offender, which would be an absolute horrible outcome considering the hellish environment of prisons and an even worse life as a registered sex offender.

Either way, convicted or not, if a false allegation were to be against me, there would be no reason for me to live. I mean, why would there be? I would be socially outcasted by everyone in the country, unable to get a job or even attend a university (don't use high status white men as excuses because I'm not from a high status family nor am I white). That's why I'm so afraid of being falsely accused of sexual misconduct, because I would have no will to live afterwards.

Because of this constant paranoia, I treat women very kindly. I help them out as much as I can with homework and I'm a little extra nice to them on a daily basis (not enough to where they can tell that it's fake, but a little more nicely than when I'm talking to other dudes). I'm not a pushover either. If I truly don't want to do something I will tell her that, but it will always be in a kind way. I don't believe that anyone even notices, however I could be wrong.

A question you may be asking me at this point would be, "well if you didn't do it, why are you worrying about it? For example, if you didn't murder someone, why would you worry about being convicted of murder?"

That is a good question! However, you're thinking about this from a normal person's perspective. Since I tend to think ahead of people, my way of thinking isn't Oh, then it isn't possible for me to have done that., it's more so Ok, but what if this outcome were to have occurred? What would I do then? Also, there are plenty of ways to use physical evidence to prove a crime like murder, but for sexual misconduct crimes unfortunately, there isn't too much evidence available to use, which is not good for both victims of sexually heinous crimes and the people being falsely accused of these crimes.

Now I know this isn't the most attractive behavior. I get that, but because I'm constantly thinking and worrying about a possibility that is so low, it gets in the way of how I interact with other people. But people must understand that this is, for me, is a possible life or death situation. So even though the possibility of this happening to me is very very low, the fact that there is still a chance of this happening worries me to the core. Personally, I'm not a super emotional person either. If I express my emotions, it's because it bothers me greatly.

I would like to add that this isn't to overshadow the actual victims of actual sexual abuse, assault, harassment, etc nor is it to overshadow people who are suffering from suicidal thoughts. This is just for me to add a different perspective as to why I'm nicer to women than I am to men.

At this point, my assumption is that you either agree with everything that I'm saying and understand why I'm doing this; agree with the intent, but not my actions and think I need therapy; respectfully disagree with my actions and my intent because the vast majority of women would never lie about something like that (which is true) and also think I need therapy, or you are completely appalled by what I'm doing and my intent and most definitely need therapy, or possibly, none of these assumptions. Even so, I'm curious to see your feedback on this mytake. Hopefully, this doesn't get taken down for being too triggering, however I would understand if it does. Thanks for reading!

TLDR: I'm more nice to women because I'm paranoid of being falsely accused of sexual misconduct due to them being angry with me over something I may have said.

[Anonymous]

Bro, that is completely understandable! I worry about the same thing. I do think you could loosen up a bit though; not every girl is out there to try and harm you.