Why 99% of guys don't approach women and how helpful this mans speech was


This guy seriously pointed something out that is so unbelievably not spoken about, it isn't spoken about enough in schools, not enough in households and certainly not enough in society as a whole.

In case the video does not open, here is what he explains.

Guys are basically taught from a very young age that it is EXPECTED of us to approach women first through school, family and also in movies.

The idea that we are meant to do this is something stressful and we believe if we aren't able to but other guys can, we feel inadequate for not being capable of that feat.

We go through our lives, seeing many women we find attractive but don't do anything because we weren't taught HOW to approach them.

Some guys do approach EVERYBODY, but that is only 1% of men who are able to do that, the ones who do approach everybody, a even smaller amount are approaching the ones they like.

Then you have guys who will never approach women then finally the left over guys, they are waiting for the right time, a moment when there are few or no disturbances that would cause for failure.

He explains that guys also hardly know when is the right moment or what we are actually meant to do when that moment arrives.

Explaining to the women that this is why women mainly get guys who do creepy stuff when they come up to them, they don't know what they are supposed to do.

He explains that women should be more proactive, as a means to prompt the guys to do something and feel more at ease around them.

Mentioning the quote of "If a man hasn't got the balls to approach me, he isn't the kind of man I want" and telling the women in the video why they are absolutely insane, that if guys did that then they wouldn't have jobs, we would be doing it all the time.

Out of 30 women a man sees, he MIGHT approach 1 of them. In a moment when he feels is the easiest to approach and do something.

If you are with a big group of friends, NOPE, he won't do it

If you are with that gay friend of yours, NOPE, because he think he's your boyfriend

If you seem in a rush, NOPE, he thinks he will just be a nuisance and will make you angry

You're walking down the street, NOPE, he thinks he'll seem creepy approaching you.

And when girls say "I only ever meet players" but that is because they only wait to see the guys who talk with every girl, so of course they will meet the players and not the decent guys.

Then he finishes by saying "It's not about you making the move per se, but making it easier for him to make the move, don't be easy, but for the first 5 seconds be easy"

And in that video I just thought to myself, if this was how things were explained to everyone at a younger age, we wouldn't have so much tension between genders and find it easier to make a move on one another.

But who knows, maybe this post will help girls understand why guys don't approach them as much and why they should also make moves.

This post has nothing to do with any recent events involving myself, it was just a video I came across in my playlist because the guy seriously just said it as it is and I respect that.

I wonder if there could be a video for guys where a woman does this kind of teaching to guys, that would really help us too.

Well, I just wanted to put that out there, nothing too big, just a nice little bit of news :)

Why 99% of guys don't approach women and how helpful this mans speech was
Add Opinion
2Girl Opinion
26Guy Opinion

Most Helpful Guys

  • Feelicks
    I'm bi and something I've noticed is that the overwhelming majority of women treat men like trash and haven't been taught how to, or won't bother to bring anything more than pussy to a relationship.

    If I'm not approaching a woman it's because she's putting off the typical selfish princess vibe, not because I'm shy or something.
    LikeDisagree 12 People
    Is this still revelant?
  • hereforthefunofit
    Why bother approaching a women when all you hear about is them screaming sexual harassment when you look at them. Even in our yearly training they say pointing near a women is now harassment. Women have gone to the extreme and are not worth it.
    LikeDisagree 15 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • It's sad but it's true :'(
      I want to believe it is worth it, but seriously, even paying attention to a woman in public is apparently rude, like what?

    • 8lutty

      it is right for women to show ass and boobs in public, but it not right for men to say it turn them on huh lol

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

  • cth96190
    Yes, the vast majority of women do treat men as though they were garbage.
    They can become angry and spiteful when they are approached.
    Here in Australia, young women have made a competitive sport out of delivering the most hurtful rejection that they can, to show off to their friends.
    I all but gave up approaching women more than 20 years ago. A dog can be kicked only so many times before he learns to stay away.
    Today, a man risks a career or education ending sexual harassment complaint every time that he approaches a woman.
    In Britain, France and Holland, anti-catcalling legislation was worded in a way that criminalised any approach that a female decided that she did not like. There was no objective legal test. Instead, it was about 'muh feels'. A man does not even need to speak to a woman. She can claim that he looked at her in a way that caused her to feel harassed.
    In Glasgow, a year ago, a pick-up artist was sentenced to two years in prison for the heinous crime of approaching women on a street while he was taping a video that dealt with cold approaching.
    Like 3 People
    • Ahmed, he attempted to "pick-up" minors, too. He deserves the jail.

    • @el_Te_de_la_Rosa It mentioned women ages 16-21. 16 is legal in the UK along with most places.

    • @Hunter7754 Oh. Thanks. That's new to me. Well, they don't like him anyways. They were not "consent."

      "Another woman broke down in court as she described how Ahmed followed her through Glasgow city centre and grabbed her head as he tried to kiss her."
      This is one of the disturbing lines I found on the article. Actually, the entire news is ew.

    • Show All
  • CasaNorba
    very true indeed!

    lets not forget that in an era where women are obsessed with rape and will try to call you a rapist just for looking at them funny approaching them can instantly be suicidal. its also not fair that most of us get ridiculed and scorn when we dont learn this on our own like how the fuck are we supposed to do that?

    a major good tip is not to listen to PUAs
    Like 4 People
    • It is a sad and agitating fact that I wish wasn't the case, but yes I seriously believe that you shouldn't take PUA from other guys, but rather from girls who are kind enough to tell guys what is the right way to go about this stuff.

      But yeah, loads of guys are now worried of being called in some form a sexual harasser and no matter what his argument may be, that accusation will stay with him forever and he will always have that in his history, not to mention not many people will take a guys side on such a case.

      So it is no wonder guys avoid approaching girls, there are just too many cases of being unjustly reported for sexual harassment because they know they can make a easy profit from it or absolutely ruin a mans reputation from it, which has now led to this avoidance, they brought it on themselves to be brutally honest.

      Sure not all girls are like this, not at all, it is just a shame that others of their gender have now caused this to happen.

  • MzAsh
    Men don’t want to admit it, but they are intimidated by the possibility of being rejected by us. It’s important for women to give men the challenge and test is courage when it comes to approaching us, but there’s nothing wrong with giving him a signal that it might be worth the risk. They doesn’t mean a woman should make the first move or make it easy for him to approach.
    LikeDisagree 25 People
    • How about you be challenged and tested before playing games with people?

    • MzAsh

      It’s not playing games. It’s a basic dating strategy.

    • That doesn’t mean it’s wholesome. Of course people and their games try to justify themselves. Just say it’s your preference and don’t try to justify it, then it can be as unreasonable as you like and that’s fine.

    • Show All
  • Slutslayer
    99% of men don't approach women because they're scared of getting a sexual harassments, rape or some kind of false allegations. They know that if the woman doesn't find them attractive enough then she could potentially jeopardize his job, wealth, status, freedom, and possibly his life.

    In our world today with trash movements like me too and always believe the woman attitude, the men are risking a lot just by talking with a woman. Something that could alleviate these concerns is to already know this woman. If possible knowing a woman from anywhere but a job is a great way to meet without having to do a risky cold approach like a club, coffee shop, recreational sports, gym, etc.

    Next having social calibration is a key component to know whether or not she's digging you or not. If you have great social calibration you will be able to know if she will say yes or no without even asking. That goes with dating, kissing, sex, etc.

    Overall, the main concerns are not fear of rejection but the potential of losing one's job, status, freedom, etc for approaching. This can be reduced to nearly 0 risk by not cold approaching but knowing the person already through something else other than a job (volunteering, gym, etc) and having the social calibration to know whether or not she will say yes or no (date, kiss, sex, etc).
    Like 2 People
  • Wealthyogi
    According to my personal coach, Men with Strong Social Proof Cultivate more Attraction. Strong Social Proof means Absolute Alpha Man Traits...
    But when we talk about Alpha man Attracts More Girls on Autopilot mode or Subconscious mode Every Guy do the wrong Method of approach by they directly say or super act like they are alpha men around girls in their vicinity.

    Girls could easily get that you may be considered as a characterless person... What we need to do here to SUB-COMMUNICATE to her that you are an alpha male... If the alpha male is the Result you want you must have to focus upon the Cultivation of Leadership skills, Public speaking skills, Confidence, and many more...
    Here on these, some may do the wrong by being Extra Aggressiveness, Boldness, Bringing their Non-Smiling Face... Why? Because they Acquired the Knowledge from google and they don't have the support from a certified Teacher on these matters...
    If you have Good Smiling Face, Ability to lead a Team, Friendliness and open-mindedness I bet Girls will come towards you to Chat with them... As the process goes up you cultivate confidence and gain knowledge about what to , how to, when to talk with girls on basis of your environment, and in this way you can get out fro that list of 99%. Good Luck
    LikeDisagree 2 People
    • I myself have no problem talking with any girls, I am confident in talking with them, have a lot of female friends and there has never been a time where I felt awkward interacting with them, they feel comfortable with me as they have openly told me before, the only issue on my experience is that when it has come to a romantic approach to a girl, it has never been successful.

      I smile a lot when in the right company
      I am a supportive leader who always keeps everyone cheerful
      I am friendly if you give me a chance
      I am obviously open minded towards everything I have ever heard or seen or experienced

      It's not like I only want girls, I like guys too, it's just that I find girls to be the ones I am feeling less motivation to confess to and rather just be friends with only because of how many times I have just been treated as their shoulder to cry on.

      I have confessed to a guy before and it felt less painful because I knew he didn't like guys, so I knew he would say no, I just wanted him to know how I had felt and we had been classmates for 2 years, he took it casually and didn't freak out which made it nicer, whereas with any girl I ever confessed to, they always have made a big deal about it with a huge sentence that eventually ends up at a Not interested, where as with him he just said

      "I'm not into guys, but it's okay, we can still be friends okay?"

      I mean, it felt nice to be accepted and not have that long winded explanation of not interested.

    • Bro, I just answered you're [Question TITLE.]
      Not about your Personal Thingy... I think I had not yet talked about anything about you in my Reply... Good day

    • Gee, that sounds like a whole lot of work for a mere chance to gain female approval. I mean... if you want to do it for yourself because these are the ideals you personally aspire to, then yeah totally go for it! But make no mistake, women will never come near to matching your efforts to meet you halfway. That is, as long as we men keep enabling women with the low bar we collectively set for them.

  • MCheetah
    Excellent video Thanks for sharing! As for women teaching men things, there is Marni The Wing Girl and Kezia Noble on YouTube who do that.
    Like 2 People
  • zeitgeist057
    It's true, great stuff, but my thought is that it doesn't change anything.
    I've got this/these situations going on with a couple girls. Honestly, I think they are all beautiful and I'd be happy to get a chance to learn more about any of them and spend some time with them (again, like the guy says in the video, a man can be attracted to 30 different women, but will he approach any of them?)

    To be clear, I am a confident man. I don't really worry about rejection, that's fine. If a girl doesn't have an interest in me, then I lose my interest in her. But the problem for me doesn't seem to be that. It seems there are women who are interested in me, but they won't meet me halfway, and I am not going to go so far as to be a creep or be the only one putting any effort in. I have a question I posted a while back showing a bunch of texts from various women I have been talking to if you want more details.

    So rn, I have two girls I am still pretty interested in. One is in my kickboxing class, the other in my swimming class. They both check me out pretty consistently, and the kickboxing girl (I'll give them pseudonyms, kickboxing girl can be Cami, and swimming girl can be Amy). So Cami I talked to her a bit, during class and after class, I even mentioned going for a smoothie sometime and she said she would want to, but then other days it's like if I don't talk to her, I am kind of waiting for her to talk to me a little to see if she's interested, but she just waits on me to start the conversation it seems. I guess she is shy, but also I don't want to keep pushing and starting conversation if she's just being polite. So I don't know, I'm playing it by ear and honestly I do have some difficulty since I am so dang busy these days working 56 hours/week and full time pre-med student on top of that... wtf am I doing on GaG? seriously.

    Ocean swimming girl, like the video guy says, there's this hunky guy (is he on steroids? I think 80% chance) who is always hanging with her, and one other girl. I don't know if it's her boyfriend or just a friend, I think all three of them are lifeguards. But she is always smiling at me and we chat a bit. omg she is so cute, but there's hunky guy and I don't want to ask her out because the timing isn't right and her buddies are always right there.
    Disagree 1 Person
  • codydevan88
    the video won't play (good call). but i read your summary. this comes down to risk taking. take the risk. gain the wisdom, become more confident by the ability to gauge the possible outcomes. there is nothing wrong with approaching women often. and no justifiable reason not to (well other than the obvious ones, lol). the knowledge guys may be seeking is unfortunately philosophical in nature. society itself has degenerated to the point of asking the question "why " to the same society that that has implemented the scapegoat of blaming outer sources for your choice to not take a risk. the fact is, you dont need to be taught to approach women. its built into you. we have been taught not to approach them by having our heads filled with circumstances that may lead to rejection by news and television, etc which would have otherwise not influenced us in a non-propaganda human society. the next time you think about approaching a woman and stop yourself, ask yourself where your idea of the possible consequences of that risk came to you from. also ask yourself how much actual experience you have earned to make this judgement. or if it is entirely anecdotal or learned through some other medium rather than your personal experiences. no risk, no experience. forget the fear porn. i mean, either that or keep asking the same society wrapped up in the viscous cycle it created, how to wade through piles of bullshit. you are being pandered to, when you should be doing the legwork yourself. its much easier to listen to advice and feel better about it than to take the risk. although the risk is much more efficient and beneficial. (I've been using "you" as a generalization. i dont exactly mean you)
    Disagree 2 People
  • Barbaric
    It's not helpful at all. There are evolutionary reasons behind the behaviours of men and women, which you won't be able to undo no matter how hard you try. Particularly in women. Which is why most will react like @MzAsh and therefore his little speech here changed absolutely nothing.

    Logically what he's saying makes sense. Players are the ones who approach the most with the most confidence, so if a woman expects the man to approach her no matter what she really is more likely to end up with players.

    But the reason they expect the man to approach, the reason they don't like the idea of making it easy for the man to approach, is because lack of confidence is a weakness and they're naturally un-attracted to weak men. It would be a lowering of their standards.

    Men often don't get it but imagine a girl who you're not attracted to at all, but she's really nice. Her being nice doesn't make you want her does it? It's the same for women. You see those shyer guys as decent guys who'd treat her right, but the lack of confidence is a turn off for her. In just the same way as that girl would treat you nice but you're just not attracted to her at all.

    You also say that you wonder if there are any videos where women try to help men with this. There are, and they're all filled with terrible advice. Women don't know how to get women, and they give advice based on what they think they want and what they think benefits them, not what actually works.

    You can't get advice on how to act like a man from women in general. That's like a shark asking a penguin how to be a good shark. If they could actually talk and they did that, the penguins would tell them to be really nice and non-threatening, the sharks would soon be swimming around with no teeth, the penguins would be mocking them for being toothless while asking "where have all the real sharks gone?"

    What this video should teach you, if anything, is that in today's dating game it's the players who have the most success. Rather than expecting women to change or asking them for advice, it's better to ask the players and figure out what it is about them that brings them success. Even if you're not interested in actually being a player and fucking around, and only want a relationship.

    In today's world actually knowing how to approach confidently, what to say, how to gauge a woman's interest/read her signals, and how to move things forward from there, while most guys are completely reliant on apps like Tinder because they're afraid of approaching women IRL, are like cheat codes. You're never gonna learn those things from women, that's why those 99% of guys are the way they are.
    • MzAsh

      You’re right that women aren’t attracted to weak men. And yes, an unwillingness to approach does appear as a weakness to women.

      I try to focus my advice primarily towards women because my advice to men might lack the insight and experience they would need to get more from a man who knows and has been there. Sometimes men come to me for advice and sometimes I’ll try to help them out but sometimes I refer them to a male coach of my approval.

  • jshm2
    He wasted a whole 5 minutes to say:

    Humans are social animals, males and females both need to make efforts their own way to interact. When it comes to dating and relationships, however, you have women expecting more of men than they put in themselves.

    Like 1 Person
  • fishlipsfriend
    99% of men are submissive looking for a dominate woman to take lead and approach him first? I don't think so. If that is true I will become a lesbian
    Disagree 11 People
    • memer2020

      better start learning to like girls then

    • @memer2020 Well said man :)

    • Lionman95

      you don´t need approach him first, that´s not how I understand this. I would say give him a sign that you like him and he will do the rest.

    • Show All
  • Belgie
    I don't approach EVERY girl, but I approach a lot. And I don't think I'm in a 1% of guys group. I do it, because that's how every guy in college did it. And that was how you got dates and got laid.

    And when you do something, and it works, you keep doing it.

    I refuse to believe we're 1% of guys. It's more like 80% of guys. At least it was in college anyway.
    Disagree 2 People
    • MrOracle

      In my experience, it's really about 30% of guys. It may well be that most of the people you associated with in college were among that 30%, but you have to keep in mind that more than half of men don't go to college, and of those who do, some go to more academic colleges and others go to more social colleges, so the group you may have been around in college isn't necessarily representative of all men.

      Regardless, it's definitely much larger than 1%, but it's also definitely much less than half of all men.

    • Belgie

      @MrOracle Well, to be honest, my bias was showing there. I thought the guys who don't go to college are more the jock types, who are less likely to have a problem approaching girls anyway.

      These days, most men my age are in relationships anyway, so the numbers would be off if you included all of us. But if you just looked at single guys, you'd have to say well, if you've been single this long (as opposed to between relationships) then of course you obviously have a problem approaching the opposite sex.

  • Daniel3035
    This is only part of the issue the other problem is ridiculous expectations. I want 6ft tall dark handsome funny stylish etc only 10% of men have that and even then only 1% will approach you. And most guys are not going to approach you because we get insulted for asking you out.
    Like 3 People
  • Lloyd1985
    I don't approach women because I don't want to go to jail.
    LikeDisagree 4 People
    • Sad but an actual possibility in some cases where a guy simply wanted to talk with a woman and he got reported to police.

  • Unit1
    That's kinda pretty accurate.
    The other problem? They're on their phones and sucked away into instagram. Or Snapchat. Or Tinder.

    Language barriers. Cultural barriers.
    Why? Because I'm not home.
    Go me.
    Like 2 People
  • FatherJack
    The vast majority of women do NOT want random men bugging them anyway , women regularly complain about " thirsty " men bugging them. My own daughter is 14 and already sick of male attention !!
    LikeDisagree 3 People
  • StickStickity13
    Meh, men shouldn't focus so much on getting women anyways. Let them do some work too.
    Like 5 People
  • genericname85
    this guy definitely has the sweetest way of telling women that they need to get their shit together xD
    Like 3 People
  • MountAverage
    That guy didn't really say anything new or profound. Anyway, why should any woman be more proactive? I mean, I get that it would be great from our male perspective, but why should they? Genuine question.
  • Vivaldi
    Because I dont want to be beaten up.

    Honor guards beat up the guys who approach the oppiste sex. Besides, opposite sex dont wanna be approached either. So...
    Like 1 Person
  • Liam_Hayden
    lol. I guess I'm the 1% because I approach any girl who catches my fancy and if she blows me off I go to the next one immediately.
    Disagree 1 Person
  • EssenceOfLight
    Honestly if a girl likes you she will show her interest in an obvious way. Approaching random girls in bars and clubs who just sit there stare and smile at you is a roulette. Why? Because most women want attention to feel them better, ironically the more attractive you're as guy the more often you will be picked by this kind of women. They give you signs but if you approach them they seem to be unapproachable, some flirt with you a time long, but this goes never further. Why bother to approach women when you know exactly that a girl who really wants you will approach you too?
    By the way, if you're solo and you have female friends go out with them, they are best connection to you for girls who are interested but too shy to approach a guy. They will approach your female friend instead. Female friends are best negotiators if you don't want approach women with really boring 'skirt hunter' method.
    Like 1 Person
  • Posterboy56
    Yep. Truth.
    Like 3 People
  • godfatherfan
    All points are very legit.
    Like 1 Person
  • Anonymous
    plus i don't feel like getting metooed and being labeled a creep and losing my job. Cause lets be honest, if the woman ain't interested, then you're a creep to her
    Like 4 People
    • beefy40

      I know a few men that quit their office job and got a job in construction for this reason alone.

    • Anonymous


      Yeah I dont even talk to the women at work anymore if i dont have to anymore besides hi and bye. No point

  • Anonymous
    If a man isn't wealthy, over 6' tall, and doesn't have the looks of a model, women are not worth approaching, since they turn down every man who doesn't meet those standards.
    Like 3 People