First of all, I want to explain what a "nice guy" is because it's a lot different then I think people realize. So here's a bit from the urban dictionary to explain.
A nice guy is either one of two types:
The first being a guy who is genuinely kind and caring. He is polite to everyone regardless of sex, age or race. He has no ulterior motive, i.e. he is not nice to get a reward. He behaves as such because it's human decency.
The second kind of nice guy is the one who has ulterior motives. He believes that because he behaves in a certain way, the world owes him for his actions. He doesn't clarify what he desires from the beginning and becomes angry when he doesn't get what he wants.
"So Steve's helping his neighbour move today."
"Really? I hope he gets a reward".
"Oh, he doesn't want one, he's just a nice guy."
"Did you hear? Apparently, Matt had a fit when that girl wouldn't go out with him".
"What did he do? Insult her?"
"No, he befriended her and pulled a nice guy act."
"What a dick!"
As you can see, they are extremely closely related, and there's really one difference. Motive, yes motive in philosophy, people's actions don't matter as much as their motives. For example, You met this girl at the bar. She's drinking alone and looks somewhat sad.
NOW, if you go up and ask her if she's okay because you're in that situation or you that it would cheer her up or you thought you both could use some company, that's completely fine, and that's what a nice guy would do. However, the minute you start talking to her and let's say you think,
"damn, she'd got a nice rack, maybe I can convince her to go home with me." You've failed; the game is over. Back to zero, you collect no money.
Why? Easy, because you're motive was impure, and also because she's drunk mostly, taking a drunk woman home even when she throws herself at you is a huge rape case just waiting to happen, not to mention it's not very nice to take advantage of people like that.
A nice guy doesn't think people owe him anything, especially women. NICE GUYS do. It's pretty easy, and it says volumes about you as a person, that you're more or less enable to do nice things for others without expecting someone to jump on your dick or pay you after.
I don't know when it became a thing that "oh I'm a tough guy, that's why I'm going to disrespect people all the time, even though I still think they should like me and treat me good" came from but it's time to cut that noise.
Gentlemen, you have to think about your friend who is a "nice guy," is he always trying to prove he's the alpha male, he's always saying he's sleeping with beautiful women, he likes to make fun of you literally anytime you talk about your emotions, even if your dog just died.
Well, that's another problem a lot of men have to think about when it also comes to "nice guys," these are the guys who feel like they have something to prove not only to women but to other men, the fact that some men would call the nice guy trope, "a beta male way to get pussy". It is somewhat dumb (I'm not going to go in on the whole beta and alpha situation or simp situation).
I mean, think about it, you're a decent looking dude you met a woman at the bar, and you don't think about sex with her, you enjoy her company. Over time, you both fall in love and get married in a perfect world, but how does that make him a beta male?
Especially seeing most "nice guys" are the same ones doing the same thing; it just usually doesn't work for them, and then they usually blame the girl from the bar and all women on the planet as well. Lads, I don't why I have to say a thing, but being a nice guy, yes, and that being an actual nice guy doesn't make you a lesser man.
Getting flowers for a girlfriend doesn't make you whipped,
Doing facemasks and movies with your wife doesn't mean your not manly.
Dressing up for your niece as a surprise doesn't make you a beta male.
Society likes to make us think that, and it's unfortunate, you can be kind and thoughtful to the people around you and still be extremely manly. Some of the manliest movie men are Italian men, now I don't know much about the culture, but most of the Italian men I know, they value friends and especially their mothers ( not to say an Italian can't pull a 'nice guy,' they definitely do).
To be really honest with a lot of you, if a man always has to insert his dominance over women, he meets for them to sleep with him. Do they actually want to sleep with him?
Now I'm talking about being intimidating, getting her drunk, continuously asking her out till she breaks.
Now, I'm coming for the ladies. I don't know if it's because of fake nice men that I keep hearing women even in my personal life, say, "oh, he's too nice." I have to say if you are a woman who isn't married and think like this, good luck. I genuinely wish you good luck in dating. There are many guys out there who do the romantic things we complain they don't do anymore.
Some men buy flowers for their girlfriends without asking. They make fancy dinners. They take you on romantic trips.
But, if you won't date him cause he too nice again, good luck. The idea that a guy is too nice isn't a general complaint about being kind when women say this. It's about the man's masculinity and his ability to be a manly man.
I don't know why I have to say this, but just because he won't deck your face around a corner doesn't mean he's not manly.
If he doesn't take what he wants to form you, it doesn't mean he's not manly.
If he drinks his respect women juice and has many female friends ( not in a "friend" kind of way), it doesn't mean he's not manly.
If he is in touch with his feelings and tells you what he feels (because men have been told all the time not too), it doesn't mean he's not manly
In this video, the manliest man in the room talks about how he loves doing facemasks with his wife o-0 a whole NFL Player, the stereotypical tough not a nice guy, talks about how he actually does a lot of nice things with his wife.
So ladies, I really have to ask is it that you don't want a 'nice guy' or you're just saying you don't want a man like that because you feel he's not manly enough, you believe because he openly treats women nicely, he's a "beta male." It's fine not to want the nice guy but, if you never give the nice guy a chance... well, don't complain when no man spoils you with flowers and don't complain all men are the same when you keep turning down the men willing to do this kind of stuff for you.
Now, don't get me wrong non-nice men do some of these things, but how many of them are assholes, to literally everyone but you, the woman he's sleeping with. If you think about it, logically, it's only a matter of time before he treats you poorly, or treats someone you care about poorly, because he's never had to check himself on his manly man manness.
Not to mention there are old fashion manly nice guys, but we won't get into that.
Most Helpful Opinions
I do agree, though I would say there is such a thing as being 'too nice'. Like when someone is not at all assertive with what they want or are always accommodating everyone around them even to their own detriment. I do not find this to be attractive and it makes me feel uncomfortable to be around. I don't like friends like this let alone a potential partner. Have a backbone, stand up for yourself, and show that what we both want matters and should be taken into consideration because you have self-worth and also respect mine.
I definitely agree with that nobody should just be a doormat for other people, however, just being friendly and kind isn't bad either :D
No it isn't bad and I definitely appreciate kindness in people. But I guess I associate the wording 'too nice' with being a doormat, but I suppose I could just call it that rather than calling it too nice.
Jeez, now I feel sorry for doormats.