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Taking on too much Responsibility in one go, and how to slow down!

KieranByrne
Taking on too much Responsibility in one go, and how to slow down!

Recently I have been feeling like life is flashing by, I am now in my 30's!

All I do is stay at home, I would rather be at home with my mother knowing she is ok, and has the best life she can have.

i kicked my step father out for being an alcoholic, and spending time with someone whom does drugs.

My brother does not speak with my mother, and may be homeless at some point, I lent him £2000 to purchase a car so he can travel to his his child! and then some more! he currently owes me £1100 which I am not too worried about! his friend owes me £1700 because he wanted a van, and has recently had another baby! They both earn twice as much as me each week! and my sister has her own life with a child and a Husband, so it is hard to ask, or get time for any help! she is the sensible one!

It has been me and my mother in the house for 4 -5years

I rarely see her because of working hours, and let her rest or do what she wants to do on weekends! so it is just me!

Work has been very hard, people taking time off all the time, and I am the only one willing to 'Cover' for them, 2 weeks ago 7 people in total had time off, and this only left 3 people to do everything, and because I am the youngest, fittest person there i got landed up doing 80% of the work! all for minimum wage!

Then I get home and sometimes cook, if my mother has not, take the dog for a walk and recently organise vet appointments!

I like to keep busy, and find 'Chores/Hobbies for myself!

I like Chess, Guitar, Languages, Art, Violin, Reading, Swimming, Running, Swimming, Baking!

Yet find myself 90% of the time procrastinating, or doing 'Duolingo' and do not like spending the money I have accumulated!

I get stressed when people ask to borrow money, as their excuse is ''Well you do not have kids'' even if I had kids. like why?

I pay my mum rent, which I feel it is not enough, and pay for internet and the dog bills!

I talk to people online, as I feel this is a means of 'Helping' when the reality is, it is not!

I spoke to someone in Ukraine, unfortunately I did not know she is a female who is only into other females! and do not wish to tell her what it is like that is killing inside! We have been speaking since near the end of August, and have gotten to know pretty well when it is hard for both of us!

She has distanced herself, and I trust this being she is smarter than me!

I hope she has met or meets someone who keeps her happy!

I do not know what else to say, I have many chores in and around the house that consistently need doing!

I hate work, but at the same time it is the only thing that keeps me going, why people take so much time off, and allow someone who has so much to go for him to pick up every little piece is beyond me!

I no longer have holiday dates left to book, until April 2022, forced holiday took all these dates!

I hope to steady myself, and focus more. people around me need to realise, I have 'Goals' and the only person that actually Helped I pushed away!

They do not listen when I say I cannot eat or drink the same as they do, I get harsh reactions, and have my body pushed far beyond what it should be!

I get roughly 5-6 hours of sleep a night, and have run myself to the ground, if someone has a problem, they come to me thinking 'he is smart, he knows technology, he has his life sorted!'

I have no College, a shoddy education at a school that did not understand the principles of teaching, forced to work from a young age {11} and been harassed, beaten, abused, psychologically manipulated, molested at a young age of roughly 9, I have had knives and guns pointed at me!

My family took drugs when I was still very young, and my mother use to get beaten and thought alcohol was her escape, this led to her taking everything out on her children!

I will say roughly 18 years of it, then the psycho abusive at my secondary school, who bullied throughout!

A small heads reminder of myself! I do not drink, smoke, take drugs, or neither do I plan to!

I have been Spiked before with some sort of cocaine, or something else, this lead my to nearly die when I lived alone in the City for 8 months by myself, and I have not even told my mother!

I hope to update and rearrange this when I can!

This is 'MyTake' do you feel it is time for me to 'Let go'

Remember people life is hard! Try your best, I hope you all keep well, and if anyone gives you trouble. Just smile at them, or whatever you wish to do!

Taking on too much Responsibility in one go, and how to slow down!
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