It's hard, taking one day at a time, aka rambling about self care, alcoholism, and how hard it is to do self care sometimes!

Waffles731
Its not going to be hard which brain mine looks like right now.
Its not going to be hard which brain mine looks like right now.

I just needed a place to ramble.

I woke up today in a good mood, of course I woke up at 12:20 in the morning and couldn't get back to sleep, so that didn't last.

I had breakfast though, oatmeal, I don't usually eat breakfast anymore.

Its hard, taking one day at a time, aka rambling about self care, alcoholism, and how hard it is to do self care sometimes!

I drank though, it seems stupid, I drank a hard seltzer and then a shot, I wanted to drink more, I wanted to drink away the thoughts, I wanted to drink till that voice went away, the one that tells me I'm worthless, that I will never find someone, that my life will never amount to anything, that I will never be happy. I want to drink myself into a stupor, but I didn't, I'm not sure why I didn't do it, You know its funny, this past summer I was a functional alcoholic, I was working as a groundskeeper, and 4 nights a week or more I would get absolutely plastered, 3 sheets to the wind. I drank with people and I drank alone, I drank full bottles of cheap wine, I drank whiskey, rum, tequila, mezcal, Cider, seltzer, lemonade, fuck I drank beer, I don't even like beer I just drank it because it got me wasted, but I got up every morning I was scheduled and I worked my ass off in the sun, but now, now I drink a hard seltzer and a shot, get a minor buzz and I realize, whelp another day not sober, but then why did I not drink more, I don't know, I don't know if that's a victory or a defeat, not drinking myself into a stupor, but now I'm looking for a job and I'm just as much if not more of a mess than i was in maine and you know what I realized just writing this, I'm not a functional alcoholic anymore, its not that I'm not an addict, its just that I'm not a functional one.

But I don't know, I had lunch today as well, brushed my teeth too, twice already, that's a step up, I sometimes have a hard time remembering that one, went to the grocery store, saw that cod is less than 10 bucks a pound at the fish counter, must've been a good catch this year cause that's cheap for cod, I'll have to do fish and chips this week.

I took a shower when I got home and you know what else, what little tiny bit of selfcare I took that helped more than anything else and its going ti sound stupid, I trimmed my nose hair for what I think was the 1st time since late September, I used to be really good about that, I'd take the nose hair trimmer

and trim it down all the way every 2 or 3 weeks, I know its not what you are supposed to do but I always just got rid of as much as I could, I did that today. I feel so useless, the most helpful thing I did for myself mentally today was trim my nose hairs, god how stupid is that.

Anyway, I'm going to end this ramble, I've been downloading a steam game to my laptop that I realized I can actually use if I plug in a monitor (that's another topic entirely)

If you made it through this, thanks I guess.

It's hard, taking one day at a time, aka rambling about self care, alcoholism, and how hard it is to do self care sometimes!
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