It's hard, taking one day at a time, aka rambling about self care, alcoholism, and how hard it is to do self care sometimes!

Its not going to be hard which brain mine looks like right now.
Its not going to be hard which brain mine looks like right now.

I just needed a place to ramble.

I woke up today in a good mood, of course I woke up at 12:20 in the morning and couldn't get back to sleep, so that didn't last.

I had breakfast though, oatmeal, I don't usually eat breakfast anymore.

Its hard, taking one day at a time, aka rambling about self care, alcoholism, and how hard it is to do self care sometimes!

I drank though, it seems stupid, I drank a hard seltzer and then a shot, I wanted to drink more, I wanted to drink away the thoughts, I wanted to drink till that voice went away, the one that tells me I'm worthless, that I will never find someone, that my life will never amount to anything, that I will never be happy. I want to drink myself into a stupor, but I didn't, I'm not sure why I didn't do it, You know its funny, this past summer I was a functional alcoholic, I was working as a groundskeeper, and 4 nights a week or more I would get absolutely plastered, 3 sheets to the wind. I drank with people and I drank alone, I drank full bottles of cheap wine, I drank whiskey, rum, tequila, mezcal, Cider, seltzer, lemonade, fuck I drank beer, I don't even like beer I just drank it because it got me wasted, but I got up every morning I was scheduled and I worked my ass off in the sun, but now, now I drink a hard seltzer and a shot, get a minor buzz and I realize, whelp another day not sober, but then why did I not drink more, I don't know, I don't know if that's a victory or a defeat, not drinking myself into a stupor, but now I'm looking for a job and I'm just as much if not more of a mess than i was in maine and you know what I realized just writing this, I'm not a functional alcoholic anymore, its not that I'm not an addict, its just that I'm not a functional one.

But I don't know, I had lunch today as well, brushed my teeth too, twice already, that's a step up, I sometimes have a hard time remembering that one, went to the grocery store, saw that cod is less than 10 bucks a pound at the fish counter, must've been a good catch this year cause that's cheap for cod, I'll have to do fish and chips this week.

I took a shower when I got home and you know what else, what little tiny bit of selfcare I took that helped more than anything else and its going ti sound stupid, I trimmed my nose hair for what I think was the 1st time since late September, I used to be really good about that, I'd take the nose hair trimmer

and trim it down all the way every 2 or 3 weeks, I know its not what you are supposed to do but I always just got rid of as much as I could, I did that today. I feel so useless, the most helpful thing I did for myself mentally today was trim my nose hairs, god how stupid is that.

Anyway, I'm going to end this ramble, I've been downloading a steam game to my laptop that I realized I can actually use if I plug in a monitor (that's another topic entirely)

If you made it through this, thanks I guess.

It's hard, taking one day at a time, aka rambling about self care, alcoholism, and how hard it is to do self care sometimes!
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Moonchild714
    You admit you have Progressed from Functioning Alcoholic to Dysfunctional Alcoholic, That's the first Win!!! The fact that you stopped at a couple just means you're trying to control your drinking. I've tried controlling for years especially when I wasn't working, had to mind the finances. I had a hard rule which kept me in Alcoholism, if I'm nit working, bringing money and contributing to society I will Not drink Alcohol. I abstained for six months while unemployed and doing so told me "See, you're not an Alcoholic" I was just able to control at the moment but I was MISERABLE!!! For me abstaining was the only way to save my life, it got to the point where I couldn't even get drunk anymore, and I was told when that happens that's when people often drink themselves to death. I wouldn't get drunk and shut down noise and feelings but sure as hell felt the affects the next day... Which I thought really sucked!!! I have over 2 Years and 9 Months Sober. I'm Sober not Dry, there's a difference. Dry you are just abstaining but still MISERABLE; Sober you are living a Happy, Joyous, & Free Life!!! Today I choose to be Happy more than to be Right!! I'm living pretty much a Guilt-Free life, and Full of Joy!!!
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  • CHARismatic110
    Those things may seem small, but they are steps nonetheless! You are moving. You are doing SOMETHING. Which says a lot. I told you before, I really believe that you want better for yourself. And your fighting for it. I don't think you realize that these things that you're doing that you dem small and insignificant are just the opposite. Like brushing your teeth, twice. That's huge. Hell, I don't even do that most times lol. And then the nose hair thing. I think you're brain is trying to find it's way back to happier times which is why you're subconsciously doing these things. You should be proud of yourself for this. Especially the less drinking. I am. I believe that you will get through this. You want this and I know you'll win the battle Waffley. I have faith in you ❤
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Most Helpful Guys

  • johncorey911
    alright this is something i have been struggling with since i was 14 years old i have been on and off all kinds of drugs and alcohol. I've done the whole rehab thing that didn't last and im back on the train. I am a functional addict / alcoholic like you I can avoid drinking at work by using different substances that help numb my physical and mental pain without intoxicating me like alcohol does. then i return home after work and i drink myself into oblivion. now i know its terrible but it works. so basically my point is you can try to the rehab thing it does wonders for some people and even if it doesn't work for you it may help you with moderation. but whatever you do good luck and know you aren't alone in this situation.
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  • goaded
    I made it through, and I'm proud of you for trying. Keep it up! Every little helps.

    Have you tried reading a book, if you wake up in the middle of the night? Looking at a screen is a bad idea, the kind of light they give off makes your body think it's morning, apparently.
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What Girls & Guys Said

  • nerms123
    I read a science article a while back that said the old advice for alcoholics to completely abstain was outdated and most people were much more successful just reducing intake to a healthy amount.
    LikeDisagree 4 People
    • Don't go around giving useless advice tgat will kill someone!!! Oohhhh you read a Fuckin Science Article!!! I got News for you Sweetheart research has been done by MILLIONS of ALCOHOLICS CUTTING BACK DOESN'T Do it, Just Kills US!!! Abstaining is tge only tjing that Saves an Alcoholics Life!!! Next time before spewing your Reckless shit make sure you know what you're talking about when it comes to Life and Death Matters!!

    • Capnjaques

      @Moonchild714 While I understand exactly where you're coming from; you must surely understand that what works for you, may not work for others.

      There's no need for hostility here, you're just creating resentments that are unnecessary to begin with. Where is your humility? 😇🙏

  • Izumiblu
    Well I don't know what to say. I’d love to see you happy and doing better but I also know light advice on the internet is worth the cost of putting it there. I’d say take it as a success and pick up for another day. Sometimes things change in the most unexpected ways. You haven’t lost until you quit. Just bear in mind that distortions of reality won’t work in your favor because you will inherently create barriers for yourself that let you not do the things you know you need. Hoping that one day you will remember that at the right moment.
    Like 1 Person
  • SuccessfulHornDog
    Are you doing AA?
    Like 1 Person
  • themomo84
    U decide
    Like 1 Person
  • Babygirl_S
    You should reduce the intake slowly.
    LikeDisagree 2 People
  • WhereAmI
    Dude, you seriously need AA. 😕
    Like 2 People
  • malik25
    Nice take very informative