So you want to find a man that is caring and loving and yet not wimpy. You want that cool, good looking man with a nice salary. You can say you don't care about that, but we know you do. He's tall and charming and works out and is going to take you on nice trips.
The problem is that all of the good ones are taken. Or don't exist. Or just are looking for sex.
Nope. Not true.
The problem is that you are looking for him to appear fully formed out the ether. There is no dating genie that is going to make what you wish for appear. You need to make that happen. It involves extra effort. Yes, more than you are doing now.
It's fairly well established that most women are not looking at most of the men. The 80/20 rule is backed up time and time again. Even if you think you aren't doing it, you are.
Unlike a lot of men, I am not going to say that you are wrong for it. Men should step up their game. Instead of bitching about how women should lower their standards, the men should rise to meet those standards. However that's a rant for another time. The question women need to ask is how do you get the 20% to value you?
I've been in that 20%. It is admittedly not a satisfying place to be. Of those 80% of women, I found one that made me want to pull out the dating game and settle down. You know what the secret was? She gave me what I was wanting. It's surprisingly pretty much the same thing you want.
Despite how it might seem, men are not really looking for sex. Men are looking for validation. They want to feel special. Sex does that and it's the most obvious route, so that's where they head to. It works for a short time, but isn't really all that long term. The sex is out there for them and people are like electricity, they take the path of least resistance. So this 20% of men moves from encounter to encounter like a junkie living in a land of free drugs.
Give them something more validating than sex and they will chase it. It's not even that hard to do. What you need to do is stand out from the the other women and validate him too. I know, but it's really not that hard. You might be worthy of his attention without it, but remember that so are most of the other women out there. You took time to make yourself look nice? So did they. You can hold down a conversation? They can too. You laughed at his jokes? Well guess what the other women did. Stand out! Do more or stop complaining that he doesn't see you through the crowd of other women out there.
This might not work on every man, but it worked with me so here goes.
The woman that got me to settle down told me that she wasn't going to have sex with me. It seems counter intuitive, but it worked. For starters, she told me that it was because she wanted me to be more than just casual sex. She had casual sex and I knew that. I also knew that she wanted to have sex with me, but she chose ME to be more. Holy crap! That was validating. In the two weeks she got me to wait, I saw her as more than a set of warm wet holes. I saw her as a something to work toward and make myself better for. I changed from playboy to boyfriend because I was inspired to do so. When we finally did have sex, it was an accomplishment. It made me feel validated in a way that a hookup didn't. I had earned that pussy and treasured it more.
The other thing she did was show me that she wanted me more than other women did. If he pays for a meal you don't owe you sex. That's true. Now here is the question to ask yourself? Does he owe you a meal? No. No he does not. There is nothing wrong with him paying, but the kicker is that there is nothing wrong with being appreciative either. Tossing out a meaningless "thanks" ain't going to cut it here. Like I say, he is looking for validation. If you don't give it to him, then he will keep on looking. Yes sex can be validating, but so can other things. Gush on him. Tell him that you feel special that HE wants to be with YOU. Make him believe it. Actually believe it yourself. That will go a long way. You want him to think of you as a prize to win and you are. Just remember why winning you is so important to him. It's because he needs and craves the validation. Give it to him.
Then she called me the next day. It might seem desperate, but that's okay. You don't think desperate is attractive? How about if he was desperate for you and only you? Same deal here. He doesn't want to seem desperate either so he makes you wait. Step it up. Call him first. Make sure he knows that he is the exception and not the rule. You never do this, but you really liked the date and were hoping to see him again.
You both want to be seen a special. You are not willing to settle for anything less than someone who makes you feel that way, so don't expect him to either. You both deserve it.
Of course once you have him, figuring out what to do with him and how to keep him are your next challenges, but that too is a rant for a different day.
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