What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys


I consider myself to have a lot of experience with guys. I've made a list and have counted over 30 guys where there was something, labeled or unlabeled, happening. From age 14 up until my age now here are some truths I've always found to be true with nearly every guy on the list:

What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys

1. They never appreciated what was given too easily

For example, the guy I never shared my personal life with worked hard to hear about it while the guy I always shared my personal life with grew to resent hearing about it.

The guy I was reluctant to get in a relationship treated me much better than the guy I ran into a relationship with.

The one friends with benefits I had even, the guy grew unappreciative of the sex. To the point where he didn't even care if he was getting it anymore. Treated me terribly. And of course the guy I waited to have sex with was much more appreciative to have it.

Point is, don't give anything too early. Don't give a lot of your time too early, don't give a lot of your energy too early, don't give a relationship too early, don't give sex too early. NOTHING TOO EARLY, make them EARN it no matter how good they seem. They want to feel like they've earned something.

What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys

2. They LOVE genuine compliments

Find one thing you genuinely like about them. Then whenever you guys actually chat and casually mention it and keep the conversation moving. Guys don't get a lot of compliments so it really means a lot to them when they get one, especially from a woman.

3. Looks matter. Demeanor matters. Race matters too

I am of color and I have had far more dating options in diverse areas than in predominantly white areas. Race does matter. We hate to say it but people do have race preferences. Some people are far more likely to date someone of their own race than of different races. Less than 20% of the guys on my list weren't of color and only one of them had I actually had a relationship with.

Looks and demeanor mattered too. It's self explanatory but I did not get many options when I had short hair and dressed casually. I'm talking polo shirt, knee shorts kind of thing. But something less obvious that I also found was that demeanor mattered too. I consider myself an uptight person. So in times when I was chill they seemed to like that more. Not being so fast to speak and nod my head for example peaked their interest a little more. Not being afraid to be honest (even if it hurt their feelings) was another thing that seemed to keep them on their feet. All of this held true as long as they knew I had some kind of interest in them.

What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys

4. There needs to be some space

Please, please don't invest in them too early. This has been the number one reason I have lost guys. Wherever there was a lack of space there was also a lack of respect. And whenever

I also think this is the reason why women suffer the phenomena where guys they aren't interested in chase as they struggle to get guys they are interested. We tend to be sure about certain guys early - yes I mean those car-owning, good-looking, hard-working guys. We think, I"'d totally date that guy", and its that very same early sureness that runs them away sometimes. On the other hand, guys we're not sure about we think "ehh he likes me but I don't think I really like him, he's kind of (choose your word here: ugly, boring, lazy, annoying, etc)". And it's that very same unsureness that makes them think they could get you with a little extra self-work.

What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys

5. Seriously space is very important

Space is a woman's best friend. No contact is a woman's best friend. Seriously, guys can often take things for granted. It's only after they lose it that some of them realize how good they had it. That's when they come back.

But if you don't leave them alone they can never reach that realization. If you don't know how to give space, learn immediately. Else you might find that guys feel suffocated by you.

One simply does not learn to appreciate what is always there for them.

What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys

6. Comfort early isn't always a good thing

This ties in with the last point. If a guy knows you like him so much that he can treat you any kind of way without you leaving what do you think will happen? Same thing for if a guy knows he can do anything and just apologize for it later so that you don't leave. Don't be so forgiving on serious matters.

What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys

7. They're horny beings

This might be really out there but I think women can have sex with almost any guy they want. All they have to do is say something mildy suggestive when they get the chance. It should be sexual enough so that they get the hint you're down to engage in sexual activity. At the same time it shouldn't be so sexual that they're taken aback.

The only places I could see this not working is if the guy is taken, sexually picky, a celeb, or anything along those means.

You can also do this when they're being aloof. Say something mildly suggestive then watch how good they treat you when they come back.

But my point is, a lot of them are horny beings. Unless they're asexual, your body will always be of value to them (even though it should never be the only thing of value to them).

What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys

8. They pull away when mad

Most guys pull away when they're mad. They retreat to their man cave and only come out after some time away from the situation. When a guy is in his man cave, proceed with caution. If you interrupt them while they're in their man cave it may not end well. This is a space thing once again.

What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys

9. If he actually cares, he'll listen to what you want

This is pretty self-explanatory so I won't go into detail. Just know, yes, if he cares he'll listen when you tell him to stop because it hurts.

10. They don't want a women with a supreme amount of experience

It's messed up but they usually don't want to wife up the woman who everyone knows has had a lot of sexual partners. Especially if it's been with their friends.

What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys

11. They use excuses

"My ex really hurt me", "I don't want to ruin our friendship", "I don't deserve you", "I'm not ready", and "I'm not looking for a relationship" are all different phrases for the same meaning: he's not interested. One of these paired along with a request to be friends with benefits instead is all the more of a reason to run the hell away.

What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys

12. You shouldn't ignore how you feel

If you constantly feel like something's off there IS something wrong, and it's either with him or you. If you realize you're constantly feeling upset by how little he texts for example, it either means he really doesn't text a lot or your texting expectations might be a little high. Don't ignore these feelings if they're persistent, figure out what you can do to prevent being affected by the problem so often.

What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys

13. You should watch out for patterns

People date, break up, then get back together and break up FOR THE SAME REASONS AS THE FIRST TIME. Don't do this to yourself. Patterns happen. Be on the lookout for them. Be fast to catch and stop them. Refuse to even consider being normal again until change is shown. The earlier you close the barndoor the better.

What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys

14. If there really was chemistry, there's a decent chance they'll come back

As long as you:

- benefitted them in some kind of way before they left

- didn't severely piss them off before they left and

- leave them alone for awhile

There's a decent chance start missing you and possibly come back. This isn't always the case though and you should seriously consider whether you should take them back before you actually do because of the pattern problem I mentioned previously.

So yeah. I am in no way demonizing guys bur these are the main themes I've noticed time and time again with guys in my age group. Feel free to share your opinion on some of these.

What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys
56 Opinion