What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys

[Anonymous]

I consider myself to have a lot of experience with guys. I've made a list and have counted over 30 guys where there was something, labeled or unlabeled, happening. From age 14 up until my age now here are some truths I've always found to be true with nearly every guy on the list:

1. They never appreciated what was given too easily

For example, the guy I never shared my personal life with worked hard to hear about it while the guy I always shared my personal life with grew to resent hearing about it.

The guy I was reluctant to get in a relationship treated me much better than the guy I ran into a relationship with.

The one friends with benefits I had even, the guy grew unappreciative of the sex. To the point where he didn't even care if he was getting it anymore. Treated me terribly. And of course the guy I waited to have sex with was much more appreciative to have it.

Point is, don't give anything too early. Don't give a lot of your time too early, don't give a lot of your energy too early, don't give a relationship too early, don't give sex too early. NOTHING TOO EARLY, make them EARN it no matter how good they seem. They want to feel like they've earned something.

2. They LOVE genuine compliments

Find one thing you genuinely like about them. Then whenever you guys actually chat and casually mention it and keep the conversation moving. Guys don't get a lot of compliments so it really means a lot to them when they get one, especially from a woman.

3. Looks matter. Demeanor matters. Race matters too

I am of color and I have had far more dating options in diverse areas than in predominantly white areas. Race does matter. We hate to say it but people do have race preferences. Some people are far more likely to date someone of their own race than of different races. Less than 20% of the guys on my list weren't of color and only one of them had I actually had a relationship with.

Looks and demeanor mattered too. It's self explanatory but I did not get many options when I had short hair and dressed casually. I'm talking polo shirt, knee shorts kind of thing. But something less obvious that I also found was that demeanor mattered too. I consider myself an uptight person. So in times when I was chill they seemed to like that more. Not being so fast to speak and nod my head for example peaked their interest a little more. Not being afraid to be honest (even if it hurt their feelings) was another thing that seemed to keep them on their feet. All of this held true as long as they knew I had some kind of interest in them.

4. There needs to be some space

Please, please don't invest in them too early. This has been the number one reason I have lost guys. Wherever there was a lack of space there was also a lack of respect. And whenever

I also think this is the reason why women suffer the phenomena where guys they aren't interested in chase as they struggle to get guys they are interested. We tend to be sure about certain guys early - yes I mean those car-owning, good-looking, hard-working guys. We think, I"'d totally date that guy", and its that very same early sureness that runs them away sometimes. On the other hand, guys we're not sure about we think "ehh he likes me but I don't think I really like him, he's kind of (choose your word here: ugly, boring, lazy, annoying, etc)". And it's that very same unsureness that makes them think they could get you with a little extra self-work.

5. Seriously space is very important

Space is a woman's best friend. No contact is a woman's best friend. Seriously, guys can often take things for granted. It's only after they lose it that some of them realize how good they had it. That's when they come back.

But if you don't leave them alone they can never reach that realization. If you don't know how to give space, learn immediately. Else you might find that guys feel suffocated by you.

One simply does not learn to appreciate what is always there for them.

6. Comfort early isn't always a good thing

This ties in with the last point. If a guy knows you like him so much that he can treat you any kind of way without you leaving what do you think will happen? Same thing for if a guy knows he can do anything and just apologize for it later so that you don't leave. Don't be so forgiving on serious matters.

7. They're horny beings

This might be really out there but I think women can have sex with almost any guy they want. All they have to do is say something mildy suggestive when they get the chance. It should be sexual enough so that they get the hint you're down to engage in sexual activity. At the same time it shouldn't be so sexual that they're taken aback.

The only places I could see this not working is if the guy is taken, sexually picky, a celeb, or anything along those means.

You can also do this when they're being aloof. Say something mildly suggestive then watch how good they treat you when they come back.

But my point is, a lot of them are horny beings. Unless they're asexual, your body will always be of value to them (even though it should never be the only thing of value to them).

8. They pull away when mad

Most guys pull away when they're mad. They retreat to their man cave and only come out after some time away from the situation. When a guy is in his man cave, proceed with caution. If you interrupt them while they're in their man cave it may not end well. This is a space thing once again.

9. If he actually cares, he'll listen to what you want

This is pretty self-explanatory so I won't go into detail. Just know, yes, if he cares he'll listen when you tell him to stop because it hurts.

10. They don't want a women with a supreme amount of experience

It's messed up but they usually don't want to wife up the woman who everyone knows has had a lot of sexual partners. Especially if it's been with their friends.

11. They use excuses

"My ex really hurt me", "I don't want to ruin our friendship", "I don't deserve you", "I'm not ready", and "I'm not looking for a relationship" are all different phrases for the same meaning: he's not interested. One of these paired along with a request to be friends with benefits instead is all the more of a reason to run the hell away.

12. You shouldn't ignore how you feel

If you constantly feel like something's off there IS something wrong, and it's either with him or you. If you realize you're constantly feeling upset by how little he texts for example, it either means he really doesn't text a lot or your texting expectations might be a little high. Don't ignore these feelings if they're persistent, figure out what you can do to prevent being affected by the problem so often.

13. You should watch out for patterns

People date, break up, then get back together and break up FOR THE SAME REASONS AS THE FIRST TIME. Don't do this to yourself. Patterns happen. Be on the lookout for them. Be fast to catch and stop them. Refuse to even consider being normal again until change is shown. The earlier you close the barndoor the better.

14. If there really was chemistry, there's a decent chance they'll come back

As long as you:

- benefitted them in some kind of way before they left

- didn't severely piss them off before they left and

- leave them alone for awhile

There's a decent chance start missing you and possibly come back. This isn't always the case though and you should seriously consider whether you should take them back before you actually do because of the pattern problem I mentioned previously.

So yeah. I am in no way demonizing guys bur these are the main themes I've noticed time and time again with guys in my age group. Feel free to share your opinion on some of these.

[DaveJord]

I agree with you on a lot of your points I would only add that this works both ways as well, because like you say men want a lot of the same things. When a man and women are wanting the same things and then using the same methods as you have advised then it can all unravel into people playing games and get confused and overly complicated, when all could of been avoided.

I particularity disagree with 1 & 5...

1. They never appreciated what was given too easily..

I think in general this is true... but nothing turns a guy off more than a women playing hard to get. If she's interested then she needs to make that interest known and not take measures to hide it. Same is true for men. Because as a man nothing is more infuriating then when you are expected to work way harder then you should for something that doesn't pan or pay out. There has to be a balance, in which she is working just as hard as the guy if they both want to be in a productive, positive relationship.

Dating and relationships in so many ways are transactional and there is an expected level of quid pro guo. I always advise that if you are in a relationship or seeking a potential relationship with someone, man or women, and get into a situation where you feel your working way harder then you need to, or putting out more effort than the other person to make it work, then resentment starts to build. Once you start having these feelings of anxiety building then I would refer you back to 8 & 5. (Space & Man Cave).

I for one as a man do not run back to my man cave, because I know I have a lot to offer the right women... and if she was the right women then she would appreciate me enough to work with me not just with or on herself. I as man have value and bring value into a relationship as well and that needs to be recognized and appreciated as well.

"I always say that when two people met and its supposed to be, they both make it as easy as possible to find ways to make it work and be together. "

I always advise men that most important thing you have to offer a women is your friendship and companionship, if you give that way too early or for so little then she will never respect you. Don't work too hard for some one that is not working just as hard for you.

5. Seriously space is very important

I think this is the biggest mistake a women can make honestly. Yes you have to set boundaries, but demanding space can be taken as selfish or devaluing to the man. It never works on me honestly. When a women does this to a guy... well to me it means she has no appreciation for me, or she does not value me on the same level that she values herself. It honestly the most selfish thing a women can do. If you really care for a person you want to be with them, and you think cutting them off from contact is the best way to earn their appreciation. Well honestly that is the definition of playing games and guys hate that, especially when you couple it with #1 ... meaning you gave nothing way too early, or too soon and made them work harder then you should of from the start, start because you set your personal worth that high, and now you want to get space because you deserve that. Well does the guys have value and is that really fair to him?

When ever a women starts talking about needing space I go to my cave. Because I think its the most self centered thing a women can do... especially with someone you want to be in a relationship with. Because if you are with someone you care about and want to be with then you should be able to work through any issues together, not separately.

If you think this is a good way to make them respect you, then you are wrong. It just makes guys like me think your selfish and lack appreciation for our feelings and how it makes us feel. This leads more times then not to feeling of resentment and generates anxiety in the relationship. When a women does this to me then I move on because I have too much self respect for myself... so unless she comes back to me then I respect her "space" and move on to some else that will treat me better and appreciate me for what I do for her.

"Again when two people met and get together and they should both equally be making as easy as possible to be together and work out issues... not harder."

And lastly the last thing you want to is take advise from some one things they have it all figured out... because nobody does. You have to approach every potential relationship as it own and separate thing and what works for one person does not always work on another and if you focus too much on yourself within a relationship you can lose track of the situation and miss read everything.

[myTake Owner]

In 1 I'm not saying play hard to get. I'm saying - well - exactly what I already said. Dont bring him back home so early. Dont be so quick to get in a relationship with him. Dont be so quick to devote the same amount of time and energy to him you would to someone you are dating/married to.
Too often I see women get their hopes up too fast. You have to get to know the guy before anything. Make sure you know he's a good guy and stuff before you devote so much effort so you dont get your time wasted and your heart broken. Thats what I mean.

[myTake Owner]

Again you're misinterpreting things here.

"Space is a woman's best friend. No contact is a woman's best friend. Seriously, guys can often take things for granted. It's only after they lose it that some of them realize how good they had it. That's when they come back."

In a short sentence this says: If you are being taken for granted, give space.
If you disagree with this sentence lmk.

[DaveJord]

In a short sentence this says: If you are being taken for granted, give space.
If you disagree with this sentence lmk.

I guess it not so much about someone giving space but taking space for themselves.

So if you're feeling like he's taking you for granted that is different thing, and you can't allow that.
But when you disengage from him and cut contact... yeah I would say 60% or more of the time he's never coming back... and if he does he's its more about him being desperate then respecting you more.

[myTake Owner]

As long as he takes you for granted space is great

[myTake Owner]

Space is also great if you're there 101% of the time. No one wants another mom.

[Anonymous]

Nicely done. This is one of the best Takes I've read in a while. A few thoughts...

2. They LOVE genuine compliments – very true. Most men are starved for positive feedback these days. It goes a long way, especially from a woman, as you said.

4. There needs to be some space – good advice

7. They're horny beings – what else can I say, this is 100% true.

8. They pull away when mad – excellent advice

9. If he actually cares, he'll listen to what you want – true, and again, especially if he has some maturity

10. They don't want a woman with a supreme amount of experience – very, very true. Yes, it may be a double standard, but there are two sides to that. I would suggest women should raise their standards rather than expecting men to lower theirs. We men have an instinctive aversion to promiscuous women. There is nothing society will be able to do to change that.

[myTake Owner]

"We men have an instinctive aversion to promiscuous women." How come women who are openly promiscuous on social media for example get the most attention then? Any woman can tell you about their bikini pictures getting double the likes her other pictures do.

[Opinion Owner]

When I say aversion, I'm talking about women we could take seriously enough for a serious relationship or marriage. A lot of men are sexually hungry all the time, and social media and porn are an easy outlet for that. But when it's time to find a loyal partner who will be a good mother to our children, it's not an Instagram model we're looking for. We know instinctively that promiscuous women are not the best choice for a wife / mother, and the facts support that instinct.

[myTake Owner]

Oh. Huh that's interesting. I feel like I believe that to a certain extent? It actually seems like the Instagram models find partners faster than I do 😂

[Opinion Owner]

I know what you mean. It's similar to "bad boys" with women. Many guys have the perception that bad boys find partners easier than they do, and there is some truth in that. But most women don't want to marry, settle down and raise a family with a bad boy. Same with men and promiscuous women. They may be sexy and fun to mess around with (or fantasize about), but those of us don't want the promiscuous woman as a wife and mother to our kids. And there are valid reasons for that, just like there are valid reasons why most women don't want the bad boy for a husband and father of their children.

[Opinion Owner]

but *most of us

[GlassTop]

You are confusing attention and lust with love. Guys will obviously want to screw hot pornstars but most would never go beyond that. They are just a cum bucket.

[MrsTurkleton]

I don’t think “ no contact” should be used as a way of making a guy come back to you.
If you go no contact, make it permanent from the start as a way of moving on with your life. If he wants to talk, you should seriously think about whether you are actually right for each other, & if it’s a really good idea to go back for a 2nd time.
Nobody should treat it like game. Don’t cut him off and then sit around counting the days and checking your phone, or see it as a “win” if he calls you. The only thing you win is more of the same problems as before.
If he treats you badly…. or dumps you out of nowhere, value yourself enough to just move on. Don’t waste your time trying to show him what he’s missing.
If he wants you back, it has to be worth going back to on both sides.

[myTake Owner]

Them realizing what they had after no contact is just all the more of a reason why you should do no contact if you're being taken for granted. Shouldn't be the sole reason for why you're doing such. The sole reason for why you should be doing anything like no contact (when being taken for granted) is for space. Space for him and space for you.

[myTake Owner]

Thats why it's "5. Seriously space is very important" and not "5. They come back after you pull away". The ladder isn't always the case: "Seriously, guys *can* often take things for granted. It's only after they lose it that *some of them* realize how good they had it. That's when they come back."

[myTake Owner]

"If he wants to talk, you should seriously think about whether you are actually right for each other, & if it’s a really good idea to go back for a 2nd time."
100% agree. Wrote this in the post already actually.

"14. If there really was chemistry, there's a decent chance they'll come back... This isn't always the case though and you should seriously consider whether you should take them back before you actually do because of the pattern problem I mentioned previously."

[MrsTurkleton]

The thing is, we all take things for granted: Running water, heating, WI-FI, etc. When we don’t have it for whatever reason such as a power outage, it’s all we think about. As soon as we get it back it isn’t long before we start taking it for granted again.
No contact should be for you to decide what you want from your life & for your own space & peace of mind.
We shouldn’t be trying to control how others think.
You cannot force someone to care about you.
The person who took you for granted isn’t the be all and end all. There are plenty of people who will treat you better.
Let it go.
If they do miss you, like I said, you should go back for the right reasons. Not because you think you taught him a lesson. It will be short lived.

People rarely learn those kinds of “lessons” until it really is too late and they can’t get the other person back no matter what they do. The only thing they can do then is take it to the next person.

[MrsTurkleton]

They way some people use no contact bothers me a little. So many people spend the time wondering what the other person is thinking and not fully considering what they actually want for themselves.
I think that’s more what my point was.
I wasn’t disagreeing with your post as a whole. I just don’t agree in general with it being used as a dating/break up rule.

[myTake Owner]

"The thing is, we all take things for granted"
In post: "One simply does not learn to appreciate what is always there for them."

"As soon as we get it back it isn’t long before we start taking it for granted again."
This might be a little too harsh. Does that mean someone who almost loses their life would start to take it for granted again? I'm not sure if I agree.

"No contact should be for you to decide what you want from your life & for your own space & peace of mind."
In comment: "The sole reason for why you should be doing anything like no contact (when being taken for granted) is for space. Space for him and space for you."

"The person who took you for granted isn’t the be all and end all. There are plenty of people who will treat you better. Let it go."
That's honestly for the reader to decide. However I firmly believe no contact is the bare minimum for what should be done in this situation. I also firmly believe, as I already said before, you should think about it if they do come back to prevent possible patterns.

"If they do miss you, like I said, you should go back for the right reasons. Not because you think you taught him a lesson."
Nowhere in my post does it say give no contact then take him back when he comes back.

Girl are you reading my comments or skimming through them? 😂 You're saying what I already said in such a way where you're implying I didn't say that.

[myTake Owner]

"They way some people use no contact bothers me a little. So many people spend the time wondering what the other person is thinking and not fully considering what they actually want for themselves."

No you're 100% right. I already had my experience with that. In one breakup, I did a month of no contact. After one month I reached out to apologize again for how the relationship went. He replied saying sorry he hadn't reached out in a month. I was broken.
No contact isn't a solution for when you're being taken for granted. It can't be, it doesn't even work sometimes. However it's far better than its counterpart: not giving space. The main idea of 4 and 5 was that if you aren't giving space during certain times, you really should be.

It's the thing I struggle with most.

[myTake Owner]

I agree with everything you said except one the opinion that one being taken for granted should completely just drop it because they're going to be taken for granted again.

I don't have enough experience to know if that is the case most of the time or not. I'd like to believe improvement isn't impossible but I don't know. There's still the question of if it's a good idea to give them a second chance or not. The other thing is being taken for granted can start off small. It could be something as simple as him ending a conversation early. It would be kind of odd to pack your bags and never come back right then and there.

[myTake Owner]

Also the person that is overly-clingy (me) never ends up settling down in that case. They end up leaving everyone the minute they're taken for granted because they're always around. Guarantee some love for me, I don't want to be single forever ; . ;

[MrsTurkleton]

I completely agree about having space. For the sake of your own interests and social liked aswell as for the sake of a healthy relationship.
I don’t think second chances are impossible. In my opinion..::& I may be totally wrong, second chances are more likely to work after a significant period of time where both people have lived separate lives for while, or just explored things as friends and/or maybe dated other people.
It’s kind of something I’m dealing with at the moment. I got pregnant in a friends with benefits situation…. not on purpose & I didn’t want anything from him, but he still thought that, & he was pretty brutal and cruel in the way that he acted. It wasn’t just that we had sex from time to time. We were genuinely good friends. We hung out every day. He would turn up at my house every single night and stay the night. We would talk for hours & he would text me at work the next day. We were part of the same friend group so when he cut me out of his life, I lost those friends too. He treated me like I was the worst person in the world at that time. I didn’t chase him, there was nothing to be done about it. I know we weren’t in a relationship, but he was pretty much my best friend.
He did get back in contact & he is part of my daughter’s life. I met someone else & I was dating him seriously & my “ex” interfered in that a lot, to the point where I had to end it because it was too stressful to deal with for all of us.
He has said that he wants us to be together, & that he’ll go at my pace…. he is saying all the right things & I have been thinking that maybe we could build a friendship again and see…. but logic tells me that he is still the same person he was four years ago. He’s just acting this way because he’s afraid of losing something.
Fear of loss isn’t a basis for a healthy relationship.
I would rather be single forever than not be sure of someone’s motives.

[myTake Owner]

Omg... I am so sorry. That is absolutely horrible :( Yeah by all means I definitely think you should leave. What happens when you come back? That did honestly make me see your perspective.

[myTake Owner]

I can't believe he would actually run someone else away like that. His behavior is VERY low.

[myTake Owner]

"Fear of loss isn’t a basis for a healthy relationship."
It really shouldn't be. I wonder how many relationships are operating on this trajectory. If it were a lot I think I'd lose hope.

I would rather be single forever than not be sure of someone’s motives.
That makes sense.

[KelleyNice]

Re: The guy I was reluctant to get in a relationship treated me much better than the guy I ran into a relationship with.

The first was a 5 and you were the best he could so of course he treats you better. The second was a 7 and far above you league. Therefore, he could do better than you so naturally he didn't treat you as well.

[myTake Owner]

Oh that's true. That could very well be the case. It probably is. Are you implying I'm a 6 >:(

[myTake Owner]

There's been times when the guy wasn't all that great though and I ran into the relationship because I was lonely. Some of them also didn't treat me that well.

[KelleyNice]

Based on the bell curve, most people are close to average so, without a photo or other info, 6 is a reasonable guess.

[KelleyNice]

Re: Looks matter. Race matters too
Of course looks matter, otherwise there would be no reason for models movie stars to be exceptionally attractive. Race matters because on average blacks are more masculine which may benefit black men but not black women; and, Asians are more feminine which benefits Asian women but not Asian men. Typically whites are in between.
I said "may benefit black men" because typically I'm not attracted to black boys. I don't know if my preference applies to most girls.

[OlderAndWiser]

1. They never appreciated what was given too easily. Do you think the same is true of women? What is it that you devalue if you receive it too easily?

2. They LOVE genuine compliments You got that right!

3. Looks matter. Demeanor matters. Race matters too If you're not attracted, you can't change the way you feel!

4. There needs to be some space. Guys have this problem, too! Too clingy, too needy, too soon.

5. Seriously space is very important. Absolutely!

6. Comfort early isn't always a good thing. But I want a woman wo makes me feel comfortable and the sooner I recognize that, the sooner I look at her as a candidate for an LTR.

7. They're horny beings. Yes, we are!

8. They pull away when mad. I do that so that I have time to let some of those strong feelings dissipate. I would rather wait and discuss things later than have an argument now.

9. If he actually cares, he'll listen to what you want. Despite what the butthurt boys think, I believe this is one of the most important attributes to offer a woman.

10. They don't want a women with a supreme amount of experience. I can't speak for the younger guys. At my age, a woman is either experienced or a virgin, and the 67 year old virgins aren't dating.

11. They use excuses. We ALL use excuses. I once had a girl tell me that she'd "love" to go out with me on Friday night but, unfortunately, that's the night she washes her hair! Really. At my age, if I meet a woman and we don't click, at the end of the date, I tell her that I don't think we're a good match and I wish her good luck.

12. You shouldn't ignore how you feel. Right. Instincts are right more often than many of us want to admit.

13. You should watch out for patterns. Isolated instances don't tell us much about a person or a relationship but patterns of behavior tell the story!

14. If there really was chemistry, there's a decent chance they'll come back. But it takes more than chemistry to make a relationship work, and if it failed the first time, the odds are probably greater than 90% that it will fail the second time.

[Danonic]

True

[myTake Owner]

Interesting. I learned some things myself from this reply.
In response to 1 though there's really not anything except sex maybe id devalue if given too easily.

[Rose_84]

Firstly I appreciate you for putting so much effort to write this. This is true for most cases.

Also according to my observation the guys you're talking about are playboys and f*ckboys. The real gentlemen are quite opposite because I've seen them in real life. You don't have to 'make them appreciate it'. If someone really cares about you, they won't put you in a position where you have to play games by giving them adrenaline rush after going no contact.

Commenting on looks: Average looking guys who don't accept average women are big hypocrites. It's so unfair to expect a pretty hot woman to settle with average looking guy. We don't go too much on looks because there's more to the personality.

The guys you're talking about were just users and trust me no matter how many times you give them space/good sex/attention/thrill and look gorgeous, after few months or years they WILL have extra marital affairs behind your back and you'll realize it very late.

Be safe, don't settle with cheap guys.

[YHL6965]

#1 True but don't see it as an encouragement to play hard to get. Playing hard to get will only leave the players chasing after you and most guys won't waste their time playing games

#4 & #5 Yes, space is important, but I feel what you describe is playing games and, personally, I hate playing games. Be straight forward and voice your feelings, but don't play mind games as many guys will probably not want to waste their time being confused by games.

#8 This joins what you mentioned about space. Personally, when I pull back like that, it's because I don't want to be angry at the person and risk being hurtful to them by saying something stingy or lashing out. If you break this, make sure to do it for the right reason and with the right attitude. Only do this if you plan on settling things in a positive, welcoming manner. Any hostility will just built up resentment even more as, now, he can't even be left alone to process his feelings because you intrude in the peace he is trying to (re) build.

#12 Agree, especially with the "it might be him or you" part. Make sure it is truly about him before involving him into the equation. No "you cheated on me in my dreams" kind of nonsense.

#13 Most definitely, learn the patterns and you'll see people coming from a mile away.

#14 I'd say be careful, just like you said, patterns, but also people change so you might not get the same thing you had, especially if something was broken inside of him at some point during the relationship.

[Ill_made_Knight]

The thing is, you've had experiences enough to recognize a bunch of common behaviors of people looking for a mate. You can probably even identify a bunch of 'em pretty quickly if you aren't experiencing brain fog due to a lust overload.
Your difficult task is to not be too invested in someone too quickly.
You can usually tell if someone is being evasive or just trying to get some quick pussy if your head is clear. Just keeping this fact in mind can be quite helpful.
Sometimes engaging in a little self pleasure before a social engagement too.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you so much for the help. I get hopeful way too soon. It's actually something all the women in my family are guilty of. Having gone through all these experiences has made me more realistic though about what to expect. But yeah I'm still working on it!

[Ill_made_Knight]

I'm like that too, and I'm a 60 yr. old man... we all remain works in progress.

[CA4444]

We’re all guilty of wishful thinking sometimes especially when it’s something we need/want a lot, but it’s human nature too we shouldn’t blame ourselves too much, but we need to be aware of this of course as it’s doesn’t end well… be it a relationship or business adventure or whatever

[Ill_made_Knight]

@CA4444 wonderfully said, managing expectations

[myTake Owner]

Exactly. Finally some people that understand and don't try to link my behavior back to childhood issues 😭

[rtj1211]

I don't know whether you actually looked a bit more deeply into why certain things you observed happened.

I can tell you that white guys are bombarded with the concept that most of them have seriously smaller sexual tackle than black guys (I've never seen a scientific study of it, mind you), so it's hardly surprising that plenty of them are diffident about the thought of dating a woman 'of colour', since the last thing you need trying something out of the ordinary is ending up having your masculinity trashed. Of course, there are still racist people out there (there are plenty of homophobic black-skinned Christians too, mind you), but you would be amazed at all the subliminal effects that eulogiczing BBCs can have... I bet you've never come across a porn video featuring a 'miniscule black cock', have you?

[myTake Owner]

I mean... no.. I guess? I mean, I don't know. I'm not sure if I would consider them racist for preferring someone of the same ethnicity for example. However if they straight up refused to be involved with someone, attractive to them and all, simply because of their skin color.. I think that is borderline racism. But I don't know.

[myTake Owner]

That's an interesting concept. I honestly thought it might've been because of the common image black women hold (loud, big, cheap).

[PolyGamer]

wow, 30+ guys.
I have only had 2 romantic intimate relationships.
5 friend hookups, and 1 one nightstand (I do not like them, no emotional connection), and I'm an ethical non-monogamist in a polyfidelity relationship of 16 years and I have no shortage of women begging for my sperm. Am I an exception to the rule? I don't think I'm that fussy lol, or the women I do let in, never want to let me go. 30+ guys! this is probably where you tell me "that's not many, Gertrude done 80".

On a side note, I really enjoyed reading your post, greatly appreciated and I hope I didn't offend you with my "opinion" <3

[myTake Owner]

I definitely think you're an exception haha. That's an interesting stance

[PolyGamer]

It's ok, you can call me weird, I can take it. haha =P

[myTake Owner]

noooo im not calling you weird I think its interesting seriously, and not in a bad way

[hahahmm]

"But my point is, a lot of them are horny beings. Unless they're asexual, your body will always be of value to them (even though it should never be the only thing of value to them)."

Almost all guys understand that personality is important. Even the ones who aren't consciously aware of it. That's why few guys want to marry a woman who only has sex to offer. It's also why a lot of modern, independent women with tons of exes are always whining about how they can't get a quality man (for serious).

"They use excuses" -- Of course, because when a man is blunt bad things can happen. Like the woman can lie and say he raped he or tried to rape her and get her retarded boyfriend/brother/husband/ captain save-a-ho down the street to kill the innocent guy. And sometimes what you think is an excuse is just being honest because you being a total b*tch reminded him of the other women like that he's met.

[RACSKC0B]

For someone as young as you are, to have thought about your past relationships, and figured out any of this is pretty good. That you figured all of this out, is impressive.
Just know that the guys that are arguing that it's not how they are, or that you're close but it's not them, they're either lying or they mean from now on.
Empathy isn't something that everyone gets, those who do get it often spend their whole life not knowing what to do with it. You're very lucky to have figured it out already. You probably noticed that it could be useful if you wanted to get revenge, or for manipulating people.
You'd be right, but karma doesn't seem to like it if that's all you use it for, so If you can figure out how to only use it for good, please let me know.

[bayoubob]

What nobody does here is claim responsibility. All should question why divorce is so rampant. Why does a man need to be best man more times than they count before they just give the fuck up? Same thing with best women. You are all so entrenched early on you don't take the time to see whether something is right or not? If it seems stupid to not FUCK before things go haywire? So, we have this conundrum. People don't want to take responsibility for anything. They just wait until they are pregnant, when they can simply take time, use rubbers, get STD tests. How many DBAGS including women and men understand that you are supposed to have things in common? How many people actually marry their HS sweethearts? Close your legs, use contraceptives. Get tested. Stop being morons.

[Friendlybro79]

These are great observations and I can say none are easy to disagree with.

I will note that with a little changing to context on a few of these I would say this is almost exactly my experience if I would write one about women.

So interesting to me that we think men and women are so different but I've always thought we're more similar than we tend to admit.

[Friendlybro79]

And I mean from my personal experiences not in general of all women.

[myTake Owner]

Huh thats really interesting. Even the horny beings one for example?

[Friendlybro79]

Yes lol. Women can sometimes be really horny beings too.

[ragnar168]

Its in biology, in the old days if a woman had multiple men, it was impossible to know who the father was, so the men would not raise and protect the child. If a man had mutiple woman you know who the father is, and since the father knows the child is his he protects and raises him

[ragnar168]

Thats the logic behind the #10 why most people think its double standard

[KrakenAttackin]

@ragnar168. Only loose women and male cucks think it is a double standard.

[myTake Owner]

I actually did not know that. It is a double standard but that helps me to recognize why it may have been there in the first place, thanks.

[Seinna]

It's one of the best my takes I've read (granted I don't read them often). I'll even save it for future reference because your findings seem to align with mine, albeit I've had less experience with men.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you so much! It means a lot.

[midnightmoon05]

Good take.
hope your experiences has taking you to the man of your dreams
you deserve to be treated like a princess…don’t let any disrespect you. ❤️

[myTake Owner]

Awwh thank you so so much <3

[DirkCoenen]

I would like to add religious abstinence to your list of exceptions in the "guys want sex" category. There are still some of us with principles out there.

[myTake Owner]

You're so right. That is definitely true.

[MCheetah]

I know what 20-something on here wrote this. How they'd hide your age on here, too? I disagree with #1 and #11, but the rest are fairly accurate. Well done.

[myTake Owner]

I'd bet you $100 for you to guess my pen name. If you actually guessed it I'd be so shocked.

[myTake Owner]

Im waiting >:(

[MCheetah]

You know who you are, sneaky minx.

[myTake Owner]

Hahaha

[TheHelleri]

... All I can say without writing a point for point novel on why this is way off base and exactly the kind of thinking that does massive damage to relationships is... Maybe you should try not minimizing and being dismissive of men's emotions. But instead try to actually figure out how to communicate (good communication is not automatic). You'll possibly get a lot farther if your entire strategy isn't avoidance based.

[FilmGuy93]

Really? I felt like she did a really good job.

[TheHelleri]

@FilmGuy93 In this take men are made into a monolith with blanket prescriptions for how to regard and treat them. There is not one iota of attempting to diagnose why these issues are becoming issues to begin with. and nothing prescribed actually does anything in the way of resolution. Just kicking the can further down the road. It's a great strategy if you want to have a slow and unawares resentment build in a relationship.

[FilmGuy93]

I didn't read it that way at all. I read it as one woman's observation that men are a hell of a lot simpler to deal with than she initially thought.

[myTake Owner]

"strategy"

[myTake Owner]

I can already tell you've got the wrong idea from this post. So I'll just leave it there.

[anon1903]

#10 is the reason why I'm single. I'm a virgin and I'm disgusted.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah it's really unfortunate. I never understood why it was okay for a guy to have quite a few bodies but not a woman.

[anon1903]

It's a double standard. Thankfully, as a bisexual person, I can choose to sleep with a woman instead! 🌻

[FreedMan]

I can agree with a lot of what you said and much of what you said applies to women as well. The not dating outside their race I don't agree with at all as it pertains to men's preferences. I think this has more to do with local demographics and social circles than preference. If they are surrounded by people of their own race as most of us usually are outside of major metropolitan areas then being surrounded by your own race in your daily life is pretty typical. I actually prefer and typically date non-White women because of the vastly different experiences we both have. That and on average I tend to enjoy learning their family traditions and what not much more. As to the noticing patterns... lol I mean you're pulling this info from your what I assume to be romantic interactions with 30+ guys and you seem to be the common denominator...

[myTake Owner]

Common denominator for what? Why the interactions didn't continue?

I think you're mistaken sweetie. Let me make this easier for you to understand. By no means am I saying I've been in 30+ relationships. I haven't even been in 10. However, I HAVE been in 30+ encounters. Even if the encounter was just a guy flirting with me. Even if I didn't reciprocate feelings. Even if we were just friends. Even if we had just had an intimate conversation.

Picking at random, this one guy on my list. I met him during summer classes. After some time he asked if I liked him and mentioned that he liked me too but the circumstance wouldn't go anywhere for [reason]. We continued flirting still but stayed as friends and when summer classes ended he moved back to his home state. In my time with him, I realized he followed 4 of the things I mentioned on my list.

[myTake Owner]

Another random. This guy from school. Was actually friends with my ex. Hit me up a bit after me and my ex split. We had an intimate conversation. We stopped talking but I don't even remember who left who on read. I knew I didn't like him and never reached out again (don't forget communication is a two-way effort) because he was too inappropriate for me. He also reached out later on and I remember completely rejecting anything he was attempting because I was taken at that time. He eventually unadded me off socials. In my time with him, I realized he followed 5 of the things I mentioned on my list.

[FreedMan]

1. I'm not your sweetie.
2. I wasn't necessarily trying to cast shade but the way you word your post made it appear as if you had more than a passing interaction with these men. Furthermore, you really don't gain any experience from a pedestrian interaction with anyone man or woman. You're getting the face they put forth to the world and even then only the surface of it. Given the misunderstanding I would say that my comment was fair operating under that mistaken perception.

[myTake Owner]

So yeah while I am a "common denominator", I'm not for the reasons you seem to be implying. Good try ;)
Besides, in the ones that did actually get away, I already figured out why. I mentioned why but clearly you didn't read. Number 4/5 is my problem, hence the clear statement "This has been the number one reason I have lost guys".
I have an anxious attachment style. Way too clingy. Way too crazy. Was way too desperate until like 3 months ago (credit to a very bad breakup). And anyway, yeah, guys caught on, grew tired and left. In the early stages I blamed them but as I realized, like I said, that people in general (not even just guys) don't always appreciate what's there all the time I learned that it was actually on me, for being there all the time. Who wants someone breathing down their neck?

So yeah, read before you comment next time. You wasted mine.

[myTake Owner]

And I know you're aren't my sweetie, honey, you couldn't be.
Sweetie is just what I call shady strangers on the internet who cannot seem to grasp concepts presented right in front of their face.
If I called you dumbass, that doesn't mean you're my dumbass now does it?

[myTake Owner]

Maybe you do gain experience, maybe you don't. But you can ABSOLUTELY learn things from anyone, including passing strangers, including the horny beings point or genuine compliments point for example.

[Texaskid1]

You have observed men well.

Also , what do you mean by texting back too early? And what would be an example of something" mildly suggestive" ?

[myTake Owner]

Not being that person that texts back in 3 seconds all the time basically. It's fine to do it sometimes just not all the time.
Mildy suggestive, it depends on the context really. I think I shouldve mentioned its mildy suggestive behavior moreso than anything. Like bending over to pick up something you dropped then smirking when you catch him looking. Equipping a sexy voice when he's around. Engaging in sex conversations. That kind of stuff

[FilmGuy93]

Wow, this is a really thoughtful take! Thank you for sharing your thoughts. The only thing I just want to add is that men really want women to bring them a sense of peace. American women especially do not understand how to bring peace to the people around them.