What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys

Anonymous

I consider myself to have a lot of experience with guys. I've made a list and have counted over 30 guys where there was something, labeled or unlabeled, happening. From age 14 up until my age now here are some truths I've always found to be true with nearly every guy on the list:

What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys

1. They never appreciated what was given too easily

For example, the guy I never shared my personal life with worked hard to hear about it while the guy I always shared my personal life with grew to resent hearing about it.

The guy I was reluctant to get in a relationship treated me much better than the guy I ran into a relationship with.

The one friends with benefits I had even, the guy grew unappreciative of the sex. To the point where he didn't even care if he was getting it anymore. Treated me terribly. And of course the guy I waited to have sex with was much more appreciative to have it.

Point is, don't give anything too early. Don't give a lot of your time too early, don't give a lot of your energy too early, don't give a relationship too early, don't give sex too early. NOTHING TOO EARLY, make them EARN it no matter how good they seem. They want to feel like they've earned something.

What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys

2. They LOVE genuine compliments

Find one thing you genuinely like about them. Then whenever you guys actually chat and casually mention it and keep the conversation moving. Guys don't get a lot of compliments so it really means a lot to them when they get one, especially from a woman.

3. Looks matter. Demeanor matters. Race matters too

I am of color and I have had far more dating options in diverse areas than in predominantly white areas. Race does matter. We hate to say it but people do have race preferences. Some people are far more likely to date someone of their own race than of different races. Less than 20% of the guys on my list weren't of color and only one of them had I actually had a relationship with.

Looks and demeanor mattered too. It's self explanatory but I did not get many options when I had short hair and dressed casually. I'm talking polo shirt, knee shorts kind of thing. But something less obvious that I also found was that demeanor mattered too. I consider myself an uptight person. So in times when I was chill they seemed to like that more. Not being so fast to speak and nod my head for example peaked their interest a little more. Not being afraid to be honest (even if it hurt their feelings) was another thing that seemed to keep them on their feet. All of this held true as long as they knew I had some kind of interest in them.

What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys

4. There needs to be some space

Please, please don't invest in them too early. This has been the number one reason I have lost guys. Wherever there was a lack of space there was also a lack of respect. And whenever

I also think this is the reason why women suffer the phenomena where guys they aren't interested in chase as they struggle to get guys they are interested. We tend to be sure about certain guys early - yes I mean those car-owning, good-looking, hard-working guys. We think, I"'d totally date that guy", and its that very same early sureness that runs them away sometimes. On the other hand, guys we're not sure about we think "ehh he likes me but I don't think I really like him, he's kind of (choose your word here: ugly, boring, lazy, annoying, etc)". And it's that very same unsureness that makes them think they could get you with a little extra self-work.

What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys

5. Seriously space is very important

Space is a woman's best friend. No contact is a woman's best friend. Seriously, guys can often take things for granted. It's only after they lose it that some of them realize how good they had it. That's when they come back.

But if you don't leave them alone they can never reach that realization. If you don't know how to give space, learn immediately. Else you might find that guys feel suffocated by you.

One simply does not learn to appreciate what is always there for them.

What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys

6. Comfort early isn't always a good thing

This ties in with the last point. If a guy knows you like him so much that he can treat you any kind of way without you leaving what do you think will happen? Same thing for if a guy knows he can do anything and just apologize for it later so that you don't leave. Don't be so forgiving on serious matters.

What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys

7. They're horny beings

This might be really out there but I think women can have sex with almost any guy they want. All they have to do is say something mildy suggestive when they get the chance. It should be sexual enough so that they get the hint you're down to engage in sexual activity. At the same time it shouldn't be so sexual that they're taken aback.

The only places I could see this not working is if the guy is taken, sexually picky, a celeb, or anything along those means.

You can also do this when they're being aloof. Say something mildly suggestive then watch how good they treat you when they come back.

But my point is, a lot of them are horny beings. Unless they're asexual, your body will always be of value to them (even though it should never be the only thing of value to them).

What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys

8. They pull away when mad

Most guys pull away when they're mad. They retreat to their man cave and only come out after some time away from the situation. When a guy is in his man cave, proceed with caution. If you interrupt them while they're in their man cave it may not end well. This is a space thing once again.

What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys

9. If he actually cares, he'll listen to what you want

This is pretty self-explanatory so I won't go into detail. Just know, yes, if he cares he'll listen when you tell him to stop because it hurts.

10. They don't want a women with a supreme amount of experience

It's messed up but they usually don't want to wife up the woman who everyone knows has had a lot of sexual partners. Especially if it's been with their friends.

What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys

11. They use excuses

"My ex really hurt me", "I don't want to ruin our friendship", "I don't deserve you", "I'm not ready", and "I'm not looking for a relationship" are all different phrases for the same meaning: he's not interested. One of these paired along with a request to be friends with benefits instead is all the more of a reason to run the hell away.

What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys

12. You shouldn't ignore how you feel

If you constantly feel like something's off there IS something wrong, and it's either with him or you. If you realize you're constantly feeling upset by how little he texts for example, it either means he really doesn't text a lot or your texting expectations might be a little high. Don't ignore these feelings if they're persistent, figure out what you can do to prevent being affected by the problem so often.

What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys

13. You should watch out for patterns

People date, break up, then get back together and break up FOR THE SAME REASONS AS THE FIRST TIME. Don't do this to yourself. Patterns happen. Be on the lookout for them. Be fast to catch and stop them. Refuse to even consider being normal again until change is shown. The earlier you close the barndoor the better.

What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys

14. If there really was chemistry, there's a decent chance they'll come back

As long as you:

- benefitted them in some kind of way before they left

- didn't severely piss them off before they left and

- leave them alone for awhile

There's a decent chance start missing you and possibly come back. This isn't always the case though and you should seriously consider whether you should take them back before you actually do because of the pattern problem I mentioned previously.

So yeah. I am in no way demonizing guys bur these are the main themes I've noticed time and time again with guys in my age group. Feel free to share your opinion on some of these.

What I’ve Come To Realize Over 30+ Guys
46
9
Add Opinion
9Girl Opinion
46Guy Opinion

Most Helpful Guys

  • DaveJord

    I agree with you on a lot of your points I would only add that this works both ways as well, because like you say men want a lot of the same things. When a man and women are wanting the same things and then using the same methods as you have advised then it can all unravel into people playing games and get confused and overly complicated, when all could of been avoided.

    I particularity disagree with 1 & 5...

    1. They never appreciated what was given too easily..

    I think in general this is true... but nothing turns a guy off more than a women playing hard to get. If she's interested then she needs to make that interest known and not take measures to hide it. Same is true for men. Because as a man nothing is more infuriating then when you are expected to work way harder then you should for something that doesn't pan or pay out. There has to be a balance, in which she is working just as hard as the guy if they both want to be in a productive, positive relationship.

    Dating and relationships in so many ways are transactional and there is an expected level of quid pro guo. I always advise that if you are in a relationship or seeking a potential relationship with someone, man or women, and get into a situation where you feel your working way harder then you need to, or putting out more effort than the other person to make it work, then resentment starts to build. Once you start having these feelings of anxiety building then I would refer you back to 8 & 5. (Space & Man Cave).

    I for one as a man do not run back to my man cave, because I know I have a lot to offer the right women... and if she was the right women then she would appreciate me enough to work with me not just with or on herself. I as man have value and bring value into a relationship as well and that needs to be recognized and appreciated as well.

    "I always say that when two people met and its supposed to be, they both make it as easy as possible to find ways to make it work and be together. "

    I always advise men that most important thing you have to offer a women is your friendship and companionship, if you give that way too early or for so little then she will never respect you. Don't work too hard for some one that is not working just as hard for you.

    5. Seriously space is very important

    I think this is the biggest mistake a women can make honestly. Yes you have to set boundaries, but demanding space can be taken as selfish or devaluing to the man. It never works on me honestly. When a women does this to a guy... well to me it means she has no appreciation for me, or she does not value me on the same level that she values herself. It honestly the most selfish thing a women can do. If you really care for a person you want to be with them, and you think cutting them off from contact is the best way to earn their appreciation. Well honestly that is the definition of playing games and guys hate that, especially when you couple it with #1 ... meaning you gave nothing way too early, or too soon and made them work harder then you should of from the start, start because you set your personal worth that high, and now you want to get space because you deserve that. Well does the guys have value and is that really fair to him?

    When ever a women starts talking about needing space I go to my cave. Because I think its the most self centered thing a women can do... especially with someone you want to be in a relationship with. Because if you are with someone you care about and want to be with then you should be able to work through any issues together, not separately.

    If you think this is a good way to make them respect you, then you are wrong. It just makes guys like me think your selfish and lack appreciation for our feelings and how it makes us feel. This leads more times then not to feeling of resentment and generates anxiety in the relationship. When a women does this to me then I move on because I have too much self respect for myself... so unless she comes back to me then I respect her "space" and move on to some else that will treat me better and appreciate me for what I do for her.

    "Again when two people met and get together and they should both equally be making as easy as possible to be together and work out issues... not harder."

    And lastly the last thing you want to is take advise from some one things they have it all figured out... because nobody does. You have to approach every potential relationship as it own and separate thing and what works for one person does not always work on another and if you focus too much on yourself within a relationship you can lose track of the situation and miss read everything.

    Like 2 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      In 1 I'm not saying play hard to get. I'm saying - well - exactly what I already said. Dont bring him back home so early. Dont be so quick to get in a relationship with him. Dont be so quick to devote the same amount of time and energy to him you would to someone you are dating/married to.
      Too often I see women get their hopes up too fast. You have to get to know the guy before anything. Make sure you know he's a good guy and stuff before you devote so much effort so you dont get your time wasted and your heart broken. Thats what I mean.

    • Anonymous

      Again you're misinterpreting things here.

      "Space is a woman's best friend. No contact is a woman's best friend. Seriously, guys can often take things for granted. It's only after they lose it that some of them realize how good they had it. That's when they come back."

      In a short sentence this says: If you are being taken for granted, give space.
      If you disagree with this sentence lmk.

    • DaveJord

      In a short sentence this says: If you are being taken for granted, give space.
      If you disagree with this sentence lmk.

      I guess it not so much about someone giving space but taking space for themselves.

      So if you're feeling like he's taking you for granted that is different thing, and you can't allow that.
      But when you disengage from him and cut contact... yeah I would say 60% or more of the time he's never coming back... and if he does he's its more about him being desperate then respecting you more.

    • Show All
  • Anonymous

    Nicely done. This is one of the best Takes I've read in a while. A few thoughts...

    2. They LOVE genuine compliments – very true. Most men are starved for positive feedback these days. It goes a long way, especially from a woman, as you said.

    4. There needs to be some space – good advice

    7. They're horny beings – what else can I say, this is 100% true.

    8. They pull away when mad – excellent advice

    9. If he actually cares, he'll listen to what you want – true, and again, especially if he has some maturity

    10. They don't want a woman with a supreme amount of experience – very, very true. Yes, it may be a double standard, but there are two sides to that. I would suggest women should raise their standards rather than expecting men to lower theirs. We men have an instinctive aversion to promiscuous women. There is nothing society will be able to do to change that.

    Like 2 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      "We men have an instinctive aversion to promiscuous women." How come women who are openly promiscuous on social media for example get the most attention then? Any woman can tell you about their bikini pictures getting double the likes her other pictures do.

    • Anonymous

      When I say aversion, I'm talking about women we could take seriously enough for a serious relationship or marriage. A lot of men are sexually hungry all the time, and social media and porn are an easy outlet for that. But when it's time to find a loyal partner who will be a good mother to our children, it's not an Instagram model we're looking for. We know instinctively that promiscuous women are not the best choice for a wife / mother, and the facts support that instinct.

    • Anonymous

      Oh. Huh that's interesting. I feel like I believe that to a certain extent? It actually seems like the Instagram models find partners faster than I do 😂

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girls

  • MrsTurkleton

    I don’t think “ no contact” should be used as a way of making a guy come back to you.
    If you go no contact, make it permanent from the start as a way of moving on with your life. If he wants to talk, you should seriously think about whether you are actually right for each other, & if it’s a really good idea to go back for a 2nd time.
    Nobody should treat it like game. Don’t cut him off and then sit around counting the days and checking your phone, or see it as a “win” if he calls you. The only thing you win is more of the same problems as before.
    If he treats you badly…. or dumps you out of nowhere, value yourself enough to just move on. Don’t waste your time trying to show him what he’s missing.
    If he wants you back, it has to be worth going back to on both sides.

    Like 1 Person
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      Them realizing what they had after no contact is just all the more of a reason why you should do no contact if you're being taken for granted. Shouldn't be the sole reason for why you're doing such. The sole reason for why you should be doing anything like no contact (when being taken for granted) is for space. Space for him and space for you.

    • Anonymous

      Thats why it's "5. Seriously space is very important" and not "5. They come back after you pull away". The ladder isn't always the case: "Seriously, guys *can* often take things for granted. It's only after they lose it that *some of them* realize how good they had it. That's when they come back."

    • Anonymous

      "If he wants to talk, you should seriously think about whether you are actually right for each other, & if it’s a really good idea to go back for a 2nd time."
      100% agree. Wrote this in the post already actually.

      "14. If there really was chemistry, there's a decent chance they'll come back... This isn't always the case though and you should seriously consider whether you should take them back before you actually do because of the pattern problem I mentioned previously."

    • Show All
  • KelleyNice

    Re: The guy I was reluctant to get in a relationship treated me much better than the guy I ran into a relationship with.

    The first was a 5 and you were the best he could so of course he treats you better. The second was a 7 and far above you league. Therefore, he could do better than you so naturally he didn't treat you as well.

    Like 1 Person
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      Oh that's true. That could very well be the case. It probably is. Are you implying I'm a 6 >:(

    • Anonymous

      There's been times when the guy wasn't all that great though and I ran into the relationship because I was lonely. Some of them also didn't treat me that well.

    • KelleyNice

      Based on the bell curve, most people are close to average so, without a photo or other info, 6 is a reasonable guess.

    • Show All

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

744
  • Gangactivities911

    I agree with a lot of these but number 1 I think is bad advice

    Like 2 People
    Reply
    • Anonymous

      It honestly depends on what you define as early. Early to me was as early as inviting him back home the day I met him once even. I was young and dumb

    • Anonymous

      I think anything within the span of at least 3 days from meeting him is too early no matter how close you've grown within those 3 days.

    • Well maybe not give sex too early but giving time and attention early on isn’t bad I think

    • Show All
  • Guy13

    This cracks me up !!! Now, if I had done something like this for women then I would have been from hell.

    Funny 1 Person
    Reply
  • Vegasrunner

    Your list is ok. You can tell that its written from a teenage girl perspective but in my opinion you're accurate on a few things. You also give great insight into what goes on inside the mind of a woman.

    Helpful 1 Person
    Reply
  • EaterPeter

    Spot on baby. Is your mom available and as smart as you? 🙂

    Funny 1 Person
    Reply
  • Bismarck_96

    I can relate to the Man Cave XD that's definitely me

    Like 1 Person
    Reply
    • Anonymous

      I learned the hard way 💀

  • hahahmm

    "But my point is, a lot of them are horny beings. Unless they're asexual, your body will always be of value to them (even though it should never be the only thing of value to them)."

    Almost all guys understand that personality is important. Even the ones who aren't consciously aware of it. That's why few guys want to marry a woman who only has sex to offer. It's also why a lot of modern, independent women with tons of exes are always whining about how they can't get a quality man (for serious).

    "They use excuses" -- Of course, because when a man is blunt bad things can happen. Like the woman can lie and say he raped he or tried to rape her and get her retarded boyfriend/brother/husband/ captain save-a-ho down the street to kill the innocent guy. And sometimes what you think is an excuse is just being honest because you being a total b*tch reminded him of the other women like that he's met.

    Like 1 Person
    Reply
  • Vistus

    Now do women? Cause I’d say I can relate a little.

    Like 1 Person
    Reply
    • Anonymous

      hmm im not sure about women as a majority but I can tell you whats true for me
      1. They never appreciated what was given too easily. Not the case for me
      2. They LOVE genuine compliments. Yeah I can relate
      3. Looks matter. Demeanor matters. Race matters too. look and demeanor matter to me, idc about race
      4. There needs to be some space. yes as long as its not too much
      5. Seriously space is very important.
      6. Comfort early isn't always a good thing. if im comfortable early yeah its not a good thing.
      7. They're horny beings. yeah im not as horny
      8. They pull away when mad. well.. im more of a fighty type so.. yes im the annoying woman that sends books when mad
      9. If he actually cares, he'll listen to what you want. of course this is the case for me
      10. They don't want a women with a supreme amount of experience. as long as he is serious about me and not trying to make me another body count
      11. They use excuses. Eh. there's only been one time I used an excuse. and it didn't work I ended up straight up having to tell the guy I want interested.
      12. You shouldn't ignore how you feel.
      13. You should watch out for patterns. yeah im capable of patterns
      14. If there really was chemistry, there's a decent chance they'll come back. nah I rarely go back to people. once I've move on unless you come back to me first I usually dont think to go back to you

  • RACSKC0B

    For someone as young as you are, to have thought about your past relationships, and figured out any of this is pretty good. That you figured all of this out, is impressive.
    Just know that the guys that are arguing that it's not how they are, or that you're close but it's not them, they're either lying or they mean from now on.
    Empathy isn't something that everyone gets, those who do get it often spend their whole life not knowing what to do with it. You're very lucky to have figured it out already. You probably noticed that it could be useful if you wanted to get revenge, or for manipulating people.
    You'd be right, but karma doesn't seem to like it if that's all you use it for, so If you can figure out how to only use it for good, please let me know.

    Like 1 Person
    Reply
  • VanillaSalt

    Solid points. I can’t argue with any of them. Not applicable in all cases but most.

    Like 1 Person
    Reply
  • NYCQuestions1976

    As a full-time single parent, I care about chemistry and common free time. Everything else is negotiable.

    Like 1 Person
    Reply
  • Pegases

    Most of these go both ways, because it's more human nature than it is exclusive to any gender, but even still this was a very insightful read. Well done.

    Reply
  • DarkWinterNights

    Was expecting something a little different, but this is fairly straightforward and pretty good. A couple critiques here and there, but that could just be the types of guys you were seeing.

    Reply
  • 1stupidrobot

    It takes a bad relationship or two to gain this kind of wisdom and I agree on every point. I hope some younger women take notice of this and take it to heart.

    Like 1 Person
    Reply
  • malwins

    u mean 30 relationships or 30 dates or 30 hookups lol

    Funny 1 Person
    Reply
    • Anonymous

      wherever there was something going on. even if it was just we liked each other and were talking but never got in a relationship.

  • AviatorTom

    Wow, a long and well-thought-out post. Thank you.

    Like 1 Person
    Reply
  • Yeetboi__

    Of course there's more reasoning, but for the amount of effort put into this, this checks out from a guy.

    Like 1 Person
    Reply
  • bayoubob

    What nobody does here is claim responsibility. All should question why divorce is so rampant. Why does a man need to be best man more times than they count before they just give the fuck up? Same thing with best women. You are all so entrenched early on you don't take the time to see whether something is right or not? If it seems stupid to not FUCK before things go haywire? So, we have this conundrum. People don't want to take responsibility for anything. They just wait until they are pregnant, when they can simply take time, use rubbers, get STD tests. How many DBAGS including women and men understand that you are supposed to have things in common? How many people actually marry their HS sweethearts? Close your legs, use contraceptives. Get tested. Stop being morons.

    Funny 1 Person
    Reply
  • Valso

    At least we have genuine feelings. You women love only money and yourselves.

    Disagree 2 People
    Reply
  • Anno2

    What I've realized after hitting 30. Many many many women seem to have daddy issues

    Reply
    • Anonymous

      Huh? What do you mean daddy issues?

    • PolyGamer

      Do you mean, Daughters being raised with no fathers in their life causing them to behave in a toxic way causing them to have toxic relationship-type daddy issues?

  • MountAverage

    Wait, is this simply you telling us about your personal experiences or are you saying that you believe most are like that?

    Reply
    • Anonymous

      kind of? im really saying like over my experiences around at least 70% of the time these were the cases

    • How many men were they?

    • Anonymous

      30+. I'm probably forgetting some which is why I added the +

    • Show All
  • Show More (11)
Community of trusted and anonymous friends where girls and guys help each other.

Click the button below to add your opinion now!

Loading...